Like a Bunny Bomb
A slack-jawed Twilight Sparkle stared down in horror. Where seconds ago there had been a cute little bunny rabbit glaring up at her, now only a slick splattering of uncute bunny innards remained, along with a white, furry pile of skin on Fluttershy’s living room carpet. Twilight wiped Angel Bunny-shrapnel off of her face. In a moment of disturbing clarity, she found herself thinking of how much it had resembled a snake shedding its skin. Except more disgusting.
Definitely more disgusting.
Sudden hoofsteps sent Twilight scrambling back, tripping over her legs and crashing into the coffee table. “Fluttershy!” she said. “I don’t—he just—”
Balancing a tray of drinks on her back, Fluttershy walked out of the kitchen with slow, measured steps. A chair stood between her and Angel’s remnants, but a few more steps and she would see. She would know. Twilight’s heartbeats sped up until they pounded in her ears.
“Would you like some tea?” Fluttershy asked sweetly. “I made a pot of Earl Hay, just for you.” Two more steps.
“Fluttershy.” Twilight gave a loud gulp. “It’s—I don’t know how it happened, but...” The words stuck in her throat; she couldn’t get them out. It had been like the party poppers her parents always bought for her foalhood birthdays, the ones where she would just pull the string and the confetti and candy would burst out the—
She slapped herself across the face. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.
Fluttershy took another slow step forward. “Is something the matter?” The concern in her eyes almost broke Twilight’s heart. She took a deep breath.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, ears drooping, “but Angel Bunny, he—I don’t know what happened.” She lifted a shaky hoof and pointed.
“Angel Bunny?” Fluttershy craned her head to see around the chair. “What happened to—” Her words cut off as the late Angel Bunny came into sight.
“He was just standing there,” Twilight said. “Looking up at me. I didn’t do anything, I swear! I didn’t touch him! He was just looking at me! Then—” As she spoke, her words came faster and faster “—then he just squeaked and bent over, and… and... ” She swallowed. “He party-popped.”
“He what?” Fluttershy asked.
Twilight threw her forelegs up. “It just all blew out his little bunny bottom! Like a tube of icing when you jump on it! He exploded like a fluffy white hoof-grenade!” After a few moments of heavy breathing, her eyes widened. “Oh my gosh, Fluttershy, I’m sorry! I didn’t… I got carried away. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Fluttershy said, deftly slipping the tray of drinks onto the coffee table. “These things happen." She held out a cup. "Tea?”
“These things what?” Twilight glanced at at Angel’s remains, which somehow had started to smoke, then back at her friend. “Aren’t you upset about this?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “Of course not. We all say things we don’t mean sometimes, and it’s my responsibility as a good friend to forgive you for it.” She lifted a steaming teapot and poured two small glasses.
“I don’t mean about what I said.” Twilight found herself accepting the drink, even though her hoof shook so badly she spilled some over the side. “I mean, aren’t you upset over Angel?”
“A little bit,” Fluttershy said after a moment as she took a seat on the couch behind the coffee table.
“Fluttershy, I’m really sorry for your—”
“Do you know how hard it is to clean this carpet?” Fluttershy went on. “I may just have to buy a new one.”
Twilight blinked once, then again before standing up. “Fluttershy.” She set her cup on the table; it clattered against the polished wood. “Your pet just exploded.”
“He certainly did.” Fluttershy sipped at her tea and frowned. “Hm… maybe it needs more sugar?”
“Fluttershy. Your pet. Just exploded.” Twilight felt her nerves stretching to their limits. “Right in front of me. For no apparent reason.”
“Oh, I’m sure there was a reason,” Fluttershy said as she dunked a pair of sugar-cubes into her cup.
“Of course there’s a reason!” Twilight racked her brain for some sort of scientific explanation as to why a cute, fuzzy little bunny rabbit’s innards would blast out his rear seemingly at random, almost like a popcorn kernel being cooked in slow motion. Her stomach lurched at the comparison.
Fluttershy stirred her tea. “There’s no need to shout, Twilight. It was probably all that poison ivy he ate.”
“How did that happen?” Twilight asked. She collapsed backwards onto the chair before her legs gave out. The acrid smell of burnt hair made her wrinkle her nose.
“He found some and ate it,” Fluttershy said, taking another sip. “Mm, much better. A little sugar can go a long way.” She gave a soft smile.
“So he just found poison ivy and ate it,” Twilight said. She could feel her heart finally calming down, although the shaking hadn’t stopped yet. It was hard for her to blame herself, though—after all, she had just seen a bunny rabbit explode in front of her like a firewor—
She slapped herself again. Don’t think about it! Don’t think about it!
“Yes,” Fluttershy said with a weary sigh. “Honestly, you can’t turn your back on a bunny rabbit for ten seconds these days without them eating a pound of poison ivy for supper.”
Twilight’s eyebrows shot up. “A pound? Where would he find that? Did he run off into the Everfree Forest?”
“No,” Fluttershy said.
“Then… where was he when he ate it?” She resisted an urge to glance at Angel's gruesome remains to see if she could pick out anything that looked like partially digested poison ivy.
“Here at home.”
Twilight frowned. “So, you forgot to feed him, and he got hungry and ate something that looked tasty?”
“I certainly did not!” Fluttershy said, words dripping with disdain. “What kind of mommy would I be if I didn’t feed my baby?”
"Then did he eat something earlier?” Twilight asked. She resisted the urge to snort at how well "Mama" was taking her baby’s grotesque demise. “Did he fill up on snacks and not eat dinner, but got hungry later on?”
Fluttershy tittered into her teacup. “Oh, Twilight, of course not. I make sure my babies don’t eat too much between meals. Snacking has its place, but three balanced meals are very important to stay healthy.”
“This doesn’t—”
“In fact,” Fluttershy went on, “the only thing my little Angel ate between lunch and supper was half of Mommy’s brand new curtains that cost her three-hundred bits. She couldn’t even give the scraps to Rarity to salvage anything.” She took another sip. “Twilight, your tea is getting cold!”
Twilight stared at her calm friend for a moment. “If he was here at home, and you fed him dinner, then why would he eat something so obviously dangerous? And why are you so calm about—”
“Twilight.” Fluttershy’s voice cut through Twilight’s like a knife. She gave a sweet smile. “You sure are asking a lot of questions.”
“Yes I am, because—”
“Twilight.” That saccharine smile widened. “Please, let’s not waste time discussing the whys and hows. Let’s just remember the good times and move forward. Angel would want that.”
“But—”
“Twilight.”
For a long moment, Twilight stayed silent. Angel had finally stopped smoking, even though only a few minutes had passed since he had blasted out his little bunny intestines. It was just like whenever Pinkie would eat a jelly doughnut but bite down on the wrong end and all the filling would erupt out the other side—
Her stomach gurgled, and only through supreme force of will did she manage to keep her breakfast down.
“You know what?” she said. “I agree. Let’s stop talking and thinking about this altogether.” A sense of peace replaced her nausea as she and Fluttershy settled in for a nice, long conversation about all manner of topics that weren’t even tangentially related to rabbits, explosions, or angels.
And all the while, Angel Bunny burned in hell for the rest of eternity.
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D:
A little insight into how this story came into existence:
i.imgbox.com/BKx0hIuI.gif
He deserves it.
7004311
You will always be remembered.
We'll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite.
Have a like, favorite, and a brand new car you magnificent SOB
Okay, while the angel hate here is strong, I can't deny that Fluttershy made this story. Her reaction, dialogue, it was all gold.
Only reason I bring up the angel hate is that typically these types of stories are just there because the author hates that bunny. I can understand why, but I tend to try and stay objective: he has to have some redeeming qualities, otherwise even Fluttershy would have done something about it. Regardless, you really made this work. Have a like and a fav.
damn that's funny ( I feel so dirty / nope)
RIP my sides.
I knew exactly what I was getting into when I started reading this.
Somehow I didn't know what I was getting into.
It's just the circle of life.
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw10052_small.png
Explosions and tea.
What a perfect combo.
I like this far more than I should. Surely it's not because I despise Angel Bunny, right? Actually, that's exactly what it is. Serves the little bastard right.
What makes this story, though, is Fluttershy's utterly blasé reaction in the face of Twilight freaking out, and the slow reveal of exactly what happened and why. The only thing that would have made this better would have been for Twilight to also be fed a "special meal" by Fluttershy, but then that's also my preference. I am a terrible person.
Well, I can't say it was not entirely justified...
Well...that happened
*pop*
I somehow knew this would be... this.
The only thing I would like to note is that some of the stuff Twilight says seems more like what Pinkie Pie would say in this particular situation.
img06.deviantart.net/2607/i/2013/198/1/3/the_holy_hand_grenade_of_antioch_by_wdeleon-d6dyzq9.jpg
"...Who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."
I am a bad person, yes.
The only people that could downvote this were those dirty Rabbit Sympas.
7007723
You mean the infamous Fuzzy Hoppers? I'm not one to split hares, but lettuce see what happens if bunny rabbit carrot cotton tail salad.
7007808 Lel.
7004287 Explains sooo much.
7005456 No, I'm pretty sure it's because we all hate Angel Bunny. The little fuzzy bastard.
7004690 I thought it was called the splash zone?
....What?
7014357
This story is representative of a tumultuous period in my life, when I was passed around between my parents and aunts and uncles, never able to settle down and make a home for myself. Times were difficult; more often than I care to think about, I would spend the night in a cardboard box in the alleyway, with only Mr Ruffles, a stray dog I found, for company. Then Mr Ruffles, bless his single floppy ear (he lost his other ear in a fight with a particularly ferocious tomcat), got leukemia and then was shot and then hit by a car, all in the span of a few seconds and right before my innocent, five-year-old eyes. Afterwards, I always carried his worn leather collar around to remind me that the best friend I'd ever had was dead, and also somehow unluckier than even I was. And then I went blind and deaf.
So before you roll your eyes and "what" this fic, remember one thing--Mr Ruffles wouldn't do that. In part because dogs are dumb, but mostly because he's dead. Like, real dead.
7014488 Wow, you're really pulling at my heart strings there.
Ok.
7014488
I cri everytime
7014488
Like I said earlier:
i.imgbox.com/BKx0hIuI.gif
7014488
That reminds me of the time I drew a smiley face on the entirety of Africa.
Wanted to give the starving African children a present, but nooooooooooooo.
Lmao, good story
.... I don't get it
Why wasn't Fluttershy upset?
7021459
Because she's the one who did it.
It's kinda what the entire story is hinting at, really.
7021508
That makes a lot more sense. She was probably covering it up when she was talking to Twilight about it.
You know what? I don't even care. I love this story. The banter felt like an episode of Archer. 10/10
I think I cracked a rib laughing at the popcorn kernel bit!
7287315
Out of all the fics I've written, this is the first to rack up a body count from the readers.
I reviewed this as part of Read It Later #52.
My review can be found here.
I'm gonna have to go against the grain here and say that I actually didn't care for Fluttershy's indifference here. Twilight's colorful metaphors are what sold this one for me. I haven't laughed that loud in a while.
7366698
If you think they were good to read, you should try writing them. It's, like, the most fun I've ever had writing about bunny rabbits going splorch like when Princess Celestia accidentally sits on an eclair.
I like this...I don't know why but I did....I feel like I shouldn't.... But I did...haha jk I know exactly why I liked this.
7387023
What isn't to love about detonating bunny rabbits?
I knew exactly what i was getting into when i clicked this...yet still I am surprised by reading it. you have earned yourself a like on this and a new sub
Edit: apparently am already following you lol
The last line is what made this one for me.
Yup, bunnies explode all the time. What are you gonna do, cry about it?
I don't know why I enjoyed this story so much. Maybe it's because I was raised on Looney Tunes, and think exploding animals are funny.
s3.amazonaws.com/image.blingee.com/images16/content/output/000/000/000/5a5/479662546_1177690.gif?4
Yeah, I know, it wasn't that kind of explosion, but that was the only funny "exploding rabbit" gif I could find.
Have a Spikestache.