• Member Since 18th Jul, 2016
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Dreams of Ponies


I believe if there's any kind of god, it wouldn't be any of us. Not you or me, but just, this little space in between.

E
Source

Moondancer receives an invitation to an event, sent by royalty even. The real challenge? Inviting a certain somepony to come along.
Art by: Lunarcakez
Featured on 1/16/2018. I love you all :pinkiehappy:

Edits by Level Dasher

Prereaders:
Scuttlebucket
JackRipper
I Thought I was Toast

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 17 )

Good job with this one, I found it very well written and easy to follow. I generally prefer stories with higher stakes and more dramatic tension, but it's fine the way it is. Only thing that bothered me was that you went a bit overboard with Luna's ye olde way of speaking: At this point in the continuity she pretty much talks like a modern pony, except with a constant formal tone. The ending was also perhaps a bit too cheezy for my taste. Still, definitely one of the better stories I've read lately.

8671950
I appreciate the comment, bud, and the overload on bookshelf placements, heh. As far as Luna's speech, it's more just a quirk that I enjoy writing, much the same with the ending. My flavor of cheese gets mixed results, but it's so much fun to write :pinkiehappy:

8671950

Only thing that bothered me was that you went a bit overboard with Luna's ye olde way of speaking.

That was my doing. I've been writing Luna with Early Modern English (Equish? Ponish?) for my own AU—and editing for other stories that write her early enough to still be speaking that way—for so long that it's become second nature to edit her that way. That and Dreams likes her that way. :derpytongue2:

8671981

My flavor of cheese gets mixed results, but it's so much fun to write:pinkiehappy:

Sounds like my brand. :raritywink: Tracked for later perusal.

TwiDancer.

This is a great story, but my only issue with it is that I wish it was longer, there's so much potential for a more fleshed out story here.

8671981
So that's it? No explanation? No secret revelation between the two? Just a kiss and nothing more.... Would you like some wine with that cheese or do you prefer corn? No offense but you could have done better. Maybe have Moondancer kiss Twilight as they danced only for things to freeze up and then add in the classic run away scene before having Twilight pursue her. That actually would have worked a lot better. Also the fact you divided the whole story between past and present events just makes a whole confusing mess of what's going on. I personally don't enjoy those kinds of stories even if they're in a POV setting.

8673734
I'd prefer the wine, thank you. Not every story has to be complicated or have some special revelation; with stories like this I actually enjoy leaving them open to interpretation. I might write a sequel, I might not, but I enjoyed writing this little slice of life. I'm sorry that it wasn't your cup of tea... or slice of cheese in this case.

This was very cute, and quite funny as well!

8674956
Thanks, bud. I'm glad you liked it :twilightsmile:

The timeline on this seems very confusing. Lyra doesn't want her mane mussed because she's going to the party that night? (How did she nap without messing it up?) But they've been cleaning all day, so it must be afternoon? And the invitation arrives only that afternoon? And Moondancer had time to take the train to Ponyville, ask Twilight out, have Rarity make a custom dress, then take the train back to Canterlot? And somehow Twilight didn't have her own invitation? Ok, maybe that last bit could be explained by active matchmaking by Luna... but it's still kind of a diss.

8675005
Thanks for pointing out the continuity issue. I fixed it real quick, as the party takes place one week after the invitation. Twilight might have had her own invitation, but Twilight might have written it off as she already had plans. That was, of course, until she was given a better reason to go.

Giving me a flat look, Princess Luna answered, “Who is it that patrols thy dreams? That knowest thy greatest fears… and desires?”

It is difficult to say something to stuff like this, but I'm more against Luna using her powers to gather private informations like that sometimes.

For some reason I thought this would be Moondancer x Luna, I mean that shipping is alright too, but I try to avoid those "he/she was my friend in my childhood and now he/she is my special somepony because of that" kind of stories.

Not bad, but not my thing.

I noticed the continuity issue readsponies already pointed out. It didn't pull me out of the story, though. And I cannot agree with Culture_Shock. At all. I'm actually glad that it didn't go down the 'all things must be absolutely dramatic!'-route. Moondancer was afraid, she ponied up, she got to the castle, she had a backup plan (the letter) and when push came to shove, she pulled through again. It's actually rather... mature. They don't behave like silly little fillies, they actually behave like grown mares. I can appreciate that, greatly so.
As for Twilight - seems fitting that she's oblivious once more and that Spike and Rarity - and Luna - pick up on it easily. We can obviously debate about Luna using her power to collect personal information all day long, but in the end - she and her sister raise and lower the freakin' sun and moon. To be quite honest, I'd be more worried they mess that up by sneezing or something. Yes, they could theoretically do a lot of harm with that. But Luna never showed harmful intentions. This is about trust. (Same goes for Candace, come to think of it.) Do you trust in the benevolence of your ruler? If you don't... do something about it. Protest. Complain - explain. Your fears, your worries. And if said rulers cannot put those fears to rest, work on compromising from there.
Got a little side-tracked there.
Twilight cheering for Lyra was a nice touch. And to be honest, I'm so glad that there wasn't a gigantic, single exposition dump or one single flashback, but these little snippets. A much more elegant solution, in my opinion.
To make things short(er, haha) - you did good.

Thank you. :twilightsmile:

9032274
Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate whenever someone takes the time to actually detail their thoughts like that. I hope to maybe see you comment on other stories of mine, if you're interested :twilightsheepish:

Cheesy enough to paralyze Twi with fear.

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