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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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this really shows more info on how a herd works and i can see things are going to get interesting with Shining and Silver.
Good. I thought I'd have to wait a long ass time for this to update
8679175
You spelled 'Herd' wrong.
congrats on the feature
1/19/18
8679240
that is normal for me.
looks like cele is getting involved now, this will be a interesting conversation
Ok here's the thing, you see this in a lot in HIE story the human character is portrayed as a coward spineless and all around week being (physically as well) and it makes the character automatically unlikable.
I REALLY HATE when the males main character, is fucking weak. I can't keep quiet about it when I read this. No male should ever be weak. Must be the AMERICAN in me. Or Russian.
Well now Celestia is involved. I think she is going to privately put her hoof down when she finds out what happened. Now how will this resolve I wonder?
a few errors around and about but the most glaring ones
You keep using Citrus when i think you mean North Point
Also
You managed to only get the T out of The into that sentence xD
8679290
but if he wasn't a weak shell of a man that keeps bending to fits other's world views then there wouldn't be story to read.
we did see a crack some time ago so there might be a break coming soon.
You are a good writer.
this is the thing that gets me, the main human male character describes himself as a easy going guy... I consider myself an easy-going guy and given the circumstances this person has acted, he is not an easy going guy he act like a tool, he acts like he has no agency he acts like he goes with the flow even the flow should not act with him. It is infuriating
8679342
two cultures battling against each other, that is the story. In a story if someone that is genuinely new goes to said culture , and bends to its wills that isn't a story.
looks normal to me totally
So no armor? That explains why Tim can't fight, he'd be a bloody mess in a few strokes.
If he could have armor, though...
Tim lost a great opportunity with discord, there. I'm certain the spirit of chaos would be able to understand his references (as would Pinkie).
It saddens me that Silver & Cayenne believe that Twilight becoming a full member of the Herd. Most likely won't happen before the end of the story either way, but still
Rainbow with a Minotaur? THAT I didn't expect! But I just know they're exceptionally cute together
Oh North, when Celly gets her royal muzzle into something, it's quite hard to avoid things solving themselves. How well though, that's another matter altogether...
I found it rather amusing that just as I was thinking about this story, it got updated. Nice surprise though, and I'd love to have more soon
***
Cayenne is out on the dance floor with Silver. Tmusic (The music )is rather energetic, so it’s time to bounce around a little while dancing. Silver is tense, almost unable to move. “Having fun?
Little error there
"YOUR NAME AND T-MUSIC NUMBER PLEASE!"
"YOUR NAME AND T-MUSIC NUMBER PLEASE!"
"LOOK LIKE PONIES; KISS LIKE PEOPLE!"
8679392
he is slowly getting a backbone but it seems it may take time or something will really spark him soon enough to say fuck it and stop dancing around like he has. He will just have to get to a point that he sees doing as the Romans do may not work all the time.
8680025
But that's the thing, the writer has written this character into a corner he's weak-minded and weak Bodied so if he becomes strong-minded which in the point of the story he can't unless he addresses a lot of issues to include the emotional manipulation of his herd it won't make much of a difference cuz he is weak Bodied so he can't act on anything. Now don't get me wrong I like the story it was interesting but the writer took the characters in such a direction that made things " serious" and he did it in such a way that the suspension of disbelief is broken.
Finally, I hope Cadence gets in some big trouble for this crap she started. I hate having Twilight be the bad guy because Cadence couldn't help but meddle in her affairs.
Oh hey, lets lure Twilight and her love interest she hasn't approached yet in a room together... alone... WHILE SHES EXPERIENCING HER FIRST ALICORN LEVEL HEAT.
Cadence KNOWS how difficult it is for alicorns going through that, and yet she meddled anyways and caused a huge mess. Celestia needs to put her hoof down on this kind of crap and punish her so the herd can have some closure, and then MAYBE, just MAYBE Twilight might be given a fair chance rather than treated like trash because everyone's frustrated about Cadence.
North Point randomly became Citrus Blush near the end of the story, when she was talking to Celestia. Might want to fix that.
The moment Silver realized he's been as guilty as the rest in regards to Tim... priceless.
Indeed, if someone is literally from a different planet, you can't expect he'll know all the rules, customs and nuances of the society you grew up in.
He can try, but in this case, it really needs to be a two way road - understanding has to come from both sides.
He might never fit in 100%, but he's trying.
So, a brief lesson of customs along with a practical explanation why Tim should not fight. Good job
So, it seems like North Point might have actually started something that could prevent the fight.
I am really looking forward to seeing where all that leads!
8679404
like with what we're seeing here. rather then voice a concern or show hesitation he just keeps bending and he's starting to break.
but the fact that he's trying to get the other herdmates to adopt some part of his culture in a lowkey way is ok i guess
So everything just goes back to normal? Everyone's happy and all? It's all 'we love each other' and they totally weren't overstepping their boundaries about cultural differences and all of that jazz. And then suddenly North and Silver have a moment of clarity, but then immediately revert back to their previous mind sets? It just seems kinda...hollow. I would say my opinion coincides with the majority of the other readers regarding the main characters thought process and spinelessness and stuff. But did I miss something?
EDIT:
I see chapters are revised and there was people commenting about it. Have yet to read it, but hopefully it changes for the better...?
8683496
Not quite back to normal yet. Right now everyone's running on a bit of a high from the party and getting their herd's honor avenged. The revised chapters toned down the events of 18-20 and also created a stronger trend towards reconciliation and getting everyone back on the same side. In current plans, next chapter concludes this arc, then there's a big clop chapter, then begins a reconcilliation arc that is actually about fixing the herd.
Okay, this chapter is a huge improvement in terms of the fact that everyone is now at least aware that a lot of cultural expectations went over the head of the resident human and are trying to minimise trauma. Now we just need Tim to do something, anything, and it will be perfect. I mean that so far he's just been going with the flow, not so much a person with his own will but a pawn.
Right at the end, the scene with North in the garden, it has Citrus reacting to things and it took me a second read through to make sure I hadn't missed Citrus being there too.
...
The worst thing about this story is when I finish reading the latest chapter.
-Ru
Ok I have to ask, why is nobody point out that Tim is an Ambassador, seriously, that diplomatic tittle is stronger than you might think. Ambassador means he represent his country, his people and his CULTURE, sure he respect the cultures of others countries, and meet them half way like they do in the ONU to show mutual respect.
But you really haven't grasp the whole concept yet, Tim is not bound by the laws of Equestria no matter how animalistic or primitive they are. Sure the act could be put, as transgression of his part, but when Twilight turn human technically speaking the laws of ponies don't apply now.
And I know, I know he wish to respect his herd wishes and adapt but he really need to have some back bone and used this card, its the perfect way for keep the honour of his herd and avoid any sort of combat.
Just please just give him something, I'm getting tired that he is has just become a 'yes ma'am'. He is not a boy toy, or a project, he is a human being and his herd should respect some of his ways, like he respect and SHOW to respect their owns.
It could be even an awesome moment. Tim see Citrus about to invoke the duel, realised he still have a card of his sleeve and stop this before escalating things further, by saying something like.
"WAIT!" Every pony turn to him and Citrus look shock as he march to the princesses.
"Tim what are you…"
"Am sorry Citrus I'm really am I really want to respect your wishes but I don't want Silver to get hurt" He turn to Cadence, who is surprise and then smile "And I'm sure you don't wish this to Shining Armour either" She nod and clear some tears.
Tim smile and cross his arms "That is what I though, and therefore I must put my foot down right this instant" Everyone in the room gasp.
"I Timothy, ambassador for the kingdom of the united states declare that princess Twilight Sparkle has committed an act of aggression against my persona" He flinch and look down in shame when he look the hurt look on her face but he steel up so he can continue. "And therefore I demand retribution should be address"
"A Tim that was kind of what I was about…" Citrus try to tell but Tim stop her by lifting his hand.
"One that will uphold humans laws, as a sigh of friendship from the monarchs, just like I have respected yours so far" He tells with a smile, leaving the princesses yaws hand open minus Celestia who is surprise but then gives a motherly smile understanding what he is planning.
You see dude? I think that will be just awesome, make Tim stand up without overwhelm Citrus and prevent this madness from continuing.
8687250
Exactly, and since he is the only source of information, he pretty much dictated the punishment as he see fit. He can remove her status of princess for a month and put her under house arrest on his herd house, just so they can have the her ritual applies. Nothing to serious but that will leaved both parties happy
8687271 8687250
You really don't seem to know how diplomacy works, nor power. His status as Ambassador is mostly just to give him a legal status in society without having to run afoul of any difficult technicalities like a naturalization process, or visas, or the fact he was technically an illegal immigrant. Most fics don't even bother to deal with this little headache of the HiE genre, hoping it goes by unnoticed. He doesn't actually have any power. He can't point out that something means war -- what's he going to do, call for his president to roll in all 0 of his nation's available tanks? Is he going to impose trade sanctions from an economy contributing 0 anything to theirs? Even if his homeland somehow did have a link to Equestria, he's a nobody to their political structure as well. He has the same status and power as someone in charge of an unrecognized micronation, read: none. And what "human laws"? Humanity has no uniform law on anything.
Ambassadors have no power to be judge and jury, nor do they have power to invoke punishments for any crime, especially on subjects of a foreign power. As in real life, their land, their laws, their ways. If you're German, where alcohol is legal, you can't take your beer to Mauritania, where alcohol is illegal, and then drink -- their land, their laws. Diplomatic immunity also has its limits -- mostly it's to stop international incidents wherein representatives from one country are imprisoned or held hostage in another. It doesn't mean that diplomats and ambassadors get to just make up rules as they go along and do as they wish. And if they do break a law, they're in trouble with their home country anyway, who will see to them. As for the job, all they do is talk to people and write memos. And you do realize that adultery isn't a crime in the United States, either, except under military law, which wouldn't apply here, and if it did, Tim would be the one facing prosecution, assuming his herd even counts as a marriage. Americans also don't recognize royalty of any kind either, and there is a thing about not accepting foreign titles or roles.
Dueling exists in Equestria precisely for this kind of situation where something severely distressing that isn't technically illegal has been done. It's like a bloodier, cheaper, faster alternative to lawsuits.
Also, there's no foreshadowing to that and would go against the grain of the story and his character, as well as everything so far told about Equestria. You really think the ponies would let some outsider spontaneously chastise and punish their princesses unilterally? They're an ethnostate under absolute divine right rule, where, again, he has no power and in fact stays there at their pleasure for no other reason than they permit it out of the goodness of their hearts and a not immodest amount of curiosity. He also has to think of his herd and what the business involving him will mean. They aren't all just nobodies who can clam up and let it blow over in 6 months when the next juicy piece of gossip comes along. And lastly, him being fought for as a full member of a herd signifies his importance and belonging in pony society, with prominent native Equestrians embracing him as one of their own enough to go through all this trouble over him.
Tim isn't spineless. It's a very different kind of strength. There's a lot to be said for a man who copes with a difficult situation by putting on his best face and doing his best to adapt instead of kvetching. His resolution to nut up and deal is a quiet sort of strength; he is adapting to Equestria remarkably well. During periods where I've lived abroad, I've seen expats do far far worse than him, and in much more agreeable circumstances in more familiar cultures where they didn't face the issues of being the only one of their kind and away from home forever. I find it admirable that he seeks to adapt and overcome instead of trying to live in the past and demand that everyone else conforms to him. Embracing the unfamiliar and foreign is difficult to do.
Thank you for your input, gentlemen. I will be keeping these ideas in mind, however, and although Sparky shot down the propositions as you made them, I did ask him about your concerns, and there is no reason why bits or ideas from this cannot be used in the future. All of the story extant thus far was more or less planned far in advance way back before the first document was even opened, and the planned plot becomes far freer in terms of exploration starting in this next arc. There are a few more predestined decided events, but the structure is very soon going to open up significantly.
We're both very glad to see that you like and care enough about the story to think about how it could be made better and to post ideas for what you'd like to see.
I hope that cleaned some things up for ya'll.
8687396
The princess also address him diplomatic immunity dude, are you telling me that don’t mean jack shit?
8687457
Not to an angry mob. It just means that he can't be charged with a crime, but he isn't entitled to physical protection or to not face consequences for angering the locals. Tim really has no power or means by which to defend his position other than by maintaining goodwill. He could always be expelled from Equestria and there's not much he could do about that, assuming his status can't be simply overlooked or rescinded. In United States service, flouting local laws is a very good way to crash your career. The way I personally think of it is that it's Celestia's way of solving the headache of what to do with a truly unique alien. He would do very well to remember he doesn't live in a limited government nation under rule of law. He essentially has his status and Celestia is more or less letting him have it as a way of keeping him out of her hair and he would do well to not make her regret doing him a huge favor. She could have ordered him imprisoned, expelled, or killed. Instead he got lucky enough to be allowed to live in Equestria at her conditional pleasure with Citrus Blush as his herdmate and minder.
8687484
Got it, thanks dog
8687396
Still I think we have seeing a lot of pony laws and how things work, the author promise that they will start listen Tim-O, so I said lets get down some make believed politics, and give him the chance to stand form himself, I mean he clearly said it, he sometimes wish to be just a man and do what he want, hell he fought his herd so he could get a job, and stop being what basically will be a trophy husband.
This chance could be exactly what they need, and the ambassador can be the card he look, and yeah I hear you, that is not how we rol here in Earth, but that doesn't mean he can't play a bit with that. He is the only one in the house bro!, who is going to object his 'human laws'? Summer Shimmer? Different word means you are the king of earth, and you say what laws are up
A good chapter that together with the revisions explains the world's workings much better. I'll refrain from gushing about the herd crest because you already know how much I LOVE THAT!. I am happy that Fancy Pants is the first pony Tim meets and is helping introduce Tim to the other nobles, etc. I doubt Rotten Apple would even dare to approach Tim while in Fancy Pants' company. And Rainbow's coltfriend! I didn't expect that one. Like Silver, I wouldn't mind watching Tim's reaction. Then there's North Point; sweet, caring North Point. I'm glad she recognized the unique opportunity presented and went for it.
Speaking of North Point; I had a funny, rose-tinted, headcanon, near future scene pop in my head. She, Citrus and Twilight are sitting in the herd's living room discussing something as Tim returns with Silver Wing in tow. The girls greet them and ask them to come sit down. Twilight pulls out a gift using her magic and levitates it to Silver Wing. "North Point said you could use something to help with your silver-craft and said this would be perfect." Silver unwraps the present to find a fish bowl.
Thanks for the update guys. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
8692362
Thank you so much for the continuing comments on the story! But I'm confused, how would the present you were talking about have any bearing or help when it comes to working silver?
8692498
It wouldn't. North and Twilight are pranking Silver Wing.
Maybe I should have prefaced that all is well between Twilight and the herd now. They've all gotten to know each other. If Twilight's not a full member of the herd yet it could be their funny little way of letting Silver Wing know he could help Twilight when she is in heat as well.
I had to look up "kusa" to see if it was based on a real thing. Couldn't find anything, but it sounds remarkably similar to something I've been wanting to try in one of my other stories.
againST
8694511
That's because kusa is an idea I made up. In our culture, almost every idea we have of sex workers is almost uniformly negative or severely negative. A kusa is a pony idea that sex workers are bringers of pleasure and relief. They're essentially roving mercenary sages of pleasure and love. They're good for intimate needs from looking for a quick roll in the sheets to helping a married couple with issues overcome them. Part educators, companions, escorts, courtesans, and counselors. What they do is help ponies to love themselves and each other to the best of their abilities in both emotional and physical senses. They also have extensive social training to be able to operate in nearly any environment or context. Imagine Twilight Sparkle and how she solves friendship problems, now take that same level of respect and expertice and just make it about love problems instead. That's a kusa. How were you thinking of them and how to use them in a story?
Yeah, I gotta agree with what about 80% of the commenters are saying about your later chapters. Tim is a spineless piece of shit and Twilight got away with rape. It's actually gone beyond the point of spineless. It's gone past the point of being "a laid-back guy". Tim's character has become incredibly pathetic, and I actually feel uncomfortable reading about him.
It's just BAD, dude. You're not doing a good job anymore. Having your human go "no, it's my fault you raped me, I didn't fight back hard enough, I betrayed my lover(s)" on top of the way your characters behave around him is just beyond shitty. I liked the earlier parts, but for FUCK's sake, your latest chapters have ruined the entire story for me. None of the characters are likable, and everything they do just seems to make me angry.
And just like any of the dozen other stories I've read where the human apologizes for being raped, I can safely say that I will NOT regret my decision to bail out now and never look back. The only thing left for me here on this page is the vindictive glee I get when I watch comments of "you're a good writer" get downvoted to hell and back.
Honestly, friend, why did you look at Tim apologize for being raped and think to yourself, "Yes, this is a great idea. This is good writing, and my readers will love it. This is the best possible way my story could go."?
8717641
I'm gonna have to disagree with you there. Tim was NOT raped. He could have made Twilight stop. As another commenter said, she was literally pressing every single button and he gave in to the already present desire for her. Yes, in the context of pony society, yes, Twilight feels she raped him, but she didn't use magic to hold him down, she didn't force herself on him, she did ignore his objections, but at that point, his objections were rather half hearted.
The basic fact remains, his objections were not based on not wanting to have sex with her, but that it felt wrong to betray his herd like he did. He did not expect the reaction that he got from his herd. He was an active and willing participant. Not, repeat, not rape. You are free to believe what you will, but, with all due respect, this is my story, and if it turned you off, I'm sorry to hear that. You'll miss what is upcoming and the additional world building and story I have planned upcoming. This entire arc was planned, and while the reception was rather unexpected, I am going to continue and the next arc will be reconciliation and healing for the herd, and some redemption for some of the characters. But, since you are out, have a great day, and I hope you find another story on Fimfic to enjoy.
8697747
Huh, kinda like Inara from "Firefly". Cool.
8719188
Never heard of those. I never watched Firefly.
8719596
You never watched Firefly? Dude, you are missing out! Incidentally, this is what 8719188 was talking about by comparing the kusas of this version of Equestria to the character from Firefly.
8719596
Heh, sorry. What 8723100 said. I guess I should've been more specific. Inara is the name of a character who is a Companion. Companions are trained and function much like how you described Kusas.
Im only going to say this.
Someone with zero training in using a saber or any other weapon, who goes up against a person with training in that weapon, is TO STUPID TO BE ALOWED TO BREATH. and should be immediately removed from the breeding pool. Im sorry, that is ridiculous
The Monk
8808177
Silver is quite aware of that. Tim is thinking with testosterone, Silver put him in his place though.