The War
twilight Sparkle was finally having her dinner when a knock was heard at her door!
"Who is it?" She thought but also said.
"I have come for the appointment!" Said her best friend.
Twi walked over to the door and turned to door on the cob and opened the door. "Oh its you" she said with a smile happy to see her.
"Is it ready? she asked with delight and also a little bit of dread.
"Here ya go!" Said Twilight Sparkle as she handed over the box that was made of family heirloom.
"This is great! Finally our plan shall fall into place!" Said Octavia who had become Twilights best friend at some point.
They laughed at the thought of the plan!
---
Meanwhile at the same time Big Mac was finishing his chores and also Applejacks chores because she was busy with the big race!
Big Mac walked over to the picture of Rarity and sighed.
"If only I had fought harder, maybe you'd still be with me." He said with tears well anyway now he's leaving flowers at her grave.
"The King will PAY for what he did!" And Big Mac prepared his big plan!
---
Cranky Doodle donkey was preparing his new plan that he would soon spring on the inhabitants of this town called pony ville.
"With just a few more adjustments my pan shall come to fruition! Now all I need to do is contact the king and tell him that the plan is almost done! And after that I'LL get what I want! And finally i can leave this nightmare behind me! Now to call the king!" And he picked up the phone that had been invented some time ago and called the king on the phone. The phone rang.
"Hello, is this the king?" Asked donkey.
"Ahhh, yeasssssss you are speaking to the kiiiiing!" Said the King.
"The plan is almost upon us! Soon all that we have strived for shall come to pass!" They laughed at the thought of the plan!
---
Big Mac was the maddest of all!
"I just got done bucking apples and now I'll hunt the king!" He explained to the reader.
Big Mac gathered his greatest tools of battle.
"With this bag of apples I'll show him what I'm made of!" And so he was off on an adventure.
Well a lot of neat stuff happened on the adventure including a battle with a dragon and an epic journey in a deserted island but he was finally coming to the kings fortress!
"It is time to
---
Octavia held the box as she galloped to the ranch of the apples ponies.
"BIG MAC, I HAVE THE BOX!" She yelled excitedly, but he wa already gone.
"Oh no! With him gone, Applejack at the race with Pinkie Pie and Rainbow dash and flutter shy, and Applebloom being on that volcano adventure, and Granny having passed away during the last conflict, how will I find Mac?" She sobbed.
"It is ok, we shall find him!" Said the box.
"You always find a way to cheer me up!" And they left to search for Mac.
----------
Discord stood atop the glorious tomb of Princess Celestia and cried.
"Oh my dear, if only I had heard your cries! If only i wasn't busy fighting Tirek when you most needed me! Now you're gone, and not even my powers of chaos can help you. I have no reason to live.
Discord jumped off of the flying sky tomb and fell to his death on the changelings below, killing 20 of them and ending the changeling war that had been going on for 5 years and that was how celestia died. She got ambushed by changelings at a party and they killed her and discord loved her but that's all over now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Donkey sat on the small throne next to the king who had gave him the throne.
"My king, who shall feel your new power first?" Asked the donkey said the donkey.
"I shall rest within the tomb for 12 hours, and after that I shall unleash an unspeakable evil, and create a future where my evil is law!" Said the king as he climbed into the casket and Cranky closed the door.
"Your power shall be maximum!" Donkey said and a tear rolled down his face as he looked at the picture of matilda on his locket and now he's at her grave.
"I'm sorry matilda, but soon everything will be better. We'll open the gates and pull you out of tartarus and we will be happy again!" he said with a grin.
The clock was ticking!
------------------
Big Mac made his way through the hall of riddles and the battleground of torment and could see the fortress of the king.
"This reminds me of that time Applejack and her friends fought the king after they had a fun day at the festival!" And so the flashback began.
-----
"Applejack, hurry up!" Said Twilight Sparkle to the lazy pony.
"Honestly Applejack, do I have to wake you up every morning like this baka?" Twilight was in no mood for any of Applejack's crap.
So they both ran out of the house with toast in there mouths because it was late! They ran until they met up with Fluttershy.
"Oh, hey girls, are you heading to the festival?" She asked and was shy while saying that.
"Sure are, right after we pick up RARITY!" And outside of the flashback Big Mac cried a little but now we're back in the flashback.
The Ponies met the other ponies and they went to the carnival.
"Well that sure was fun" Said Pinkie Pie the pony.
"Yeah, I can't believe you beat up all of those con artists!" SAid Rainbow with a huge smile.
Fluttershy blushed.
"Well goodnight everypony!" Sid everypony in unison as they all went home.
The next day the king attacked and it was a neat battle.
"NO, NEVER AGAIN.....KING SOMBRA!" Said Twilight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"You shall all be my slaaaaaaves!" He said as he launched a crystal at Big Mac who was also helping with the battle.
"NO!" And Rarity jumped in front of the crystal and it killed her.
"No...not my true love!" Cried out Mac who had been dating Rarity and had just bought an engagement ring.
Well Twilight beat the crap out of Sombra.
"I'm sorry Cranky" said Twilight as she zapped Matilda.
"No...please why?" Asked Cranky.
"She's the one who unleashed Sombra! She must go to tartarus!"
"But you didn't even leave a body for me to bury!" He screamed at her.
And so she never had a grave and Cranky swore vengeance by releasing Sombra again and also this happened.
"Cranky you have served me well, but to finish the work we must find the tomb box of the alicorns! It shall turn me into an alicorn and I shall destroy equesrtia!"
Cranky helped him and now Big Macs flashback is over and done with.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Big Mac arrived at the fortress and walked up to cranky.
"YOU? HOW COULD YOU BETRAY US?" He asked in shock.
"I just wanted my matilda back!" He said in tears.
Big Mac punched him as hard as he could and cranky exploded into blood.
"THIS ENDS NOW SOMBRA!" He said, but it was done! Sombra was an alicorn!
"And now i shall finish the job!" And with those words he destroyed the race!
"NO APPLEJCKA!" He yelled
Also I forgot to mention that sombra killed granny in the last fight.
"THIS IS THE END!" Said Mac
Big mac jumped into the air and landed right onto sombra.
"No...what is this power?" Asked the confused sombra.
"APPLES!" He yelled as he buried sombra in apples.
"PLEASE.....MERCY!" The mad king pleaded.
A hoof came crashing down on his head and it exploded.
"Nope!" Said mac and he laughed a little.
The was was over, and everyone was happy.
THE END!
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I like the idea just based on the title
Hehe. The title is the funniest part of the story.
Oh dear.
For the story to have ended up like this, you must have received many, many important writing tips to ignore.
I dunno... It's not a scriptfic.
I'm both relieved and let down, because this can at least be read and is pretty funny. Still, you can't have avoided ALL the advice. :P
Perfection.
Actually, this story is a 100% flawless piece of writing.
Although you forgot the humans, rampant alicornitis, and red'n'black OC.
A perfectly worded nonsensical trainwreck of a sentence.
Well, this was an absolutely messy abortion of a trainwreck...GENIUS!
Oh celestia, This was horrible!
I love it.
This was amazing!
ahahahaha brill
wat if Cholesta, Disk-cord, Matelida, Eppuljeck und Rereti iz not kill??
you monster!
but seriously, this was hilarious.
The Triumphat Protopony makes his glorious return.
Congrats, I just went through the blood sweat and tears to do this ReadingSins post. Have fun.
I DIED laughing while reading this.
Good job ignoring our advice.
>mfw spiderses flashbacks
HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE
You did well.
This fic is a paradox: it fails and succeeds at the same time.
Following the theme, here's the worst possible comment:
TL; DR
aw, buck it. Parody at its best, well done, well done. Laughed a lot. Thanks for posting it
When I saw the title, I knew I had to read this. And it was beautiful in its unashamed awfulness.
My only complaint, if such a thing as this can have any, is that you didn't overuse colour+race-as-descriptor ("the red Earth-pony", "the lavender Alicorn", etc.). Adding that would have made it the perfect bad MLP fanfic.
I was just looking for clop, but them i found a masterpiece, and after that i found this english teacher nightmare.
10/10 New york times bestseller right here, deserves Newberry medal and pulitzer prize and the author needs a Nobel prize
Well, there it goes. 10/10 -IGN
NO! How are we supposed to know what happened to the
Big Mac used PUNCHSPLODE!
Guess he's Cranky Doodle Downpour now xD
Never stop, Proto. Never.
5875010
I rated my immortal 1.5/5 I know, I am a monster! It deserved a -10/5.
dis is da best stori evaaaaaaarrr!!!!!11!!!1!1
Deeper words have never been conceived of in all of our glorious history.
5902127
Funny thing is that one was unintentional at first, but I decided not to fix it.
I wish we could all have Box to cheer us up, although for us to get Box we would most likely have to be insane. In addition I want to know why the author didn't use copious amounts of cliche Pinki-crazy within this story/ Not that Pinki-crazy WAS needed or anything
! NO I AM NOT USING GOOD GRAMMAR TO MAKE MYSELF APPEAR TO BE MORE SOPHISTICATED THAN IN REALITY (sorry, not sorry caps lock)
5907190
You know what?
I'm not kidding. This is completely serious.
I'm writing a story for you called "Pinkie Crazy" sometime soon.
5907195 thank you so much, I will be looking forward to it with great unease and at the same time great eagerness.
What...the...huh? I don't even...what? Wait, what?
I'm confused.
I think that means that you've fulfilled your purpose! Good job, Protopony350!
5878637 I already went over this in readingsins XD
this is what happens when you ignore all your writing tips you write a story of ignorance it was good
6028942
"a story of ignorance" in the stories new tagline.
I read that three times to make sure I was reading it right then couldn't stop laughing!
Even when you do it bad you still do it well! LOL!
6131320
That line is one of my crowning achievements
6131335
I've decided I'm going to study that story as a text book on "how to write badly and still look cool." LOL!
Hi, I did a thing.
6144776
I'M THE HAPPIEST I'VE EVER BEEN!
I feel like using this as proof that all DisLestia fics will turn out like this...
This doesn't even qualify as comedic fanfiction. This is META-comedic fanfiction. I approve... Now we just have to have enough meta-comedic fanfiction to write a meta-meta-comedic fanfiction...
Needs some random bolding and italics. Also this is terrible garbage, good job!
6446193
Thank you! That is a great compliment.
6446196 You absolutely deserve it after writing that piece of trash, man!
By the way, when you waited until the end Twilight's conversation to mention the name of the other person in it, I actually wanted to punch you in the face. I had never even imagined someone could commit a crime against good writing like that. It was mind-opening.
Can I do a reading of this too?