• Member Since 18th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Robipony


The man who likes ponies but also likes monsters... so what's wrong with him combining the two? ;P

Sequels1

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You are a unicorn stallion, who wakes up to find that you fell asleep while on the Friendship Express and have missed your stop in Ponyville. Now you have to wait until you reach the next stop in the Crystal Empire in order to return home.

Fortunately across from you is another traveler, who might be a little odd but is still willing to accompany you on your journey. She is a chimera pony hybrid by the name of Amble Barb.


Edited by: ShadowblazeCR

Proofread by: Strays

The cover art was created by: LaptopDJ, a great artist who was very patient with me. :pinkiesmile:

I would also like to thank, The Graceful Articuno, for helping me with the title.:pinkiesmile:

This story was written for Viper Pit's Hybrid Story Contest.

I kind of wanted to experiment around with the second person perspective, while also trying to write some more Monster Mare stories. Please feel free to look into the Monster Mares Group for more stories.

If you liked this story and would like to see me write more in a similar format, then please comment and let me know. :twilightsmile:

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 30 )

I give it a solid 8/10 with bonus points for the odd restaurant owners

9465546 Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed the story. :twilightsmile:

9465551
It was fun to read

I'm half-tempted to downvote just for that thirsty-ass bio.

9465579 Thirsty-a** bio? What do you mean by that? :rainbowderp:

There was a jolt as the train jumps on the track, stirring you from your slumber. You had a long meeting 'WITH' your publisher in Canterlot and while it had gone smoothly, the whole event had been both physically and emotionally exhausting.

Just forgotten 'with' in that sentence is all.

The train shook again, and you heard a squeak from the row of seats on the other side of the train car. Looking across the aisle you see three ponies sitting there. On one side was an earth pony mare with her little filly and on the other was a grumpy looking stallion. It was clear that the mare was very worried by her nervous shaking, her daughter (doing to best to soothe her.)

That last sentence is strangely written. Maybe write 'her' where the first 'to' is.

"Y-yes, m-mam."

*Ma'am* unless of course its part of his speech.

"Attention all passengers!" The conductor's voice came over the intercom, "We will be arriving at our destination soon. Please wait until the train has come to a complete *story* before you unpack your bags and suitcases.

Its 'stop.'

"Here are *you* drinks." Hilda said as she placed the glasses on the table in front of you and Amble. "Enjoy."

Your* drinks. :)

"Well, that's a shame." Amble said as she took a bite of her sandwich. *"You* a nice guy. Anypony would be lucky to have you as their special somepony."

Your again. :P

Hey Robi! Its beeb a few months hasn't it? I saw this on the notifications and had to give it a quick read.

This was honestly adorable. The MC (me) was very accepting and honestly curious. Overall very likable. As for Amble she was adorable, would not mind in the least to read future stories with her if you're ever interested!

Have a like a fave.

Oh I loved the odd restaurant owners odd couples are one of my favorite things to read.

PS: Ill get back into my first story with you once I get the chance to catch up to the current chapters.

9465587

Hes talking about you giving gratitude to all those people you reference in your bio.

Honestly though gratitude is a seldom seen trait. It just goes to show you who has it and who lacks it. (Shrugs)

9465775 Yeah, I think some of the issues may have been caused my phone as it likes to autocorrect everything I say (stupid, piece of...), though I am a little sad that my proofreader didn't catch it. :ajsleepy:

I am glad you like the story, I do hope to see you asking some more questions of Roseate when the next chapter comes out. :pinkiesmile:

9465780 I just figure that if someone works hard to help me with my story, then they deserve some credit. If he doesn't like it, I guess that is his problem. I hope that doesn't seem too rude of me. :unsuresweetie:

As for future stories, I was thinking of trying to explore some other characters at first, with the MC meeting new monster mares. However, I would have no objection to writing more about Amble either. :twilightsmile:

9465812
No worries Rosiate is at the top of my to do list! Yeah thats good you show your thanks its a gokd trait.

That was enjoyable, perhaps even pleasant. I can't say I was expecting anything from this, but that is purely a fault on me -- I jumped into the story without reading the description (as usual). Anywho, I think the title is fitting; apt, even.

The characters are almost in shades of black and white. The good are kind and considerate, while the bad are intolerant. While not racist or the like, the stallion didn't have any redeeming qualities. It was apt for a quick encounter, where you learn nothing about one another besides what is shown. But I just can't help make this observation.

All in all, the waiter was my favorite character. Just a random guy doing a job that needs doing.

Anyway, the format was enjoyable and I would certainly be down for reading more like it. I'd like to learn more about what happens next, even if it is just 'headcanon'; what happens to the sanctuary, what happens to Amble and Rite (the nickname I gave 'you'/me), and how that restaurant came to be.

I noticed a few grammatical errors here and there. I'll run through the story and PM you the list of corrections (with the original lines).

9466326 Thank you. I am glad that you enjoyed the story and thank you for the grammar information. :pinkiesmile:

Absolutely jolly.
I appreciate that, every once in a while. Inhale le fuzz!

Three things


1. Great story! Very heartwarming


2. Make sequel


3. Make sequel!


Bonus: double Hybrid Foals? Of course once the world gets through the acceptance of such a couple!

9468292 It could happen. I am thinking of having the MC discover a few more monster mares before throwing them into a full relationship. Perhaps I'll even go through the trouble of creating a happy ending for each character. :raritywink:

However, I have to first finish the next chapter for one of my other stories before I can get started on the next story. :ajsleepy:

I am glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you for your feedback. :twilightsmile:

Here from Underappreciated Story Society.

Second person narration is a rare thing, and definitely an interesting experiment. I wonder how it would work with more complicated plot (the challenge comes with involving the reader - through second person narration - in events he doesn't really have control over)

One thing I wonder about though is the changing tense - you keep shifting between past and present. Why is that? :coolphoto:

9619001 It should all be past tense. Where is it present tense?

Good read there. I always enjoy reading the stories with the unconventional characters. How the Thestrals and other races deal with the rather xenophobic ponies or even the other way around. Interesting dynamics. Soft spot in my heart for the "monster" girls(ponies).

Nice pseudo first date the two shared. The spark is there!

And that's how they met.

Had fun reading this, jumping right into the sequels!
Perusing your other stories has perked my interest, glad I came across this!

9749246 Indeed.

9749898 Thank you. I hope you enjoy my other stories as well.

Recently you had fallen in love with the food at a nice place in Canterlot called the Tasty Treat.

Nice.

Great story, keep up the good work! :twilightsmile:

9995307 Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

I have more stories that take place in the same universe if you are interested. :raritywink:

10011316 I hope you will enjoy it. :pinkiesmile:

10011319
already read. I'm currently reading another

I just finished reading and I must agree to notions of a sequel. I will say more in the review but keep up the great work my friend. :heart:

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