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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm, pose as a sacrifice, good plan. But wait, Tia is Alicorn now. How the heck does Luna expect to be able to escape her gaze? If anything, Celestia is going to be very protective of Luna, and hearing her want to go off to some random village ain't gonna fly with her. Either Luna sneaks off and this makes Celly send out a massive search party, or Tia ends up botching the whole operation by trying to protect Luna.
Either way, I know for a fact this plan is going to go into the gutter one way or another.
11838436
At least we know it does result in Luna's ascension; she mentioned in an earlier chapter that it happened in Bloodstone.
The same scene mentions that the Pegasi used to call her "Fiendbane" rather than "Hydrabane." Presumably killing Bloodmoon eclipsed (ha!) her earlier feat.
11838405
I have no idea what you're talking about
Finally... My profile picture is finally going to achieve its purpose. GRAMMER NAZ- I MEAN DEMOCRAT!!! Adam Hilt the President of the United States 🦅 💥 🦅 🇺🇲💥🇺🇲❗❗❗
I would like to point out that, quite humorously, the site reader pronounces these as "night-ski" and "tease-it".
11838436
Nah, Tia foresaw this with her prophecy powers.
11838405
I'm not sure any payoff is with this much setup. Here's my perspective:
As a fiction writer, there are 2 reasons you might be putting a sentence down on a page. You can be advancing the plot or you can be filling out the world or characters, or both. And both are important, don't get me wrong. The ratio of plot to filler depends on the genre and on the writer but there's generally some balance. All plot all the time is meaningless and all filler is dull (or maybe very cozy slice-of-life, but that's not what you're going for).
The Memory section tells a well-paced story of a gay, autistic little unicorn named Luna and how she became an Alicorn princess of the Moon and eventually tried to dethrone her sister. It balances moving its plot forward with giving that plot context and meaning wonderfully.
Unfortunately, in the actual story, Luna isn't a character anymore. Because she is dead. She got flung through space for a millennium until she found the Earth face first at relativistic speeds and now she's dead. The "actual story" is about some dude named Lucas who finds out he's reincarnated magical alien royalty and how he copes with the memories and demon and transformation and sister associated with this fact.
The Memory section is memories. It all happened in the past and unless the payoff is that Lucas goes back in time and becomes the Moon or something, none of it has moved the plot in any way. Eventually, Lucas is going to wake up and act on these memories, or reflect on them or something and that'll be plot related because his mental state is integral to the plot. But from the standpoint of narrative structure, every single sentence for the past 65 chapters has been pure fluff.
And not even relevant fluff either. There's no way that it's going to matter to Lucas that Luna once met Commander Hurricane and got basic weapon training then, so why is it in Lucas' story? I doubt it's going to matter to Lucas if Luna and Smart Cookie ended up together. If the blacksmith training ever helps out, I would have been perfectly happy to accept a short paragraph describing how 'Luna worked at the forge restoring her armor after the battle' or something, instead of the chapter and a half about her apprenticeship at the village. I would be absolutely astounded if somehow each chapter of this flashback is actually needed to understand Lucas' perspective or abilities going forward.
In this story about Lucas, why am I reading Luna's autobiography? It'd be like watching Indiana Jones but when someone mentions Kali it cuts to a 3 hour documentary on Hinduism.
That's why people are asking you to make them separate stories; because they already are different stories, and shoving one inside the other just wrecks one of them. I'm guessing that the people who are enjoying the memories are treating them as the main story with the Earth stuff being a weird framing device, and would also be perfectly happy to read them in a separate story. Meanwhile I feel like this coma (including the rest of the stuff you have planned) could probably be edited down to 3-5 chapters without losing anything, and am wondering what part of all this you, the author, think is so vital to the story that you would waste 65 chapters on it. When the audience starts looking for the author's hand in the narrative they're not engaged in the story anymore.
11838567
…
It matters because it mattered to Luna.
You know she’ll eventually be betrayed and cast away.
You know she’ll be hurt extremely deeply by it.
But you don’t know why.
I could’ve done maybe a single chapter per arch sure, but that doesn’t really give you the reader just how much of a living breathing world this is. It has history. It has its heroes and villains. And it has the things worth fighting for.
Did i have to go into detail about blacksmithing? No. Did i have to detail how she killed that starving mare and how she felt awful about it? No. Did i have to write an entire extra novel about everything Luna did and why she did it? No.
But I did anyway.
Why?
Because it all orbits around Celestia’s and Luna’s relationship, and why it mattered to Luna.
Oh sure, I could’ve left this entire section blank and the plot could’ve been a generic spat between two demigod sisters. That’s what the source material did after all and it was very successful. But I the author want you to know the why. Why it matters to Luna.
Because I the author want you to know all the gory details to fully understand what’s coming.
And how all of Luna’s efforts were ultimately wasted.
11838602
my thing is the last chapter that was about lucas was over 40 chapters ago its a bit much
11838602
Yes. Yes I agree. It's a great story, in the style of a classical tragedy, where the eventual outcome is known but the path to it isn't, but with a modern focus on the internal experience of the character. The world of the story is indeed, vibrant and lived in and real. And I would be interested in reading more of it.
But that story isn't this story. It isn't the psychological drama of Lucas and the Nightmare and modern Equestria. It provides significant context to the characters of our story, sure. It's a related story. But it's
not the same story.
We have a name for different stories which happen before other stories and provide additional important, but not strictly necessary, context to the actions and motivations of the characters and setting. They aren't called "flashbacks" or "dream sequences". They're called "Prequels".
I'd love to read your prequel story at some point. But not in the middle of a whole ass different story, okay?
If you prefer writing the prequel to the main story, that's fine. You could put this on hiatus and write it in a new fic. Or signal in some other way that "The Rise and Fall of Princess Luna" is actually the story you want to tell, and that the Earth stuff actually was just a weird framing device. Preferably before you take me for a ride for 60 chapters. I'm not asking for a full rewrite or anything like that, but one of these stories needs to go somewhere else.
11838860
If this were any other story, I would actually agree with you. From your perspective it would make a better prequel.
But this isn't any other story.
This isn't a commercial product or even a rewrite fanfic.
This is an artistic piece.
Do I mean to drag you all along? Of course not. I have an extremely specific outcome I'm aiming for.
So let me be blunt.
No. I will not move them. With the exception of proofreading, the chapters will remain where they are, as they are .
No, I'm not doing this to be mean or string you all along. I have an end goal, and several realizations to prepare you for.
I understand fully where you all are coming from. If I were a mere reader I would be thinking the same thing.
But I'm not.
I do understand where I'm leading you, and why it must be this way.
I wish I could tell you why. In fact if I so chose I could publish the rest of this fic here and now. But I sincerely do not wish to spoil ANYTHING. And yes, that includes why this final memory portion isn't a separate prequel.
No, the decision was not an easy one to make, now almost half a year ago at this point. I thought about it for almost a week straight. And I did not make it lightly.
But I stand by my choice.
I will stay the course.
All I ask for, is a little patience.
11838896
65 chapters ago, you had my interest. 10 chapters later you had my patience. I have rather a lot of that so it took about 45 chapters to run out. You now have my frustration (hence the complaints) and the sunk-cost fallacy. If what you want is for me to keep reading, you can have that, but don't ask for more of my patience when you've already spent it all.
11838896
honestly i'm pretty sure that even if the spoiler thing wasn't an issue it would be a huge pain in the plot to reorganize it all so understandable