• Member Since 22nd Aug, 2013
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twilightsparkle3562


I am a man from Massachusetts with Autism who enjoys MLP, Disney and writing!

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Following the events of "Wonderbolt Academy," Lightning Dust reveals to Spitfire the real reason behind her recklessness and is given another chance to become a Wonderbolt. However, will Rainbow Dash and the other cadets accept her new outlook?

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 40 )

3e21q§ Looks good!

A promising start you have!

Some sections feel a bit explanation heavy and dialogue could be worked on to feel a little more natural, but I'll follow for now and see what happens.

Now this is what friendship is suppose to be.

....rushed. Bumpy. Good concept, technical execution is great, but the depth of examination goes from philosophical to childish and back again without any warning. There isn't really any analysis, the only character development happens just before the story starts, so... yeah.

4450148 Don't worry now. I'm continuing the story starting today.

Congrats for getting featured!

Look at the bright side Dust. At least your Dizzitron go didn't end like this...

http://mcwopper.deviantart.com/art/Dizzitron-failure-343178272

When you say "ghosts," do you mean literal ghosts (as in her brothers are actually dead)?

5948126 well, they are just figments of her imagination, hallucinations if you will?

Well. Dust's brothers are finally gonna get what's been coming to them for so long.

Give 'em both hell, Spitfire!

This chapter needs some serious editing. I'm not going to read the rest of the story unless there's a good introduction.

So her brothers created a tornado for pretty much no other reason than to be a dick to Lightning Dust...

I think this sums up what they just did:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MoralEventHorizon

Comment posted by twilightsparkle3562 deleted May 8th, 2015

5952604 Oh, don't worry. She does in the next chapter, just you wait.

5953041 Unfortunately Jarkes, some people can be like that. Look at Angelica Pickles from Rugrats, she would do plenty of these just because she thinks that she is superior to Tommy and the other babies.

5953910 I had kind of hoped that maybe one of her brothers would turn out to not be so bad...

Ooooo, possible TO THE MOOOOOOONAAAA~ Just kidding but hey, would be interesting!

What they did was not only disgusting but sexist.

If Rainbow help Lightning Dust then maybe she can help Gilda as well.

It may just be me, but Tartarus (AKA Hell) may be a bit much for his crimes, a true prison would be a better location for ponies of his type. At least in my eyes

5970202 Unless if there is another jail seen in Equestria (not counting the one in Appleloosa), then Tartarus it is.

Pegasus 1: "Man, I'd kill somepony to be a Wonderbolt!"
Pegasus 2: "Apparently that's the way to do it now."
Pegasus 1: "...What?"
Pegasus 2: "Well, okay, maybe not actually kill them. Just like, try and kill them."
Pegasus 1: "You kidding me, man?"
Pegasus 2: "Nope. Happened twice so far."

5970202 Think of it as Tartarus having several sections where the deeper you go into the caverns, the more serious the crimes committed by the ponies or creatures in there and the more severe their punishments.

Oddly enough, I've been planning my own story for a while where Rainbow Dash encounters Lightning Dust during the Equestria Games, with the idea that this has been the first time she's seen her since the incident at the Academy. In my story, she is actually surprised to learn that Lightning Dust wasn't actually kicked out, but was instead given a two-week suspension to give her time to clear her head, and Rainbow Dash's week-long training was over before she saw her again. Lightning actually thanks Rainbow Dash for what happened. I also had plans to give her two brothers, but they would've been much nicer than the ones we saw here and Lightning Dust was able to reconcile with them thanks to Rainbow Dash. It kind of ties into my headcanon that pegasi take family very seriously; the worst thing that can ever happen to a pegasus, apart from losing their wings, is having any member of their family cut off all ties with them.

I bring this up because after reading this, I was wondering if I could use the same names you did for my version of Lightning Dust's brothers.

5971231 ah, so more like a Super prison then. Okay, makes more sense.
Thanks!

5971252 Go ahead, just give me credit for the brothers' names.

5971231 Indeed, think of it as like ADX Supermax in Florence, CO.

Nice braveheart reference there :)

5972440 Actually, I just remembered that I was planning on giving her three older brothers, one of them being a canon character (whom I shall not name, as in the story who he is is supposed to be a surprise) and two OCs. So using Tornado Spin and Hurricane Eye shouldn't be a problem, even if they won't necessarily appear (the canon character, on the other hand, will make a brief appearance at the end).

Interesting. I'll continue to read.

A nice and interesting story. Have a like.:twilightsmile:

>>twilightsparkle3562

I've read it on fanfiction as well. Nice story and well done.

Excellent work I loved it 10/10!!

So, to this end, we are bringing back the Dizzitron.”

NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!

Quite interesting, liked and followed.

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