• Member Since 11th Mar, 2017
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Comments ( 17 )

No offense, but the chapter felt a bit rushed along with there being some grammar errors. If you like, I could become your editor and help you pace the story a little better along with fixing any grammar errors.

nice work

I would accept good offer

Concept is nice, but this really needs more time editing.

And it's being rushed like chill

This story is a collection of run-on sentences.

This story is almost too incoherent to read.

Comment posted by Captainsmiley01 deleted Oct 22nd, 2019

I do apologize for my previous comment your story is amazing its sweet simple and to the point:moustache:

you were creative, you had a great idea with great potential, but you were very fast ... having a rapid development and having a quick history are two different things, I say this without criticizing that you did it too fast, but thinking that you planned do something more dynamic and objective.

a pity that ended like this and nobody wanted to continue this story with so much potential, but who knows one day ...

hope is the last candle to go out.

How is it their fault?

Meanwhile Spike’s was going under the training of Nightmare Moon to seek his revenge on Chrysalis and her criminal empire then seek his vengeance on the power ponies for lying to him about who they really were and for not saving him, and so far his training has been successful and begins to test his limits.

If he had a problem with them lying then why not confront them when he saw them?

Black used a smoke screen and vanished into the night leaving all the girls were disorientated by the smoke and only Radiance saw Black escaped and she followed him but out of nowhere he grabbed her and removed her mask and gentle lift his up and kissed her and left the blushing girl on the rooftop as he just left.

That’s an interesting way to take down a hero.

“ look Miss Belle, we already know what happened to that Drake kid, he was in an accident which cost him his life and the person who did it, some very disturbed man named Timothy Clark who has schizophrenia made him very paranoid causing him to kill your boyfriend and he was sent to the State psychiatric hospital” said Detective Murphy

I thought they said it was an accident or suicide.

“ Rarity, wake up he’s dead, he’s never coming back we all saw his grave and those cops told you what really happened, it’s time to move on and just forget about it already.” said Rainbow Dash

But they keep changing the story.

“ and even if what Spike knew who we were, than it’s his own fault that he got himself killed by Clark” said Rainbow Dash as Rarity just punched her

Isn’t it your fault for not being careful with your identities?

Well that sucks.

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