Chapter 22: All’s Dumb That Ends Dumb
Sunset Shimmer soared through the sky with clear blue skies overhead and crystal ponies below. Crystal ponies who bustled about, fixing up damaged crystal houses and providing the working ponies with care. Despite the clear sign from the weather above that the ponies would not be assaulted by storm winds and the signs below of ponies happily rebuilding, Sunset wore a scowl on her face as Celestia flew close behind. Celestia’s pastel mix of a mane and tail shimmered behind her as it flapped about in the wind.
“For the last time, mom, no!” Sunset shouted.
“But you can move back into the Castle!” Celestia shouted after her daughter as she followed close behind. “I’ll totally rescind your banishment and throw a parade AND a party in your honor!”
Sunset put on a thoughtful expression. “Okay, well I DO like things that are in my honor… But, still no!”
“It’ll only be until we find you a new kingdom or empire to rule over… I mean. I’m sure it’ll only be a few decades or more till another mysterious place from Luna and my past pops up!”
“Mom! I am not just going to hang out around the castle like Cadance did until some new empire or kingdom for me to rule just shows up randomly!”
“Well, sure! The Crystal Empire resurfaced already, but maybe the Metal Monarch and his kingdom will return or even one of the mysterious cities of gold!”
“… The what now?” Sunset asked.
“I’ll fill you in if either of those things actually shows back up.”
“Ugh… How about you just book-text me if they do?”
Celestia frowned. “Well… maybe you can start having your own friendship adventures, somewhere close to Canterlot,” Celestia mumbled, “and eventually you’ll get your own castle!”
“… I’m not moving to Ponyville either, mom.”
“Okay… What about Cloudsdale?”
“I’m not a pegasus, mom.”
Celestia smirked. “You’re now part pegasus.”
Sunset glanced behind at her wings. “Well… Okay… but I was originally a unicorn and maybe the population of Cloudsdale just might have trouble with an outside princess just showing up for the sake of having ‘friendship adventures’. Maybe you should’ve had Cadance move there before you sent her off to the empire?”
Celestia pursed her lips. “How about…”
“Mom!” Sunset protested. “I appreciate you wanting me to stick around, but I’ve started a whole new life in this other world! I mean… Being a magical pony princess has its appeal, don’t get me wrong, but I have friends back home, Wifi, and a Netflix account.”
Celestia’s brow furrowed. “What the heck is a Netflix account?”
Sunset smirked. “Ask me again when you can take about a week off from ruling Equestria.”
Celestia sighed. “I guess you have had a few years to start a new life…”
Sunset sighed. “Look… Mom… I know we still have a bunch to talk about, but—”
“But you barely got a chance to talk to your Aunt Luna!” Celestia interrupted.
“It’s not my fault she fell asleep on her pancake pile at breakfast this morning!” Sunset protested. “Besides! She ended up showing up to one of my dreams last night.”
“Oh really?” Celestia said. “How did that go?”
>~-ooooo-~<
An orange hand rummaged frantically through a backpack, pushing aside folders, pencils, and books. “Notes… notes…” Sunset said in a near panic. “I’m sure I took notes on the true, hidden history of Christmas…” A very human Sunset groaned. “I can’t believe I’m wishing I picked Pinkie’s or Sonata’s brain on this topic!”
“Sunset Shimmer!” a female’s voice called out.
Sunset looked up into the scowling face of Ms. Cheerilee.
“Sorry, Ms. Cheerilee!” Sunset said. “Just… give me a minute or two! I’m sure I can prepare for the te—”
“Did you come to school in your underwear?!”
Sunset looked down and noted she was wearing a purple bra and some purple panties with an orange cut jewel on them in front of a treble clef. “This… This is NOT my underwear…” Sunset murmured with red cheeks and a slightly horrified look as the students around her all pointed and laughed.
“No…” a female voice purred out seductively as the back of an orange hand was slowly dragged over Sunset’s face. “They’re mine.”
Sunset clamped down on her teeth as her turquoise eyes slowly turned to stare at Adagio Dazzle, the Dazzling diva sitting at the desk next to Sunset and clearly admiring what she saw. “Uh… Hello, Adagio… Do you know where Sonata is? I kinda need to talk to her about something.”
Adagio chuckled. “Oh Sunset, you don’t need to play coy with me… If you wanted a public three-way, all you had to do was ask.”
Sunset shut her eyes hard. “No, Adagio! That’s not at all… I need to know the true, hidden history of Christmas, alright?!”
“Uh…” a male voice interjected. “Would it be too much to ask if we turned it into a four-way?”
Sunset looked up to see Flash Sentry inexplicably wearing a magenta bra and matching panties with a yellow and red sun on the front.
“Flash!” Sunset said in a miffed tone. “Why the heck are you wearing my underwear… and nothing else?!”
Flash pointed at Adagio. “Well, Adagio is wearing my underwear!”
“THAT ONLY ANSWERS ONE OF MY QUESTIONS AND JUST RAISES SO MANY MORE!” shouted Sunset.
Adagio grinned seductively. “Oh, you know I look great in nothing but a pair of boxers and a smile… Also, answer the boy's question, Sunset.”
Sunset raised her right fingertips to her forehead and closed her eyes. “Flash! Adagio! I don’t have time for this! We’re in class, and I really need to talk to Sonata or Pinkie!”
“Yo, Sunset!” Sunset looked up towards the door of the classroom where Aria stood, seemingly indifferent to Sunset or Flash’s state of undress or the fact Adagio was currently getting quite friendly from the desk next to Sunset. “There’s like… a big dark blue horse with wings, a horn, and magical hair here to see you.”
“What?” Sunset said. She shook her head. “No, never mind that. I need to talk to Sonata!”
“Yeah, eff that,” Aria said as she turned and waved behind her. “This dream is pretty effed up and I don’t want to deal with any of it!”
“Dream?!” Sunset said. “Wait… Are you just in my dream, or In my dream, in my dream?”
Aria paused just long enough to answer with, “That sentence was so stupid it doesn’t warrant an answer!” With that, Aria stomped off.
Sunset sighed as Adagio pulled herself into Sunset’s lap and began smooching the side of her face.
Princess Luna poked her head into the classroom regarding what she saw with surprise until her eyes focused on familiar red and yellow hair. “Sunset Shimmer? I sensed you were distressed and thought…” Luna took another look about. “Why are most these mostly hairless simian things of which you seem to be one of wearing so many more garments than yourself?”
Adagio chuckled breathily. “Why Sunset,” Adagio gave Luna a hungry look, “I didn’t know you were into such weird stuff…” She put her mouth a few millimeters away from Sunset’s ear. “…I like it,” she said in a seductive whisper.
Flash looked at Luna than back at Sunset. “You know… Maybe I have to come to terms that I have a thing for horse women, but I think I like it, too.”
Luna frowned. “Is… is… is this a bad time?”
“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” Sunset yelled.
<~-ooooo-~>
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sunset answered.
Celestia frowned. “Well, I was rather hoping you’d have more opportunities to talk with my sister. I rather think you two would get along nicely.”
Sunset sighed sadly. “Yeah… me, too…” she replied. “STILL! It’ll have to wait. My friends need me to help deal with the occasionally magical weirdness that’s leaked over from this side of the mirror and who knows how much stuff has just been lying around the place because Starswirl used the dimension as his personal dumping ground for whatever he didn’t feel like dealing with at the moment!”
Celestia tapped at her chin thoughtfully. “Starswirl did have a slight habit of picking short-term solutions to potentially long-term problems… though given his lifespan comparatively speaking to that of an alicorn’s, I suppose one could hardly blame him there.”
“UUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!” Sunset exclaimed.
“Well, I suppose it’s fair of you to be angry,” Celestia replied. “I mean… you did have to deal with the sirens…”
“Not that!” Sunset exclaimed. “Though, yes… Those three are STILL a pain in all my sensitive bits.” For some reason, a little voice in Sunset’s head that sounded just like Adagio’s purred out, Oh, you know you love it… Sunset shook her head briefly and pointed down. “It’s THAT!”
“… Oh, we’re here,” Celestia said as she began to lean down and circle the train station.
“No, it’s THAT!” Sunset said as she pointed emphatically at the colorful train on the tracks.
“The… train?” Celestia replied.
“THAT IS THE WORST TRAIN IN THE HISTORY OF TRAINS! IT DOESN’T EVEN OBEY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS!”
“… Well, I’m not sure I quite understand your grievances with that train, but if you wait around here for a bit longer, I can summon a different—”
“AND NOW I’M GOING TO RIDE IT OUT OF SPITE!” Sunset declared.
Celestia sighed. “Just trying to help my daughter,” she uttered to herself.
Celestia and Sunset landed, Twilight and the other residents of Ponyville were already present as well as Princess Cadance, Shining Armor, their baby, Starlight, and Sunburst. The ponies and dragon present exchanged greetings up until the point that Sunset took another rage filled glance at the train and shouted. “I AM AN ACTIVE VOLCANO OF TICKED OFF AT THE MOMENT, SO I SUGGEST EVERYPONY GIVE ME SPACE!”
With slightly worried expressions, everypony took a few steps back from Sunset.
The baby’s eyes went wide and watery and she began to sniffle.
Sunset momentarily considered letting the baby wail in hopes it might destroy her most hated enemy at the train station, but soon found herself rushing over to the child cradled in Shining’s foreleg. “Oh, shhh-shhh-shhh-shhh Sorry!” Sunset said in a soothing voice. “Auntie Sunset just hates the train with every fiber of her existence!”
The baby paused and took a look at the train.
Cadance put on a small smile. “Thanks for watching her last night, Sunset. Shining and I were finally able to get some sleep and the baby hasn’t blown a single hole through the castle since you brought it back.”
Sunset smiled. “Well, I think you just need to let the baby wear itself out a bit… get out that extra energy, you know?”
“Erm,” Sunburst trotted up, “I did have a scroll prepared to deal with the baby’s power fluctuations. I didn’t really have a chance to give it to you two with all the activity yesterday.”
“What?!” Sunset exclaimed. “Well, that’s no fun!”
Cadance smiled at Sunburst. “I appreciate the thought, but I think our baby is fine just the way she is.”
Sunset smiled widely and shook her head as Twilight and the rest of her friends either cringed, shook their heads, or cowered in fear.
“Speaking of foals,” Celestia said, she looked at Sunset. “I just want to get out there that I’d probably be a pretty cool grandmare.”
“Mooom!” Sunset protested. She thought for a moment. “Okay, yeah… You would make for a cool grandmare.” Sunset turned and winked at Shining. “And there’s maybe a certain stallion I wouldn’t mind putting a super-powered baby in me…”
Shining chuckled nervously and looked at Cadance.
“Sunset!” Twilight protested. “Shining is already married!” She looked at Celestia. “Right, Celestia?”
“…I’m not picky on who my little shimmering sunshine makes babies with, in all honesty,” she announced.
“Oh, now it’s babies!” Sunset said with a roll of her eyes.
“I am so torn right now…” Shining uttered.
Pinkie suddenly popped up from behind Shining. “Not as torn as Cadance’s vagina, right?! HI-OOOOH!”
Everyone turned to stare blankly at Pinkie.
Pinkie giggled sheepishly. “I’ll just… Just go back and stand over here…” she said as she pointed towards the gathering of her Ponyville friends.
Celestia continued, “Well, Shining seems like he’s already a great father, so…”
“Uhhh…” Rainbow Dash interjected. “You guys know Cadance is standing right here, right?”
“We know!” Sunset and Celestia said in unison.
“I mean… that’s sort of the point,” Sunset added.
Cadance grit her teeth. “Why is everypony staring at me?!”
Starlight tilted her head slightly. “Well… It’s not like you’ve said ‘no’ to any of this…”
Sunset nodded. “Right! And you’re the Princess of Love, Cadance! I mean… if anyone should have an answer here, it’s you.”
“I’m thinking about it, okay?!” Cadance exclaimed. “I mean, Sunset has been back in my life for all of two days and I’m still getting used to not being terrified of her!”
Sunset grinned. “Still not a ‘noooo’…” she purred.
“Oh, look!” Cadance interrupted, pointing behind Sunset. “Shining and Twilight’s parents are getting off the train! I’m sure they don’t want to be involved in this conversation at all!”
Spike shrugged. “Well, why don’t you ask them?”
“BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION IN FRONT OF THEM!” snapped Cadance.
“Second,” Twilight and Shining said in unison.
“Ahhh man…” Sunset said dejectedly.
A light blue unicorn stallion with a combed dark blue mane and a gray unicorn mare with a purple mane with white stripes through it trotted up smiling. The blue unicorn spoke up, “You would not believe the crazy weather that delayed our train. Came out of nowhere.”
“Uh, hello to you, too?” Sunset said in a confused tone.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Mom, Dad, this is Sunset Shimmer. Sunset, this is Night Light and Twilight Velvet.”
Sunset smiled sweetly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both.”
Twilight Velvet smiled widely. “Twilight! You didn’t mention your new friendship student was an alicorn!”
Sunset’s smile began to crack as her right eye twitched.
“Erm…” Starlight raised a forehoof. “That’s me actually. Starlight Glimmer.”
Night Light let out a laugh. “Oh, well no wonder.”
“… No wonder, what?” Sunset asked.
Night Light shrugged. “We just remembered our little Twilight having a student with a name that sounded like it was a knock-off of hers.”
Sunset’s head began to quake as she clamped down on her teeth, her smile turning uneven and jagged. “I’m… older than Twilight… and… and…”
Applejack quickly galloped up and began to drag Sunset a little bit away. “Why don’tcha stand over here with us, sugarcube.” Applejack said.
“…Urge to kill rising…” Sunset muttered as she was escorted away.
Nervously, Twilight stepped in between Sunset and her parents. “Sunset is Celestia’s adopted daughter.”
“Really?” Twilight Velvet said. “Oh, right! I remember!”
Sunset let out a sigh of relief.
Night Light nodded. “Right! Didn’t the papers used to call her the ‘terror tyke of Canterlot Castle’?”
Twilight and Cadance froze on the spot and nervously looked over their shoulders, however, Sunset merely let out a groan and let her forelegs slowly slip out in all directions as she lowered herself to the ground with a dejected look. “Well… at least somepony remembers who I am,” Sunset said in a miserable tone as Rarity and Fluttershy walked up to give her a few supportive pats on the back.
Celestia smiled down at Sunset. “Perhaps if you stick around you’ll be given ample opportunity to repair your tarnished reputation.” She leaned down. “I’ll even let you pick what you’re the princess of!”
“What?! No fair!” Twilight exclaimed.
Everypony turned towards Twilight.
“Erm… I mean… Friendship is Magic!”
Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Well, d’uuuh!” She giggled. “Not like we forgot the name of the thing we were in or anything.”
Cadance put on a ponderous expression. “You know, despite all the strange advancements made on my husband and, I guess, me by proxy, I still really like being the Princess of Love.”
“Okay, fine,” Celestia said with a nod. “Sunset can either pick her own title or let me do it for her.” Celestia looked down. “How does ‘Princess of Cuddles’ sound?”
The baby let out a delighted burble.
Sunset glared up at Celestia. “Mom… I’m going to get up. We’re going to hug. Say our emotionally charged goodbyes, and then you’re going to leave without saying another word about me staying. Otherwise, I can’t be held responsible for the many, many deaths I might cause.”
Celestia sighed. “Just like your Freshman Homecoming dance…”
Sunset got up to her hooves. “Moooooom…” she growled in a warning tone.
“Very well, Sunset,” Celestia opened her wings and extended a foreleg.
Sunset trotted forward, and wrapped her forelegs around Celestia’s neck and wrapped Celestia’ body with her wings as Celestia enveloped Sunset with her foreleg and own wings. “You’ll always be my little shimmering sunshine,” Celestia said.
“I know, mom,” Sunset replied with a smile. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
A series of “D’awwww”s escaped the mouths of the watching ponies as mother and daughter held on tightly for a little bit before parting.
Sunset sniffled and wiped a tear away from her eye. “Okay, now please leave.”
“… Are you sure you can’t stay for just a—”
Sunset’s horn suddenly lit up with turquoise energy that gave way to fiery orange that flickered with dangerous intent. “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
“Okay! I’ll write you soon!” Celestia said as she took flight. “Remember to come visit!”
“I will, mom!” Sunset said as she waved a forehoof about. She turned. “Right… What were we talking about rather than getting on the horrible train of despair?”
“Uh…” Night Light put on a thoughtful look. “I was talking about the crazy weather that delayed us and how unbelievable it was.”
Twilight Velvet nodded. “Oh my, yes. Just awful.”
“We all almost died!” Sunset replied without missing a beat. “For weather-related reasons… so yeah… I think we’d believe it.”
Twilight groaned and raised a forehoof to her face. “Oh… Sunset…”
“What?!” Sunset protested. “Your parents deserve to know the truth! Plus, you and your brother have fought ancient evils and stuff! I’m sure they’re over the fact that you two can be killed by some magical monstrosity at literally any time!”
Twilight frowned. “Well… I guess it does happen sort of a lot.”
Twilight Velvet began to mumble to herself. “Every night I fall asleep crying, and every morning I wake up scared that my children are already dead…” she said quietly.
“What was that, mom?” Shining asked.
“Nothing, sweetie!” Twilight Velvet replied with a smile. “Anyways, it was all worth it to see this peaceful little angel!” she exclaimed as she trotted up to the baby who was happily sucking on a forehoof. “Awww, so sweet! Come to your grandmare!”
The baby cooed and delight and reached for Twilight Velvet.
“Yeah… Peaceful now, anyway,” Applejack quipped.
Pinkie swallowed. “But for how long…”
The baby suddenly twitched its nose, closed its eyes, and began a few uneven exhales.
“HIT THE DECK!” Spike shouted.
Spike, Twilight and crew quickly kissed floor along with Starlight and Sunburst as Cadance and Shining Armor froze with petrified expressions. Night Light and Twilight Velvet simple stood confused as Sunset gleefully zipped forward and pointed the baby in a ‘trainward’ direction.
“Achew!”
Sunset frowned heavily. “Where’s the kaboom?! There was supposed to be a train-shattering kaboom!”
Spike walked up and began to push Sunset away. “Alright, back with the others.”
“Aww…” Sunset said in a disappointed tone.
Cadance chuckled apprehensively. “Sorry… The baby’s magic is still a little… erm… unpredictable!” She motioned behind her to Sunburst. “But we have a Crystaller to help teach her magic as she grows, so I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“He-heh?” Sunburst replied nervously as his glasses slipped all the way off his muzzle.
Rarity leaned in close to Sunburst. “Invest in mirrors,” she whispered as she floated his glasses back onto his face with an azure glow.
Twilight Velvet smiled. “Cadance, darling,” she said as she took the baby in an amethyst glow and floated it into one of her forelegs, “aren't we gonna name the poor little dear, or are we gonna spend our entire visit just calling her ‘the baby’?”
“We did!” Sunset said dejectedly. “We spent all day just calling her ‘the baby’! It was HELL! Torturous, unrelenting HELL for an entire day! Worse than the train! Worst part of the whole adventure!”
Spike raised an eyebrow. “Even worse than the murder stor—”
“Yes!”
Starlight stepped up. “Worse than the giant block of ic—”
“YES!”
Pinkie took a deep breath. “Worse than the surprise meeting of your mother who you’ve been estranged from for more than thirty moons with absolutely no contact after your banishment even though all it would take to talk to her would be for either of you to pick up a pen and write in a single book?!”
“… Okay, it’s tied then,” Sunset said.
Cadance glanced at Sunset then turned back to Twilight Velvet and smiled. “We were thinking… ‘Flurry Heart’”, she said, briefly crossing her horn with Shining’s.
Shining Armor grinned. “You know… After the ice cream.”
Sunset stared at the two parents blankly for a moment. “… Are you two sure you got enough sleep?”
Twilight Sparkle gave Flurry Heart a smooch on the cheek. “I think it’s lovely.”
Sunset glanced at the spot Twilight was at just moments before. “… How the heck did you get all the way over there and past Cadance and Shining, Twilight? You were just…” Sunset’s head began to slowly turn to the train, a horn full of magic on top of her head and death in her eyes.
Starlight placed a foreleg on one of Sunburst’s shoulders. “Well, I think you're the Crystal Empire's big important wizard, whether you like it or not.”
“Still not a thing!” Sunset called out in an annoyed tone.
Sunburst glanced at Sunset then back to Starlight. “I don't know if I'll have time for any wizarding,” he said with a pink hue in his cheeks. “I'm a crystaller now. That's a big responsibility.” Sunburst frowned slightly. “A very dangerous responsibility.”
“Hey…HEY!” Sunset called out. “You two should kiss!”
Twilight leaned over to favor Starlight and Sunburst with a wide smile and a nod.
Starlight rolled her eyes. “Well, I can’t think of anypony more qualified.” Starlight glanced away trepidatiously for a moment. “Just… promise you’ll keep in touch?”
Sunburst hummed thoughtfully. “Like I’d ever lose touch with my oldest friend,” he said as he and Starlight embraced.
“HAH! Oh, snap!” Sunset exclaimed.
Sunburst and Starlight looked over at Sunset in confusion.
“What?” Starlight asked.
Sunset frowned. “The thing Sunburst said?”
“Erm, what about it?” Starlight replied.
“I mean…” Sunset stared at Starlight and Sunburst in disbelief. “The whole reason for Starlight going off the deep end… her losing contact with you… You… You… you actually said that sentence without thinking of the irony at all?!”
“Sunset,” Starlight said, “what are you talking about?”
“But… but… OH, BUCK THIS! BUCK ALL OF THIS!”
Spike nervously walked up to Sunset. “Uh… Sunset… Maybe you’d feel better sitting in the train…”
“BUCK THE TRAIN, SPIKE! BUCK EVERYPONY!” Sunset took a deep, calming breath. “Everypony, I’m sorry… You’re all my friends and I hope to see you all again soon, but seriously… buck this noise! If I had hands right now, I’d be sharing a couple digits with all of you!” Sunset looked up at the sky. “Screw that bucking train! I’m flying back to Ponyville!”
“Sunset?” Twilight said as she trotted up to the irate mare. “There’s no way you can fly all the way to Ponyville.”
“BUCKING WATCH ME!” Sunset screamed as she suddenly took flight.
Everyone silently looked up and watched Sunset ascend upwards.
“ACHEW!”
Without warning, there was a brief blinding bolt of energy and a train engulfed in flames.
Everypony stared down at the train with wide, terrified eyes as Flurry Heart let out a few quiet coos and cuddled up to her grandmare.
Sunset descended back to the ground. “So um… I was thinking… Maybe I can come back to be the ‘hot babysitter’ like… once a month? Every other weekend? Yay or Nay?” Sunset looked over the still stunned expressions. “Seeing some ‘yay’ faces over here.”
Cadance looked over at Sunburst. “You still have that scroll?”
Sunburst reached into his cloak and produced a slightly battered scroll. “Yes, right here.”
“I’ll take it,” Cadance said.
“DANG IT!” Sunset exclaimed.
-ooooo-
“Ow. Ow. Ow…” Rarity moaned while rubbing her horn. “My delicate horn was not made for this at all.”
“I know, Rarity,” Twilight said as she trotted up to her friend. “But we need to keep moving if we’re going to get back to Ponyville at a reasonable time.”
“STARLIGHT!” Sunset said in a chastising tone as she banged a hoof on the stone ground. “A transportation circle! TRANSPORTATION circle!”
Starlight looked down at the wide smoking circle in the ground with a five-point star carved into it, her own horn radiating heat. “What? That’s a transportation circle!” she said, motioning downwards with a forehoof.
“Yeah, for DEMONS!” Sunset countered.
“Summoning is a type of transportation!” Starlight countered.
“WE’RE NOT SUMMONING A DEMON TO GET US BACK TO PONYVILLE, STARLIGHT!” Sunset snapped.
Starlight put on a sour look and crossed her forelegs in front of her chest. “We never get to do what I want to do…”
Rarity let out another moan and fell to the ground. “Twilight, I simply can’t do this again. Can’t we just break and enjoy the falls?”
Twilight let out a huff. “Just one or two more teleportations and we’ll be home!”
“But my hooorn!” Rarity whined out.
“Gee, Rarity,” Spike said, wandering up. “You look like you’ve put in a full day’s work already.”
Rarity sniffled slightly. “And no ice cream to make me feel better…”
“Uh… You know… I can make you feel better…”
Rarity sighed. “Spike. While I applaud your bravado, especially in such a romantic place like Neighagara Falls, now is not the time or place for—”
Spike reached over with his claws and began to gently caress Rarity’s horn. Rarity’s eyes rolled back into her head and she let out a content moan.
Twilight regarded the display with an unamused look.
Spike chuckled. “Yeah… You like that, don’t you?”
“Oh, yes Spike…” Rarity purred. “That’s the spot… Don’t stop…”
Twilight shook her head. “Ugh… We’d probably be home right now if we didn’t go back to that castle for that stupid award ceremony…”
“Whaaaaat?!” Pinkie protested. “Cadance pushed that entire baby out of her vagina, Twilight! Both her AND her crazy stretchy vagina deserved awards!”
Fluttershy trotted up. “And the remembrance part for the tub of butter was really touching.”
“Okay,” Twilight huffed out, “but did you have to give my brother a participation award?!”
Pinkie shrugged. “It was the least I could do.”
“It was literally the least you could do,” Sunset said as she trotted up, the other mares present gathering around.
Twilight frowned as she looked at friends. “Rainbow Dash, don’t you want to show up tomorrow to clear the skies of Ponyville?”
“What, honestly?” Rainbow Dash said. “Not really.”
Twilight rolled her eyes and turned towards Applejack. “Don’t you have farm work?”
Applejack shrugged. “Eh… Big Mac and Apple Bloom can hold out for one more day. Ah mean… stressin’ about it ain’t gonna help nopony.”
Twilight groaned and turned towards Sunset. “Don’t you have school tomorrow?”
Sunset narrowed her eyes. “Yes. I even have a test…” she smiled to herself. “Oh! In History! Actual, real history that I’ve studied for and not made up history that gets interrupted by weird, psychological telling sex dreams.”
Rarity let out a soft moan.
“Oh… Okay?” Twilight replied. “Erm… Shouldn’t we be trying to get you home for that?”
Sunset shrugged. “I’m acing all my classes and everyone knows I’m a magical pony from another dimension. I mean… I’ve built and programmed my own devices and computers to try to measure magic, Twilight! Heck, even with me almost destroying the school, I’ve saved it twice so the faculty tends to cut me some slack.”
“Well, I have work tomorrow!” Pinkie said. “And I’d hate to leave the Cakes on their lonesome an extra day! Plus, I have a newfound respect for how relatively little of a hoofful Pound and Pumpkin are. Still, being a parent must be hard work! Ooo! Ooo! Speaking of hard work, you four must be hungry!” Pinkie began distributing white cupcakes with light blue frosting to all the unicorns, leaving one sitting next to Rarity who seemed quite oblivious to what was going on around her at the moment.
Sunset eyed her cupcake suspiciously. “Pinkie… Did you bake these with…?”
Pinkie smiled. “The brain pills I mentioned I gave to everypony way back in chapter 2? Nopers! They’re fresh straight from Sugarcube Corner!”
Sunset closed her eyes hard. “All of the things you just said have made me very angry, Pinkie.” She opened her eyes. “But I’m also hungry! Still, this better be the best damn cupcake I ever had!” Sunset took a bite, chewing with a calculating expression as she looked at Pinkie. She swallowed. “You got lucky!”
Pinkie giggle snorted as she passed around a few more baked goods to the group, leaving a small pile by Spike and Rarity who seemed quite engaged in the moment.
Starlight raised an eyebrow at Spike and Rarity. “Should we just… just let this happen? I mean… How old is Spike mentally in pony years?”
Twilight sighed. “I don’t know… And you know what? I don’t even care anymore.” She shook her head. “Let’s just go into town and find a hotel to book into or something.”
The other ponies present let out a few jubilant cries as they wandered off leaving an engrossed Spike to the hornjob he was enthusiastically giving Rarity.
Sunset quickly wolfed down muffin as she walked. “Okay, but that was weird, right?”
“Spike and Rarity?” Twilight replied. “Maybe? Heck… Who knows what those two do behind closed doors.”
“That sounds mildly irresponsible of you, Twilight,” Sunset quipped. “But I meant… Giant storm and ice block aside, all that back at the castle and the train and just all the wackiness of ponies stating the obvious for a day… Just… Weird, right?”
The other ponies present exchanged glances and shrugged.
“Ugh…” Sunset said. “Yet another reason while I should go home for a bit.”
“Erm… is it less weird there?” Fluttershy asked.
“Uh, I guess?” Sunset replied. “I mean… It’s weird, but… different weird… I’m not on trial here!”
“Shhhh!” Applejack quickly put a forehoof up to Sunset’s mouth. “Ah can smell dishonesty…”
Sunset furrowed her brow. “How can you smell dishonesty? And why would you have to—”
Everypony shushed Sunset.
“Right, right… Shutting up…”
“Hehehe… Another haul, eh, brother of mine?” a masculine voice quipped from the other side of some nearby foliage.
The mares all began to creep quietly towards the source of the voice.
“You said it, Flim!” replied another stallion’s voice. “Ponies just can’t get enough of these brain pills.”
“Right you are, Flam! Too bad they actually impede intelligence and merely being around them, much like we are right now, makes a pony uncontrollably exposition every little thing they’re doing!”
“Indeed, Flam, indeed. Oh, well! Let’s just put away these pills so we can continue making tons of bits from the unexpecting Ponies of Equestria.”
“Of course, Flim. Say, brother, you seem to be surrounded by a bunch of angry mares, including that Princess Twilight!”
“Why, Flam. I was just about to tell you that it looks like Applejack and some sort of orange alicorn with a murderous look in her eyes are standing right behind you!”
Sunset cocked her head slightly. “Hello Flim… Flam… Have you two ever been on a trip together?”
“Madam,” the mustachioed brother Flam replied, “my brother and I have toured the world selling our dubious merchandise to as many suckers as will pay for them!”
“He’s right!” Flim said. “But he probably shouldn’t have said such an incriminating sounding sentence amidst royalty, and I definitely should not have corroborated it!!”
A smile dripping with ill intent began to form on Sunset’s face as her lips slithered away from each other. “Have you two ever been… to the moon?”
“… I’m scared, Flam,” Flim said as he took a step away from Sunset, pressing his back against his brothers as the circle of mares with angry and crazed looks on their faces closed in.
Flam stood oddly resolute and stalwart despite the impending doom surrounding him. He wrapped a foreleg around Flim. “Be strong brother. We knew this day would come.”
The End
Thanks for reading everyone! This was definitely a ride that probably no one, including myself, expected to take, but thanks for making it to the end.
See you in the comments and future stories! 
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Guess AB was fired?
And damn! That was one hell of a ride. Very emotional, but i will say this was a wonderful Comedy. Started very sad, and ended on a very happy note. Good job once again Justice!
Now I want a spinoff where Flim and Flam sell equipment to the Kerbals.
8218576
Ooops! Thanks for catching that... Wrong Crusader for sure. Fixed.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Saw that Big Mac and Sweetie Belle line and got slightly confused and VERY worried about what was happening at the farm.
“"You're right, Flam, it could be worse. At least they don't know about the train we sold.”
8218587
But yes... errors, or rather ONE error, was made.
Why, whatever do you mean?
8218589
Hahaha... Oh man. I really Wish I had thought of this when I wrote the piece.
I think that should be Sunburst’s shoulder? And yep, that was definitely an appropriate ending. Who knew this fic would cover so much? From Sunset making up with her mom to destruction of a (horrible) train. And ice cream is a better inspiration for a name than a near-disaster.
Guess everypony has to leave the nest eventually. And Celestia probably shouldn’t just declare Sunset princess of earth as that wouldn’t bring Sunset closer to Canterlot anyway. Thank you for the awesome fic, its been one of my favorites, going from hilarious to heartwarming to just crazy and back again, its been a fun ride the whole time.
8218595
Fixed!
Glad you enjoyed it!
😃 Oh my god. Please tell me there'll be a sequel/spin-off where Sunset introduces Celestia to Orange is the New Black.
And Breaking Bad. And Friends. And Arrested Development. And Parks and Rec. And Bojack Horseman. And all the Marvel shows. And Stranger Things. And Malcom in the Middle (I'm sure they could identify with a few characters in that show).
I’m not sure I get the Flim and Flam part, but this was a nice, if somewhat disturbing end to this story.
This has been a fun ride, and I thank you for it. I’d ask if there have been any other episodes that you felt deserved this treatment, but I figure right now you’d like to bask in the relief of finally being done with this one.
Mostly importantly, though. Spike gets a happy ending. And that’s always worth it.
A Marvin the Martian reference?! (Oh wait. That was in one of the Pony Anthologies, but still)
Sir...Madame....however you self identify.....I think I love you.
8218613
I think Rarity is the one who gets the “happy ending”, HI-OOOOOOOOOH!
The ending was something I thought up well before I actually wrote it. I considered making more ‘brain pill’ references in the fic, but eventually opted for the brick joke.
8218614
Hehehe. “Sir” in this case, but glad you both caught and enjoyed that joke.
HA!
That is definitely a top favorite joke.
You know, I actually think that Celestia likes trolling Sunset. The problem seems to be that she doesn’t know she’s doing it. She actually thinks that she’s showing Sunset maternal love and attention instead!
Simpsons. Treehouse of Horror V. Season 6 episode 6. Segment 1: The Shinning.
Sudden Groundskeeper Willie! "Sh! You wanna get sued?"
Yes indeed Pinkie. Yes indeed.
Also, yes.
While a very nice and fun ending...
How do Flim and Flam get back in time for the events of “Viva Las Pegasus”?
8218653
MAGIC!
In all seriousness, Sunset and crew probably lack the means to send any pony to the moon. They just pull some magic trickery, get them to eat a bunch of their own pills (likely to Pinkie hiding them in food), decorate an abandoned warehouse or something and tell the brothers it’s the moon.
It takes a bit for the pills to wear off and Flim & Flam to figure out what really happened.
God I loved this story. Please write more of your Sunset, your Starlight, and the whole gang!
8218622
Yeah, but a generous mare like Rarity is bound to return the favor.
...I’m talking about a pony and a dragon... what is my life?
I guess I’ll have to reread the story to catch where the brain pills were brought up. Poor me.
I can’t tell if you’re serious or kidding.
MUST you make everything sexual?
No. None of that. Shame on you.
Sunset shall return. Probably for the season finale. Imagine how angry she would get at the reformed changelings
occasional
and yep. Ever wonder where trash goes when you “erase it” from your trash bin on the computer? Apparently SS never had that problem when dealing with problems. He had a universal trash bin, and random things to delete from his life
. It’d be interesting to see more of those deleted files coming to haunt Shimmy Shakes and co in a fic or two.
____________________
Space
psychologically
_______________________
I can’t wait to get more of this (or even someday a LunaVese style episode list ^_^). Still this fic has lots of material for new stuff someday, and Best Princess and Best Super Villain were awesome in this story. Even the technical additions to this AU that are already out are very fun reads.
As for Spike ... well he did hit adult hood twice. And he has worked an adult job since day one of FiM. Only recently being given anything resembling a life outside of his slavish lifestyle. So I’d say he’s adult enough to date Rares, or get deep inside her. Afterall dragon’s age weirdly, and not exactly linearly. Or even in the same ways (I mean Spike has an ideal form he might go into when he gets older (Dream Spike); Adult Spike 1.0 (Man-Baby Spike); and 2.0 (Greed Spike).). So yeah. GO SPIKE!!!! WhooHoo!
Oh! And are any of your Dazzling fics cannon to this AU? Or strictly their own thing?
8218661
It’s stated in the chapter itself.
Well, the dream sequence certainly explains the sudden ‘Sex’ tag. As sad as I am to see this end, wonderful epilogue Justice!
...I want to see a side story/sequel to this: “Sunset Shimmer's Way Too Freudian Nightmares”
Also, Sunset quoting Soos? Definitely those brain pills talking.
corroborated
This was such a fantastic story to read, damn fine and epic! XD Good work on this start to finish man, it was quite the read.
Keep up the fantastic work, I’m Dustchu... and it's been good~
8218892
Now I do too, dammit!
I always loved to see this fic update, it always brightened my day. I hope this Sunset comes back in some future fic. Keep writing on!
This story made me laugh a lot. I really hope there is a sequel of some kind!
Also, nice subtle Simpsons reference with the Cupcakes.
And now I’m just picturing if the last line of this chapter was:
“FORE!”
8217571
...I confess I have no idea what that has to do with anything. She’s not Twilight’s student, and that decision was made by the writers for the franchise. You can’t even argue it here; hell it’s a big part of what she’s mad about. But anyway she’s on the EQG side of things; Twilight’s on the FIM side. Now in this fic Twilight is taking flak for a decision that was literally Word of God; you might as well blame her for how Cutie Marks are handled or for the fact that apples are red instead of yellow or green. The decision was never her character’s to make, and to turn said decision into something negative that she did strikes me as an odd choice... unless you hate the character and want to portray her badly, of course. If that’s the case, there’s still better ways to go about it. But that’s a discussion I can not have with the author.
For you, well first I owe you an apology. I started out my response in a dismissive and dishonest manner. I did not just skim your comment; I don’t just skim anything really, and so yes I saw the link to her Tropes page (I simply don’t see it helping your case in the slightest, especially since I’ve read it before). I read the comment fully and hid behind claiming to skim so as not to tear into everything I disagreed with in it. But since you brought it up.. let me be more specific. I went back through my old comments on this fic, since it was months ago and I needed a refresher. I hardly focused on the baby, or Cadance; I certainly didn’t ‘hyper focus’ since most of my comments were before this chapter, and the one after this was more about Sunset and Celestia. If you’d like though, that hyper focus would look like more like this:
Okay, so Sunset’s apology to Cadance was certainly genuine and I think we were all glad to see it. It would have been a step in the right direction for growth for both of them. We even know it’s genuine thanks to 3rd person (pony?) narration and so we can trust that Sunset isn’t just blowing smoke. Unfortunately, the situation played out like this: ‘I’m really sorry for bullying you, and your kid is great. I bet your husband and I could make a good one together... you think about that.’ ...Okay so there’s flubbing an apology and then there’s writing ‘sorrynotsorry’ on a dirty tissue, peeing on it, and rubbing it on the other party’s face. She bullied Cadance to the point that just being in the same room is a source of terror (and this is somepony that stood up to Chrysalis), and then she’s going to basically hit on her husband right in front of her? Yeah... ya know, this fic really wants to make Twilight out as a lousy Princess of Friendship, with the implication being that Sunset knows better in every situation. By not calling her out on this kind of thing, Twilight is certainly failing as a friend right now, but not nearly as hard as Sunset. Appalling. What’s worse is that she doesn’t even seem to realize how messed up it is. She’s just intrinsically that awful. And with this group of enablers, she won’t be coming out of it any time soon.
Now, THAT would be me hyper focusing. I am holding back a lot, or was, and trying to be somewhat positive as I tried for a time to stick with this until it either did what I was worried it would, or redeemed itself (I specifically said ‘may I be wrong’). Unfortunately, and as a troper you can understand this, I reached the Eight Deadly Words a few days and chapters after this one, and hadn’t seen this fic since. Oh, at the time I told myself ‘I just need something a little lighter and happier right now, I’m in a bad mood and this fic won’t help’ or whatever. But after a month of not touching it I had to admit my interest had waned. It’s returning now, thanks to your defense of the work, and I’m going to give this another shot. Don’t mistake that for me agreeing with you. I respect the points you’re making but I see the text quite differently than you. Still, I can’t form a full opinion without finishing it, so there’s that.
And look, I mean no offense but really, you’re not helping your own arguments with your hypocrisy. While I don’t actually mind ‘Purple Smart’ (it’s a bit identity limiting, but hardly insulting).... ‘Fire Crotch’...? Really? You want me to see the positive in a character plagued by negative (not just the baby thing, all my comments were about the chapters they were written on, each had issues; I have a whole checklist here) while you call characters you don’t like in that fashion? Speaking of fashion, I noticed your shot at Rarity, too. So you’re going to attack those two in vague ways while telling me how to view characters positively? So should I just do that for the ones you like? I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to take your own advice before expecting anyone else to do so. You want me to see that there are more positives than negatives? Sorry again, but I’m seeing both and regrettably the latter is coming through louder, alongside the fact that everyone’s giving her carte blanche to do as she pleases. While I do hope that changes, to this point it had read more like the kind of leeway gifted to an author’s soapbox than a character. Speaking of the author...
8217497
Well, I was sort of expecting to get ganged up on; I have only myself to blame. There’s even a downvote: go team! Not that I mind, you both (and the downvoter if it’s a separate person) are passionate about defending the fic and even if I disagree with many of the points made, I respect both of you for making them. I will be giving this another shot and am actually looking forward to picking it back up this evening. I will do so with an open mind but don’t mistake that for being swayed towards viewing this differently. I’m rekindled to see where it goes though. Also no, I didn’t stop in this chapter; it’s just the comment TheGreatEater happened to reply to, which I then replied to in kind. You may notice there’s another comment from me later in the story from back in January as well. It was partway through the next or the chapter after that I wandered away and lost interest.
I understand what you’re saying in that I misread the intentions of those cutaways. The problem with that is that authorial intent is, no offense, inconsequential. It can be unfortunate, I’m sure Machiavelli would love to explain that The Prince was just him trolling (and it very probably was). But also, hell, you even admitted being surprised by your own fic in an author’s note at one point.
I’ve written enough to know that that certainly happens. And so as a reader one engages with the text; what the author meant and what the author ended up saying seldom match and meaning is derived by each person reading. It’s the reason people flipped out when Lucas went back to make ‘New Editions’ of the Star Wars Trilogy. It’s also, as I alluded, a practical consideration in literary theory since, even if the author could be trusted to fully understand how what they’re saying can be interpreted, they’re often too dead to ask. Thankfully that’s not the case here, but it’s still a fact that those cutaways add to the story in various ways, whether they were what you intended or not. I can’t check with you every time I need a call on something ambiguous; neither of us wants that.
No, there was nothing more needing to be said about Twilight taking on Starlight as a pupil while ignoring Sunset. Hell, I said my own piece on that same issue in a previous comment; it didn’t need a cutaway and I agree with my own reasoning for why it happened. I do think it’s regrettable that Twilight is getting dumped on for something her character had no say in while we’re expected to forgive Sunset on similar grounds. All that said, I won’t quote myself on the matter here, but I will quote myself when I said in my first response yesterday: “But the impression I got, and may I be wrong...” So yes, I certainly don’t mind admitting that possibility. I’m closer to a scientist than I’ll ever be to a priest.
The thing is, what separates this from The Wheel and the Butterfly for me is how the characters act towards the protagonist. Dan’s self-realizations came organically, and from some very necessary tough love from the friends that he had to admit, at least in his heart of hearts, he did actually care about. He grew with their help. He’s still angry, he’s still Dan, people don’t change that much and that’s accurately portrayed, but he’s grown and that’s a good thing. That’s worth reading. Sunset isn’t getting any help; everyone around her is too busy feeling sympathy or fear to rein her in (hah...), and much like Dan, she needs reined in. She seems to know what everyone else should be doing and how they should be acting and where did all that come from? Was it the years of bullying (Cadance or the school), her brief and clearly torturous time as a demon, or maybe the time redeeming herself at CHS where apparently her human friends treated her to a bit of revenge (still getting off light after mind controlling folks in a world with no magic, but yeah not their finest decision)? And lest we forget, those friends are not here. These ponies don’t really know her, the Bearers don’t I mean, so why is no one getting in her face and telling her off? Further, if she does move through this on her own I’m just not sure how she’s going to escape the Sue mantle that comes with solving everything while everyone around looks on in awe. I’m certainly not sure what she’ll even see in those around her at that point. She’s barely civil to them now. I look forward to seeing what happens next. I don’t know how you’re getting out of this, and hell you don’t even have to, but you might (or might have, I’m now at least 10-15 chapters behind) and I’m gonna read it.
Also, to the community here (or rather, anyone who read this far or is just reading the last lines of ridiculously long comments) I’ll say I was pleasantly surprised when reading my old comments. My first, in chapter three, got four upvotes. I wasn’t expecting that given all the hate I saw being flung at Twilight and how the fic seemed to encourage us to interpret the situation. It’s nice that some can read and enjoy this fic while still seeing those that Sunset attacks in a positive light. I didn’t expect it and honestly that’s on me for underestimating other readers. Sure, a few of my other comments got some downvotes but that’s perfectly okay. People will support the works they like in different ways.
Thank you Justice3442, for another wonderful ride through the world of wacky ponies and a dragon. This will be another one of your stories that I go to when I have a bad day!
Edit: A thought comes to my mind. Luna arrives on the moon for the sole purpose of removing some mobile blemishes from her otherwise beautiful doom sky orb!
Sequel, sequel, sequel!
I duely require more of this Sunset of INFINITE RAGE.
8218733
8218937
Fixed! Thanks!
Also, I would consider my Dazzling stuff canon with this. I consider my random stuff to be linked, mostly, with a few exceptions to some of my more out there stuff (which I suppose might co-exist in a third universe with my non-random stuff also co-existing at different times?) This fic might be special in that if I get far enough in some of my other non-random stuff, I’ d consider a less zany version of events canon, mostly because I see little point in rewriting a Sunset/Celestia reunion.
8218892
Nice catch regarding the reference.
8218741
Hehe, yeah that’s been there. Mostly for Sunset hitting on Shining. Though, Adagio certainly seems to make sex more of a focus even in dreams.
8218657
Did the mother of the sextuplet guards also get an award?
8219251
Sweet! I got to read the Dazzling fics now. Well other than the few I read earlier this morning ^_^.
10/10 You are BUCKING brilliant!
Epic conclusion to an epic tale! I laughed all the way through this. Good job!
(I can’t shake the feeling there’ll be some sort of...SEQUEL.)
Fantastic and hilarious end to this story and that ending - explains so much. It was amazing to see Sunset interact with everypony here and while this story is over I pray we see some sequels that show her having more interactions with them going forward. There just seems to be so much fun and drama to explore.
“You know… After the ice cream.”
I want so much more of this story
This is weird. And now it’s over. Well, it wasn’t bad. Just really strange. And if it ended with less rauchy humor, the moodlash wouldn’t mess up my mood, but whatever.
Typo: History!( )Actual,
Well, the expositional stupidity displayed in practically everyone being the fault of Flim and Flam’s phony products gives me a lot more faith in Equinity. At least the world isn’t naturally dysfunctional and idiotic.
8219578
Fixed! Thanks!
This story as a whole is full of pretty abrupt mood shifts and the tone of this final chapter is certainly way different from the one that preceded it. I’m not at all surprised this bumps some. A big part of the reasoning is that even with the MAJOR story changes before this one, the train station scene very much based on the same scene in the second episode, so I’m kind of taking the fic full circle.
The Flim Flam stuff I think I came up with well over a year ago before we had emotional, introspective conversation between Sunset and others written or even thought up, but I still liked it as an explanation as to why so many characters came off as dim-witted exposition machines.
I’m guessing none of that explanation helps your mood, but there you go.
8219697
It’s not like it’s bad. It’s just really different. I might read the sequel if I’ve got enough time and I see it while browsing around.
Fun story, I loved it. And that ending? Perfect.
I can't believe I'm voting up a story about Second Worst Episode.
This story was awesome and needs more rage filled sequels.
You win. Mysterious Cities of Gold references are ALWAYS a instant win. This is only the second time I've seen a pony/MCOG cross-anything!
Call me when Sunset start piloting the Golden Condor. Hilarity will ensue.