This hold promise.

dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuun

I like this story.

O my.
this story is set up to be a hot one that may require a few clod showers.
if it is any thing like the side chapter's of dust on the wind this is going to get rather heated.

Let's see where this goes. Now tracking.

Interesting. I hope Cayenne remembers to pick her dress off the floor.

She has a cowlick and it's really cute.

Getting serious Xenophillia vibes from this... did you get inspiration from that?

7634062 actually...yeah. Xenophilia is a serious inspiration for this story. The challenge is to have the same vibe, but make a new and different story.

Interesting concept and setting, but I found the dialogue to be a little too... stilted for me to get more than halfway through the chapter. You show promise as an author, but unfortunatly at this time it appears your work simply isn't for me.

The beginning exposition and some of the dialogue seemed a little stilted. I suppose you might need a bit of practice. However, this shows promise, overall I like it so far, and therefore I'm going to be tracking it.

7634066

I'll be watching intently then...

Awe hell yehhhhhhhh this is some good stuff right here can't wait to see more of it!

7634821
this comment plus log horizon avi...

7634926

24.media.tumblr.com/1b7b2518440c26cd13b0cbb13b2738d4/tumblr_mx30x4zplF1slfz08o1_500.gif

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*claps her hooves* Blush is so cute.... *squeaks* I really like her mane!

Awesome! It's been a while since a similar fic has emerged.
I need more fics that explore such social norm clashes!

Can anyone link some examples other than the obvious Xenophilia stories?
I've personally already read all of those. :P

In case anyone else is interested in the premise and/or subject, here are some others I have found and read:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/60371/gentleman-for-mares
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/35763/oh-to-be-old-again
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/117022/the-chaotic-touch-of-harmony-2-bonded-by-fire
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/248113/bon-bons-acceptance

PLEASE! I NEED MOR!

And when he’s bowed, she’s always had a quip to make him laugh.

Sure that wasn't supposed to be "bored"?

Knock knock

This isn't a comic, spelling it out just comes across as tacky. It would be better to describe it such as "From the door came knocking" or folding it into the next sentence where he was woken by it.

My attention has been caught.

My body is ready.

Citrus Blush? Cayenne? A friend of mine would be so proud of you for your obscure choices.

Reading the author notes I thought you were Admiral biscuit!

7636244 lol, nope. I'm just thrilled to have a story that is featured. I've got plans for the story, so...I hope others like it.

7636350 I want to read more of this....

Oh darn it.

Another wonderful story I have to breathlessly wait until the next chapter shows up !

So is this kind of like Xenophilia? 'Cause if so, I'm on-board.

Honestly I couldn't get past the first paragraph. Too much he, his, he, his. It needs more varied word choice and an editor.

*stares intensely*

7637291

Xenophillia was the best thing since sliced bread.

no joke

I don't normally go for human pony romance, but this has substance, heart.

I'd love to read more!

Holy shit, you got quite a reaction from the audience. What on earth caused this?

7639787 I honestly don't know. But I'm thrilled by the response. I just hope I can do justice to the response.

holly bucking wow this is impressive.
this story really took off.

7639871 I'm almost jealous. I've poured heart and soul into some stories, and have had very little appreciation. Good luck man, I hope this story is a rewarding experience.

7640024 I have as well. If you look through my list of stories. I've really poured myself into my stories. Though I'll admit having a story make it to the featured box....is VERY satisfying. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Almost feels surreal. But I'm very happy.

7640070 I'm happy for you.

You've neglected to indent anything... Was this intentional?

7640090 Yeah, I don't typically indent, because I don't feel that it's necessary.

You have my attention

7639958 thanks to you good on you harts
here have a stash but hurry before Steve takes it

7640637
aww gee thanks.

Really liking this so far. Can't wait to see more

*<>* OMG a legit background pony getting her own love story ... Definatly following this and the author too

“Could someone tell me what’s going on here?” Tim says.

Luna's playing matchmaker. AKA: you're doomed.

A few grammar and punctuation issues here and there, but overall good quality. I like how quickly you've set up the world and status quo. Citrus running out like that seemed a little overly sensitive. Given how much time they've spent together, it seems she should have already been aware of the culture gap.

“Who is the stallion? I’ll kill him.”

Picture one guy vowing to go hurt a lady because a girl hurt his friend. Does that seem right? No, but it would be in a world of reversed sex roles. If mares are meant to protect stallions, then they've most likely been biologically and socially programmed to do so, like human males are, making Cayenne's statement unrealistic. You don't casually vow to hurt that which every aspect of society has sworn you to keep from harm.
This is an issue a lot of people seem to overlook with the concept of reverse sex roles where they seem to only go part way and stop in some rather jarring places. For example, later when she talks about males being clueless. In a reverse world, it would be normal for mares to do the initiating in relationships, thus the stereotype would be that mares are clueless when the tables are turned and stallions do the initiating.

I'm curious how herds work here. Are mares naturally bisexual, will she seek to share him with her friends, or perhaps something different?

Neh.

A cute character, but I though I remembered her as being an Earth pony, oh well doesn't matter...

Ahem...

She shakes her head, “Then how did you become the primary species on your planet, if you are so weak, without any natural advantages against predators?”

We have THREE primary natural advantages against predators.
1 ) Intelligence. This one's kinda obvious.
2 ) Pack instinct. We gather in large groups compared to most predators, and befriended the most important predator that also groups in packs.
3 ) Endurance. Compared to most animals, humans have incredible long-term endurance, heal ridiculously fast, and can fully recover from injuries that other animals would die from. This was also our primary hunting tactic before we developed weapons - we started chasing prey, and just never stopped until they died of exhaustion, ran off a cliff, or were too tired to put up a fight.

8095584 i am not commander Shepard...but I approve this message

8095584
That third part keeps me up at night. You know that's where slasher films come from endurance hunting that is. Obviously modern directors have spiced it up about but the comes from our Gene's past to us by the earliest hunters.