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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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well it seams Tim has a interesting back story.
I do like the name of the restraint Spitfire Grill.
and we get to see just how much of a drunken ass Citrus father is, some how I have a feeling he will be showing up agene in the story.
all in all a vary good chapter.
Rotten Apple will go down.
Is dat8jg an Ambassador not prestigious enough for Rotten Apple? Sounds like be needs to be taken down more than a few pegs.
I really wish that rotten apple would have tried to grab Tim and rotten just freaks the fuck out because his magic won't work
7920887 Either that or one of the 500+ people who don't care that the pacing in this story is way off.
Did Cayenne really compare getting her cheek kissed in public to a stallion mounting a mare in the street?! I just... what??
And Twilight waving a huge "come get me" flag in his face and its making him a bit nervous. Just wonder how far she'll take it, and how C & C will react when it comes to light.
I absolutely love this story. You have really brought these characters to life. I also love how in chapter six, you really have the mares with a 1950's-1960's husbandly mindset. "You don't need to work, you have enough to do around the house.
I also like how you made Cayenne the more traditional of the two mares. More willing to fight to protect the weaker sex as well as expecting her human to be a traditional house stallion. While at the same time, the character is not pushing it over the top, it comes across as simply a traditional point of view.
This is absolutely quality work.
The Monk
7921386
Yes, the chapters are paced all over the place, however this isn't "War and Peace", or "Hamlet" this is a fan fiction work by a hobby writer who is writing it in their spare time for free.
However, this writer has really flushed out the characters. He has also kept me interested in the story for all this time, and I can tell you for certain, that it is a very difficult task. So the Author gets kudos for that. The most important point that the author did was to avoid making the main character an inbread, kiss less wimp that chuckles all the time and hyperventilates into a paper bag every time sex is even remotely suggested. Sadly far too many stories on this site have this kiss less virgin as the main character. Mega points to the Author for making the main character a sexually experienced character that actual adults can relate to.
I think that far too many readers on this site forget that this isn't the New York Times best sellers list. These really are people writing for your enjoyment and nothing else. These Authors are also writing on their spare time for us, when they really could be using their time for more important things. So I just want to thank Sparky Brony and all the other Authors on this site for keeping their great stories alive, even in the face of trolls.
The Monk
7921936
If you like it then that's your opinion, and that's fine.
I'm just saying what personally made me downvote the story, and honestly, sobbing because someone you don't even know or like is afraid of you or don't like you does not seem like an emotionally stable person to me.
Twilight seems interested in joining. I would not mind that in the slightest.
7921883 thank you so much for the kind words. I've been waiting for someone to notice how I've been trying to be subtle about how the mares are towards Tim. The culture clash is a big part of this story, because the ponies have their own idea of how life should be. But Tim has a lot of learning to do.
Ugh... I seriously hate nobles....
7922029 not to be argumentative here...But it wasn't just that he was seeing their fear, but it was so wide spread. Imagine you walk through a large room, and the rejection you feel is universal. Everyone you look at is either terrified of you, or covering for fear with aggression. It's not a pleasant feeling. And I don't see how any human could NOT be affected by that. Imagine being called a thing, when all you did was protect someone from injury with your own body.
My point is, I believe Tim's reaction was accurate to the situation.
7922226
I've never walked into a room where everyone fears me, but I have walked into a room where everyone openly and strongly dislikes me.
But I see your point; still don't think it's the correct reaction though.
Thank you for replying by the way.
7920174
I can't wait for Rotten Apple to find out the hairless ape is an ambassador. Will he change his tune and do a 180, all but brown nosing Tim? Mmm, kinda doubt it, but with that diplomatic immunity, there's not much he can do-- directly anyway. The unicorn elitism isn't all that far fetched in Canterlot. Heck, I'm pretty sure he'd be grumbling if she was getting cozy with a pegasi or Earth pony. And if this was Ponyville? Tim would be old news in a week for the locals. If this was Baltimare or Fillydephia, half the population wouldn't even know about him as they live in their own little worlds in the big cities.
oh that is one bad apple. and he dun goofed.
It always amuses me when a pony with a negative name acts out and everyone acts surprised. I remember reading one story, the family's last name was Thief. Jewel and I dont remember her husband. Her maiden name was something like Snatcher, too, which made it even worse.
7922829 your ideas about Rotten Apple having influence in or around Canterlot are vary sound.
but the larger problem is that he is really just a nopony on the out side looking in.
the real problem is the fact that he is a apple now that is a family with a hole bunch of influence.
I am sure he will be poking his head back in the story some ware and trying to make trouble.
Quite the nice chapter.
Twilight is getting really obvious with her advances. Tim needs to have a talk to her about it soon. Probably best to include Citrus and Cayenne in the conversation.
That ending... Rotten indeed.
So, status is all that matters to him? How about official ambassador of a foreign species that is also a friend of the princesses, one of which is interested in a relationship with Tim?
I think that's a status higher than anything that Rotten could ever hope to achieve. And he's already gotten on Tim's naughty list
Also, I believe that another good intimidation tactic would be if Tim simply stood up, asked if he wants to take it outside, and inform the unicorn that he's magic resistant. That'd be fun to read about. If for nothing else than just for the fact that I simply love when idiots are put in their places
At first i didn't think much of the story but as i continued to read it the characters and how their interaction and relashionships it's what got me really interested and invested in both Cayenne and Citrus Blush aswell as Tim (hoping North Point would be included).
While i have clop fics on notices and favorites and usually skip those parts in stories and is because in those stories people make characters and well interactions and relationship and your's is no exeption.
Continue the good work
Wow Sparky! Excellent update. Echoing Haseo, the character development is top notch and continues to draw me in. Great world building in this chapter as well. Your wordcraft is deftly painting scenes in my mind. The image of Tim being chased by a spoon wielding castle chef gave me a good laugh.
Oh, that Rotten Apple. I'm sure he doesn't know of Tim's newly bestowed status. I think Tim showed some restraint given how he was being addressed. Guess his dealings with Blueblood have served as good practice.I do find it odd that PDA is not accepted given how it is in show. Twilight's advances may have a bit to do with the spell she was using to ease Tim's pain. That's not to say she may truly be interested though. Tim should mention it to his mares giving that he's still learning what the customs are. How will they react, hmm?
Keep up the good work. I look forward to the next chapter.
Great chapter! Looking forward to more.
Given how official this was presented and the given degree of "pomp" Kibitz was displaying for the event of the signing, Kibitz probably would have referred to him by his new title.
Something like:
I have been really enjoying this story, it has everything: A little bit of drama, a little bit of character and a little bit of human on pony sex, everything needed for an enyoyable read ;)
7920833 What? No really, what are you talking about? Rotten did use his magic on Tim and it worked just fine.
That has been a consistent problem with this story. His magic resistance keeps jumping between 9/10 and 0/10. Either someone is resistant to something or they aren't.
Alicorns? Highly skilled Doctors? Magical researchers? That's one high as fuck resistance! Maybe even 9.5/10!!
Random unicorn of no particular magical importance like Citrus or Rotten? Well so far that has been a consistent 0/10.
7925989
Why? As quoted above, he clearly isn't Rotten magic resistant. Telling the wizard you're resistant to magic right after he easily used magic on you isn't very intimidating... at all.
7931007 I said that I wish that that's was what happened, I know it didn't numb nuts
7931010 Wow, instantly responding to anyone who doesn't blindly agree with you with insults... classy.
...
And... added to the ignore list. Because if you can't say anything rational, I can't be bothered to care. Oh, and your grammar is appalling... in both comments.
7931007 Needless to say this will be addressed further in the story. Yes, he can be picked up, his hand can be picked up, so his magic resistance isn't really any kind of advantage. Think of it like Thor's hammer problem, an elevator can pick it up, but cannot wield it.
Magic can be used to pick him up, like any physical object, but what can't be done, or is very hard to do, is imbuing a spell on him, or doing anything more than surface work. That's why magical healing doesn't work, that's why it took three alicorns to put spells in his brain to endure. That's why a cloud walking spell will be exceedingly difficult to establish on him, taking an alicorn of Twilight's level to do so. But a simple scan takes a lot of effort for Twilight or Luna. It would be beyond Citrus, Cayenne or most other unicorns. I have reasons why he's magic resistant, which will come into play later. So, what I can tell you without spoilers is what I've said above.
Yes, Rotten could magic him pretty badly, but what would that do for his reputation, especially finding out he's an ambassador...
I was typing up my headcanon's explanation to Tim's magic resistance then Sparky comes along and pretty much confirms it. Basically, it's the difference between manipulating (picking up, pushing, pinching [frisky Citrus]) and changing (imbuing, transforming, etc).
EDIT: Hmm, perhaps Twilight's "advances" are not just a side effect of the spell but also because of how much effort she has to put into it. Therefore making it a much more intimate experience for her.
7931158 Yeah, that doesn't really work though. Whether it is picking him up, moving his bones back into position, or scanning him, it is still the same energy, operating on the same laws, on the same material. I get that his resistance is a plot point in his early relationship with Citrus, and from your comment is sounds like unicorns being able to lift him is going to be a plot point in the future... but that doesn't mean you have to spin some complex bullshit that doesn't even work at the end of the day.
Magic resistance isn't the end-all/be-all that most people make it out to be. Hell, even full blown magic immunity isn't that hard to work around. You are immune to all magic? Ok, I'll just levitate this pebble down your throat and choke you to death. Oh no! My magic immune beau just fell off the balcony! Thank Celestia he is wearing all those clothes that I totally can levitate thereby carrying him along for the ride. Hell, in this very chapter all you would need to easily explain Rotten's success is for Tim to have put on some of those fancy white gloves to go with his fancy threads. Bam! Rotten tries to move Tim's hand, and fails to affect his hand but he doesn't notice because the glove still moved.
Complex arguments and convoluted rules to add weaknesses to character abilities are rarely ever needed. Nine times out of ten all it really needs is a little creativity from the other guy... or dumb luck. It's not like you made Tim some Gary Stu and wrote yourself into a corner like DC did with Superman. I mean damn, just levitate a broken bottle and cut the guy's throat. Being resistant to magic would only really give you an advantage of a few seconds from the other guy's surprise... frankly you could gain the same advantage by suddenly whipping your dick out... whipwhip your dick out, Indiana Jones and whip your fucking dick out!
...
Sorry, had a YouTube flashback. But yeah, from a technical perspective having his body resist magic when it is being used to help him but somehow not when it is being used for someone else's convenience just won't work sort of saying; "MAGIC! I ain't gotta 'splain shit!!"
7921513 Twilight must be in heat. She cant help it
Was Tim trying to compliment Cayenne on how she handled Rotten Apple as well?
7935903 in a backhanded way...
7932306 lol, wait until she actually is in heat...
7936083
Ouch, maybe "subtle" kind of way?
7941682
Of course.
I think I like where this story is going most human heard stories end up with one human and a bunch of females it would be nice to see a heard with multiple males.
You have got a well made foundation here. This has alot of potential to be a fantastic story. keep it up!
Rotten Apple = grade A cuntwaffle
A person must really hate their kid to name them rotten apple
Rereading this chapter, I just realized that the main character is arguably breaking US law here. The Logan Act "is a United States federal law that details the fine and/or imprisonment of unauthorized citizens who negotiate with foreign governments having a dispute with the United States. "
Setting yourself up as a completely unauthorised ambassador? If you're not breaking the law immediately, you will be if you discuss a problem.
I like the story, and am certainly still reading it, but him being American gives him a particular legal problem in this situation.
8034293
Then they can go and arrest him, and solve the problem of travel between worlds while they're at it.
Celestia probably did that simply to give him some legal covering while hes still learning how to properly interact in public.
oh hey, its Scrooge before his change of heart
blogs-images.forbes.com/joefolkman/files/2014/12/mr__scrooge_by_ssdancer-d51nq3e.jpg
'While Rotten Apple walked by, Tim adressed, but did not looked at him: "You know, Rotten. I really have to ask Princess Celestia if every pony speaks to an AMBASSADOR like that." He glances down at him: "That could give Equestria a bad reputation. Maybe she can do something about that. Or my good friends Princess Twilight Sparkle and Princess Luna." Rotten Apples eye bulg out for a second befor the Unicorn Bouncer pushes him along.'
That would have been a good responce from Tim. Typs like Rotten Apple only get it if you swing the Class club from time to time. Besides mentioning him being an ambassador and good friends with at least two Princesses (Celestia was somehow a bit distant, professional) would be a plus at this point.
Breaking US laws, artificial romance...yuck. You made a pickle.
8407312
Insert pickle-rick reference.
Nice. Very good chapters.
Reading through this again... I have to say Rotten Apple's picture looks like his namesake.
He looks a bit as how I would imagine Mr.Hide might from Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hide. Mean. If a little less deformed.
If he had his wits about him, he would have displayed that shiny new ambassadorial identification he just got. Oh well, that will come later...