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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I feel like something very, very bad is going to happen in Unicornia... Luna's campaign has just been going well... Too well... And if nothing at all happened, then what then?
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Maybe something like a lot of unicorns having worked themselves to (near) death trying to maintain the shield.
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I was thinking of something on a more long-term scale, something that won't be brushed off after a couple of chapters like the pegasi mare she killed, or another small addition to the long list of traumas and issues piling up. Perhaps a major character death, or some evil curse spell, something that will be the new focus for a while.
Though Unicorns working themselves to death does seem like something that could happen. With the disregard to its own ponies, I wouldn't be surprised if they'd forced their own citizens to death because they were afraid of Lulu. Perhaps they even use Platinum in a hostage situation against Lulu.
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For lulu the bad stuff comes after, when Celestia takes most of the credit and says she went to far even though it was the only way to win.
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I don't think all of the credit could even be stolen by Celestia at this point, definitely a part of it, but leading her soldiers on the battlefield and even helping in the small task Otta to build respect. Unless Luna did something, or was framed as doing something so horrendous, for all intense and purposes her army is her family, comrades forged in battle.
While she can hardly participate in the drinking, entertainment, etc, she is there when it matters.
Sooo Luna is going to pull off maneuver known as "Helm's Deep cracker"
Let's hope that defenders are as bad as Humans and Elves in shooting suspicious torchbearer that runs at your wall like it is going to do something
Either way we can add Earthshaker to the list of Luna titles ... Oh wait she has one of those ...
... The Wall-cracker ?
Let's just settle on The MadMare
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I'm probably the only one here who thinks this, but I personally find the whole Discord fourth wall breaks extremely out of character. He's not a meta character, never has been. He's torn holes in reality to show things like sock puppet shows, but that's just showing an alternate reality where everything is literally sock puppets. He works within the bounds of fiction. Though he has made several pop culture references, those are easily explained away under the same phenomenon. The fourth wall breaker is and always has been Pinkie Pie. Granted, not nearly to the extent people tend to credit in fanfiction, but at least it still makes a degree of sense to the character.
I love this fic, but to me every time discord shows up has been an immidiate disconnect and I find myself just waiting for the red text to go away so I can get back in the story. Again, maybe I'm the only one.
I said I wasn't going to make corrections anymore, but I guess I just can't help myself. Though here it's more of a suggestion—since the usage of the tip I'm about to give I don't fully understand myself—rather than an actual grammatical correction.
Behold the humble em-dash! Not a lot of people seem to use it, and that's fair. It's an odd bit of punctuation, like a cross between a comma, semicolon, and parentheses. However, I shall explain why I think it useful here.
If you have a sentance where, in the middle of a phrase or explanation, you want to offer additional information that is not directly necessary to the sentance itself, there are a few options. You can go with commas, which is fine, or you can go with em-dashes. The em-dash ( — ) serves as a point of interruption. It says "I'm putting this sentance on hold briefly to explain further". I've given a few examples of places that could have an em-dash already, including one where I actually used it.
Anyway, I'll shut up and enjoy the chapter, now.
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fixed
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The Mad Mare will be a close second in certain circles after this arch.
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Oh you're in for a treat then. You're at where the world building gets cranked up to 12.
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That part is non-negotiable I'm afraid. Now I could wax poetic about the philosophy, the physics and the cosmology behind it... But ultimately it ends up because as a being of Chaos it is entirely in character to be out of character. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some limburger cheese that needs hiding in a Twilight's library. Hummafah!
I think em dashes would be better than two semi colons
There*