• Member Since 17th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

LuminoZero


Someone once said I was passive aggressive. I disagree. I am far too impatient for that. I prefer just being normal aggressive. Don't worry about 'maybe' upsetting me, you will know.

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All I do is wait, wait for you to grow up. When you have grown up, we can be together, and all these problems will evaporate. This is my mantra, it is what keeps me waiting for you, because I know that one day we will find happiness.

An idea I came up with after 'Simple Ways'. I hope you enjoy!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 42 )

Loved how this one went, man.

Nice work, indeed, I think.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Normally I like a little dialogue but dayum this was good :pinkiehappy:

Short, but nice. Very well done. Achieved exactly what it set out to do.

Very good, would be nice to see it in reverse: Spike waits for Rarity to grow up emotionally. :moustache:

EDIT: I'm an idiot. :facehoof: I didn't even notice it was Spike narrating until I re-read it.

Wow. It actually went where I expected it to. Nice twist.

I like how you made it so that at first your not sure whose thoughts it is, Spike's or Rarity's. I will admit that Rarity has a lot of growing up to do in her own way just as Spike does. While I'm not a big fan of Sparity I'm not one to let a good Spike story pass me by and this is one of them.:moustache:

Great story... Very deep

I don't know how I feel about this one. Applying both first-person and third-person pronouns to the narrator without giving any context made it very difficult to figure out who the narrator was. Until the last few paragraphs, it made just as much sense reading it as Rarity instead of Spike.

Other than that hiccup, it was well-written. It lacks any sort of conflict or character growth, but something this short can get away with that. However, the new character's name was Trenderhoof, not Tenderhoof.

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Until the last few paragraphs, it made just as much sense reading it as Rarity instead of Spike.

That was the point. Also, good catch on the typo, fixed.

-Lumino

Prak #10 · Feb 9th, 2014 · · 5 ·

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I don't think that was a very good stylistic choice, but I can accept it. However, making it clear at the end works against you. A choice like that is most effective if you commit to it 100%.

Loved it. Seemed a little formal at times for a dude like Spike (although, he has come a long way since the Season 1 Pilot where he didn't know the words "threshold" or "brink"), but that's about the nit-pickiest thing for me to say ever. So don't worry about it. :pinkiehappy:

Favorite line in the whole thing?

You think you love ponies, but you don't. You love love:

This story may only be 1000 words or so long, but brevity is the soul of wit. And you managed to say quite a bit in this short little read.

Like and Fave, man. Keep 'em coming.

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I was gonna say! You were the guy who gave me the idea for this story! For you to miss the whole point of it would have been really funny.

-Lumino

I was sure this was written from Rarity's perspective throughout the story, until this line

I know what will happen tonight. You will walk into your house, dismantle that obsessive shrine you cried over, double check the dress that you are trying desperately to repair and forget the whole event ever happened.

I realised it was written from Spike's view. Really nice to see Spike being the mature one for a change. Excellent work :twilightsmile: liked and faved!

I enjoyed this very much. It had a deep meaning to it that really made it special.

You, you managed to trick my perception.

And for that, you get this: :moustache:

Bravo, Lumino.

Bravo!! :raritystarry:

It really puts things in perspective doesn't it. That no matter what, maturity is not a finite age. Maturity is a personalilty, a characteristic. And until one understands what it means to be a mature creature, then you will have your childish moments and silly worries. In this case, it's quite obvious that for one moment, Spike's the more mature of the two. Truly something when a child is able to actually teach an adult about life lessons.

Bravo!! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

I was pretty much expecting it to be Spike, but you wrote it well enough that it could easily have been Rarity until the end, I think!

Very nicely done, very nicely done indeed!

Great story. I, like many, thought it was Rarity until the last few paragraphs. It was deep for Spike and a great characterization of him. Great job.

I figured it out a little earlier than halfway though. You played to both sides well, but something in me just knew/could tell it was Spike. Interesting piece, very nice.

See this is what I love about the fandom! Remembering this episode... It was painful, horrible to imagine, but then I thought about it. Something was off, somewhere in those 24 minutes of fury there was an error. What got me so mad, so infuriated was Spike. His total disregard for Rarity's change was beyond annoying to me. If you have to change to impress someone they don't love you! In most cases. And nothing annoys me more than someone hiding or faking who they really are. And I kept wondering why wasn't Spike more... Vocal in Rarity's action. Did he not see what was wrong? Is this okay to him? On and on this went with Spike simply allowing Rarity's spiral into something she was not and allowing the whole town to suffer for it.
Then I read this believe me I am 100% sure this isn't canon but if I have to chose between any abstract reasonings I would take this one. It's a mature and level headed Spike I have most often seen, when something that is important to him isn't threatened, and I love it! I had made the assumption it was Spike, I don't know it just went in there, and I was glad to find out it was.
Usually I would be more verbose in my review but my rage has yet to fully cool.

I expected this to be from SPike, read the first paragraph and assumed it was form Rarity then at the end found it was indeed Spike, well played

I was hoping someone would do Sparity fic after the Trenderhoof episode and I must say; very impressive.

A very lovely reversal, and beautifully done.

Like many others who commented, I was taken by surprise at the reversal. I believe this is the first fanfic I've seen where Spike is portrayed as more mature than Rarity, and it was done quite well.

The one nitpick I have is this sentence:

Our friends have already retreated to their own homes, leaving just the fashionista and a dragon atop the grassy hill

It switches from first person to some third person/narrative view mid sentence. This can be confusing. Personally, I'd use this:

leaving just us atop the grassy hill

This makes so much sense. I too thought it was Rarity until near the end, and the idea that Rarity has to mature, brilliant. Before this episode, I would have said no, but now, yes she really needs to mature. Which I have to say is really sad, I love Rarity, I think she's wonderful and this episode completely ruins her. The part that confused me about Spike wasn't that he was letting Rarity get all out of control and all but how he wasn't getting upset about Rarity crushing on someone else. His attitude in this story explains it perfectly, thank you for a pleasant read.:twilightsmile:

I'm sure you only meant this to be deep, but this actually made me sad. I loved this little piece yes, but it gave me a feeling of melancholy. I need to go snuggle a puppy now. :fluttershysad:

SHL

Whoa, very well played, man. :pinkiehappy:

He might not want to wait for her too long. Assuming dragons age slower than ponies, by the time she's matured enough, she may be an old mare and Spike will be just entering his "teenage" years. Very well done fic!

Very good. 1000 words, but any longer would of taken away from the story, not to mention the way you play with people's perceptions... very good indeed.

Wow! It was Spike! That was such a twist! I love it!

This was a very interesting take on Spike and Rarity's relationship and to be honest... I really liked it!

I love the fact that you didn't make it clear who was speaking. You hint that it is Spike, but you never actually tell us. It invests us into the story and makes us want to know more about it. It shows that you know how to hook your audience in and it kept our interests. I loved it.

The whole twist on the relationship was pretty well done. I love the fact that Spike is the one who thinks that Rarity doesn't understand and to be honest, it makes sense this way. Rarity, in previous episodes, has fallen for stallions who are just not the one she is looking for. And that always lead to heartbreak. We never actually see that in any of the episodes (Season 4 might have it, but I haven't seen it), but I would imagine that she would need some time to reflect after building this image of this stallion of her dreams, only to have it be crushed. I love that Spike is the one that knows what he wants and has a very clear mindset where Rarity is the one that doesn't quite know what she wants yet. It's usually the other way around and it worked so well this way.

The descriptions in this piece were very well done, the story was simple but very effective and the premise was actually creative. Overall, a very enjoyable story to read. Thank you for letting me read it and I will catch you later. Take care. :pinkiehappy:

Good story i give it a awesome 8/10 good work :twilightsmile:

Wow, only wow.:moustache:

That was just a little bit brilliant. :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

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Glad to hear it! Thanks for the high compliment. :pinkiehappy:

-Lumino

Well done, She's blinded by the illusion of her dream come true, Spike was born a rellic.:moustache: She's still a silly filly.:raritywink:

cute is all I have to say.

Ok, that was really clever.:raritystarry:

Like, fav and added to my recommendation group.

Wow, for a minute, I thought it was Rarity who was monolguing, but, nice twist... Also, makes so much sense, when you think about it, Rarity needing to "get a grip", so to speak.......

welp goin into favorites you explained it perfectly:raritywink: she deserves him and he deserves her

Wow! This was sheer perfection. When I realized the twist part-way through, I literally started hitting my couch with glee. You had me worried that this was going to be one of those "if only Spike was older" fics, but gosh did you ever turn that expectation on its head. Excellent job! ...Even though you made me scare my cat off the couch.

Going in my Favorites, for sure. :moustache:

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Excellent! This one was a real experimental piece, and I'm really glad people enjoyed it. Playing with perception like this was hard, but certainly worth it.

-Lumino

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