Fast Times at Stinky Sugar

by PresentPerfect

Bonus Chapter: Friendship Is Meatcraft

Friendship Is Meatcraft
by Present Perfect

"Welcome to Arby's," Fluttershy said, coughing into her elbow. "May I take your order?"

The rather large customer standing before her scowled.

"Yes," she said in an oily voice, "you may."

As she placed her rather convoluted order, shouting came from the back.

"Ah need four beef and cheese, two potato cakes, an' a pumpkin shake, pronto!"

"On it!" shouted Rarity and Rainbow Dash simultaneously. The former made for the fryer while the latter continued twirling buns and sauce dispensers, working in a rhythm built around the cadence of the meat slicer. Her hands flashed as she waited until just the right moment to reach for the pile of thinly-sliced roast beef, heap it on the sandwich, and wrap the whole thing with a twist before sliding it onto the loading tray.

"Quit foolin' around!" Pinkie Pie barked. "Time is meat and meat is money, and that means time is money, and I ain't payin' you to goof off!"

"She calls this 'goofing off'?" Rainbow grumbled under her breath as she completed another sandwich in one-sixth of a minute precisely.

Rarity placed two wrapped sandwiches in a bag and, checking the order screen, two more on a waiting tray.

"I have two mids, fries in ten!"

Fluttershy sniffled, eyes flashing across her register. "That's two bacon and angus, no cheese, and no lettuce on one--"

"No cheese on either," her customer yowled. "I am watching my figure."

"R-right. No cheese on both, no lettuce on one, a large chocolate shake, a-a large curly fries, and two turnovers, one apple and one chocolate." She gave the woman as pleasant a smile as she could, the corners of her mouth crinkling the spots on her nose that had been rubbed raw by a barrage of tissues. Since the evening dinner rush had started, she hadn't had a moment to get more. "Is there anything else?"

"Hmm." The customer's nose made its best attempt to flee her face. "No, that will be all."

Pinkie shouldered Rarity away from the milkshake machine, filling a large cup with chocolate slurry. "Big order coming down the line!"

Applejack poked her head out from around the corner. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but closed it. Adjusting her headset, she slowly withdrew to the drive-through station.

"On it!" shouted Rainbow Dash.

Rarity gave the fryer a querulous look.

Fluttershy coughed into her elbow again before trying and failing to smile at the next customer. "May I take your order?"

The customer glanced at his friend, who shrugged.

"Mid and a small curly fry."

"Anything to drink?" Fluttershy sniffed.

"No, thanks."

After handing her his card to swipe, the customer craned his head around, gazing over the frantic line. As Fluttershy handed him his receipt, he placed his hand on hers for a second.

"Hang in there."

She gave him a tiny smile in return, but it was short-lived.

"Fluttershy, fries!"

Fluttershy ducked her head and turned to the third customer. "I'll be with you in just a moment, sorry."

Rarity delivered the tray to the customer ahead of the grand one. "Sorry for the wait." To the latter, she said, "It'll be just a moment more on your order, ma'am."

Rainbow Dash was meating and bunning as fast as humanly possible. Applejack poked her head out again with an "Uh..." only to catch the bag for her order smack in the face. She glanced inside it, gave Pinkie a weak smile and a thumbs-up, and slid back to her station.

Pinkie Pie made a sandwich. Then she filled a milkshake. She grabbed the large curly fry from Fluttershy's hand. She flashed across the line, pulling two sandwiches from the loading tray. Vaulting over Rarity, she snatched up a pair of tongs, swiped two turnovers from the heating unit, and slid them and the tray onto the order pickup counter.

"There's your order, ma'am!" she said breathlessly. "Sorry for the wait!"

"You should be."

The woman regarded her with a piggish squint before carefully unwrapping each sandwich and rifling through its contents. Pinkie stood stiff as board, her smile just as wooden.

"I said no lettuce on one!" she screeched, tossing a glob of green shreds at Pinkie. "It makes me gassy if I eat too much! And what's this?" She held up one of the turnovers, slowly crushing it into a mess of chocolate and pastry. "I wanted one chocolate and one apple!"

"I'm terribly sorry, ma'am," Pinkie said robotically. She slowly drew a small card from her hair. "Allow me to fix the oversight and present you this coupon for a free meal deal on your next visit." Never taking her eyes off the woman, she grabbed an apple turnover and slid it onto the tray.

The woman tried her best to glare a hole through Pinkie. She snatched the coupon and lifted the tray with such fervor that she upended her milkshake. "I suppose that will have to do. If I ever come back here."

"I really hope you don't," the second customer muttered, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Those in line behind him stifled laughter while the woman turned a number of shades of purple. Eyes bulging, she could only sputter incoherently for a few moments before stomping off, dripping chocolate milkshake across the dingy brown carpet.

All was still for a moment longer. A beeping from the fryer sent Rarity into a wailing rush for it, and the high-speed chaos returned. Rainbow screeched at the meat that had piled up in the last minute, as though she could make sandwiches with sound waves alone. Fluttershy returned to the register.

"Thank you for waiting," she said with renewed determination.

"Not a problem," responded her customer, glancing at the line of people behind him.

Pinkie caught the second customer's eye. "Can I get you a drink or a shake?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Nah. We're just getting carry out."

She gave him a little smile and moved back to the order screen. Her smile fell as Applejack poked her head out from around the corner and yelled, "Big order comin' up the line!"

Pinkie let out a noise of disgust. Fluttershy quailed. Rarity moaned. Rainbow Dash groaned.

"That's it, I've had enough."

She slammed her hand against the large red button that sat between her station and a sign reading "PANIC BUTTON". Sirens blared and red lights flashed across the line.

"Code orange!" she yelled.

As one, the five employees turned to face the cooler.

With a hiss, the massive steel door wrenched itself open, loosing a billowing cloud of steam that obscured everything behind it. After a second, a form emerged from the steam. It slowly coalesced into Sunset Shimmer, leather jacket slung over one shoulder and a massive amulet around her neck, which obscured the purple lipstick somewhat.

She swung her jacket around dramatically, flinging it back into the cooler before yanking the amulet off her neck. She held it aloft, and her five friends closed their eyes. The amulet opened, drawing in streams of colored light from each of them. The customers oohed and aahed.

The lights gathered into a sphere in the center of the amulet. Once it had grown to the size of a golf ball, she snapped it shut and gazed upon its surface. Lights flashed in a quick circle around its circumference. She grinned. She struck one dramatic pose, then another. Then she heaved the amulet toward the floor.

"Henshin!"

The customers had to shield their eyes as Sunset was engulfed by white light. She lifted off the ground, hair and clothing billowing in unseen wind.

Her top lengthened into a floor-length pink dress. Gloves and winged boots bearing her symbol appeared. Her hair stood straight up, drifting and curling like fire. A seriously 80's red mask appeared across her eyes. Lastly, a horn of brilliant light emerged from her forehead, to complement the wings of light that grew from her back.

She faced the customer at the register, the one who hadn't minded waiting. With a voice that radiated warmth and caring, she called to him.

"Take my hand."

"What?"

He looked to the left and right, but the other customers were frozen in place. Sunset drifted forward through the sandwich station as his world became nothing but the bight, pure light.

"Take my hand," she repeated. "I've been where you are. Scared, alone, hungry."

"Uh, but my friend's right--"

"Let me show you there's another way. The most important magic comes from friendship."

"But I have a friend! And magic? I--"

"Come. Let me show you, as someone once did for me."

Her hand touched his, and there was a blinding flash. When it dissipated, all the customers in line were gone, and Sunset was back to normal, the amulet having returned to hang around her neck.

"Sunset!" Pinkie cried, clawing at her face.

"What?" Sunset shrugged. "What is it this time?"

"You ate all our customers!" Rainbow shouted. "Again!"

"We were just about to start serving them again, too," said Fluttershy, touching the tips of her fingers together. She sneezed cutely.

Rarity scoffed. "It's no wonder this place can't turn a profit! This is precisely why we keep telling you magic can't solve all our problems!"

"Uh," said Applejack from the drive-through. "Still got that big order, y'all!"

"Back to it!" Pinkie shouted, and the kitchen became a frenzy of action once more.

Sunset clucked her tongue. "You're welcome. Whatever."

She moved back to the cooler, where the cold fog had lifted. Two identical purple heads poked out from the doorway, blinking back sleep.

"Come back to bed, Horn Warmer," they said in unison.

Sunset grinned, flashed the double-guns at her friends, and strode back into the cooler like the was queen of the world.

Author's Note:

And that's it for Fast Times at Stinky Sugar!

This story is dedicated to the beleaguered staff at the State Street Arby's the night me and Max went there after seeing Friendship Games. I got started thinking about who would fit what role and things just sort of happened. Some liberties have of course been taken. The woman ahead of us, for instance, was heavy-set and had a complex order, but she was nothing but nice. Max did not have a ready-made zinger on hand, and I did not get consumed by a being of pure magical energy. But other than that, everything else is pretty much how it went. :V

The title comes from an Arby's ad campaign that I noticed the name of on the back one of the employee's shirts. That is actually what started this whole mess. If you don't have Arby's near you and didn't get this story, well, sorry. :B You're missing out on some good fast food.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

If they know that's going to happen when they hit the panic button, why complain? (And do I even want to know what happened to the customers?)

In any case, thank you for a delightful collection of humanoid insanity.

[PresentPerfect]

6676447
That's not what's supposed to happen. <.<

[JediWaffles]

Okay then........

Rainbow grumbled under her breath as she completed another sandwich is one-sixth of a minute precisely.

shouldn't it be 'in' instead of 'is'?

[MrAskAPirate]

one-sixth of a minute precisely.

cs408416.vk.me/v408416881/66dd/uRx-xNqubBw.jpg

[Cerulean Starlight]

6676877
Oohhhh, nice, that had gone over my head! Hah! But yo, I absolutely loved this chapter; might be my favorite out of the collection.

[PresentPerfect]

6678739
I'm glad to hear that! It's my favorite, too. :D

[PresentPerfect]

6685647
She could be its queen and she just has no idea V:

[keaton-furman-prower]

...Aaaaand now I want to go to Arby's and get attacked by an immaterial Sunset Shimmer

[PresentPerfect]

6685893
I don't think Twilight thought this through. :V

Thank you so much for all the comments, I'm glad you enjoyed these stories. :D

[keaton-furman-prower]

6687282 You're welcome. And thank you for writing this

...Just out of curiosity: Were you high on stinky sugar when you wrote this?

[PresentPerfect]

6690288
Nope, just life. :V

[keaton-furman-prower]

6690822 Ah.

Still one helluva drug.

[PresentPerfect]

6741155
Thank you. :D I hope so.

[PresentPerfect]

7135053
I'm glad someone appreciates this for the awful, pandering referential joke it is. :V

[Sparkletop Rainbows]

Well, that was incredibly random... Was that the objective of this story?

[PresentPerfect]

7424310
Entertaining myself! :)

[kits]

8546875
well fuck

WTG writers. You had ready made jokes and you dropped the ball.

Doubt I can bring myself to write EqG, but if I ever do, yes. All the pone forgets how to human. Also, they will poop 15 times a day.

[PresentPerfect]

8546885
Hahaha XD

Stories where writers remember that Sunset and regular Twilight are horses in human bodies always get extra points from me. And it's the rare few that do.

[kits]

8546890
and you could do the opposite. Shimmer comes back and keeps commenting that hooves suck.

[PresentPerfect]

8546981
Now that would be fun!

[kits]

8547451
HOW DO YOU PICK ANYTHING UP WITH THESE PATHETIC EXCUSES FOR EXTREMITIES!?!?

Ain't y'all a unicorn?

[kits]

8547469
And then I saw Mirror Magic.

[MythrilMoth]

This last one's a bit hard to chew on. It's a little tough to digest.

[PaulAsaran]

You can has review!

[PresentPerfect]

Man, reading this chapter in the Time of Covid is a real trip. c.c