Chapter 12: Everything Is Good and Will Stay That Way Forever!
Starlight half-trotted, half-stumbled past rows of crystal houses, her expression likewise a mix of half-determination, half-irritation. Lagging behind her was Sunburst, his gait a little more controlled, if slightly wobbly. His face expressed concern as he watched Starlight and glanced nervously at other ponies who couldn’t help but stare at the purple unicorn’s wobbly walk through the crystal street…
“I just can’t believe it!” Starlight cried.
… Quite possibly because she was also doing an awful lot of yelling in addition to her inebriated stroll through town.
Sunburst’s ears flopped around his head as he lowered it and looked forward. “It’s not a big deal…” he said. “Really… This is all unnecessary.”
Starlight turned to shoot a vexed look at Sunburst before almost tripping on a sidewalk curb. “Ooff… It most certainly IS a big deal!” she cried as she stepped onto the sidewalk.
Head still lowered, Sunburst looked around at the crystal ponies on the street. With his muzzle pointed downward his glasses began to slide down as if taking this chance to escape, however Sunburst quickly reached up a forehoof and pressed them back against his face.
Starlight continued. “… And it’s totally necessary!”
“… I really don’t think it is…”
Starlight narrowed her eyes, turned and quickened her pace, almost barreling straight into Sunburst who found himself backing away to avoid the angry mare.
“You should be a wizard!” Starlight declared as she stared Sunburst in the face.
Sunburst glanced away. “Okay, but… I’m not sure that title is really one that exists anymore and…”
Starlight raised her forehooves and placed them against the sides of Sunburst’s face. Not so gently, she turned his head to face her and looked him dead in the eyes. “But Sunburst, you’re so smart! And you know sooo much about magic! How can you not be a wizard?!”
Sunburst swallowed. “Erm, um… Well, I told you… I have the knowledge, but not the power. Sure I know, um, plenty of spells, but… uh…”
“BUT NO PONY RECOGNIZES YOU FOR IT!” Starlight yelled.
Sunburst cringed. “Ow… my ears…”
“Oops!” Starlight let go of Sunburst’s head. “Sorry!” she said. “Look… it’s just… You know so much and you’re just so good!”
Sunburst frowned. “But… I’m not good at magic…”
Starlight shook her head vehemently. “Not what I meant! Sunburst, you deserve to be a wizard and it would be criminal of me to let you just sit in that small house while unrecognized!”
“Erm… ‘Criminal’? I think you might be overplaying the, uh, significance here just a bit…”
Starlight shrugged. “Well, sure it’s not taking over a town of ponies, stealing their cutie marks, or even trying to wreck the life of the Princess of Friendship and almost destroy Equestria in the process!”
Sunburst’s eyes went wide and he looked about him, hoping no pony had heard Starlight’s last sentence. Unfortunately for him, quite a number of onlookers had begun to take interest in the unusual street show Starlight was giving.
Unfortunately for them, Starlight had noticed them noticing her. “Yeah, that’s right!” Starlight said as she glared out at the ponies around her and pointed a forehoof out. “I used my magic for evil and did some bad stuff!” Starlight slowly moved her accusatory forehoof over the crowd. “And you know what?! I don’t regret it!”
Sunbrust cringed. “She doesn’t mean that!” he exclaimed. “She told me all about regretting doing that, uh, very impressive magical, but-still-bad, stuff that she did!”
“UGH!” Starlight grunted as she slapped a forehoof against her head. “Why is it so hard to think?!”
Sunburst shot Starlight a concerned look. “Uh… Starlight… I mean… I hope I didn’t talk out of turn or say anything you didn’t want ponies to hear…”
“No, it’s not that!” Starlight said. “I mean… Okay… I don’t like the fact that I did evil stuff and I’m trying to learn about friendship and be a better pony but… but… but…” Starlight looked at Sunburst, her eyes starting to get glassy and tear-filled. She took a few steps forward and stared deeply into Sunburst’s turquoise eyes.
Sunburst froze in place and stared back into Starlight’s amethyst eyes.
Starlight continued, “It’s just that… even though I did that bad stuff, at least I was finally able to see you again…”
Sunburst smiled slightly. “Oh, well… That’s a very nice sentime—”
Starlight suddenly lurched forward and wrapped her forelegs around Sunburst. “My best friend that I missed so mUuUuUuUuUuUch!” she wailed.
“Erm, um…” Sunburst lightly patted Starlight’s back. “There, there!”
“And you’re sooo smart! And sooo good! And nopony sees that and… and…” Starlight’s horn suddenly glowed light blue before she disappeared with a ‘pomff’. The pony holding him suddenly gone, Sunburst nearly fell forward onto his face. Starlight was suddenly by his side in an instant, wrapping a tight foreleg around his neck. She threw her free forehoof into the air. “That’s why… WIZARD!”
Sunburst grinned sheepishly and glanced about him. The crowd of ponies had only gotten thicker. “Starlight… I don’t think this is a great idea… I’ve had a bit to drink, you’ve had a lot to drink… and…”
“And we’re going to see Princess Heart-butt and DEMAND that she make you a wizard!”
Sunburst grimaced. “Well, um, I just don’t think now is the time…”
Starlight’s eyes widened and she removed her foreleg from around Starlight. “Oh… oh… you’re right…”
Starlight let out a sigh of relief. “Glad you’re starting to see reason…”
Starlight nodded her head up and down. “We shouldn’t just walk to the Crystal Castle and demand you be made a wizard.”
Sunburst chuckled. “Of course not! That would be, uh, kinda crazy! And might get us thrown in a dungeon!”
A slightly wild smile came over Starlight’s face. “The answer is TIME!”
“… Time?”
Starlight nodded. “TIME! We can go back in time and make it so you get made a wizard right out of magic school! I mean… That would really correct the you-not-being-a-wizard problem!”
“WHAT?! That’s, that’s… Do you really think we could use a spell to do that?”
Starlight nodded her head up and down excitedly.
Sunburst thought about this for a moment. “Traveling back in time would be amazing…” He frowned. “But, uh, didn’t you say there were horrible repercussions for you meddling with time?!”
“Hahaha! Oh YES! The WORST!” Starlight replied. “I mean… Equestria was a complete barren wasteland in one of the outcomes! And that was just one of the many possibilities…”
The ponies around Sunburst and Starlight gave them a collection of concerned and frightful looks which Sunburst caught. “Er… So, uh, considering that, maybe time travel isn’t such a great idea…”
Starlight pursed her lips into a frown. “But I’d be using my magic for good! I mean… maybe if I did that something amazing would happen like… like… the Crystal Empire streets might be pathed with rocky road ice cream!” Her eyes shot open wide. “Sunburst, I neeeeeed ice cream!”
“Um…” Sunburst trailed off slightly and blinked a few times. “Right now?”
Starlight nodded her head once, the bottom of her muzzle touching her neck. “Yes! Right now!” She declared. With a glow of her horn and a gasp from the crowd, many of the ponies found themselves pushed to the side as Starlight made a path for her and Sunburst.
Sunburst mouthed apologies as he followed Starlight out of the crowd. “Okay, well ice cream sounds like a better idea then uh… finding the princesses and demanding that one of them make me a—”
“And then, WIZARD!” Starlight added resolutely.
Sunburst let out a heavy sigh and shook his head as Starlight continued her merry stagger-trot through the Crystal Empire.
-ooo-
“I CAN’T BELIEVE I NEGLECTED YOU FOR SO LONG! I’M THE WORST MOTHER EVER! WHOUAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAHOUAAAAAAHOUAAAA!”
Twilight Sparkle sighed as she took her hoof off one of the kitchen’s black double doors. The door swung back and forth slightly before settling back into place.
“Sunset and Celestia still busy?” Spike ask as he walked through the crystal dining room and approached Twilight.
Twilight rolled her eyes, got up slightly on her back legs, and motioned to the double doors.
“BUT I COULD HAVE ASKED FOR YOUR HELP BUT INSTEAD I WAS A TOTAL BRAT AND IGNORED YOU AND TRIED TO TAKE OVER EQUESTRIA! I’M THE WORST DAUGHTER EVER! WHOUAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAHOUAAAAAAHOUAAAA!”
Spike smiled slightly and shrugged. “Weeeellll, those two were overdue for a talk. I’m sure it won’t hurt to let them cry their feelings out a bit longer.”
A castle shaking ‘BOOM!’ sounded out followed by the mirthful giggle of the newborn from down the hall. This joyful outburst was then followed by a high pitched scream-cry.
Twilight narrowed her eyes slightly. “You were saying?”
“Heh heeeeh…” Spike stroked the back of his head fin. “Well, I’m sure they’re almost done,” he said nodding towards the kitchen.
Twilight sighed as she began to walk out of the dining room area, Spike following close behind. “Is it too much to ask that things start going a bit smoother?”
“Well, there’s just a lot going on today!” Spike countered. He began to list things off on his claws as he followed Twilight into a huge crystal hallway. “Sunset is meeting ponies she hadn’t talked to in years that she sort of had unfinished business with, Starlight is reuniting with her friend, Cadance and Shining Armor’s baby turned out to be an alicorn…”
“I’m aware of all that, thanks!” Twilight said with just a dash of sarcasm. She grimaced slightly as she finished her sentence. “This must be how Sunset feels…”
“You’re just upset because Cadance threw an alarm clock at your head.”
Twilight frowned deeply. “Well the Crystalling is soon and that happening certainly didn’t help to alleviate my stress levels…”
“But, hey! She has an alarm clock!” Spike replied. “I’m sure she’ll be up in time for the ceremony.”
Twilight inhaled and then exhaled slowly, putting on a small smile. “Okay, Spike… I’ll try to not to panic about this,” she said as her horn glowed purple and one of two massive double doors was pushed opened.
“FINE! MORE PANIC FOR ME!” Pinkie’s shrill voice answered. Pinkie still held on tightly to the baby who continued to fly seemingly unimpeded by the fully grown pink mare holding onto her.
Spike looked up at Pinkie in surprise. “Have you been holding on to the baby this entire time?!”
“Better under than in front!” Pinkie exclaimed.
‘PCHEEEW!’
“Ah!” Twilight narrowly put up a shield in front of her and Spike as the baby let loose another small blast from its horn.
“… Fair enough,” Spike said with wide eyes.
-ooo-
Sunset Shimmer trotted next to her mother down one of the Crystal Castle’s hallways, both sets of their eyes red and puffy but a happy smile adorning their faces regardless. The two walked in silence. Nothing more needed to be said… except for maybe the fact that Sunset still had obvious abandonment issues and would still regress to a filly-like state that made her emotions go crazy and that Celestia was perhaps a bit too ready to indulge that behavior and perhaps they needed to talk this over in a therapy session or a few dozen, nothing more needed to be said.
Sunset grinned sheepishly to herself. Well, that could wait a bit. At least we’re talking to each other and I have a mommy again! Sunset couldn’t help but grimace slightly as that last thought crossed her mind.
“Problem, my little shimmering sunlight?”
Sunset looked up at Celestia and gave her a reassuring smile. “No, mommy-MOM… it’s fine… I was uh… Just looking forward to seeing Cadance’s baby again!”
Celestia smiled and nodded. “She is quite the bundle of joy!”
“And limitless power!” Sunset added with a devilish grin.
Celestia chuckled lightly. “Yes… that too…”
“Sister? Perhaps it isn’t my place to say, but maybe you should have a talk with your daughter over her desire for destructive power in baby form.”
Sunset’s cheeks flushed crimson as Princess Luna’s words sounded out. Princess Luna walked down a massive cross-hallway, Cadance beside her. Sunset couldn’t help but give Cadance a scrutinizing look.
Celestia smiled at her sister. “But she’s bonding with her niece!” Celestia said. “Who am I to micromanage how that relationship works?”
The two groups of alicorns stopped as Sunset continued to stare at Cadance, who was grinning sheepishly and glancing at Celestia and Luna as if waiting for her turn to speak up.
“Her legal guardian?” Luna countered Celestia. Luna cocked an eyebrow and looked over her sister’s expression carefully. “Or are you nurturing this behavior in the hope it leads to grandchildren?”
Celestia glanced away with a slightly embarrassed look on her face. “Well… I do love foals…”
Sunset sent one more tentative look upwards at Celestia and Luna then turned to glower at Cadance. She took a deep breath. “Cadance, Dear cousin, Brand new mother, why the heck aren’t you in bed?!”
Cadance smiled at Sunset. “Don’t worry! I had a quick power nap so we could do the Crystalling and then I promise that Shining Armor and I will get some much needed rest.”
The group resumed their stroll through the Crystal Castle.
“You better!” Sunset said. “I’ll put you to sleep myself if I have to!” Sunset said, her horn glowing turquoise slightly. “And I’m not so great on sleep spells if you catch my drift.”
“Worry not, Sunset Shimmer,” Luna said as she looked down with a smile. “I’ll make sure the new parents get plenty of restful sleep after this.”
“Sniff…sob…”
The progression of alicorns stopped and stared at Celestia as tears began to stream down her face.
“Mom?” Sunset said, her face the very picture of concern. “What’s wrong?! Did I…” Sunset swallowed. “Did I say something wrong?”
Celestia shook her head. “No… I’M JUST SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!” Celestia said as she launched right back into crying mode. “WHOUAAAAAHOUAAAAAHOUAAAAAHOUAAAAAA!”
“Oh gosh mom! STOP!” Sunset said. “I can’t… I literally can’t do this right now! Not without drinking a ton of water to replenish my tear stocks!”
Luna chuckled and shook her head. “Alright you two, just a little longer and you can both cry all you want.”
“No, I’m serious,” Sunset said. “I’m starting to feel lightheaded at this point…”
Celestia clamped her mouth shut and sniffed hard. “No… It’s fine…” she said with a smile. “Just got a little emotional… I’ll be fine.”
Cadance giggled and shook her head and the group continued their walk, eventually passing through double doors that lead to the curtained-off area with the Crystal Heart. Standing nearby Shining Armor breathed heavily as Rarity floated a hairbrush through his mane and Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy looked on with concern. He turned as Cadance trotted down a set of steps and galloped up to her.
“Okay!” Shining Armor said with a smile. “I chose the honor guard, picked the purity crystal, and I know exactly who I want to be our crystaller. So, all we need is...” Shining trailed off and stroked his chin with the back a forehoof, his eyes glancing back as if he was searching his mind for the missing piece.
Cadance chagrined. “The baby?”
Shining’s eyes went wide as his pupils shrank to tiny dots.
“We’re HERE!”
Shining breathed a sigh of relief as Twilight shouted. Spike followed her close behind as did Pinkie still holding onto the flying baby as Twilight englobed them both in a shimmering purple shield. The baby burbled in delight as it flew around it’s small containment and Pinkie swayed from side to side.
“She’s a really strong flier!” Pinkie said. “And magic user… and she’s just strong in general… Oh gosh I soooo need a break!” she said, her manic smile returning as her head shifted 90 degrees, then 180, then 270 making a sickly ‘click!’ each time.
Twilight glanced at Celestia and then Sunset, giving the former a small smile.
Sunset suddenly remembered that she kinda, sorta, maybe should talk to Twilight as well. While the apologies for slights against Twilight owed really didn’t extend past the day, Sunset did have the nagging feeling that should show some remorse… And maybe get Twilight to talk about the parallels between Sunset and Starlight to understand just why Sunset was upset… Still, even with that conversation seemingly much easier than the previous ones Sunset had, there was still the possibility of tears and well… Sunset was all cried out to the point where another attempt might mean dying of dehydration.
Sunset glanced at the Crystal Heart which spun around and around suspended between two crystal points. Yeah… Let’s save that conversation for later… I mean, once the Crystalling is over and Shining Armor and Cadance finally get some rest, I’m sure we can bond over babysitting Equestria’s most lethal newborn. Sunset could help but smile to herself at that last thought.
Cadance smiled as her horn glowed a baby blue. The shield around Pinkie oscillated as Pinkie and the baby were split, the energy field around the baby changing to the same blue as Cadance’s magic. Surprised, the baby reached out for Pinkie as the pink mare was deposited safely next to Twilight. Her playmate now out of reach, tears began to stream from the baby’s eyes as she opened her mouth and let out a small cry, or rather an earsplitting cry that shook the castle and sent hooves up to their owner’s ears.
The Crystal Heart stopped spinning, vibrated a bit, then soon stopped being a thing entirely as cracks ran through it and it shattered into a pile of broken crystal pieces on the floor.
Everypony gasped in alarm.
“WANT!”
“Sunset!” Twilight said in a chastising tone.
“Sorry!”
The baby slowed its flapping and dropped into her mother’s outstretched hoof. Cadance, on the other hoof, continued to stare at the shattered remains of the crystal heart in bewilderment.
Applejack trotted up to the remains. “I'm guessin' that's gonna make it harder to do the Crystalling.”
“It’s worse than that,” Twilight said as she glanced behind a curtain then looked back at Applejack. “Without the Heart, the Crystal Empire's about to be buried under a mountain of ice and snow!” she said as the distant rumbling of bad weather moving in on the castle could be heard from outside.
With a somewhat sickly ‘click!’ Pinkie’s head finished its rotation and her entire body began shake as it let out a ringing sound much like an alarm clock. “Yep! There we go!” Pinkie said in a bubbly voice. “Now it’s time to die!”
Sunset grit her teeth together hard. “Okay, I know this is really bad, but I really need to go over there and hold that adorable baby!”
Moar. This is hilarious. Moar.
Someone with more patience than me go back and see what all the bonded letters spell.
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Ugh... Actully this is GDocs formatting stuff I thought I had all cleaned out. Guess not.
This is still one of the funniest things I've read on this sight. To make it even better I was listening to this while reading:
Figures that shattering the Crystal Heart would only increase Sunset's "interest" in having an alicorn baby. Truly an adorable weapon of mass destruction. And Celestia is totally behind that plan too, as that means grandfoals for her.
Nice to see Sunset and Celestia have hugged out their problems, though Sunset is likely to revert to calling her mommy at any moment. I wonder if Sunset will criticize how stupid it is to live in a deadly region with only one surprisingly fragile artifact to protect them. And not really any evacuation plan either of course.
Choose the form of the destructor.
Sunset's reaction to everything that happens continues to be hilarious!
It must be annoying to be stuck with such a MIGHTY NEED like Sunset's after a while.
You're drunk.
Huh?
That answer your question?
Yes.
True.
Indeed.
No, no, no, that's not how you say it. It's like this:
Ya think?
STOP THAT!
Shit.
Stop it! It's creepy.
I mean, once the Crystalling is over and Shining Armor and Cadance finally get some rest, I’m sure we can bond over babysitting Equestria’s most lethal newborn.
This is not a context in which chagrin can be used as a verb.
And now we get the joy of Sunset bitching about Luna and Celestia not being able to deal with some punk blizzard clouds.
around
Sunburst
Sunburst
around
For some reason Pinkie's last sentence made me want a cupcake.
I can't wait untill drunk Starlight stumbles back into the castle during all the freaking out.
Sunset's reactions are hilarious!
I can't wait to see Sunset,Spike, and Twilight reactions to drunk Starlight.
Yup, this is the song that my mind provided when we saw Pinkie's announcement at the end. And frankly I started laughing myself sick! IT'S TOO GOOD! I LOVE THIS FIC!! Also Sunset and Celestia are on better terms...even if still damaged, PROGRESS!! Well done!!
Using time travel to fix problems will only make things worse. At worst, Starlight may have destroyed her universe plus Equestria with her shenanigans. Also, a reset button that would activate whenever Starlight starts time traveling would be real nice. I'd also like Starlight to answer for ALL her crimes in a time court.
*Bond
Don't worry, everyone! Starlight's gonna fix everything with time travel! Nothing bad ever comes from that!
Another great chapter.
Remove Sunset and this is Everything wrong with MLP in 5 minutes or less.
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7462943 What kind of bonding? I mean she did ask a couple chapters ago for Fluttershy to write a script for activities in bed.
7481762
No. I was saying that bound was not the word that the author meant there. Bond, on the other hand, is.
7482462 Cool.
Woooooow Sunset. I cannot believe you just went there
bond
couldn't
Well at least we're back to blatant comedy, but even here Sunset's attitude and thoughts about Twilight are completely self-serving. Twilight stopped Sunset from losing herself in hatred and dark magic, gave her her life back, set her up with people who gave a flip if she was alive or dead, looked past her evil faults, and somehow she was now also obligated to make Sunset her official protege? Someone who lives in a completely different world? During a time when Twilight didn't even have any experience with these sorts of matters? I mean it's clear Twi has no skills in interpersonal relationships but Sunset ignores that except when it's time to sucker punch Twilight about it through snark and insults.
It's like, somehow Twilight did wrong for not tearing Sunset away from her new life in her new world with her new friends to come be her very first student and guinea pig for friendship teaching. The fact she still holds this against Twilight does not mean it's Twilight's fault, it means it's something Sunset has to realize is her own goddamn problem, putting unfair and left-unsaid expectations on other people and then FIGHTING with them for not fulfilling expectations she just expects them to know. Even when it's of the sort that Twilight is clearly handicapped in.
Why does the story still treat this like it's a good thing and Sunset is owed her due?
I mean, I love baconhorse, and I'm a strict Sunlight shipper. And I realize this story is some part satire and comedy, but this doesn't mesh. It feels more like everyone is at fault for Sunset's huge stick up her plot and the story demands they all work together to pull it out because she deserves it.
TYPOS
Cadance replied noticeably chagrined. “The baby?”
? = she (missing)
(and Vutava's corrections, I notice are still here?)
CHUCKLES
I'm really really really really wishing this had been canon now!
7462656 Rocky road ice cream of course!
Now I've got Kodama on the brain
7463014 Why did I suddenly think of THIS! ??
Um...is Starlight hallucinating, or is Sunbeam really a Changeling?
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7817541
Got these. Thanks!
Hahahah XD Duuude, freaking epic work well done, well done!
Nicely done!
Man... that head turning thing with Pinkie just kept getting creepier...
Also, Sunset being in this story makes it so much funnier.
bond
(and also that would be a cute fic. Especially as a prequel to https://www.fimfiction.net/story/371337/study-reveals-human-baby-flurry-heart-is-stupid.)
___________________
This chapter is so full of adawww'abetus! And Sunset Shimmer having a Weapon of Mass Adorable Destruction is something she needs. Maybe get knocked up by a Futa'd Glimmer / Twilight ... depending on if Glim Glam ends up with Trixie or not.
Does that give anyone else the impression that maybe they should just call up Chrysalis and have her can the baby in a pod until it's about thirty years of age? It would solve so many problems.
9001384
Then you would have a full grown alicorn with a baby's mentality.
Sure, Flurry Heart can shoop! walls out of existence. We've seen Twilight do the same thing to entire mountains. And while, yes, at the time, she was hopped up on alicorn party time mentats magic boosters, that's multiple orders of magnitude even after you account for that!
DOOMSDAY CLOCK REACHED DING DONG TIME!!
They talk of the love of a child for their mother
and the love of brother for brother
But it's nothing compared to the love
of one drunken bum for the other
no, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-NO!
Shining, give Sunset a baby STAT!!
The easier and safer solution to getting exactly that is to summon Discord and request it. I bet Discord LOVES the company of drunks. Anything chaotic he does at their behest he can legitimately blame on them or the alcohol.
10109092
Or better yet, Drunks with Starlight Glimmer levels of creativity. She's probably the only pony short of the Crusader's whom have their own Rating Scale for damages for insurance companies. At least in Equestria. Sober.
Add in a drunk Starlight Glimmer and what little anchor of reality most of her decisions are based off of, are no longer a problem.
Because your drunk Starlight