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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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And you're in the box!
Cute, aside from Tim being a massive hard-ass about this, which while understandable, feels like it takes away some of the opportunity you have for emotional punch. I think it would have played better with some of the themes of this story if Tim started noticing some of the instinctive desires associated with his form, and if those instincts influenced how he responded to the situations presented. You don't want him to be too stony, lest it prevent things from happening altogether.
9796587
Right now, Tim is in shock. More exploration of what's going on will happen as this mini arc continues.
... why?
9796621
That's fair. I think the story can play out with more strength and depth by laying the groundwork for what the characters are feeling a little sooner; it would give more context to their actions, which would help keep readers in the loop, improve pacing and buildup, and build more understanding of what the characters, particularly Tim, are going through during the story arc. I hope you work with that maternal feeling that the rest of the herd is feeling around Tim some more. That looks promising.
9796587
the problem is that he's fighting them which can make a person kinda a bitch especially when their not in their native species.
9796639
It makes sense in context, don't get me wrong - it just feels like a lost opportunity to take an interesting approach to developing the emotional core of this story arc.
Congratulations Tim you're a mom
HA! I loved that! Well raise a hoof, who here thinks Twilight is pregnant and it was Tim who Did it? I mean, did any of them take magic and Alicorn physiology into consideration?
Also I feel sorry for Cadance, hearing her say she and shining are having money issues due to her having her title stripped makes me think that her punishment should be reduced, or at least allow her to have a reduced stipend back.
9796630
"Science isn't about 'why,' it's about 'why not!'"
9796644
indeed, however it wouldn't fit within the context of his character.
9796708
A character is not a wholly stagnant thing. Tim needs a chance to develop and grow, or else the interactions with the story's other characters will become endlessly repetitive, and each new situation will be for nought. The character TD (human) from the Non-Brony series is a particularly prominent example of the kind of rut you can get stuck in if a character doesn't develop any new depths or dimensions over time.
Shock does make a lot of sense. He'll likely cone around though, he's an adaptable sort like that.
Tim, I agree with you completely throughout this chapter. I hope that Tim can maintain his dignity throughout this. Although I cannot wait to see Shining Armor’s reaction to all of this.
Why hasn’t anybody asked Spike about where Twilight has her samples?
9796714
indeed but the developments need to make sense, regardless of what discord says. Tim being female is currently the antithesis of his masculine character, and him fighting hard to return to being a masculine human again makes more sense than him trying to explore the female sphere of sexuality, even in the face of a strong libido or sex-drive.
9796726
Cadence probably knows the solution but is probably going to let Tim sit with his new form until he becomes more comfortable with it.
9796747
Sex from the perspective of the opposite sex is probably the least interesting direction it could take. Exploring what it's like to be maternal, which is how things have been proceeding so far, makes for more interesting ground to tread - so long as Tim doesn't spend too much time being outraged by everything to consider the emotional aspects of what it's like to live out the form Twilight imagined him to take.
9796753
Cadence giving Tim a week to cool down will probably greatly help him eventually calm him enough to start exploring the maternal aspects of his new form, it helps a lot that he's surrounded by mares in his new form. However the crystal empire will probably get banned from the family travel list for ten years if Tim finds out that Cadence new the solution the entire time.
9796759
"Cadence knew all along" wouldn't add anything to the story.
9796761
no but it would make for a good comedic scene, also it would give Tim an actual vent rather than stewing in his frustration the entire time.
9796764
Watching someone get mad about something and then ranting about it isn't funny, though. It has real ramifications, and it destroys trust. No one likes being on the receiving end of rants and frustrations, and it usually results in people clamming up towards whichever individual is likely to rant at them.
I can't help wondering if Twilight hit Tim with any mental changes to go with the physical ones. You know a hyper maternal instinct or knowledge of some sort she would view a nanny requiring. Plus with the concept of the nanny having a foal of their own, but Tim not, I can't help but wonder if Time may be more fertile then the usual mare and end up learning first hoof what estrus feels like for the mares, and all the temptations that come with it.
well no matter what I am definitely looking forward to seeing where this arc takes us.
9796779
it's why you don't hide solutions in the first place.
*sings poorly* dude looks like a lady! Lol
9796753
or getting picked on to much by silver TO understand things. LOL
aww come on no one and i mean no one saw this reference.
a grate chapter.
that has 2 mistakes i know of.
9796993
Whats it a reference to?
9797061
Actually, it's a double reference, staying in MLP, it's a reference to Kitsy-Chan's story, Snails 1/2.
It's also a reference to classic anima/manga called Ranma 1/2.
The mlp story is a hilarious read, the anime is also hilarious.
9797061
The reference is from Ranma 1 1/2 i believe. there is a cursed water pool that basically says if u get in it you will be cursed when someone splashes water. a male turns into female and vice versa.
9796896
Silver is such a troll.
9797092
Ranma 1/2 was one of my favorite anime's, awesome chapter. tim just can't get a rest xD
i also think perhaps twilight had something more on her mind then just foalsitting ^^
9796993
H20?? Just add water
What do you say to something like this? I am at a loss.
Ranma 1/2 reference. Nice choice!
Tim's face when - i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/977/809/da6.png
Dammit Tim. Have an open mind and let Silver impregnate you! Lol!
9796747
9797942
Dude no. I don't wanna sound anti-trans or whatever, but at least in things like that it was done by choice. This was an accident, and while there's certain unavoidable things Tim will have to deal with until he can be changed back, pressuring him into anything more would be wrong, and keeping him transformed longer than necessary without his knowledge or consent doubly so.
It seems like the inference is that Twilight may have been thinking, "Mom", when she sneezed and accidentally turned Tim into a mare. If that's true, I wonder if that's because Cayenne is going to be one or maybe Twilight is pregnant or wants to be. However it happened though, why Tim smells and feels safe to them is both interesting and confusing; either that infers something about pony culture or what's happening is out of the norm.
While I wouldn't be surprised if other unicorn parents had to deal with this resistance to their magic at some point, I have a feeling this may be another example of how crazy powerful Flurry is.
I might as her to turn me stallion. Then I’d want first crack at you
As should be ask
9797901
meh, i more pictured
derpicdn.net/img/2012/10/4/113629/large.png
9798049
If we were on a plot driven story, I'd agree with you. But there's no direction this story is currently going in besides "Tim starts a family" or rn "time gets turned into a mare". We're just along for the ride as Tim goes through his life, while things just happen. If there's no exploration then there was no point in turning him into a mare besides trying to keep Silver away. That to me is not interesting if it nothing ever happens.
I don't like that he can't deal with being a pony, especially if it mean impregnating his wives and giving them what they want, when there's easy options of making that happen. But I DO like that we have the potential for anthro ponies being a new race in Equestria, if it becomes possible for them to become pregnant in that anthro state.
Other than the "cheating" arc and Duel, there hasn't been much of a direction. Everything else is just a side show. Like equestria getting cellphones and how rich twilight is, ect.
9798460
I intended this story, from the beginning, to be a slice of life story, with as many world building elements as I can think of crammed in without bloating the plot too much. (Pun not intended). This story is about the characters, and I'm not the best of storytellers, but I am trying to have the characters have an interesting time. That being said, I planned on them going to the Crystal Empire for a reason more than Tim becoming a mare. Some of that was hinted in the last chapter. But we will find out why Twi was affected so, and eventually he will be changed back. But for now, let's enjoy Tim having to deal with the crazy life of ponies. At least there isn't some big baddie out there for Twi and her friends to vanquish...yet.
9798501
You lied to me, all this time you've made it sound like clop stories are supposed to be filled with plot holes.
9798501
That's cool. I'm just along for the ride. But can't help cheering or jeering our intrepid hero on.
Heh that can be embarrassing. Poor Tim. Oh yeah, not to toot my own horn, but I caught the reference too by the way.
9798505
you missed a chance to say-
you lied to me; all this time you made it sound like clop stories are stories with plot holes to be filled.
I think this is the most chapters I've seen on a fiction around here. I don't even remember where I left off at, so I guess it's time to start over from the beginning! It's crazy to think it's still going.
More enjoyable moments comedic and otherwise. I love the little bit of lore about herds and nursing foals. Gave me some warm fuzzies there. I'm glad Tim got to experience that and hope he comes to appreciate it. Good update and I look forward to reading the next one.
Damn, my dude, in just a chapter or two you'll cross the quarter million mark, you've got a ways to go, and this is already your longest story!