• Member Since 20th Apr, 2017
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Discord The Narrator


Hey guys! It's me, Discord!

Sequels1

E

Starlight Glimmer is feeling worried about one thing: she remembers when she failed at making Chrysalis, the Changeling Queen, join her and the others. With that, every changeling was reformed but her, who got her chance to escape.

It's been so long since that happened. But Starlight is not going to give up.

And she will fix that issue with a scroll she used some time ago...


Short story depicting a possible way to reform Chrysalis.

UPDATE: Someone is making a comic version of my story on DeviantArt! You can see the cover art here.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 44 )

Brilliant X3

Instant Upvote and....... Favorite from me! <3 :heart: :yay:

9308756
Indeed, it could be funnier.:yay:

Ok, that made my day.:scootangel:

9308755
Your welcome buddy.... no, I should call you.... my Best Friend <3 :heart:

9308738
Omg XD why is that so convenient!? πŸ˜‚πŸ‘Œ

9308784
Don’t kill me but I though of this when I saw it headphone warning

I have to say, I'm surprised that you made this story so short.

9308871
Does that mean you don't like it?:unsuresweetie:

I think its cool though I do feel like it was a little to easy, and could use some more detail.The idea behind it all is cool but it could use some work. this is cool but again needs work.

9308953
I don't get it. You mean the story could be longer?

A truly excellent story. You're sure turning them out this week!

9309525
Meanwhile, it's busyville at my end. This collab is going wild!

I hope your story get's many updates and the picture itself looks okay, but my Nightmare became true, Chrysalis got 100% infected with harmony.

9309984
I suppose that's either good and bad, right?

Good because of your opinion about the story, and bad because of your nightmare.:twilightsheepish:

9309266
sorry if I was not very clear I think that the idea for the story in reforming chrysalis is great but it a little rushed, like starswirl apeared and chrysalis is like oh ok I am going to do what this runaway changling did when I don't even know if it will even work. The idea for the story is good but I didn't feel like chrysalises change was genuine. I think this story has potential but it is not used to the best it could be. I am not saying you are a terible writer but I am saying the story could use more work.

9310142
Oh, ok.

Well, I made Chrysalis be hesitant at first. After all, I intended to make a short story. But I guess you're right.

Sorry, I have some problems with and questions about this.

Starlight Glimmer, Princess Twilight's protegee, was a brilliant Unicorn. She had mastered a lot of spells, being even more powerful than Twilight herself. She had also made a lot of friends including Trixie, Thorax and Discord. With her help, Queen Chrysalis was defeated, the Pony of Shadows was reformed and the Pillars of Equestria came back home.

This opening doesn't tell us much that we didn't already know. Every detail the story mentions here has been shown explicitly in canon, so I just question what the point of saying it all over again is?

"That image of Chrysalis snarling at me and swearing revenge is not pleasant. I want to change it. I want to change her! Twilight, please!" Starlight explained.

This makes Starlight out to be awfully selfish--she's not even trying to be altruistic here if I take what she says at face value, she's trying to reshape someone's life because their current one is inconvenient to her, with no strong reason whatsoever to think Chrysalis has any interest in reforming. And it's, like, sure, okay, maybe Starlight doesn't like the way Chrysalis is, I think that's fair, but... what authority does she have to change that? As depicted in this story, Chrysalis does apparently want to reform, but Starlight didn't know that at the time. This isn't her trying to be nice and supportive or anything like that, at least not me, but very controlling and manipulative instead.

Which, to be fair, isn't entirely out of character for Starlight. But between this and Discord's later attitude, I'd honestly be rooting for Chrysalis to run off and keep doing her own thing.

"Starlight, Discord was another villain who messed with us, but we eventually reformed him." Twilight said.

This line feels odd. The opening paragraph says outright that Starlight is friends with Discord. Wouldn't she already know this?

"Well, I think my chaos... also infected the changelings, turning them... into dark, love-eating versions of them." Discord said, chuckling nervously.

Okay, sure. I could kinda see that as a reason for the changelings becoming all black and holey and stuff. But... if Discord's chaos spread all across Equestria, and if he was screwing around with every species, why were Changelings the only ones permanently affected?

"You can always get back to feed yourself by sharing love. I promise it won't be a problem." Star Swirl said. This time, Chrysalis looked at the floor.

This part doesn't make much sense to me. We know from this earlier part:

"Before the Pony of Shadows appeared, I finally heard that Chrysalis would be their new Queen. In fact, we confronted the Pony of Shadows in such a bad moment. The Chaotic Era. The Rise of Discord." Star Swirl explained.

That Chrysalis was around before her species got corrupted, so it's not like she's only ever known her love-eating life. She's presumably seen herself change into her current state, so... if she knew that she used to feed by sharing love, and now doesn't, but deep down she wants to, why did she somehow not manage to try doing that once in over a thousand years?

This isn't an awful story. There're some good ideas that I think could be turned into a pretty decent one--the idea of Chrysalis having to deal with the fact that her life was ruined and twisted for a thousand years just because someone was careless is honestly super-compelling, and I could see that going places.

But as it is, this whole story is just really convenient. The changeling's history feels like it was tailored to be exactly the kind of backstory Starlight needed for her argument to make sense, so between that and the time-travel spell being so easy, there's basically nothing that can go wrong here. They don't even approach Chrysalis peacefully, but rather restrain her and tell her to join them with little regard for whether she wants to or not, which for some reason ends up working well for them. This doesn't feel like Chrysalis' reformation coming naturally, but the world itself bending over backwards to make it happen.

This story needed a lot more time and thought put into it, I think. I loved some of the ideas, and I think parts of this could be expanded and embellished upon to make something pretty good. But as it is, I'm left feeling pretty lukewarm by the end of it.

9311558
Oh...
Well, thanks for your review, I guess.

Glad to know that, at least, there are also things you liked.

Oh, and about this:

This opening doesn't tell us much that we didn't already know. Every detail the story mentions here has been shown explicitly in canon, so I just question what the point of saying it all over again is?

I intended to write that as a reminder of what Starlight did. I know those things appeared in canon, but again, it was a small reminder.

9311600

I intended to write that as a reminder of what Starlight did. I know those things appeared in canon, but again, it was a small reminder.

Ah, right, okay. So, that isn't entirely a bad thing, I think. If there're details of Starlight's character that're particularly relevant to the story, then, sure, yeah, it's not a bad thing to remind the readers of what they are.

But, at the same time, the first paragraph is the first thing someone sees of your story. It's what sets the tone for everything else. By starting out reiterating what canon's already shown, you're not doing much to make this story distinct. You're establishing it to be something that's repetitive, which means you have to work to combat that first impression for the rest of the story.

Maybe a better opening could have been Starlight having a nightmare about Chrysalis? I'm not saying it's necessarily the best of things, but if you started with something like that, you could establish Starlight's fear of an un-reformed Chrysalis, which is important to the story, right away, and then maybe work in reminders of Starlight's history where relevant?

9311662
For example. That sounds nice.:ajsmug:

Anyways, thanks for the advice.:twilightsmile:

"Yes, she was. A thousand years ago, ponies and changelings coexisted in harmony, and these last ones were as nice and beautiful as ponies. One day, however, we sensed some kind of magic spreading around Equestria. Buildings floated in the air, the surface got covered in a checkered pattern. But the changelings suffered the most. They lost their colors and started doing something horrible: feeding with love from ponies." Star Swirl explained.

That would explain why they're the way they are:unsuresweetie:.

"You ruined our lives, you idiot!" Chrysalis said.

It wasn't his fault:pinkiesad2:.

"It's my fault. Once we got infected by Discord's magic, we went mad instead of trying to talk with him. I should have done that in the first place. I'm... sorry." Chrysalis explained, closing her eyes.

:applecry:.

"I feel... strange... Like I had something inside me." Chrysalis answered.

"That's an emotion. It could help you being more peaceful with others. Would you like to join us?" Starlight asked, raising her hoof.

Chrysalis wondered about the question and then, a genuine smile appeared on her face.

"It would be an honor..." Chrysalis said, reaching for Starlight's hoof.

Suddenly, a bright flash of light covered Chrysalis, and everyone else covered their eyes until the light vanished. Looking again, a marveling sight was there: Chrysalis had changed, and her beautiful design looked almost like Thorax's.

"You can start learning about Friendship when we get back to Ponyville." Starlight said, smiling as Chrysalis grinned happily.

Yay, Chrysalis is reformed:yay:!!!

This is nice enjoyable read nicely pace for a short story.

I like how Chrysalis rejection of friendship, still eating Starlight in the back of her mind and still want to fix it.

The little backstory about how the changelings change into the love eating monsters, and how Discord had a part of it even tho it was unintentinal.

Tge ending was a bit quick but it was satisfying.

9314915
Thanks for the review. Glad you liked it.:twilightsmile:

Sorry, forgot to upvote this. Mistake corrected.

9308748
And me! AND MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

HIT IT BRIAN!

The end? O man you should write more. Well, nevermind I like the story anyway:pinkiesmile:

9933391
Oh, I did see that video a long time ago, but I guess I forgot to mention it on the story's description.:twilightsheepish:

Time travel is certainly an interesting way to reform a villain.

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