• Member Since 18th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen 49 minutes ago

Robipony


A guy who enjoys writing but sadly very few people give his stories a thumbs up (even those who enjoy his stories).


E

We all know how the story goes. About how Twilight found and united the Elements of Harmony and defeated Nightmare Moon, preventing the world from going dark and giving Luna a chance for redemption.

However, what if one of the Mane Six hadn't been a normal pony but a monster that was shunned and feared by others? How would the story have gone?

Follow us now as we tell the same story, only this time Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness is not a normal pegasus, but instead is a gorgony. A creature with snakes for a mane and can turn any creature to stone with a glance.

---

Out of all the mythical creatures I have read about my top favorite are vampires and gorgons. So I was greatly dismayed when I saw how few stories there were that had actual gorgon ponies in them, here on FiMFiction. Thus I decided to write this little fic. I hope you all enjoy.

While I only intended to cover the first two episodes of the show (the pilot episodes), if enough people are interested I may try to create some more stories with Gorgon-shy based around other episodes in the series.

---Credits---

Proofread by: Nadus
Edited by: Nugget and Link4

I ended up writing this story for the Augest Longfic contest, hosted by: SPark

This story is a part of my: Gorgony-Verse.

The cover art is something I created using GIMP.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 66 )

This is amazing!
I want to see how discord will react to a Gorgon Fluttershy.

8362883 Who knows. I have yet to think what his response would be. :raritywink:

8362892
I think he would like it very much. Very chaotic.

8362893 Did you already finish reading the story?

8362914 Wow, that is really fast. I do hope you enjoyed it.

8362919
It was amazing. I haven't read a story that good in a very long time. Thank you.

8362922 Well, I'm glad. I was worried that nobody would like it since it is a "retelling" of the two pilot episodes, or that fact that I made Fluttershy into a gorgony.

8362923
It's pretty ok but "retelling" is indeed hindrance to this story.

I think you should focus more on how things are different by Fluttershy being a gorgon as in what are her everyday troubles, how different are her relations with other ponies and so on. Unless you come up with events that specifically explore this alternate universe I think you should tone down on the adventure aspect.

I really like the idea you came up with and I would like to see more of this. But you shouldn't make it just a retelling but with some differences. So don't cover every episode, instead focus on the differences and try to change up the story more drastically.

What you has put at the end was already a pretty good start for a different story.

Keep it up!

Interesting idea. Maybe you could whip it into long story?

I haven't gotten around to reading it yet, but it's usually a good idea to try to break gigantic single chapters into smaller ones.

Holding the book with her magic, Twilight brought the book over to the table and set it down. The title of the book was, 'The Outsiders.'

3.bp.blogspot.com/_IMNpEfPssNk/TTd6DJAIEgI/AAAAAAAAAAk/cBoayWXJ7tY/s1600/The+Outsiders+Book+Cover.jpg

"Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold."
- S.E. Hinton, The Outsiders

"Are you sure this is safe?" Fluttershy could hear Applejack whispering to Rarity, "What if this gorgony is just trying to lure us into a trap?"

It's okay. We aren't in the same class. Just don't forget that some of us watch the sunset too.
- S.E. Hinton, The Outsiders

"Still, can we actually trust her," Applejack asked, "I mean she is technically a monster. Wouldn't she have more to gain with Nightmare Moon's return?"

"Can you see the sunset real good on the West side? You can see it on the East side too."
- S.E. Hinton, The Outsiders

What were they going to do to her? Now they had proof what Fluttershy really was... a monster. Afraid, Fluttershy looked around as the other ponies averted their eyes.

"I knew somethin' like this was going to happen." Applejack said.

"That's why people don't ever think to blame the Socs and are always ready to jump on us. We look hoody and they look decent. It could be just the other way around - half of the hoods I know are pretty decent guys underneath all that grease, and from what I've heard, a lot of Socs are just cold-blooded mean - but people usually go by looks."
- S.E. Hinton, The Outsiders

8364121 I've actually never read that book. All connections are totally unintentional, I swear.

8363332 Well, originally I had considered the idea of having it so that: Nightmare Moon actually succeeded. However I later thought I might try to connect this series to the Euresia stories I had made and have them take place in the same universe.

But I do like that idea. I can be more drastic.

8363073 That is definitely something I would like to do in the future.

8363359 You mean like a series? That has come to mind. Depending on how my schedule goes that could happen.

8364157
Lol! Coincidence! :pinkiehappy:

In all seriousness though, it's a good read about how similar we all are despite who we are or where we came from. I recommend it. :twilightsmile:

In fact, here's a quick summary and analysis if you don't have time to read it. :raritywink:

I give this story two thumbs up. :moustache:

8364230
Thanks for the link, nice summary (subbed), and it reminds me of my recent find - DWK . He does mlp series summaries. Not always accurate, but damn are they funny.


8364230
Well, I like this. It will be nice if you will decide to write a sequel to this.

8364346 I assume your not talking about my story... right.

8364357
Lol, I'm half asleep and thought pinkfloydpig's comment had purple highlight as an author. Well, no. I was talking about this one.
I like sometimes to read "alternative" takes on canon. Like, almost canon, but with some new elements thrown in. Gargony just fits wery well with this.

8364366 I am actually sorry. I misread your comment and thought you were saying that you wanted to write a sequel, which puzzled me, so I apologize for the confusion. :twilightsheepish:

I am glad you enjoy my story. I really liked the concept of the gorgony (part gorgon part pony) and was surprised to see that not a lot of stories have been written about such creatures (at least from what I can find here), which has resulted in me writing a few stories for them.

While I have YET to read any of this, or look at the comments, my first thought was 'Fluttershy names all the snakes of her mane.' I'll put this on my to read list!

8364432 Ummm... I mean... she hasn't in the story... but... that doesn't mean it can't happen. :twilightsheepish:

8364380
Yeah, those are pretty funny! :rainbowlaugh:

Lol! It's all good! :twilightsmile:

Threw me off at first, though. I was like "Sequel? What?" :rainbowhuh:

8364523 ...does that mean you liked it? :derpyderp1:

8364626
Take as you want.

Just saying. Though i wouldn't be opposed to a sequel... not at all. More? Plz?

Wow, I think this might actually be the most popular story I have ever written here on FiMFiction. :rainbowlaugh:

Hey friend, congrats on the feature. Have yet to read this yet, but I must admit that I was pleasantly surprised to see this in the featured box.

Great story, but still trying to piece together the Starlight Glimmer for myself. (Maybe I'm just dumb enough to be confuse about it...)

8365083 I was surprised as well. I think this is actually the first story to have shown up in the featured box. :pinkiehappy:

8365122 Well to avoid spoiling too much I'll just say: It kind of was based off an Alternate Universe idea where Starlight didn't learn her lesson and continued to try to stop Twilight by a different route of action.

Amazing! I just finished it. :pinkiehappy: My favorite character is Fluttershy, so this made it extra fun! Keep up the good work! :derpytongue2:

8365178 Thank you. I am very glad you liked it. :twilightsmile:

Really liked this one. One of those 'why didn't I think of that?' Premises that makes perfect sense in hindsight. Bravo!

Two bits of critique, though:

1,) Rainbow's reaction to a long lost, presumably presumed dead fillyhood friend was subdued to the point where you can't help but wonder what cocktail of drugs she's on to cope with that loss. Given this being the same mare that cried buckets and tried to sabotage an entire industrial-center to stop her pet turtle from hibernating, this plot-point really deserved some more 'oomph' and bite to it.

2,) Pinkie was using WAY too many cringe-worthy, fandom based fourth wall breaking jokes.

Still, those two flaws asides, this was a really great read. Thanks for writing it, and I'm really looking forward to the hinted at sequel\s.

I thought it was "gorgon" not "gorgony".

Arr! Now this is a thing of beauty!

are we all just going to go along with the glossing over of Fluttershy accidentally killing her family

8365512
It is. Gorgony is the pony hyrbid term apparently. Fitting as I have one for a dragon hybrid called a Dragony.

8365160
Wait are you saying this Starlight is the same one who pulled that time travel crap and instead of listening after seeing the wasteland said screw it and attacked Twilight's ancestor around the time Echidna showed up only to be cursed after cursing other ponies for whatever reason, then going after Fluttershy and cursing her?

8365569

are we all just going to go along with the glossing over of Fluttershy accidentally killing her family

Fairly sure it's less 'glossed over,' and more 'sequel hook' since we never actually saw them turn to dust like the doe did or shattered, and Celestia talked about getting Flutters a teacher for mastering her gaze.

That, and, you know, the brother that was conspicuously absent, and's probably gone though his own personal Tartarus. Also seems like something that meant to be addressed in a later story.

Looking forward to the hinted-at continuation/sequel. Have your upvote and fave for a great story.

Another interesting take on the original episodes, I really like it. Even more thanks to the fact that I'm a fan of mythical creatures myself :twilightsmile:

looking forwatd to the hinted sequel :yay:

8365512 The word gorgony is a combination of the word gorgon and pony. Yeah, I know it is kind of weird but that is how I like to do it.
8365572 Like what this guy said. :twilightsmile:
8365519
8365669
8365789
Thank you. I am glad you liked it. :pinkiehappy:

8365578 Maybe... maybe not. :raritywink:

I want to like this, the premise is interesting, and the writing is excellent from a technical standpoint, but...

The entire thing just sort of felt flat, like I was looking at the skeleton for a really good story, rather than the finished product.

The premise & art got me reading, but I only finished it because I knew it was complete and the writing didn't disgust me (I have pretty high standards for that), not because I wanted to keep reading it (if that makes any sense).

I'd like to see more in this setting, but this needs more meat on its bones first.

8365997

Interesting, well we have a major plot hook then for the inevitable sequels that no doubt will be made. Speaking of that pony Celestia knows who can help Fluttershy, is that Euresia you were hinting at?

Speaking of which, will there be more of the Sculptor storyline coming by chance? Would be neat to see Euresia making friends and learning more of the world now that she's now living in out of time so to speak. Maybe even see Blueblood follow up on his promise to be a better prince and pony in general now that he realizes just how much of a jerk he was being once he is freed of his stone curse. Any chance of those who killed her family and not be shattered, being freed as well only to be put on the spot by both princesses for their misguided actions performed in their name on innocent monster citizens? Would be fun to see those previous guards and princes being chewed out harshly over genocide of a village of monsters that just so happened to be friends of Celestia and a peaceful village at that. How their actions dishonor them as knights and guards and would be considered high treason to Equestria seeing how the nation was founded on friendship, love and peace and the village being under Celestia's protection if I'm understanding things correctly.

8366104 Yes, I was hinting at Euresia. :pinkiesmile:

I do plan on expanding upon Euresia's story at some point in the future. However I first need to finish some youtube readings I did for a contest that I hosted earlier this year. There are some details I can't give away as of right now for my Gorgon-Verse in regards to Euresia either because I want to save them to be revealed in future stories or because I don't know yet.

8366053 That is something I was worrying about. A part of me does feel that I may have done some rushing to make sure this was finished by the deadline of the longfic contest. I may try to go back at some point and try to flesh it out a bit more. Put some flesh on the bones sort to speak.

I like what she did with her hair.

8367102 Oh, you mean the hairnet?

8367115
No, I just wanted to make a joke about haircuts.

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