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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Sparky Brony is welcome to portray Equestria how he pleases, but I don't recall anything like religion coming up at any point in this story, and in a story which is about how different their culture is, this looks a little out of place to me.
this was a really good chapter as someone who used to sword fight for 5 years this brought back some good memories
Curious, most curious. Specially interesting to see Celly and Lulu take their responsibilities seriously and know where their power comes from. And Cadence's punishment too.
I like how this story doesn't try to push things too hard. Twilight will end up with the herd/Tim, that's almost a given, but not so soon. Healing must happen, and Pony customs be respected and followed. This time though, the herd should recognize their lead stallion is no pony, but an alien with alien customs and expectations.
I rather liked this Arc, the characters were quite humane in their behavior. And I anxiously await for what shall come next
Curse my luck, every time I root for the underdog, they lose...really wanted silver to pull a surprise win here.
I'm sorry, I really HATE seeing this sort of thing crop up in fics. Everything we know about alicorn ascension is that it's something granted by the magic forces of the world itself. The royal titles and status were mundane additions. Being stripped of titles and power is one thing, being stripped of being an alicorn is something that shouldn't be possible as a legal punishment because it's something that mundane law shouldn't have any say over.
And this is assuming it'd just be a magical transformation back to what they were before. I've seen other stories that threaten this via actually maiming the alicorn in question by cutting off wings and/or horn, which doesn't really remove their alicornhood, it's just mutilation.
This was a good chapter that brings closure to this troubled arc while keeping the characters within character.
However, I do agree with 8723240, that part doesn't work well. The temporary stripping of authority to rule by removal of the Princess status works better, as well as the removal of the perks due to Princesshood or Alicornhood until she's proven worthy once more - as the whole Royal thing comes from that world's Magic. Since there is no mention of Cadance being the owner of estate I find the whole 'sale of territories' odd - this would've worked better if there was mention of such a thing during the narrative.
However, this was a good portrayal of the Sisters as flawed beings that know they are flawed - and thus demand much of themselves in order to set an example to their fellow ponies. Otherwise they would've stood by Cadance's side, rather than stepping aside then bringing forth judgement for her folly.
Herd Blush should have demanded Cadance remain chaste through her next heat.
So…those that means that
1) Cadence and Twilight are now going to lived on Tim house?
2) Shining Armour now its the sole ruler of the crystal empire and kind of outrank Cadence for at least 20 years?
3) That griffin chick will start her plan into join the herd?
and 4) North will get all the mares as reward while Tim…oh I don't know, practice his swords and how to develop magic all night? (Yeah I'm still intrigue by what Luna said, and then Twilight magic is becoming part of him and if it merging with his body that means it will evolve in possible a new type of magic, I think the author is giving us a clue for something)
I think both Cadence and Twilight got off easy, I felt they should have at least been run over a couple of times by a 57 Buick, but that would proble be a little exstreem.
Silver and the scar, and I was wondering if he would get one over the right eye, something like a Heidelberg dueling scar...
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nah, just a cheek scar and a truncated ear. Still dashing for the mares.
8723344
1) Ummmmmm, no.
2) Interesting premise, but do you know any household the woman doesn't rule?
3) We will see what happens with the little brat.
4) Ummm, huh? I'm thinking you meant Silver. And no, he's not getting all the mares, both of them have their mares back. Though Tim does want to do more to learn about such things. And will be addressed.
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I don't see the Princesses being able to strip her being alicorn. Simply binding her, not able to access her abilities regarding the three tribes, no earth pony strength, reduced pegasus flight, and reduced magic. She did have her title as princess nullified there. But she's not going to stop being who she is. And more as to what happens with Duchess Cadenza will be revealed as the story progresses.
twas a good fight
This gotten way to soft for my taste. Sorry, leaving to another harem story. If there even are any more?
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There is a chance that Silver struck first blood, just that the signs were hidden. Broken ribs have the chance of tearing at the inner muscles, or piercing an organ.
Would have been interesting to see Shining corral Silver into his trap, only to cough up some blood from a pierced lung.
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I would assume the only being considered God (with a capital G) would be Faust although the TV show does avoid anything referring to religion-- not sure if cultists count though.
8723240
I dont think they are taking her 'alicorn-hood' away (like removing her wings/horn or magically turning her back in to a unicorn or pegasus).
They are just removing her title of princess and the powers of her office. She will still be tall, with wings and a horn, and have more magic then most. But her words wont carry authority like before.
An excellent resolution!
That was a good fight scene and I like how this chapter ended,
I see someone watches Skallagrim
Either that, or has a hand [hoof] in HEMA, lol.
You didn't give a "no ranged attacks" rule, why didn't one of them just throw their sharp bits of metal at the other? It was only to first blood. If tim fought, he could have run up screaming and decked Shining in the face to give him a nose bleed.
He could have asked for a metal glove and snatched Shining's sword away and them punched shining pretty much anywhere as metal gloves tend to be sharp.
Honour is for the dumb.
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I feel like I also somehow lost my nerd cred.
Note 2 Self: watch Firefly.
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I cooked up that line, paraphasing a quote from Bioshock by Bill McDonnagh about the nature and responsibilities of power in a system based on consent of the governed. My personal religious beliefs don't extend to Equestria; the point of the quote was that ther is no inherrent design in the universe what absolutely says alicorns MUST be princess of Equestria, but instead that they rule because they exercise good judgement and maintain order and happiness in their domains.
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Thanks! While I don't swordfight, HEMA, or own any swords, I am the one who wrote up all the duel plus roughly the first 300 words of aftermath. Since it's a fantasy culture, I decided to have some fun with it and pit together two swords that are essentially opposites, a tulwar and a rapier, which, to my knowledge never clashed in real life, although this story's "rapier" combines some elements from later Wilkinson sabres with Toledo style blades, and this story's "talwar" is more of a shamshir on a British sabre hilt modified with a disc pommel. I used fencing videos, historical references, as well as stuff from Scholagladiatoria and Skallagrim. The aim was to make a sword fight that would be highly realistic where in the end the better fighter would win. No flynning, no bullshit about cutting through swords, no magic underdog victories for great justice, but a reminder that sharp swords are lethal weapons weilded by users who are trained to kill, meaning that the loser is going to walk away at best with some ugly injuries that will leave a mark, even if only to first blood. I must say that there are so many "metal glove" posts that there ought to be some kind of meme about it.
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Sparky's take on Silvers scarring is much less grotesque than mine, though, and he actually did turn down the maiming -- things like not talking with a permanent lisp and having to get prosthetic teeth replacements , plus a permanent bald line from lip to jaw joint, and so on. All told, I think the story is better off with him moderating stuff like that. Think of him as having half of a permanent Glasgow smile, and somewhere from 15%-50% of the upper portion of his right ear missing. Something genuinely disfiguring, however, like missing part of his jaw, or his nose, or something carving right though and eye, were never on the table due to wanting to avoid that kind of more grimdark territory, and it would really murder any hope of reconciliation if you know, somebody had to deal with permanent severe maiming and reconstructive surgery. The degree of grotesque or pretty he looks is up to your imagination; from the story perspective of mares, it's all attractive as an indicator of strength and courage -- there have been crazier beauty ideals in human cultures.
every new chapter I hate the human character more and more. He is a spineless pussy that does not but show how spineless he is. Oh if you blush if someone talks to you about sex you shouldn't be having sex he's acting like a 12 year old.
8724003
Too right, ain't no such thing as an honourable second place in combat.
Will you write an alternate universe chapter where Silver beats Shining? Id love to see that.
Well I'm glad to see the end of this arc but I think my time with this story is done. It was nice to see some judgment come down on Cadance for this mess but the rest of it just leaves me unsatisfied. I think it comes down to just no longer liking these characters. I'm not even sure if I should feel sorry for or hate Tim at this point. Rainbow laughing at him for an event that lead to so much anguish shows how difficult this world would be to live in. Yet the very next scene he's seemingly ignoring Galileah feelings for him which is what caused the whole thing with Twilight to become such a mess. Everyone seems to be learning lessons yet nothing is changing and its just no longer enjoyable for me.
That went far better than expected. I especially liked how neither Silver nor Shining had any hard feelings towards each other - round was over, camaraderie happened.
And Cadance got quite the serving of a humble pie. It finally got through to her thick skull what she did, and now she must face the consequences.
And she can be glad that her punishment wasn't way worse.
Thankfully Celestia managed to nudge Citrus in a good direction.
So, now Cadance will have to help with the healing. That'll be another dose, because she'll see the full extent of what her actions have caused.
As Celestia said - being a princess does not mean they can flaunt their powers. They are not untouchable. Instead, they are held to the highest standard.
It was nice of Tim to protect Twilight - indeed, she has been a victim of circumstances out of her control.
I am really looking forward to more now that all of this drama is (seemingly) over and done with!
Good chapter, but I would have skipped giving Cadence a title of nobility; just make her Ms. Cadence. Don't know how that would work when her hubby and daughter are full blown royalty.
Hey can i through a idea out?
I would really like to see Tim get very pissed if Silver tries to mount Citrus,because it seems like he will next chapter. I say this because Tim may think of Citrus as his official girlfriend, since they had sex first, fell in love first, and he has known her the longest. Even though he loves the rest of his herd he does have a special connection to Citrus and he should feel protective of that.
So yeah a little idea i have, but this is your story so you make it how you want it to be
I just think that this will add drama and keep me reading more.
By the way great chapter and keep up the great work
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And I fully understood the meaning of the line. I just think it's a little odd for the line to reference an Earth deity, coming on the heels as it does of 22 chapters mostly establishing how different this world is from all contemporary Earth cultures.
NB: I really didn't follow everything involved in the sword fight, your what you said to Zugthul or PizzaBoi, it it did look impressive as hell.
I'm sorry I tried I really did, but I just...I don't like the characters anymore. Especially Tim, what I originally thought a scarcely spoken introvert turned into a doormat, I can't bring myself to...well anything for him. I realize I was staying for what the fic USED to be and every chapter I read now has this guillotine over my head of "What's Tim going to do this time to make me cringe?" Best of luck, I'm out for good.
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That moment when Tim just stood up to a goddess by his own volition for someone he does care about is somehow the final straw in declaring him a wimp.
That took guts -- much of the gentry and nobility staring at him, the princesses in the heart of their power, potentially the anger of his herd, and a large chance he would be either silenced or overruled.
It's a bit bonkers how Cadance was not willing to say sorry in private but once this circus started she didn't mind going full mea culpa in front of everyone.
I'm still convinced the best for Tim would be to leave these crazy ponies and run off with Galileah.
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They can have their own deity. For reasons relating to how cognition works, I would be very surprised if any advanced intelligent species did not evolve with their own superstitions, rituals, religions, and quirks. The story won't get religious, however, as that's far outside the scope and would piss off readers more than this past arc times a thousand. Thanks for the positive feedback on the fight scene. :) It's good to have readers on board who give real opinions and feedback.
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She didn't offer recompense or a true apology in private because she felt that admitting guilt would be unbecoming. Then she was called out by Celestia, and had no choice in the matter. What she was told at the end, that their ability to rule is not based on some sort of perfection, but from being good rulers. She's young, and has much to learn.
8725591
Love the passive aggression, Tim barely lifted a finger, the political equivalent of going please no. Citrus and Silver provide the coat tails for Tim's confidence. He's become a side character, if it's criticism you want then remove Tim. You could replace him with Silver and only marginally lose a character.
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Hey, guys, thanks for the inspiration to use Tim's ambassador status. It plays a role in this latest chapter. Just wanted to apologize for forgetting to have you credited in the notes. Thanks again, and we here hope you enjoyed chapter 22 and will stay with it the fic for the long haul. As always, comments are appreciated.
8725777
Tim is an Alien in a world he doesnt fully understand. Having him play a major role in this is simply unrealistic. Making him some sort of superhuman with epic sword skills or having the diplomatic skills of a 40 year state department veteran goes against the intent of the story. Tim is an average Joe. And when world powers move the adverage Joe is forced to sit on the side and watch helplessly. I felt this arc imbodied this concept. Tim wants to do something, but he isnt capable.
Meanwhile Cadance we see more of the innerworkings of the Princesses, the perceptions of other ponies as well as their dynamic between eachother. I felt this arc showed us allot about pony culture... and while I cringe at how this was resolved its easy to see that this is how a herd species might develop.
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It was incredibly easy....for me. As Kalash has the knowledge and writing style to be able to make the scene work. He typically goes well above and beyond when it comes to editing duties, but in this, he asked to do the planned fight scene, I told him some basics I wanted to see, and let him have at it. It turned out great! Throw him a like, and maybe read some of his stories. He certainly deserves it for all the help he has been in writing this story.
“We have rule over these ponies because they trust us because we govern well, not because God gave us thrones.”
Oh Luna, how you give the most wonderful, BURN!
Great story man, look forward to the next chapter.
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True
8726527
That's pretty much the point we've been trying to make. Thanks for saving Sparky or myself the keystrokes.
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Skallagrim got me into learning about HEMA. One day I'll own swords of my own and do some fighting, but until then, patience.
I treated this as a fantasy fight and went from there, choosing weapons that quite likely never met in the real world. i actually picked Silver's weapon partially as a way to give him an advantage and make the contest closer. But I also have a hardon for cutting swords and think that shamshirs and talwars are just fricking cool and massively underappreciated swords. I initially wondered about making this something like katana vs smallsword then I realized that the katana would have gone over with truly colossal cringe, plus fanboying, and I wanted something more dramatic than smallsword. I spent a lot of time looking up things, watching videos, and so on. Scholagladiatoria's YouTube has been immeasurably helpful. It took me about a month to really get this fight right, and edits were being made all the way up until the final minutes before going live. I'm glad you and several others appreciate it.
8728912
Twas the point, Tgro. Next chapter is back to sexaytaimez and Sparky'll be handling like 97& of that. Stay tuned. In the meantime, at the risk of coming across as a bit crass, I have a plot with porn drama story of my own that is ongoing, entitled Nights In Pink Velvet. I hope that maybe you'll drop by, read, and comment?
I really do love this story
well the ultimately honorable reaction in shining's case would have been to lift his sword and forfeit the fight instantly, i'm not holding his honor intact after this, i'm glad cadence received karma for her actions and some ending was reached.
8732445
Spoken like a true outsider. Honor is a cultural thing, its based in traditions and lore of the people in that culture. In this Equestria a stallion must uphold the honor of his herd reguardless of if they are right or wrong. Cadence made a decision and its his responsibility to enforce that decision. If he didnt it could open the doors for others. It would display a weakness for others to exploit.
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And what? Show that the captain of the Royal Guard, a prince in his own right, brother to one princess, husband to another, and father to a third, is a coward who cannot fulfil his duties or stand by his sovereigns or family? This isn't Kudzuhaiku's The Chase -- ponies aren't just going to suddenly forfeit everything they've spent their lives working towards just because they all of a sudden feel really bad for no reason about a society they were perfectly fine with up until 20 minutes ago. They aren't going to act like 21'st century early 2010's young liberal college educated human westerners. He has responsibilities and roles. He has ponies counting on his doing what he is sworn and bound to do. He can't just stop just because he doesn't feel like being Prince Captain Shining Armor of Herd Cadanza. A good soldier does their duty, and Shining Armor is doubtlessly that, plus a good husband, father, brother, and subject. And what's the fun of writing a foreign society if they aren't actually foreign in any meaningful way?
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it would have shown he knows what is just, the whole idea behind the dueling system was to defend honor when it was unjustly offended, but cadence wasn't unjustly offended and she was in the wrong, yes in most cultures she could go through with the duel, but she'd still be seen as lower then dirt for it. shining s actions don't show bravery or honor, all they do is show that the captain of the royal guard, prince shining armor cares more about defending cadences right to abuse her power then either justice or honor. it shows a gross negligence for the well being of anybody put under his care and calls his ability to be an authority figure in question at all.
to realize ones actions are wrong and yet to press forward, this is the definition of evil. he didn't defend his families honor in the duel, he didn't bring pride to them, he only brought shame and scorn upon there name by defending her actions, in any of the dueling codes of history one of the most important rules has always been you'd best be ready to die for whatever you would lift sword or pistol for. even a knight who gave fealty to his king was within his rights to forfeit if he felt his king was wrong in whatever prompted the duel. the cowardice was shining going through with it.
This reference has satisfied me. Although, pony box? Police Box is more accurate.
Anyway, glad to see this arc done with. Hope Tim doesn't continue to ignore the griffin's feelings, though; it's kinda what got him in this last mess. If nothing else, I expect that he and his herd will not just heal moving forward, but develop as characters to not repeat it.
8733487
That is pure fiction, honor and justice are in the eyes of the strong. Thoes who win duals are thoes chosen by god. That is how honor duals were concluded. Justice and truth were farytails told to children to make killing people sound righteous and good. Thats why we no longer use them as a method of determining right and wrong.
At least in this story the only requirement for honor to be upheld is that a good showing is required. For Shining his hornor dictated that he not lose, as a Captain of the guard and a psudo prince his skill is peerless. Were he to lose all that expectation would be called into question. For Silver the only requirement is that he not back down and he not get killed. Were he to win it would dishonor Shining and win great respect for his herd. Also unlike human duels it seems very unlikely that they would result in death. Mortal wounds can be quickly treated. And minor scars can be erased. This feels more like a Fist fight.