Read On and Find Out!
“News from Manehattan, Canterlot, and everywhere! Come read the hottest new stories right now, straight from the source!” the strange new mare in Ponyville barked loudly in the town square. Her Manehattan Equestrian accent betrayed her origins, but perfectly groomed, curled, orange mane and pristine white coat belied it all the same.
A small crowd had gathered around the newcomer, and with vendors shouting out at the public to sell their wares during the busy Wednesday afternoon, she fit right in… as well as attracted the attention of the town’s resident princess and fashionista.
“Who’s she?” Twilight asked, cantering up right next to Rarity who was staring and listening to the mare from afar with rapt attention.
“I’m not quite sure, I’ve never seen her around her before,” the alabaster unicorn answered. “But I must say, she sure knows how to keep a pony’s attention!”
“Good ponies of Ponyville, get the latest news and the greatest buzz! Feed your curiosity! Only two whole bits!”
“Whaddya mean?” Twilight asked, but turned her attention back to the strange mare. “What’s she selling? Newspapers? Haven’t had one of those vendors in a while.”
“I know, and she’s promising the juiciest gossip! I may just have to partake,” Rarity added.
“Princess Luna visited Trottingham two weeks ago during the late hours of her reign! What she was seen doing will blow your minds and curl your tails!” the mare continued happily calling out her wares, and to her glee, several ponies stepped forward and bought some copies.
“OOOH!” Rarity exclaimed, trotting in place with a beaming smile. “I just have to know what she did!”
Twilight cocked a lone eyebrow.
“She visits Trottingham regularly. It’s probably nothing.”
“But what if it is something?! Two bits is a rather riskless investment,” the fashionista countered.
“Come one, come all! Only a limited amount before it’s too late… just remember that you heard it first from Click Bait!”
“Well, I guess we know her name, now…” Twilight mused, but something else caught her eye, namely, the image on the mare’s flank. “Wait, what the heck’s her cutie mark?”
The two walked closer, gently nudging past a few ponies who were hanging on Click Bait’s every word. Having gotten close enough, Twilight squinted.
“Is that… a gray arrow with a fish hook in it?” the alicorn asked incredulously, not even sure if she was convinced of what she was seeing. Hearing no response from her best friend, Twilight glanced over and found Rarity with one of the papers in her magical grasp, face buried in the newsprint.
“I’m sorry, darling, did you say something?” she inquired, looking up over the top of her new reading material. The princess huffed out, blowing an errant strand of her bangs out of her vision after she rolled her eyes.
“That’s right! Learn seven different ways to get that stallion of your dreams clamoring for you… and seven different ways four Las Pegasus stars messed it all up! Today, and today only!” Click Bait kept up her antics, greeting each and every individual who purchased her paper.
Twilight turned back to Rarity, the latter’s eyes scanning diligently over the words.
“Well? Is it something?”
“Erm, apparently Princess Luna was just seen dancing at Trottingham’s most prestigious club,” Rarity paraphrased the paper, her turn to cock an eyebrow. “I… I guess that’s news?”
“Told ya! Nothing really out of the ordinary, like I suspected,” Twilight said, holding her head high with a confident smile.
“Oh, hey Twilight!” a familiar, young voice entered into the aforementioned alicorn’s ears. “And hello~ Rarity…”
“Wha—Spike?” Twilight exclaimed, recoiling slightly when she spied her closest friend with one of the offending, folded newspapers under his arms. She visibly deadpanned, shaking her head “Ugh not you, too…”
“Hey, Click Bait over there made it seem interesting! Besides, it’s only two bits, what’s the worst that could come of it?” Spike reasoned, justifying his purchase before ambling next to Rarity. He unfolded his paper and began to read while Twilight only shot a cautious look towards seemingly normal mare.
The following day, Ponyville General Hospital’s head, Doctor Vax, was scrambling for answers, sifting through the stack of medical records as if they could provide him with some respite. Disheveled mane and wrinkled physician’s coat were the telltale signs of overwork as he tried to figure out what could possibly be causing this health disaster.
“Doctor!” Nurse Redheart yelled as she burst into the office. She held a clipboard in her grasp. “The test results came in for today’s patients!”
“Something tells me that I don’t want to know…” Vax replied, less than enthused at Redheart’s complexion.
“Unfortunately, all five of them are positive,” she murmured, confirming the doctor’s fears.
“Ugh! How in the hell…” he began, and in a fit of frustration, Vax shoved his papers off of his desk. “How is this even possible! The cancer rates fucktupled overnight!”
“I don’t know, sir… how should we approach this? We can’t afford a mass panic!” Redheart inquired, setting the clipboard on Vax’s desk.
“I don’t even… how bad is this group?” he dared to ask. Redheart shook her head as she read off the results.
“Spike the Dragon came in for his checkup yesterday; perfectly healthy! Today, he came back feeling ill… he’s got stage four ass cancer!”
“Ass cancer?!” Vax questioned, and Redheart nodded vehemently.
“Ass cancer. We confirmed it with the arcanometer; the number was 42.069. Ass cancer. AND THEN…” Redheart flipped the page over. “Rarity Belle, the owner of Carousel Boutique, came in feeling off. She’s never had a major problem at all aside from her acute explosive diarrhea. The mare’s got prostate cancer.”
Doctor Vax blinked twice.
“...She’s a mare.”
“I know!” Redheart expressed, wide-eyed. “Again, confirmed with both an internal scan and three different arcanometers: 90.01, a number unseen in mares,” she added, shaking her head solemnly.
“This… this is defying both reason and magic!” Vax expressed, rubbing his temple with his right hoof. “What could possibly be doing this? We’ve had natural disasters, mythical creatures nearly laying waste to the town, literal tentacles invading from the Everfree and leaving no virgin mares within five miles… I mean, these are crisis levels of cancer! What could possibly be—”
Vax’s eyes went wide and he slammed his hoof on the ground, instantly fixing his attention through the window and toward the scenery blanketed by the night sky.
“D-Doctor?” Redheart asked cautiously, outstretching a leg to try and get his attention, but things suddenly made sense when her superior uttered two words.
“...Click Bait.”
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...the fuck?
I mean, I'm laughing...but seriously, the fuck?
I want to be a rebel, and not click, but it's just so tantalizing...
Well, I'm glad she didn't say that there were hot, single stallions in my area just dying to meet me.
You know what? I didn't regret clicking on this - this was a hilarious read.
A writer comments on another writer's story. What happens next is amazing!
This writer thought people would read his story, until...
Was Flammenwerfer really a writer? What you find out about him could shock you.
This story will prove that everything you knew about ponies is wrong.
Stop doing these health-problem causing writing habits now, just by using ponies.
Here are 10 things you won't get unless you were a 90's pony.
This story was written by a semi-normal person. What you read will shock and inspire you!
When you find out what the ponies in this story do, your jaw will drop!
Think this is a normal pony story? Wait until you see what's inside.
10 simple tips to writing a pony story on fimfic.
Who would have though a story on ponies would be so interesting? You have no idea what you're in for.
First Flam starts to write a story, then...OMG!
...I could do this for hours. It's not like it's my job or anything HA...hah...haha...
Oh my fucking god...
Don't know why, but fucktupled nearly murdered me here.
Gold... Absolute fucking gold. Hats off to you, good sir.
Have a moustache.
I'm just here for the comments. Was not disappointed.
Well then.
That just happened.
Read this story for a chance to get an iPad after saving up a thousand dollars of your own money and using it to purchase an iPad!
7263459 I'm reading this in my new IPad Mini.
Please, play remixes of songs in 8-bit at my funeral. I humbly request Rarity's dead body so I can come out of the grave with someone still in it,
7263471
Not that it matters, but females have a prostate gland.
Into every story a little accidental scientific accuracy must fall.
Next story needs to be about the noble warrior, Sir AdBlock.
I..... don't get it.
Welp, that was probably the most entertaining short story on this site I've read. Friggin' clickbait.
Great now got asscancer from reading this story.
7263104 Buzzfeed, is that you?
Upvoted.
Cancer researchers hate her!
This story makes no damn sense, and yet I upvoted for some reason ...
Oh, well, I had some tequila earlier, so that must be it ...
Seriously, sometimes you don't need to make sense to tell a hilarious story.
7263483 Some women don't have one, and this may be tied to the lack of ability to achieve orgasm in those women.
Soooooooooooo... to help, they should get parts of a dude's hypertrophic prostate! It's win-win!
(Alondro is what happens when someone learns TOO much about biology...)
7263799
And the mysterious spy and ally to stallions, Private Browsing.
This gets a like for simply glorious insanity. Discord is most pleased.
7263104 Donald Trump has died suddenly!
7265351 I can't believe i got click baited right there... there was just SO MANY HINTS!!! *flips the fuck out*
This story gave me cancer.
7265351 Thank you for that.
I needed that troll to make me smile. 
7263673 It's basically a big internet joke roughly translated as "clickbait is cancerous."
Im not sure what I expected... but it definetly wasn't this!
7265640 (Alondro achieves victory and his troll powers expand to new lengths!) Huh huh huh, expanding lengths...
7265796 This story cured my cancer... but gave me Pony AIDS.
7266175 I think I understand it now, but it's hard to put it in words.
7265351 A Rick Roll? Seriously? I New it was a troll, but I wanted to see what the troll was.
To the author: Goddammit this story was click bait.
7268074 But it still worked!
For all common pranks, wait a couple years until they fade from memory, then they'll work again!
7268277 Oh, I learned about the Rick Roll on Monday whilst reading about it. Whilst reading, I remembered what the song sounded like, and played it a few times. Then, here I am. How long ago was that a prank? (by the way, I'm 14, so I wasn't Rick Rolled before. That is what it's called, right?)
7266730 Yeah, don't worry about it too much.
Say what you want, this story made perfect sense.
Clickbait is the source of cancer.
Scandalous how could this happen!?
7268340 It was first used by Richard the Lionhearted's troops after they tricked some Muslims in the Crusades by shouting "Yowzahs! It's Allah!" and pointing behind them, so they all turned around just to see Richard (Rick to his friends) rushing up to lop their heads off, which rolled on the ground.
Hence, the Rick Roll was born!
True story!
7270532 Yes, of course. That must be exactly how it happened.
I came into this expecting an OC, and got Ass Cancer. 10/10
You hecked me good.
Oddly, you perfectly delivered precisely what you advertised.
Click Bait did come to Ponyville.
And no, I did not expect what happened next.
Funny XD
oh that killed me, good thing im undead.
i hape that pops up some were else in your stories.
7263483 i like it when rain falls into each life instead.
... Take an upvote... Just... take it.
7270538 you mean like this?
http://bit.ly/IqT6zt