• Member Since 11th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen July 28th

Justice3442


Horrifically Fun

E

Lightning Dust's and Rainbow Dash's Wonderbolt training continues, but something is wrong. Lightning Dust hasn't been the same since she was forced to give up her lead-pony badge and both Spitfire and Rainbow Dash have taken note.

Can they turn her around?

Or will Lightning Dust's reckless behavior finally get the better of her?

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 29 )

“Did you see Spitfire on your way in?”

I think you meant Lightning Dust. You replace her name with Spitfire's several times. Other than that great story liked and faved.

Aside from the Spitfire/Lightning Dust mixup mentioned above, that was a very well written and well thought out story. You need a pre-reader, but other than that I don't have any real complaints. Good job.

Lightning Dust's and Rainbow Dash's Wonderbolt training continues, but something is wrong. Lightning Dust hasn't been the change since she was forced to give up her lead-pony badge and both Spitfire and Rainbow Dash have taken note.

Author. what is wrong with this description.

I have very little nice things to say about this, aside from the characters being mostly in-character.
Lightning Dust is cyan, not teal. Her name is not Spitfire. And if you recall from the episode, she's fair competition for Rainbow Dash. If not a smidgen ahead of her.
Overall, 3/10 effort.

Thanks for the comments guys. I'll make a few adjustments

OK, I caught the spitfire/Lightning Dust issue in a couple places and adjusted the description.

It's fair to say I could have made the two a bit closer in skill. Though we have little material to go off of from Lightning Dust. We do know that Rainbow Dash is basically a physics destroying bad-ass in flight :rainbowdetermined2: It's possible Lightning Dust is as well, but we're never shown if this is the case, in fact, we've yet to see an other pegasi really pull stunts like the Sonicrainboom or changing there trajectory on the spot.

Anyhow, I could see a writer going either direction with the two, but I felt a Lightning Dust who realizes there's someone out there who can out perform her made for some character development we didn't get to see in the very short time she's had on the show.

Lots of mistakes. Pls check for them, otherwise good story

3268021

Alright, gave this a more thorough proof read, caught some word choice errors and one or two sentence car wrecks.

Thanks for the heads up.

3266266

It's fair to say I could have made the two a bit closer in skill. Though we have little material to go off of from Lightning Dust. We do know that Rainbow Dash is basically a physics destroying bad-ass in flight. It's possible Lightning Dust is as well, but we're never shown if this is the case, in fact, we've yet to see an other pegasi really pull stunts like the Sonicrainboom or changing there trajectory on the spot.

Overall, RD did seem to be slightly better, but Lightning Dust did have one skill that she couldn't match: vertical drops.

3322082

Excellent point.

I'll keep that in mind next time I use Lightning Dust in a story.

:facehoof: Oh for fuck's sake, mate! Fix the damn description so the first thing people don't see of this story is bad grammar!

3680068

Huh, I thought I had.

Anyhow, it's fixed now. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

I really enjoyed the idea of Lightning Dust being overcome with sadness as apposed to rage, and it was executed quite well in terms of pacing and storyline. :twilightsmile:
You've already heard 'get a proofreader' enough times, so I'll leave it as 9/10. I approve.

3727567

Thank you! :pinkiehappy:

Yeah, one of my earlier works (also lots of it written when I probably should have been asleep), so it's a tad on the rough side grammatically.

I enjoyed the story, and the characterization and pacing were good.

I might have had Rainbow and Lightning be good at different things, but I'm fine with the plot of Lightning needing to accept that she wasn't the best and get over her pride.

3761797

Someone below pointed out to me she was better at vertical drops in the show, which didn't come up, sadly... Though, it's something I'm keeping in mind for later use.

To your point, though, it was kinda important that Lightning Dust kinda consistently be doing at least slightly worse than Rainbow Dash, so a slightly more even dynamic will probably play out once I use them both in something else.

She caught a rainbow colored steak out of the corner of her eye

I've heard of eyeing someone like they're a piece of meat before, but this is ridiculous.

Definitely one of the better Lightning Dust stories I've seen.

3266266
She's still not teal. Teal is a good deal darker than she is. According to the wiki she's apparently light turquoise.
Also, we're given the Dizitron. Their times were equal, but the setting Dusty had it on is apparently implied to be highly dangerous.

Apply it to video games. Which is more of an accomplishment, a no-death speedrun of a game on Easy, or the same game on Nintendo?

5067204

I changed her color like a year ago.

5067208
You've caught my attention again.
Let's see if the revisions are satisfying.

In all seriousness I felt like I needed to re-review, reading what I said before without much in the way of context just felt like me being a cunt for no real reason.

5067222

Well some of the grammar and spelling mistakes have been corrected (this was me simply rereading it after some time and correcting what I caught) and I corrected the name issue near the beginning.

Not exactly a major revision.

4811982

Fixed! :twilightsmile: Not sure why it took me so long to get to this... Musta read it on my phone and forgot about it. :twilightblush:

I was half expecting Lightning Dust to ask Rainbow Dash this question. "If you strive all your life to be the best, what do you do if you realize that will never happen?" I would have liked to see how Rainbow would have responded to that. In any case, loved this story.:pinkiehappy:

Wished the creators would consider this as canon!
Just one thing, wouldn't this fit under "slice of life" category better?

8243460
Heh. Yeah, probably. I wrote this way back before I really got a handle on the tags. Glad you enjoyed it! :pinkiehappy:

One of the few good Lightning Dust stories. Among my favorites.

This was actually good.

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