• Member Since 13th Jun, 2017
  • offline last seen August 1st

PixelMoon


Darkened Moon is no more, and we stand strong. Come, my children, rejoice for her defeat.

Sequels1

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Ever since Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash met, they always seem to have been the closest. But when they are called to the Canterlot Castle, they wonder what it could be for. As they come back to Ponyville, their friends and their selves decide to temporarily move in to the Canterlot Castle. Alas, before they can even leave, the pair are called back again.

The two are sent to the Crystal Empire, along with Princess Celestia and Luna, to defeat a certain crazed alicorn.

Starry Night.

Seems nice, huh? Guess what, it's not. Forget that old name, and grace her new one.

Starlight Flames, soon to be queen of Equestria. And her sisters and nieces? Ha! No chance.

After a crazy adventure they find themselves in, their lives will never be the same again.


This is my first fic!!!! So please like, comment, and follow!!!!

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 218 )

Congrats on publishing your first fic!

Dreadnought

8231456
Thanks! I hope you like it!!!

-Pinkie:heart:

This story is really interesting, I'll follow it. :twilightsmile:

8231497
Hope you like it too!!!:yay:

-Pinkie:heart:

An interesting liking start with Twilight and Rainbow being as sisters, you got my attention.

Also congrats on publishing your first story.

Aww I love this so far~
Can't wait for more chapters! :pinkiehappy:

I was sad to here that Sisterly Bonds Run Deep was cancelled it was, well is a good story, but this story has piqued my interest and I'm looking forward o what happens next. :twilightsmile::rainbowkiss:

Interesting start, and I'm curious how this 'I have been on the moon for 1000 years but you two are my daughters' is possible. :rainbowhuh:

Noticed two little mistakes, but english is not my first language so I'm not sure about the first one. So don't just assume I got it right, that goes for future comment from me as well :twilightblush:

Right when she was about to hit the ground, a pink aura color caught her seconds before she hit the ground.

Shouldn't it me more like 'a pink colored aura' or 'a pink colored magic aura'? This way it sounds to me like the color itself is catching her.

Together, they went out of the room to right the letter to Twilight and Rainbow. Luna knew deep down inside that her daughters will hate her for this.

Just a typo, should be write :twilightsmile:

Anyway, I will go on to the second chapter now, see you there :rainbowwild:

"Um..... What if we are really sisters?! Imagine it. Me and you, the daughters of a Royal!" Dash shouted.

"Dash? I want something that is realistic please."

The foreshadowing is strong in this one...

Was a bit to fast in my opinion that they accepted that fact so quickly. Not even the sister part, they joked about it after all, but that Luna's their mother. Could have been explained a bit more before they ran out and maybe with denial. It is a world breaking news after all.
But still a nice idea for a fic, and even a first one. (Gratulation on publishing your first, btw :pinkiehappy:) I will keep track, and I'm still waiting for the explanation of how this is possible :rainbowlaugh:

"I was a flare before you taught me Princess. You said I have raw magical ability that you have never seen. But, no I really don't know why, come to think of it. As for your second question, all of are friends got our Cutie Marks at the same time." Twilight answered right away.

Needs a comma between the first two, and second should be 'our'.

"Well, you two want to know with we called you here right?" Luna asked finally.

Should be 'why'

Twilight ran to the throne room. She didn't have anywhere else to go to. 'Why did I have to panic like that? I don't know this castle very well! And it's only a matter of time before she finds me....'

Not a grammar mistake, but Twilight lived their as Celestia's student, so she should know the castle the best out of the Mane 6.

Rainbow looked into her sister's irises. She could she could see sadness. She really didn't want to say anything.

Doubled :twilightsmile:


Well, keep going with it, looking forward to more :pinkiehappy:

8231898
Well, I made this before I saw that one. It quite funny how it almost is. But, I will make it different. Trust me and my Pinkie Sense:raritywink:

-Pinkie:heart:

8231716
Thank you I will the to fix it all once I do the edit.

-Pinkie:heart:

8231698
I'm not very sure about the first one either. I will leave it for now and when I come around to the edit I will take a look at it. Thanks for reading though! Chapter Three will be out hopefully today.

-Pinkie:heart:

C'est tres interessant. You left out a word in the second scene first line. other than that it was pretty good. Next chapter.

Twillight wasn't the only one confused. you totally lost me here. I'll stay tuned to the next chapter but try and take things slow Twilight jumping the gun like that was just to jarring for me.

8232183
Can you quote the sentence?

-Pinkie:heart:

8232204
Explain where please? You kina lost me:twilightblush:

-Pinkie:heart:

be careful, this fic is may be way to similar to night-mists fic, which can cause backlash making people think you stole this. I've been there, and learned not to do that.

8232223
Thanks for the warning. Send me the link?

-Pinkie:heart:

8232210

Luna looked at her starry ceiling in her chambers. She felt lonely. Sad. Mere words could not how she felt.

8232213
The scene after luna says she's their mom really that statement was it then Twilight goes and jumps the gun like that just left me going :rainbowhuh:

8232251
Okay I see it now thanks

-Pinkie:heart:

8232253
Yeah... I didn't really know how to put it. When I do the edit I will fix it.

-Pinkie:heart:

Since you asked for them to be pointed out. I'm sure there are other comma errors but these are the ones that stood out the most to me.

Rainbow Dash was on a cloud looking down at Ponyville. She was thinking of how she was going to do a Sonic Rainboom, her rare, fantastic trick that nopony but herself could pull off.

No need for the comma between rare and fantastic.

Rainbow sped down toward main hall. As she got closer and closer, a white cone started to appear in front of her. Right when she thought she was going to pull it off, the cone stopped forming, sending her flinging down to the ground.

Again, no commas here in either of the two sentences. The last line probably would be better phrased as: Right when she thought she was going to pull it off the cone stopped forming and sent her flinging down to the ground.

"Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!" Rainbow shouted, falling and unable to move her wings do to her speed.

Due not do.

Luna looked at her starry ceiling in her chambers. She felt lonely. Sad. Mere words could not how she felt.

Uhm... what? Mere words could not what how she felt?

P. S. Luna here. You two must come here. We are in need to tell thou of what we must. Okay, I'm not going to talk in that 'Royal Thy and Thous'. Anyway, please come quickly. I don't think I can hold this secrect much longer.

I think you mean secret.

Silence came as they stopped flying and got their tickets to Canterlot. When they got on the train, the pair looked for an empty caboose. Neither of them wanted anypony to hear what they were going to be talking about.

The caboose is typically the last car on a train that is arranged as a place for the train crew to rest. A cabin is the little room like sections passengers ride in.

I just notice now in the cover art, Rainbow Dash has a horn on her head.

I thought that it was something else, but it looks like now she's an alicorn just like Twilight.

8232359
Yeah I just did that. I'll be explained in the next chapter

-Pinkie:heart:

8232340
Thanks for catching those. I will fix them in the edit:raritywink:

Hope you like it so far!

-Pinkie:heart:

Certainly better than my first publish. I'll read this a bit later.

Comment posted by PixelMoon deleted Jun 14th, 2017

this is a good story please continue it

Great chapter, it will be fun to see the reactions of pinkie, rarity, applejack and fluttershy xD

this is a great story. I enjoyed reading it. cant wait for more

It's a great story please continue!

So that's how it's possible for them to be Luna's daughters. Sounds good to me, besides that if I'm not wrong they would still age and grow while in coma as far as I know. Maybe you could change it in something like that Celestia had to put them into a magical coma to safe their lifes that kept their bodies at the state they were in when it was casted.
But maybe I'm totally wrong in the first place :derpyderp2:
Now that this mystery is solved, let's go to the reactions of the public and of the rest of the Mane 6, and don't forget the incredible big 'You have been sisters all along and Alicorns on top for all this time and have been reunited with your real mother and aunt' party Pinkie will probably throw :pinkiehappy:

Now some mistakes I noticed while reading. :twilightsmile:

"Months after his death, I got over it. But, I found out that I was carrying you two. Our love must of been strong enough to be able to have kids. I was very excited, but again, when I told my sister, she didn't approve. 'I knew that this would of happened!' I was devastated she didn't want you two."

First one 'have'
Second one I'm not sure, but I think 'I knew this would happen' is right

Rainbow, you were named after you mane. Dash wasn't part of your names untill you started flying.

First 'your'
Second 'name'

I didn't realize that when using the spell I was, it removed different magic each time. It made Twilight only have Unicorn Magic, and Rainbow Dash only have Pegasus Magic. You still had a your horn and wings, so I put an illusion on you two."

First not sure, but I think 'I didn't realize that by using that spell, it removed...' is right
Second one is not necessary

"You didn't make up untill eighteen years ago."

Should be 'wake'

"It must of mixed into the magic you only had at the time."

Should be 'have' if I'm not wrong.

After a few moments of thought, Celestia's horn light up with a pale yellow aura. Around Rainbow Dash was the same color. A few seconds later, a horn the size of Twilight's appeared. Luna conquered a mirror up for her to at her reflection.

First should be 'lit'
Second sounds strange, I would write 'Luna summoned a mirror with her magic for Rainbow to look at her reflection.' or something similar

Does this mean we're all good?" Luna asked, hope in her eyes.

Forgot the marks at the beginning (")

Well then, looking forward to the next chapter :scootangel:

8232947
Thanks. I can't believe I missed those. I guess I need a proofreader:rainbowderp:

-Pinkie:heart:

I have edited this chapter for you guys! Make sure I haven't missed anything

-Pinkie:heart:

so far its good but im not really laughing lets hope the story keeps going tho

just the image of a pregnant luna craving cakes and tia despratly trying to keep her cakes safe is just funny to me

i read this chapter i said this is a good story and can ask you something when you get done with this story can you help me out on my please

ok the passing ist a bit of, and you need sereosly a proofreader. even for me there are to many grammar erors and eng. is my 3 language and i am not practice it very often.
but the concept is great

Celestia letter the room with Luna, Rainbow, and Twilight following close behind while talking about foodand what

8234505
I can help you out anytime! I'm not all that great, but yes I can help!:pinkiehappy:

-PINKIE PIE:heart:

The politicians are going to complicate things and I do not really see twilight and rainbow leaving ponyville is their home after all.

great job on updating this. cant wait for more. keep up the great work

8234637
You'll have to wait to see if they will or not:pinkiehappy:

-PINKIE PIE:heart:

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