Project This, Motherfluffer
T'was the end of her shift, and Pinkie Pie, the paragon of propitious party planning, was pooped.
"Oh boy!" Clad in her puffy waitress outfit, the usually-bouncy teenager lurched forward in a slump as she trudged across the main lobby of the mall where she worked. She had taken off her roller skates, and the pink-wheeled articles dangled cutely in her tired fingers. Stifling a yawn, Pinkie walked in lacey-blue socks across the tile floor of the mall, threading in and around groups of shoppers milling about. "My name is Pinkie Pie, the paragon of propitious party planning, and I'm pooped."
This was more than evident in her hair—with frazzled ends sticking out at odd angles from where her ponytail had been ribboned in place hours ago at the start of her shift. A white cap with pastel hearts balanced awkwardly across her fluffy skull, and the cutesy pink heart patched to her white apron was starting to peel at the edges—most likely the consequence of poorly-placed stitching.
"Heeey!" Pinkie Pie frowned into the air. "Marble Pie is not 'poor' at stitching, you meanie!"
I'm sorry.
"Heeheeeeeeee..." Pinkie closed her eyes and smiled. "It's okaaaay, disembodied textual narrator! I still love ya!"
Watch where you're walking.
"Huh?" Pinkie opened her eyes just in time to avoid stumbling into a mall map placard. "Whoopsies! Heeeeeey, thanks!" She snapped a finger and pointed randomly. "Consider us even, Steven!"
Right. Anyways, it was still early in the afternoon, judging by the rosy light wafting down through the top windows of the shopping plaza.
"Huh?" Pinkie looked up, shading her brow with a pair of roller skates. She licked her lips as she studied the rays of sunlight through squinty eyes. "Hmmmmmmmmmm..."
It was nearing five o'clock. Time for Pinkie Pie to rendezvous with Sunset Shimmer. After all, she and the rest of their friends had a movie to catch at seven.
"Duaaaaaaah!" Pinkie gasped. She shot up in place, the large pink ribbon bouncing behind the square of her back. "That's right! Oh, I hope I didn't keep her waiting!" She ran through the mall, nearly slipping on her socks. "Zoop!"
A few blurring cell phone stores and jewlery shops later, Pinkie finally reached the fountain in the center of the mall where she had promised to meet up with Sunset after work.
"SosorryforbeinglateSunset!" she spouted, skidding to a stop on lacey socks. Pinkie's skirts flowed with the sway of gravity, then settled back in place with an inordinate amount of blue-and-pink rustling. "But—you know how it is—lots of super happy hungry folk to feed and to make smile and to surreptitiously pair up into romantic couplings through spontaneous rockabilly-influenced song-and-dance numbers! But—you know what?—even though my body reeks skin-deep with the unwashable scent of bacon grease and cooking oil, it was all totally worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrth it! ALSO... someone tipped me a Canadian coin! See?" She plucked a dime from the pocket of her snow-white apron and held it in the sunlight. "Say 'hoser' Mr. Sailboat! Teeheehee!"
Reality caught up with her—as did the blood rushing through her fuzzy head—and Pinkie realized that there was something different about Sunset Shimmer.
"Saaaaaaaaay! Sunset!" Pinkie stood pigeon-toed with a cute smile, cupping her palm to her chin while the wheels of her dangling roller skates spun beneath her pink lips. "Was there another magic leak through the Mirror Portal? Cuz you've changed hair color! And height!" A blink. A smile. "And gender!"
It was Flash Sentry instead of Sunset Shimmer.
"Pfffft!" Pinkie rolled her eyes and waved a hand. "I knew that!"
Startled, Flash looked up from where he sat with Sunset's backpack. "Huh?!" He looked over his shoulder. "Oh! Pinkie!" He squinted. "Who are you talking to?"
"Oh, it's just Steven." Pinkie shrugged. "You wouldn't know him. He's third-person limited to just me."
"Uhhhh... sure thing."
"Wait! Just one second!" Pinkie Pie tilted her head and looked up three paragraphs. "Whaaaaaaaaat are you doing here, Flash?" She looked back at him, suspiciously. "And with Sunny Bun's backpack?"
"Well... Sunset had to do an emergency mid-shift at the Sushi Shack."
"Oh noes!" Pinkie gasped, puffy shoulders shivering. "Is she going to miss our movie date tonight?"
"Heh... not at all." Flash Sentry stood up from the fountain's edge. He smiled kindly at Pinkie. "She'll be off in a few, but it still meant she wasn't going to meet up with you in time. So..." He pointed at the backpack. "...she gave me this to give to you in her place. What's in it anyway?"
"My spare clothes! Woohooo!" Pinkie did a little victory twirl. She came to a stop and her pink bow did so a half-second later. "Yes! Now I won't be smelling like hot dogs and ice cream throughout the entire picture! Which... eh heh heh heh..." She giggle-snorted. "...normally isn't a bad thing. But, we are going to see a horror movie together. Plus... I much prefer the buttery smell of popcorn and sweet scent of bon-bons while sitting all comfy in a crowded, festive movie theatre. Don't you, Flash?"
"... ... ... ... ... ..." Flash's words had trailed off—as had his eyes, descending to just below hip-level around Pinkie's person.
"Huh." Pinkie tapped her chin with fuchsia-manacured concern. "That's an awful lot of ellipses. Are you okay there, Flash?"
"Hmmm?" He looked up, pupils shrinking as if staring into headlights. "Oh! Yeah! Totally! I'm frilly—er... I mean fine." Coughing aside, the handsome teenager held out the backpack at arm's length. "Here you go—"
"Got a frog in your throat?" Pinkie gestured nebulously behind her with a perky thumb. "We could head back to my work and fix you up a sundae! Goes down reeeeeeeeeeeeal smoothe!"
"No. I'm okay. Thanks for offering, though." Flash nevertheless bit his bottom lip. His eyes traveled down Pinkie's skirts—struck a land mine—and shot back towards the ceiling at the speed of sound. "Ahem. So... uh... you work at Rollin' Rockettes, huh?"
"Yup yup yup!" Pinkie bounced in place, and her everything did along with her. "Why? You ever eaten there? Huh? Huh?? Huh???" She leaned forward with each pronounced exhalation.
Flash leaned back too. "I... uh... whoah!" He nearly tripped on the fountain's edge and flopped down on his rear, sitting again. He scrunched tightly in the feminine shadow looming over him, his eyes reflecting a bright pink bow, like pastel Gemini. "N-not recently, not th-that I would ever h-have a reason to ever have gone there... alone... to eat stuff... surrounded by adorably-dressed waitresses..." A thin layer of sweat formed above his twitching eyebrows. "H-Hooboy."
"Is something the matter, Flash?" Pinkie asked, her voice taking on a melodic lilt of concern. She moved close and her skirts moved closer. "You're not getting a fever, are you?"
"Guhhhhhhh..." His eyes orbited three times around the hem of her dress, then snaked their way back up to her eyes where they struggled to stay in place. "Just... y'know..." A gulp. "I'm super duper looking forward to the flounce—I MEAN—film tonight! Yup! Just... the c-company of good fluff—I mean friends." He pathetically punctuated this with a crooked smile, quivering and turgid.
"Hmmmmm..." Pinkie stroked her girlish chin. "'Quivering and turgid.' That's certainly not Freudian or anything."
Flash blinked. "Wat."
Pinkie looked at herself, at him, then at herself again. "Saaaaay..." She sported an all-knowing smile. "...you liiiiiiiiike the uniform, don't you?"
"Pffft... please, Pinkie." Flash waved a dismissive hand. "You just came off what was no doubt an exhausting work shift. The last thing you need to do is worry yourself over what some loser thinks about your—"
She reached back with two nimble fingers, pulled the edges of her bow, and let them snap cutely back in place.
"Guhhhhhhh—" Flash gnawed on his left knuckle, sweating. "Mrmmfff... Holy mother—"
"Heeheehee!" She giggled, wiggling both fists and smiling bright and full-toothed. "What's not to like?!" She spread her legs so that more of the pink underskirt showed beneath the glossy baby blue hem. "It's super cute! It's a big reason for why I wanted to work there! Poor guy-waiters, though. They have to put on stinky cheap beatnick outfits. Not us girly-girls, though! We get to be—" And she proceeded to twirl in a pastel cyclone, skirts flaring. "—pretty-pretty-pretty!"
"Oh for the love of Chri—" Flash hunched over, his eyes locked in place on the crinoline. He grasped his skull in two hands. "Pinkie, seriously, could you not—?"
"Heehee! What's the matter, Flashy-Splashy?" Pinkie leaned away from him and made a kissy face over her shoulder. "Afraid to give a hard working gal your tip?"
Jeez...
"Ha!" Pinkie pointed up. "See? Steven liked that one!"
"Uhhhh..." Flash squeaked inwardly. Just a little. He looked nervously over his shoulder before strategically planting Sunset's backpack safely in his lap. "Guhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
"Chillaxxxxxx, Flash!" Pinkie stood up with her hands on her hips. "What you need is a refreshment! How 'bout I put my roller skates back on and serve you up a tall glass of—" She wriggled her hips, causing the entire ensemble to wibble-wobble like a pastel maelstrom beneath her perky bust. "—shimmy-shimmy-shimmy!"
"Grnnnnngh..." Flash Sentry weathered a testosteronical outburst. He stood up briskly and—"HERE"—shoved the backpack into Pinkie's arms. Exhaling heavily, he fast-walked desperately away from the scene, hugging himself in a permanent hunch. "SeeyalateratthemoviesPinkieKayBye!" He huffed and puffed, face and eartips red. A few shoppers glanced curiously at him... shrugged... and went back about their business.
Pinkie hugged the backpack to her chest, blinking at the teenage boy's departure. "Huh. Well, that was weird." With a pouting expression, she cast her doey eyes heaven word. "You don't suppose I put it on too thick, didja, Steven?"
Don't call me Steven. And yes.
"Awwwwwww... bummer." She kicked at the floor with her lacey sock. "Talk about awkward." A crooked smile. "Now would be a really good time for a line break!"
Eight friends sat in the middle row of a movie theatre. It was halfway through the film, and the surround sound speakers echoed with children's screams and maniacal laughter. Rainbow and Applejack sat on the edge of their seats while Fluttershy covered her eyes. Rarity sipped daintily from a soda cup; beside her Twilight Sparkle clung nervously to a slyly grinning Sunset Shimmer—
"Hey!" Pinkie Pie barked. "How about describing what my outfit looks like now?"
"Shhhh!" Rarity insisted.
Pinkie sunk in her seat. "Sorry!" she wheezed.
Ahem. Pinkie now wore a bright pink blouse that flared past a tight blue belt. Beneath that she wore cute light-blue capris and yellow sandals with blue balloon motifs to match her hair barrette.
"Heeeeee! That's more like it!" Pinkie whispered aside, winking. "Thanks!" Another blink, and she remembered the story's flimsy plot. Hesitantly, she craned her neck forward and looked left down the line of seated friends.
Waaaaaaaay towards the far end of the group, Flash Sentry sat. His legs were crossed and he balanced a bored-looking chin against his arm. His disinterested eyes reflected blood splatters and horribad CG effects while the screaming continued through the flanking speakers.
"Hmmmmmmm..." Pinkie Pie reached deeply into her bag of popcorn and took a long, thoughtful bite. She munched and munched and munched... then scrunched her face. "... ... ...Nope! Still awkward!" She waved her hand high in the air. "Yoohoo! Line break again!"
"Whewwwwwww!" Pinkie Pie was the first to step out of the movie theatre's lobby and into the cool embrace of night. "That was definitely a snazzy horror movie that we just watched! Over the course of two hours that totally happened! Over the passage of time!" She pointed overhead. "As suggested by the starlight currently hanging above us right this very second!"
"Eh... I don't know..." Rainbow Dash stretched her arms above her athletic body and yawned. "...you've seen one remake, you've seen 'em all."
"Twice, in fact!" Applejack added with a wink.
"Yeah. What she said." Rainbow frowned. "Is it just me? Or with every subsequent year, are clowns getting unsmarter, unscarier and unsexier?"
"What about that one comic book movie?" Rarity suggested. "Suicide Something-Or-Rather? There was a clown in that."
"Like I just said," Rainbow droned.
"Ah. Yes." Rarity let loose an airy laugh. "Quite."
"Ha ha hah..." Pinkie planted her hands on her hips. "And who said you can't cast shade at night?" A beat. An even longer beat. "Pssssst!" Pinkie leaned inward, cupping a hand by her chin. "Steven! Make the girls go away so I can talk to Flash already!"
The... girls all started to part ways.
"I am Fluttershy and I am going home," Fluttershy said.
"Farewell, darliiiiing!" Rarity waved, heading to her car. "Give my love to Zephyr Breeze!"
"Meh."
"So long, y'all!" Applejack ran up to Big Mac's truck as her brother rolled up.
"Bye, AJ!" Applejack began sprinting off towards the east horizon. "Bye, everyone who isn't AJ!"
"I'm just... uh... going to drive Twilight home now." Sunset Shimmer twirled some keys as she strolled off with an arm around her dear, nerdy friend. "No big whoop."
"Hmmmmm..." Twilight Sparkle adjusted her glasses and smiled, hands clasped together. "What she said."
"Yeah. Okay. Bye, everyone." Flash Sentry said. After waving, he sighed and trudged off, his hands stuck melancholically into his jacket pockets.
"Nyupppppppp..." Pinkie Pie yawned, then waved before walking away. "Ni ni, everyone! Gummy and Beddy-Bye, here I commmmme—" She froze in place, eyes bulging. "Wait! What the McFarkle am I doing?!" Twirling around, she nearly kicked off her flip-flops in rushing towards Flash. "HEY FLASH SENTRY!!!"
"Guhhh!" The boy nearly ran into a lamppost. He spun around to see Pinkie reeling just inches from his nose. "Whoah!" He leaned back, chuckling nervously. "Jeez, Pinkie. Somepony should put a bell on you."
"Why?" Pinkie slumped in place, panting. "Is there a fog rolling in?"
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh—I believe that would be a horn?"
"Yeah yeah. Fake news." Pinkie struck a pose. "Sooooooo what's up?"
"I—"
"Chicken butt!" Pinkie shrieked.
"Heh..." Flash took a hand out of his pockets to scratch the back of his head. "I don't know what you were majoring in kindergarten, Pinkie, but I think that only works after the other person asks 'What's up?'"
"Soooooooo... then ask me it!"
"Uhm..." Flash blinked. Squirming awkwardly, he murmured into the night air: "What's up?"
"Are you doing okay, beau?"
He raised an eyebrow. "'Beau?'"
"Don't worry." She winked. "This story doesn't have a 'Romance' tag."
"Pinkie, what—" Flash snorted, then laughed. He covered his face and grinned helplessly.
"See?" Pinkie folded her arms behind her back and rocked back and forth, smiling playfully. "Just like Grandma always used to say! 'Giggle at the Ghostlies! And if that doesn't work, confuse the ever loving gunk outta them!'"
"Hahahahaha... whewwwwwwww..." Flash lowered his hand and smiled at the sidewalk beneath them. "You're one of a kind, Pinkie."
"I am?" She blinked. "What happened to the other 'one?' Did you already chew it over with Twix?"
This time, Flash didn't laugh. Licking the inside of his mouth, he fumbled to produce the forthcoming words. "I... uh... I just wanted to apologize for earlier today."
"Huh?" Pinkie's button nose turned even more buttony in confusion. "Apologize? What for?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"No." Pinkie blinked. "I mean yes. I mean..." She conked her head as her eyes crossed. "Now I'm all confused! Grrrrrrghh! Darn that dancing clown!"
"I walked out on you, Pinkie..." Flash found a bench nearby and sat down in a pathetic slump. His eyes looked everywhere but at her. "It was totally uncool of me."
"Well... tchyeaaah!" Pinkie nodded. With a hop, she plopped down on the bench right beside him, kicking her legs up and down as she looked his way. "'Uncool' is the word for it! 'Melting,' even!"
He winced. "Yeah... well..."
"Heeheehee..." She grinned rosily. "You were heating up more than strawberry pop tarts on the morning Limestone Pie has to play Softball! And let me tell you..." Pinkie leaned in and whispered into his ear. "That girl hates swinging underhand!"
Flash snorted again, hugging himself. "How do you do it, Pinkie?"
"Do what?"
"Make light out of everything?" He finally looked at her. "Even when someone's been a meatheaded jerk to you?"
"Welllllllll..." She folded her arms and squinted at him with a smirk. "The first step is learning to lighten up." She elbowed him gently. "I think you could use a few lessons yourself."
"Heh... maybe."
"And besides!" Pinkie shrugged. "Would a total meathead be nice enough to deliver his friend some clothes at the end of a longggggggggg and extra-greasy workshift?"
"I... guess not."
"Soooooooo let's have it out!" Pinkie brought her knees and hugged them before playfully rocking back and forth. "A certain someone likes a certain fashion statement, huh?"
"Eugh..." Flash rolled his eyes. "Don't even remind me."
"Remind you of what?" Pinkie arched an eyebrow. "That you dig poofy dresses?"
"Snrkkkkkkk!" Flash winced.
"What?!" Pinkie stretched out, ready to jump and run to the nearest hospital. "Are you having an aneuyrism?"
"Don't... even s-say those words..." Flash wheezed.
"Wowsers..." Pinkie went limp, legs all noodly. "You've got it baaaaaaaaaad."
"I... have the damnedest time explaining it to anyone," Flash muttered. He ran a shaky hand through his hair. "My friends often wonder why I always turn them down when they suggest we all go to Disneyland. It's because I'm afraid of losing my you-know-what the very moment I see a cast member dressed in one of those..." He gulped, his next breath coming out dry. "...stupid princess outfits."
"Bibbidi Bobbidi Boner!"
Goddammit Pinkie...
"Goddammit Pinkie." Flash Sentry facepalmed.
"Heeeheeheeheee..." Pinkie did a little shimmy in place, punching the air victoriously with her fists. "Two for two!"
"But... yeah..." Flash looked over at her with a tired smile. "Now you know."
"Actually, I knew earlier." Pinkie guiltily touched her fingers together. "Aaaaand I kinda had a little bit of extra-meanie fun with it..." Her eyes glossed over with pitiable guilt. "...didn't I?"
Flash sighed. "No, Pinkie. Nothing of the sort."
"But—"
"No," Flash spoke firmer, pointing this time. "Don't you even go there." His nostrils flared, and he frowned into the starlight. "No friend of mine—or anyone for that matter—should have to feel shameful or responsible just because someone else has... a complex."
"You can say the word 'fetish,' Flash. It's okay."
"No. That... it... guh..." Flash gestured wildly with his hands. "What I'm trying to say is... you deserve more respect than what I gave you earlier. And... I'm sorry I couldn't keep it up long enough to—wait... I didn't mean—... ugh."
"Hey! It's okay!" Pinkie rested a hand on his shoulder. "I get it! And don't worry!" She smiled. "I know you're just a teenage guyyyyyyy. Sometimes it's hard! Heehee!" Her eyebrows waggled. "Sometimes a lot of the time."
"That's still no damn excuse," Flash grumbled.
Pinkie blinked. "Well, okay. I won't argue with that." She squirmed slightly where she sat. "But... y'know... I'm not freaked out or disgusted or anything."
He exhaled softly. Rubbing his own shoulder, he looked meekly at her. "You aren't?"
"I mean... sure, it's a little bit silly! But that's what makes it special, silly!! And it's not like you tried to take advantage of me or anything—"
"Hell no!" Flash recoiled. "Of course not!"
"So stop being so freaked out about freaking me out!" Pinkie smiled warmly, swinging her legs beneath the bench. "You're a real good guy, Flash Sentry. If I were you, I wouldn't be too worried about anything."
His brow lost all tension, and his shoulders relaxed noticeably. Pinkie could see an undeniable weight coming off of him in the next breath. "It means a lot to hear someone say that, Pinkie."
"Well duhhhhh! That's why I said it! Heehee..."
"I just... don't want anyone to think I'm a total horndog..." He chewed on his bottom lip, staring down at the sidewalk. His legs were swinging too—more like shuffling, and at a slower rate. "After all that's happened, I'm not sure I can stand to sink any lower."
Pinkie cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean?"
"Just that..." Flash blew out the side of his mouth. "...it means an awful lot to me that... that you and the rest of the girls still think of me as a friend." His fingers gripped tight to the seat of the bench, the whites of the knuckles showing. "I couldn't care less what movie we saw tonight... so long as we saw it together."
"Uh huh..."
"And doing the smallest of favors—like bringing you Sunset's backpack... well, it gives me a great deal of joy... to be useful... to be appreciated. I... uh... I guess you could say that I'm in sort of a weird place right now. Feeling stuff out. Figuring out what my purpose is and where I'm headed. I really don't wanna screw any of that up."
"Like running into the S.S. Poofy Dress."
"Grnnngh..." Flash slumped over, placing his face in his palms. "Yeah yeah..."
It was Pinkie's turn to bite her lip. "Whoops!" She stabbed the heavens with puppy dog eyes. "Say! Steven! Can you... like... rewind this scene about two paragraphs?"
Nope.
"Shoot! Uhm..." Pinkie Pie tapped her chin. She looked left... looked right. The coast was clear. Then—after a deep breath—she blurted: "Whipped cream."
Flash Sentry slowly looked up, eyes peeking through his fingers. "What."
Pinkie Pie took an even deeper breath and: "IalwaysputwhippedcreamonthestuffthatIbakebecauseIabsolutelylovethefeelofthestuffspreadallovermybody!" She then scrunched her body dramatically inward, teeth clenched, all the while twitching with one eye narrower than the other.
Flash blinked. He looked around, then leaned towards her. "Did you just tell me your—?"
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" Pinkie, perfectly normal again, shrugged with a dumb grin. "You mean you've never laid awake in bed at night, fantasizing that you were lying on a table in the middle of a public place, clothed in nothing but whipped cream, just waiting... begging for someone (eighteen or older) to walk up and lick you clean?" She gulped, then fanned her reddening neck with a dainty girl hand. "M-maybe more than one person at a time? Eh heh heh heh..." A sideways squeak. "And maybe their dogs too?"
"Wow... that's... uhm..." Flash fidgeted. "Detailed."
"I know, right?" Pinkie Pie held up the "OK" symbol with one hand while sticking a tongue out. "I like to label myself as Pie-Pansexual. Heeheehee! Whew!" She lifted her butt off the bench with two strong hands. "Good thing I talked about that before sitting in the theatre seat, huh? Hello, Noah! God's calling!"
"Gah!" Flash shifted two inches away from her, cringeing and laughing all at once. "Dammit, Pinkie-ee-ee!"
She plopped back down, winking. "Thaaaaaaaaat's me!" A giggle-snort.
Flash's chuckles subsided, and he looked at her with a funny smile. "Why'd you share that with me just now?"
"Welllllll..." She twirled her sidebangs and shrugged. "I kinda sorta found out what skoots your caboose, so I figured... y'know..." A shrug, and she squeezed both hands together. "It was only fair!" Fluttering eyelashes. "Fair?"
"Heh." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. Sure. Fair."
"And... y'know..." She pointed at him with a friendly smirk. "If ever you're feeling bottled up about the flouncy-flounce and need someone to share it with, I'll totally be willing to lend an ear. And maybe you could help me balance bottles of whipped cream... metaphorically speaking, of course."
"You mean just talking, right?"
"Just girls talking!" Pinkie chirped. "Oh. And one Flash, I guess. Just Girls and One Flash. Heh! What do you think about that, Steven?"
No comment.
"Yeah... just talking." Flash gulped. "Between friends... r-right?"
"Yeah! Totally! Friends!"
"Because... uhm..." Flash fidgeted again. "I don't know what kind of an impression I may or may not have given... but I'm just cool with being friends." He shuddered. "And not just because of who you are, Pinkie, but... but because of me... and where I'm at right now—"
"Heeeeeeeey man..." Pinkie saluted with a sly grin. "Locked and loaded, made and molded. Zoop!" She hopped up in a blink. "There's a smoothie place across the way, and I think they're still open! What say we both go there and cool down? My treat!"
"Yeah... heh... sure thing."
"Okie dokie lokie!"
Flash Sentry got up and Pinkie followed him. Along the way, she leaned back and winked past a raised hand.
"See? Just like I said! No tag!"
"What?"
"Nothing! Let's go!"
And so they went.
Meanwhile...
In front of Twilight Sparkle's house.
"Well... I enjoyed myself, Sunset," Twilight said.
"So did I, Twilight," Sunset said.
The two stood before the garden entrance, staring face to face.
"Uhm... Sunset?" Twilight murmured.
"Yes... Twilight?" Sunset breathed.
Twilight's eyelids lowered as she leaned forward. "Sunset..."
Sunset's lips pursed as she likewise tilted. "Twilight..."
Just then, Pinkie Pie's head popped out of a bush and shoved its way between them. "Hey!!!" She frowned while Twilight and Sunset fell separate ways, like timber. "I thought this was third person limited!!!"
God dammit Pinkie...
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...I have no idea what I just read.
8503864
It involved whipped cream, I think. Pretty sure I blacked out after that.
So this is what happens when a fully armed and operational Pinkie Pie gets loose in one of SS&E's stories...
Oh, and Flash? Don't worry about it, dude. There are worst fetishes.
Short skirts?
8503950
...and explosions?
(Note: no, I haven’t even read the story yet, but if I don’t make that joke now, someone else will, and I’ll be damned if I leave an obvious punchline ripe for the taking!)
Okay now I’ve actually read it. Not much to say other than this a nice mix of absolute silliness and some down-to-earth sweetness. It does a good job taking Pinkie’s goofiness to the Nth level while keeping her trademark insight and also making Flash likable. Nice job, Steven.
Now I look forward to the epic Flounce-traeoh, in which Flash’s boner flies east.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/001/025/815/185.jpg
...Goddammit Steven
Trust Pinkie to cream it.
....nice
Goddammit, Skirts.
This reminds me of one time on Skype when it was being buggy on this one online friend’s end and it was showing me his real name.
So I shared my real name.
Unlike Flash Sentry in the story, the guy was not freaking out at all, despite how much his real name was hanging out there, like a tasty banana waggling out there for the world to eye and gawk at, salivating with doxing glee. Hey... he was being really calm, all things considered. Hmm... I think I did it cuz I felt guilty at seeing his real name, having a bit of a mini freak out and all.
Huh. In hindsight, maybe I should’ve given a fake name. Like Francis Daniel. Or Paul John. Or Juan Hernandez. I mean, I do get mistaken as being Mexican sometimes.
I guess my point is that sharing rl names online is possibly comparable to sharing super secret fetishes with someone. Except one has the possibility of spam and unwanted pizza deliveries.
Only share with those who you trust. Sure.
Goddamn. I’m going to be mailed a bunch of contraband I never ordered and receive weird phone calls some day, aren’t I.
Oi! The Canadian dime ain’t a hoser, eh? It has ridges along the side, which make it great for scratching lottery scratch tickets when you don’t got a quarter. I guess the Canadian penny is a bit of a hoser, tho. They got phased out a few years ago. They dead.
Ooo! Ooo! A ship named the SS Hoser, Eh? That’s quite the name for a boat. Imagine sailing up and down Newfoundland, drunkenly throwing obscene hand gestures and shouting through drooling, liquor salved lips, “Newfies SUCK, eh?!” And then having to cheez it when the coast guard gets pissed off enough and ram your little dingy, which they will do cuz you’re in a sailboat that’s as fast as a breeze or how hard you can blow into the sails in cases of a lack of wind and they got a hella fast motorboat.
Pfffftttt... motorboats... Pinkie Pie... whipped cream.
Wait a minute. Canadian dime. Hoser. Sail boat. Ship. Shipping. Was Pinkie saying shipping is for hosers?! Damn. She really did not want that romance tag in this story.
Only Skirts can write a story about someone being turned on by...well, skirts!
This is the story in which we finally learn the reason behind Skirts' fascination with skirts... with Flash acting as his expy.
Skirts why you writing stories where the narrator has my name? Not cool man, makes this story a whole other level of weird.
Skirts, you really need to pay your characters better if you want them to respect the fourth wall. I don't know how many cans of whipped cream Pinkie's getting for this story, but you need to double it. At least.
In all seriousness, fantastic combination of friendshipping and metafiction. Thank you for it.
All the yes. And then some hell yes.
Fucking lel
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I just completely lost my cookies during this line. They are all over the floor now, and I can't pick them back up.
Is it bad that all I can think about now is Pinkie wearing nothing but a short, flouncy skirt, and whipped-cream?
Also, I haven't seen this level of forth wall breaking narration since I played the Stanley parable. God dammit Pinkie.
> "Just girls talking!" Pinkie chirped. "Oh. And one Flash, I guess. Just Girls and One Flash. Heh! What do you think about that, Steven?"
Totally NOT
productstory placement there.I see the skirts, even if they're not that short, but where are the explosions?
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You got duped.
I am Leonzilla and I'm laughing like a maniac.
~Leonzilla
The beginning made me think that Flash had an Oedipus complex - it's only fitting that Worst Human would have some twisted fetish.
I am now imagining Pinkie with her goofy grin laying nude on a pile of rose petals but with whipped cream covering her like in that iconic American Beauty poster. With cherries and sprinkles on top
Not even gonna question it.
Skirts no
Not that Shimmy had ulterior motives when she suggested the movie.
Just what best friends do.
Skirts, are you trying to tell us something?
I have absolutely no idea what you did there.
PINKIE
Bahahaha! Genius!
Oh hey! That's MY name!
I blame Oroboro for even Romance tag-less EQG fics having SunLight in it.
A nightmare is born when the dream becomes the dreamer.
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DAMN YOU OROBORO!
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Have you heard of my friend, Oedipus Rex?
You may have heard of his odd complex.
His name appears in Freud's index,
Because he loved his mother.
He loved his mother like no other
His sister was his daughter and his son was his brother!
When his father learned what he had done he tore his eyes out one by one.
A tragic end to faithful son who loved his mother.
♫♪♫ I love pretty pink mares / they make me feel so good! ♪♫♪
♪♫♪ I love dresses with flounce and flair / they make me feel so bad! ♫♪♫
A day may come when Shortskirts writes an entire story without a single reference to other fan made pony material, but it is not this day.
Sunova bitch.
Pardon me, do continue.
Dammit, man.
Dear goddesses in heaven, skirts and Pinkie are talking to each other. This is... This can only... We're doomed.
Oh no... She's learning! Let's just hope there's no fight scenes...
Dear sweet rainbow-colored horse Jesus, I hope Pinkie didn't hear this bit of narration.
kigdsgjlkhfssghkkhdsacbjkhd
...
Shit. I can't keep reading this at work.
...
AJ was talking to herself? Or was that supposed to be Rainbow Dash?
Where would they find a pony to do that?
I'm willing to bet a lot more readers than just me said the same thing out loud before we read the next line.
Well.
This was silly, and dumb, and cute and *readjusts pants* lots of fun to read.
Oh boy, that was a roller coaster. I am not sure I could have handled Pinkie's shenanighans much longer.
Pinkie being Pinkie. Though she out-Pinked herself this time, and it was glorious. Aaaaaaand that ending... it just HAD to happen, didn't it?
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Calm down there Tom
I am now more convinced than ever that Pinkie Pie has a crush on Flash.
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They would have been in Flash's pants, but Pinkie disarmed that bomb and the counterorgasmists win.
Needs more explosions. :V
Did... did she just alter the spacetime continuum by squinting hard? Damn it Pinkie, stop causing timeskips just cause you are in a hurry to move the plot forward!!!
Also, Princess Dresses are nothing to be ashamed of. Dem shoulders, yo.
As far as fetishes go, that's pretty tame. No shame in that.
Barring the blatant 4th wall demolition, it has a nice message.
And is that an "I Hate Fairyland" reference in the chapter title?
I love how you break the fourth wall. most use the fourth wall break as a nod to the audience you break down the wall pick up the bricks and beat the reader with it until this becomes painful to read good job
Whipped cream? Pinkie is clearly a looner.
Oh Pinkie, only you can make someone relax & uncomfortable at the same time
Pinkie Pie, that's very mean. Despite what the tags are, you shouldn't be cockblocking your friends like that.
So this will lead to a night of passion with Pinkie covered in whipped cream and Flash wearing Pinkie's waitress outfit?