• Member Since 14th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 22nd, 2016

Astral Sketch



When Twilight and her new friends from another world used the Elements of Harmony against Sunset Shimmer, the result was not what they expected. Now Sunset has to suffer with the consequences. How will she cope and who will come to her aid?

(this is a alternate ending to Equestria Girls, although I did enjoy the movie even with its flaws. I also want to thank Shadow Bolt for the cover and with the story.)

All rights belong to Hasbro

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 31 )

Um, FiW episode after "Foaly Matripony"? Refresh my memory with that one please and thank you. Oh, and this almost made me cry...

Not gonna lie, I teared up a bit.
Good story.

3146593 Actually I never "seen" that episode till just a minute ago.

Not too bad. Could use some work on the grammar and punctuation in places, but otherwise a good read. And you do make a good point about the effects of the Elements...

That was pretty good.

Hmmm...Some would think its little quick which would explain the downvotes

But I think that it was pretty heartwarming :ajsmug:

I have to admit, this would probably be a great concept for the mlp micro series.

3146852 Ok, thanks, have a heart :heart:. Normally I would give a muffin, but no emoticon, darling :facehoof:.
3146863 I was gonna ask if I could feature this in my weekend blog. Seems interesting.:twilightsmile:

3151627 Okay, it'll be up by Friday:raritywink::twilightsheepish:

The pathos, it overwhelmeth.

Poor Sunset... I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone. :fluttercry: At least she isn't blind anymore at the end, thanks to the others. :twilightsmile:
Reminds me of that verse from "Amazing Grace":
Was blind, but now I see.

3268304 Its "I once was lost, but now am found, Was blind, but now I see":twilightoops:

Sorry, got it mixed up. :twilightblush:
Anyway, it's nice to see that Sunset has actual friends.

Blind Sunset Shimmer.
That should be a Tumblr.

I really loved this! It was so emotional, I actually almost cried! Sunset's blindness also reminded me of Helen Keller. It would be great if there was a sequel to this!:raritycry:

Glad you liked it, I'm actually thinking about writing a sequel. It'll most likely be another one shot.

Comment posted by Lord Nopony deleted Dec 2nd, 2013


That's great to hear!

Jerkass Woobie: Sunset Shimmers after she becomes (temporarily) blinded by the Elements of Harmony. - TVTropes.org

I love this one-shot of Sunset. This is an interesting idea of the hardships she has to go through in the aftermath of Equestria Girls. :twilightsmile:

"Miss Shimmer, have you ever heard of a condition known as 'psychological blindness? Blindness is usually caused by some physiological condition - damage to the eyes, optic nerves or even the visual cortex of the brain. However, there is another cause. Sometimes, the mind of a person who can see decides that it does not want to see. The consequence is a kind of blindness without any physiological cause."

"What are you telling me?"

"I'm telling you that your eyesight will only return... when you want it to return."

...Meh. This story was pretty meh.

It felt super rushed, and there were plenty of grammar mishaps. That said, the ideas were pretty neat.



3268304 Wow! nice to know someone knows the hymns
( Or it least that song)
Were did you hear it?
If you don't mind me asking....

5091607 That's great!!!!
I go to church too.:pinkiehappy:

hmm...It was an ok read but I think this could have gone on quite a few chapters (10-15 chapters maybe) if you could expand more on Sunset's daily, mental, internal struggles and redemption goals while blind. How others feel about Sunset and how she goes on without her sight and perhaps delve into her personal life like where does she sleep, how she gets around without snips and snails, how she got out of the hospital without a parent or guardian, ect. Now these are all suggestions on how to expand it, so its really up to you if you want to keep it how it is or expand it.

Other then that, I'll let others point out anything else. On a scale of 1-5 I give it a 3.5
Good but could use more in my opinion.

P.S. I really love the idea of "what if" Sunset became blind after she got hit by the elements. Had the idea going around my head for a while and when I found this story, I got excited. After reading it, again I loved the idea but as I stated above, it could have gone on longer if done right.

Short but great enough to be in my favourites ;)

"Twilight you're not the only one who thought the Elements could be cruel at times," said Celestia.
Do you see the pattern Twilight? The Elements appear to have a thing for irony."

All this talk about the Elements effects, tha's what I enjoyed the most, putting it in that way about how balancing the personality or the goal of their target, even if that's not what really happened to Sunset, that's a good idea and guess you've done.

I would've had that Twilight all of a sudden saw a book glowing and jumping about as it was a journal. Twilight opened the journal and tears--tears of joy fell as she saw in big words:

Dear Twilight Sparkle


Sunset Shimmer, and friends.

I liked the setup and the general idra. I liked the scene between Twilight and Celestia, and the point being made about the Elements.

The actual execution of communicating the horror of being blinded to the reader isn't really well done r, beyond the initial reaction.

Followed up by a magical, 'everything's ok', leaves a lot lacking in the catharsis of the ending.

If a larger part of the text was devoted to Sunset's pov, there would have been a better payoff in the end.

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