1. Member Since 4th May, 2013
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On the Sliding Scale Of Idealism Vs. Cynicism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical.  (Patreon page.)

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One day, Fluttershy discovers that every time a pegasus flaps their wings, a kitten dies.  Surprisingly, she has a problem with this.  So naturally, the only thing to do is make sure nopony will ever flap their wings again.  In the name of the innocent, defenseless kittens.

You wouldn't think that would be the act which nearly destroyed Equestria...

Written for Crackfic Week.  (You did know it was Crackfic Week, right?)

First Published
17th Mar 2017
Last Modified
17th Mar 2017
#1 · 1w, 21h ago · 30 · ·

You actually did it.

#2 · 1w, 21h ago · 36 · ·

You are the hero FimFic deserves.

#3 · 1w, 20h ago · 1 · 1 ·

>>8028291 But is he the one Fimfic needs?

#4 · 1w, 20h ago · 7 · ·

What a clawful situation.

#5 · 1w, 20h ago · 1 · ·

Eventually Angel will die and when he does Flitter and Cloudchaser will be happier.

#6 · 1w, 20h ago · 4 · ·

>>8028315 That pun is just litter on the side of the road, I think you need to box it up. Besides, you need to be carefur about what you say because you never know if you ruffle someones fluff.

#7 · 1w, 20h ago · 9 · ·

>>8028290

You actually did it.

What has been said in Skywriter's most recent Comments section must be honored, and within the self-assigned deadline.

Besides, there were some upvotes on that comment.  So apparently there's a built-in small audience for dead kittens.  And the pegasi who kill them.  

#8 · 1w, 20h ago · 1 · ·

>>8028321

This is a catastrophe! :raritydespair: I thought my pun was purrfect, but if you don't think of it pawsitively, then I guess I missed the mark by a whisker...

#9 · 1w, 20h ago · 1 · ·

>>8028311

I thought Estee was female.

#10 · 1w, 20h ago · 1 · ·

I thought crackfic month was next month....

#11 · 1w, 20h ago · 13 · ·

>>8028357

It is.  This is Crackfic Week.

I really don't understand how anyone gets those two confused.  

#12 · 1w, 20h ago · 8 · ·

Welcome to Boatmaredered!

Hope you like meowsma!

#13 · 1w, 20h ago · 5 · ·

This story is mis-tagged. This should really have the comedy label, because it is one of your funniest stories ever. Is this canon to the triptych universe? Because if this is the only place we'll get to see Ahuizotl, I'll take it. The parts with Angel, including the end, were especially good.

#14 · 1w, 20h ago · 8 · ·

>>8028376

I had the Comedy tag on it when I started initial composition.  Then I took it off.  Then it went on again.  Then we danced for a while, it got drunk, I sent it home in a cab, and Uber swore they'd never promote me because I used a cab.  

Is this canon to the triptych universe?

Oh @#$$ no.

#15 · 1w, 20h ago · 12 · ·

I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for this, since Skywriter's latest probably wouldn't exist without my actions. I feel absolutely no shame or regret about this whatsoever. Magnificent stuff all around, and I can think of no better or more dignified debut for a certain someone in your work.

#16 · 1w, 20h ago · 2 · ·

"There's better things than iceberg lettuce for punishment," Flitter declared.

"...like?"

I'm with Fluttershy here. Ugh.

#17 · 1w, 19h ago · · ·

Did we just get a hit as to the true nature of  Ahuizotl in Tryptich?

#18 · 1w, 19h ago · 5 · 1 ·

You actually made a semi-plausible excuse for why this could happen. Didn't think that was possible.

#19 · 1w, 19h ago · 2 · 1 ·

Figures the earth ponies are the only sensible creatures in Equestria. And they farm rocks.

#20 · 1w, 18h ago · 1 · 62 ·

Fuck you fuck this story.  Oh! Did I say fuck you?

#21 · 1w, 18h ago · 39 · 1 ·

>>8028587

You have neither the personality nor the talent.  

#22 · 1w, 18h ago · 1 · 64 ·

>>8028601 I would talk about "talent"  You have stories and followers not much else. be proud of that...

#23 · 1w, 18h ago · 1 · ·

This was glorious

#24 · 1w, 18h ago · 21 · ·

>>8028622

I would talk about "talent"  You have stories and followers not much else. be proud of that...

She does understand the concept of basic grammar, so at least there's that. Perhaps you meant wouldn't? And maybe this thing known as punctuation?

#25 · 1w, 18h ago · 1 · 40 ·

>>8028678 Ok spelling + grammar Nazi tell me how my Op is wrong.

#26 · 1w, 18h ago · · ·

just be glad the cats were not of the thermonuclear variety.

Oh, and that ending...:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

#27 · 1w, 18h ago · 5 · 1 ·

Welcome to Kittenmurdered.

#28 · 1w, 17h ago · 1 · ·

I'm sure that if I'd ever heard of Crackfic  week or knew what it was I STILL wouldn't have known when it was.

#29 · 1w, 17h ago · 24 · ·

>>8028714

Opinions aren't wrong because they generally aren't objectively verifiable. You are free to dislike Estee's works. I am equally free to point out you aren't criticizing her, you're clearly and intentionally being a dick. Which is again your right, but I and (at current count) eleven other people have the right to be equally dickish in return. Except I do it with skill, and I'm arguing with aforementioned dick.

#30 · 1w, 17h ago · 4 · ·

Okay, I was almost forgetting this was a crackfic for a moment. So much of it is otherwise stylistically true to the Triptychverse—and then I read

"They called themselves 'dwarves,'" Luna stated.

and :rainbowkiss: :twistnerd: :trollestia:

#31 · 1w, 17h ago · · ·

Ah, Dorf Fortress.

#32 · 1w, 17h ago · · ·

Flitter and Cloudchaser were now composing a song.  The line 'Kill the rabbit' featured rather prominently in the lyrics, which struck Fluttershy as being oddly operatic.

HA!

Quite the story. I bet Celestia has an allergy. She's going to be puffy-eyed and sneezey for weeks.

#33 · 1w, 17h ago · 7 · ·

Flitter and Cloudchaser were now composing a song.  The line 'Kill the rabbit' featured rather prominently in the lyrics, which struck Fluttershy as being oddly operatic.

Cue Arthur Q. Bryan!

#34 · 1w, 15h ago · 5 · ·

Before reading it:

Oh, Estee has written a crackfic. And it's 9.5k words...

After reading it:

This was splendid. And fun. And I'm certain the extinction of mosquitoes will backfire. But that's fine, fuck mosquitoes.

#35 · 1w, 14h ago · 5 · ·

"...he doesn't think that way," Fluttershy weakly protested.  "...he can't think that way:  he's not intelligent enough..."

You just keep telling yourself that, Fluttershy.

#36 · 1w, 14h ago · 4 · 1 ·

>>8028622

I would talk about "talent"  You have stories and followers not much else. be proud of that...

Well, having liked stories is generally an indicator of talent. You are really just bitter because your story has a 1:2 like to dislike ratio. Estee has been here for twice as long as you have, and has produced probably much better work than you seem to have. Shut up and get a life if this is all you do. If you don't like it, we don't need this kind of negativity. Either offer some constructive critism, or down toe and move on. Nothing on this site calls for insulting the author directly.

#37 · 1w, 14h ago · · ·

God . . . dammit .  .. . . Urist.

Dwarf fortress dwarves ruin everything heh.

#38 · 1w, 14h ago · · ·

Pshaw, as if a universe overrun by infinite kittens isn't better than one colonized by sapients any day of the week...

That was most entertaining :moustache: Thank for you it.

#39 · 1w, 13h ago · · ·

... I didn't think you'd go through with your threat. Still, I hope your mind feels suitably deloused now. No more nasty itchy ideas. Or at least none that really get to you.

#40 · 1w, 13h ago · 3 · ·

They finally found a world without elves. Urist rest their souls. :ajsleepy:

#41 · 1w, 13h ago · 3 · ·

The crackedness in this one mounted pretty subtly, and your usual writing style made it seem like something that might fit into the 'verse, somehow... up until they met Luna, and got the explanation, at which point I burst out laughing. And then, when you introduced Ahuizotl, the fun was doubled. :trollestia:

(Which reminds me, we direly need a "Huzzah!" Luna emoticon.)

#42 · 1w, 12h ago · · ·

>>8029182 I second your final statement!

#43 · 1w, 11h ago · 1 · ·

I am proud to have played my part in this growing insanity.

I am Derpsby, and I play Malkavians.

#44 · 1w, 10h ago · · ·

>>8028494 This is not canonical to the triptych continuum...so no.  

#45 · 1w, 10h ago · 6 · ·

I suppose Equestria is lucky that the Dorfs tantrum-spiraled before they reached the 'Candy' and released the 'Clowns' from the 'Circus'.

#46 · 1w, 10h ago · 3 · ·

The line 'Kill the rabbit' featured rather prominently in the lyrics, which struck Fluttershy as being oddly operatic.

I hope you  feel very proud of yourself for that line, mate. Because it's wonderful.

#47 · 1w, 9h ago · · ·

Hey atlest it wasn't elephants.

#48 · 1w, 6h ago · 2 · ·

>>8029347 Elephants don't breed as quickly and they can't get adopted.  I think you mean "at least they weren't thermonuclear".

Another take on the same idea: http://www.mkv25.net/dfma/movie-518-nuclearcatsplosion

#49 · 1w, 6h ago · · ·

TARGET, ONCE AGAIN YOU'RE MARKETING CAMPAIGNs HAVE RUINED FLUTTER-SHY!!!

#50 · 1w, 6h ago · 1 · 1 ·

I have never hated Fluttershy so much until this moment.

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