• Member Since 27th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 12 hours ago


I like to think I'm a great writer but I suck

Comments ( 138 )

Woah I didn’t see this coming!

oh boy this is gunna be gud

I love this so far. Keep it up! 👍

This is interesting. I think this could be far more than a Clop story if it is headed that way. This is a really great idea that could be built on. I mean yea the girls see all Spike do for sure. But no one else, and in fact treat him like shit for it. But that doesn't explain why the GIRLS never noticed. If you really think we are going to believe that after all this time they never paid attention one member of the team was just treated like shit I will have to call bull on that right here. They much have noticed but never paid it any mind or so wrapped up in all the praise and attention they were getting they let it just slip by. I think Spike need to look at himself, I mean deep down, is he happy doing this with them. I know they are his friends for sure, but is he happy with all of this. I can't see him being happy for sure, and what even if the town all of a sudden changed how they view him will he not just see it as them kissing his ass to keep the PP around protecting them from all the stuff around. I honestly feel that we CAN'T have the girl just jump him and have sex with him to make it better. This needs to be deeper than that, them doing that wont show how much they care and feel for him. It will make him just seem cheap like just throw some ass at him and he will be happy. I might be looking too much into this but this really caught my eye and I can see it being so much more and I really hope it does become more than just a clop and a ending.

I wouldn't be surprised if Spike were to go on full "LOL Fuck It" mode and turned into a villain for a short while and took out the Power Ponies all by himself just because of the lulz. Or decided to hang up his cape and state that while he'll remain alongside the Power Ponies, he'll never be Humdrum again... and the Power Ponies are unable to completely foil the villains plans time and time again.

Of course, the problem is not them (since they now realized they had been quite blinded for some time) but I do get how Humdrum must feel like when the people you're protecting practically hate you for saving their asses on an almost daily basis.

Maybe we should make Spike the new Batman :trollestia: :moustache: :trollestia:

I agree 100% with you. If this turns into clop, it better be for the right reason. Taking time and going at it slow for the girls to really understand what they have been doing wrong, because they have even if it is minor or unintentional, and then approach Spike with sincerity is the best route to go. If I were Humdrum, after the ending of this chapter, I would HATE and DESPISE anyone that would try to comfort me with plain sex or kiss my ass with false gratitude just to keep the "real heroes" content.

I would agree with you to a degree. I think he would be greatly disillusioned about helping people and he would have to really look inward about if he want to do this and why he does it. And if he does want to do it if this is how he want to keep this up in this role. But I do think he wouldn't or couldn't hate the girls. For he was there and heard that at least they notice his contribution even if on a personally level. How that isn't to say he wouldn't distance himself from them, less about them on a personal level but more him trying to figure out what it is he want out of his life. Hell lets be honest the girls themselves tend to treat him like a sidekick alot of the time. I mean Twi talks like she is going to ground him sometime and Squirt man that would piss me off to no end being called that all the time. And it is even worse in this situation seeing how he is already feeling smaller and less important than the girls but than the have one of them say it in her own way would just be upsetting. So I I think there wouldn't be really much hate but some real thinking about if he is doing this for the praise or not and how he will handle things. I can honestly see him pulling a Nightwing in this situation and think that would be so cool to see.

Wow, way to make me actually want a villain to just nuke such an @$$hole city.

Wow I feel sorry for Spike

Two members of the Power Ponies show their teammate just how they appreciate him.

"Humdrum, the bathroom is upstairs on the right. Hasn't been cleaned in months. When you're done unclogging the shitter, there's some dust in the alleyway for you to sweep up. I wouldn't trust anyone with such an important task other than you, Humdrum. Now go away!"

I haven't read it and the description doesn't make it clear. Are these the Power Ponies as represented by the Mane 6, seen in one TV episode; or are these the original Power Ponies that Spike is always reading about, seen in IDW's 2014 MLP Annual comic?
The biggest difference it makes is that Humdrum is a dragon in one and a pony in the other.

This is so good!

I came for clop, I got story, but this is so good I'm not even mad.

Spike's fighting style and character are based off Dick Grayson as both Robin and Nightwing, if I had to guess.

Represented by. The personalities are more unique. They're not the girls and Spike sucked into a comic, but the actual comic book characters being the girls and Spike. It's actually pretty good. Also they seem to be human based on the Equestria girls tag and the human, if they have any features of their pony or dragon self like say ear fins or horns, that is unclear.

well wasn't fully expecting something like this but i love what i got. Can't wait for more chapters of this, so far this story seems great. Keep up the awesome work.

This is good but the writer in me would be remiss if I didn't tell you that you have a fair few grammatical errors mostly in tense or just mistypes.

Looks really good and I look forward to more, but I'd have an proofreader/editor(not me) look over this chapter and the next and make adjustments to the wording/grammar, but not the story. You have a really promising story here, pacing, and characterization all good. As far as a critic on that goes, scenes could be a little more descriptive here and there but that's minor. The big one is that you didn't describe the actual appearances of any of your characters. Common mistake among fan-fiction writers because you assume everyone knows what they look like from the show. Don't do that. This is your story and you need to give us some details on what we should be imagining: body, face, clothes, expression, build, and anything else you think is important. The weapons are a great touch on that. I want to know what weapons they use, but I also want to know what their costumes and they themselves look like.

I love this. It's beautiful in its Story, emotions, and how Spike is portrayed. I love Spike Stories, but this one is on its way to becoming one of my Favorites, and I don't just mean the folder, I mean it could become a story that I could reread over the months, maybe even years, and still find a large amount of enjoyment in. honestly, I half expect to see this in the Featured columns by Monday.

Great story, don't you DARE drop it, have moustache :moustache:

Comment posted by batran deleted Nov 24th, 2017

I came in as one of the people expecting some simple porn with a smidge of story to justify it, that is not what I read at all. This is a very well written story with a few things that others have said that need improvement, but still high caliber. Biggest thing is that there is a need for more physical descriptions especially if you are turning it to clop. Having a general mental picture in the reader's mind before the clop starts makes it so that you can make it flow better without slamming it all there.

Regardless you might want to change the description to something more fitting to what this actually is and the quality of story telling here. The description makes it sound like everything that isn't the clop is fluff to justify the clop. When there is in fact a good story here that has what sounds like an addition of porn to go along with the good story.

good job. Really love the idea and the story. Keep it up. Can't wait for more story

Wow, looks like the superhero influence has started spreading here aswell. Been seeing alot more fics with the Power Ponies popping up lately. Ill keep tracking this and see where it goes.

Well done, can't wait for the next chapter.

I like that idea!
I just don't what to see a complete 180 in Spike's mind set to the people after all that build up.
And feel free not to rush the sex. We'll get there.
Great first chapter. Hoping for more soon!:moustache:

Not really feeling this.

Humdrum's (actual Humdrum) problem is that he actually is not that useful. By turning Spike into a legit hero and then having the town be complete and utter jerks about for no reason just drags me right out of the story. It feels... really cheap and forced. Not like a conflict that makes any sense. It's way too over the top and railroad-y. It's a bit like what happened during Hellboy II, only more in-your-face.

I know who I am supposed to like and who not, but... ehhh. Not like this.

Maybe a future chapter could show not everyone in town is a douche with a chip on their shoulder. One of the best moments in Demolition Man is when the little girl tells off the reporter who questioned if saving her was worth it.

Yeah, "Not a real hero because you have no powers", pfft-ha! Batman has no powers and he's, arguably, the Best Superhero of them all!

With such treatment, I can kinda see Spike turning evil thanks to a villain or something.

I like this Fluttershy she’s very ANGRY and LOUD like SNOWFLAKE aka BULKBICEPS (ps Fluttershy x Bulk Biceps is best ship :pinkiehappy:)


Shhhhhhhhhhh no one needs to call the cops

Batman, with prep-time, is unbeatable. This is fact, not opinion.

But, you want to know what the greatest VILLAIN of them all is? The Batman Who Laughs, from the Dark Nights Metal comics. In his own words from his origin story/one-shot,

To win you need to adapt, and to adapt, you need to be able to laugh away all the restraints. Everything holding you back. You see... a Batman who laughs... is a Batman who always wins.

Keep in mind, this is a Bruce Wayne who has been infected with a perfect strain of the Joker Gas, having changed his mind to have no restraints, like Joker, while maintaining the intelligence of Batman.

One thing which bothered me was the way the Power Ponies responded to the citizenry upon learning of how they treated him . I do not think that heroes would threaten violence against the ones they protect . Verbal berating and obvious disappointment certainly , but not violence .

A lot of the younger (physically and mentally speaking) users here live through Spike in the schlock they write.

Have you guys seen this mans repertoire? I for one am looking forward to this story. I just hope it doesn't interfere with his other stories.

There is only one area where I have beef with this story and that is literally the last few paragraphs. I think it's the dissonance between my comic brain and MLP brain. My comic brain shouts that Twilight should just leave and keep her answer in the air. While my MLP brain says "Yes, Twilight as a character would respond to such a question." It's something that has to be made peace with else this will drag on like a comic book story.

Anyone who doesn't show appreciation to Spike/Humdrum gets their asses kicked!!!!!

Ummm they just saw someone they cared for BEATEN up by a bunch of stinking ungreatful cops for no reason or stupid reasons, they had no right to do that.
So yeah they going to get angry and Dash's pretty hot hot headed. Which was why twilight stopped her, fluttershy reaction may of been extreme, but look at it again.
Hundrumw as beaten badly, the cops went too far, the Police are not going to look good after this, and sure the story how he stopped a bankrobbery will come out.

On the idea of Spike hanging his cape up, that can see, or he takes time to rest the Power Ponies get caputured or defeated, and Hundrum was or becomes th ene that helps free them.
Maybe defends the town a little but when the people try to thank him he snaps at them, saying. "yeah yeah right! I knwo the truth you going to chew me out ebcause i have no pwoers, Well guess what this no powered person jsut saved you're ungreatgul asses why...Because I'ma hero!

that what heros do, so with that SHUT UP AND SAVE YOU'RE FAKE THANKS. Before runs off to fight more bad guys or looks for his real friends and those that are truly greatful for him.

Now now, be nice! This is no place to insult anyone!

Well, I'd argue a true hero defends even those who aren't deeply grateful for it. As long as you're doing the right thing, you know.

I just don't get the logic behind it, you know? If Humdrum was as 'useless' as Spike thought he was, then yeah. He hated Humdrum. But since Spike is a capable hero here, why is the city being so... utterly, suicidally stupid? Are they all mind-controlled by a villain?

It's probably not even all that important for the story itself since it's mainly the hook for the clop to come. Still, though, the hostages? Even they berate him? Why? Wouldn't it make more sense if they stood up for him and then people started fighting over it?

They are too used to having someone with powers helping save them.
They assume nopowered heros are useless, and even with evidence in front of them they choose to ingore it.
They incappable to understing the truth, as they are simpled minded people who have base fears of anything that makes sense...you know...MORONS.

a 2600 inch TV? fucking really? thats well over half the size of a football field.

I don't care if no one gets this reference

This must be the fanfiction spike was going to publish, seems like twilight has edited it pretty well.

Your profile pic says otherwise, Spiderman... or is it Spiderhay?

If I'm wrong, by all means disprove my statement.

One single thing kept running through my mind while reading this: WHY DON'T YOU HAVE TWILIGHT MAGICALLY SHOW YOUR MEMORIES TO THE TEAM? It won't just be him complaining about something that isn't happening when they ACTUALLY SEE IT HAPPENING FOR THEMSELVES!!!

“You don’t need powers to be a hero,” Spike said.
“Yeah, right, keep telling yourself that,” The officer replied, with no hint of irony. Because of course cops can't be heros, nor can soldiers, nor can surgeons or hospital staff; just because you save people's lives, especailly on a daily basis, doesn't mean you're a hero... unless you're not human.

and on a side note: I bet this universe would ABSOLUTELY HATE Batman, even as a concept

I think its one of the superhero monitors, so they can be as big as they want.
I think he is referring is to heroes that can stop supervillains. But to be fair he should of said superhero, not hero.

Awesome I must follow this

I just wrote one comment about "Spike would make a better Batman" and most of you are already agreeing to it.......HA! I love ya bronies! :yay:
Also, to Tartarus with those retarded townspeople! :twilightangry2:

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