• Member Since 13th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen June 15th

Zytharros


Welcome to the Hurricane.


T
Him
Source

Twilight Sparkle is the last creature alive, floating endlessly through a frosty void. She is not alone.


Inspired by .until the last pony is ferried. by Short Skirts and Explosions. Pre-readers: RIspy5655 and Unoriginal. Image: Lispet. Dramatic reading by Henny Penny Benny.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 42 )

Dark, depressing, yet hopeful. Good job!

“N-n-nuh…”
Best line 11/10

Actually I think I would agree with this representation of Christianity.:twilightsmile:

:fluttercry::raritycry:

This story is best story!

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Thank you kindly! I'm glad I pleased you.

This will be a religion, I guarantee it.:moustache:

3926142
That wasn't my goal. I hope no one adds this to a religion... :unsuresweetie:

"N-n-nuh..." - Twilight Sparkle

Most accurate quote when meeting God EVER. :rainbowlaugh: Could you imagine if that was in the Bible? "And lo, Mother Nature greeted the Father with praise and admiration." Or something. ...pfft. :trollestia: I'd read that.

But honestly, this was very well done. (Plus I wish that Christianity came from ponies. How cool would that be?)

She fell to her own Nightmare...

Amazing. Just friggin amazing!

Interesting. You took a big, big risk with involving the Christian God, but I think you pulled it off rather well, even addressing the thorny issue of "why free will?"

Certainly an interesting take on the end of one world and the beginning of another. My only real issue is that no actual progress seemed to be made over the course of those countless eons before the, heh, twilight of the ponies. No attempts to go beyond what was, to reach for the stars, or at least get the planet to stop shaking so much. Yes, there's the matter of inviolate divine will, but they could've at least tried.

Ah, but I ramble and nitpick at the same time. In any case, thank you for this. :twilightsmile:

3990881
You would not believe how much I prayed over this story. I was so concerned. Now I have no regrets. This was the story I was to write, so I wrote it.
Thank you for your analysis.

Well, this went and sucker punched me straight in the memories. This is almost exactly what the experience of my paternal Grandfather and Grandmother dying was like. I get a feeling you've been through this sort of experience before.

Good work so far.

Alright, I'll preface what I'm saying with some positives. I finished the story, but I feel like I should comment on the chapter that had the issues I have with the writing.

The pathos here is fantastic. The emotional content feels very real, and as I mentioned early, hit me on a personal level. I get this feeling that all of the emotions and sensations in this story that you describe are things you've experienced personally, and whether or not that's actually true, that says a lot about you as a writer.

Twilight's descent into madness and her eventual cloistering of herself was also handled very well. Seeing power corrupt her and take her to the end of the universe was disturbing and incredible to witness.

But, then we have the penultimate chapter, wherein Twilight meets HIM.

There's a lot of great stuff going on here, but I feel like you're trying too hard to inject Christian doctrine into the story in places that it doesn't really fit, on top of certain images that I'm not sure Twilight would be able to describe nor really warrant description (The "Three-in-One" part in particular, or in a previous chapter, going as far as to say "HIS son, Jesus Christ" when simply stating "One of your great thinkers once said 'A Prophet welcome everywhere except in his own backyard").

That's not to say the worldview has no place in this story. In particular, a thematic element that seems to arc through the whole thing is the virtue of mortality and the dangers of being attached to the physical world. In Tolkien's works, it was referred to as "The Gift of Man," that mortals are not bound to the earth for all of eternity and have the opportunity to transcend to something beyond that through eventual death, which will claim them one way or another. I can't help but feel that, given the imagery throughout the story and the events therein, and given what happens to the ponies who were basically immortal, it reinforces this principle of releasing attachment to the world and seeking out what was beyond.

But, hey, if I didn't enjoy this story, I wouldn't have given it a thumbs-up and favorited it. I see you've written a lot of other stuff and I'll give it a look. Good job here, though, and I hope my input is helpful :coolphoto:

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All input I receive I consider helpful. Thank you for your insight!

3991849 This story was utterly incredible. I have no words.

I have a few suggestions, however. I think that having an F-Bomb did detract a little, and I was made slightly uncomfortable when you presented the possibility of HIM not being all good and all just. If I could make a humble suggestion, I would have said that it is better for some to love freely, than for all to love as puppets (As in, being forced to love).

Overall, an incredible story. One of the best I've ever read.

While I don't agree with religion, this was a very beautiful story.
I did read the story you based this off of. I like these stories where the author either goes:
"There's fucking NOTHING after death!"
or
"There's a higher order...higher than we will ever understand!"
It really makes my gear's turn for hours on end.
oh yea...critique!
Over all 10/10:moustache:
didn't find any errors that detracted me from the story so good job and definitely keep writing!
Also...............:trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright::trixieshiftleft:........................:heart:

I give this story :yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay: out of ten.

This story is... Wow. It's philosophically epic, poetically wowing, and overall is terrifying and beautiful at the same time. :pinkiesad2: Take a thumb and a fave to the face xD

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OW! Those things are sharp! And heavy! Geez, I hope I don't have a concussion or something! :rainbowlaugh:

4205297 >:D Your stories are great, I are iz following you nao :D

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Sweet! I got a Mochi! I got a Mochi!
Wait... you're asking for one.
Nerts! The search continues!

This is beautiful

When I read this chapter my jaw hit the floor so hard!!! No...it went through the floor and came out the other side of the planet. This story not only made my jaw pierce the planet it also blew up my mind with a supernova!!!! I can't blink, my eyes are so wide! Your representation of God is supreme!!! The reasons that he gave for why things happened the way they happened was excellent!

It looks like I've found another author that I consider a master of fanfiction!

In short, you are awesome!!!:pinkiehappy::moustache: x infinity :yay:

4270968
TL:DR... you like it?
:twilightsmile: Thanks.

Wow... that was really really amazing... it gave me goose bumps there at the end. I was out right blown away when I realized what HE was doing... Very very amazing. Well done... I usually tell writers that they get points for different parts of their stories and the characters get kudos for being amazing. There isn't a number high enough to represent the number of points this story should get and HE has earned a number of kudos far in excess of the nearly limitless imagination of all mankind. Very well done sir.

Good Very Good Epic Story Of All Time.:rainbowkiss: 1000/1000 Would Read Again.:twilightblush: Like If You Cry Every Time.:fluttercry:

Only sixty likes. Why? This story is a quick, fantastic read.

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Word-of-mouth can get this story a greater amount of Likes. It's just a suggestion... :yay:

This...this is beautiful. Such an amazing way of seeing things that I never had before, even though I've believed my whole life. God is good! :twilightsmile: I applaud you!

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Absolutely beautiful! So beautiful in fact, that it made me cry. You must do another. God Bless you for all the days of your life!:twilightsmile::pinkiehappy:

This, is fucking BEAUTIFUL! This is the best story I have ever read. TAKE ALL MY LIKES!

There must always be an end to a beginning, unless there was no beginning. Unfortunately for some, they must end what others begin. This is the way of this universe.

Erm... Really?
I don't know, couldn't this have lasted forever? Couldn't ponies have kept on living, kept on loving, kept on being passionate and happy? Where did the assumption that if it has a beginning, it must have an end come from, and why does Twi think that it makes logical sense?

As much as my logic circuits demanded an answer, I decided to trust HIM. I sighed and smiled sadly.

And why does she abandon logic at all? The answers are necessary, when she's entrusting the entirety of herself to another being - especially one as powerful as him?
Maybe this is just my morality conflicting with yours, but Twilight's actions and decisions don't make any sense to me.

You know those people who read a story, and when it mildly evokes some emotion in them, they say 'Oh my gosh, I CRIED." :raritycry:?
Well, this genuinely brought some tears to my eyes. I'm glad fanfics like this exist to debunk the idea that all fanfiction consists of porn and sappy contrived romances.

Very creative and articulate. I really liked this. :twilightsmile:

Wow... What a beautiful story. :fluttercry:
That last sentence..... :twilightsmile:
Thank you for writing this story!

Well, that escalated quickly... :rainbowderp: Over thousands of years... :pinkiecrazy:

I love this story!!
Although, I've got some questions about the ending... If these ponies came before us, as well as the magic, then, in your headcanon... what did the magic manifest as? And what was the gospel that was preached, since Jesus didn't die as a pony (in this story), he was born and died as human?

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