- Member Since 10th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 11th, 2023
Aiyonbeam
Somehow, I manage to write sad fluff. I'd be concerned about my mental health, but I'm too busy writing.
Aiyonbeam
Joined 10th Dec, 2012 ·
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This doesn't seem like a oneshot... Heck, I would be surprised if this ended up being a Sunshy fic. (Because, y'know, they're polar opposites.)
someone needs to confront trixie
5692075 Someone needs to kill Trixie, very dead.
5692283 yes but i'm pretty sure murder is still hard to get away with.... not that i disagree.
And that's why I love Rainbow Dash.
You know I kind of want to read a story on that Fluttershy suicide attempt.
Nyeh. This just didn't feel quite right. It felt rushed, and you spent too much time telling us things when I'm fairly certain showing would have been more impactful.
It was decent, I guess, and the ideas were fine, but it wasn't much more than that.
Yep. This story was rushed. I think there could be another chapter for this story for Sunsets point of view. That would be interesting.
You can add a sequel:
- What happened afterwards, when Sunset was released?
- Trixie's punishment and what exactly she said to Sunset
- The mystery man and his wallet
- The connection between the man and Sunset
- Does Twilight get involved in this?
"Completed"
No it isn't. This is less complete than Wheel of Time and Game of Thrones.
I think another chapter would be nice, Like, Who was that man? What happened to Sunset Later? How did Celestia deal with Trixie? Stuff like that. Overall, I really liked it!
I enjoyed this. Fluttershy is a lot more badass than people give her credit for, and it really shines through here (even if it's almost beyond the point of believable). The fourth wall jabs were pretty fun too.
Some things didn't make sense at first, but I figured it out. Featherweight would've been behind Sunset to catch Trixie's mouth, and Sunset would've turned around to run away so he could keep seeing it. that this happened makes it seem like it was same-day, but the others all acted like they hadn't seem her in days or something I think it's strange that RD would keep Flutters back when she's the only one who knows where Sunset lives. Also, it seems odd that the other girls didn't know where Fluttershy lived... how do they expect to know anything about Sunset? And man were those wet shoes, leaving a trail on sidewalks that are visible from a moving vehicle.
The pacing was steady, and the dialogue is good (but there's a few times Applejack says 'Ah' but other times says 'I' - I don't really mind one way or the other, but I suggest picking one and sticking with it... it's jarring to switch). I would've liked more "show, don't tell" but sometimes that ideology gets in the way.
thats it? what happen next? whos that guy? and what happen with trixie and celestia
I feel like I've been stabbed in the gut with the Feels-Knife.
Dayum son! Well written.
Very... touching.
And...
I'm lost for words...
Touching.
Yes. Touching.
Three cheers for Fluttershy!
OH no..... No.... Sunset, you know that suicide isn't the answ- OH SHIT!!!! FEEL TSUNAMI HEADING THIS WAY!!!! RUN FOR YOUT LI- *instantly dies from tsunami. Why author, why?!
*
I liked this, but it doesn't fit Trixie's character well. Even if Trixie IS a jerk, we know she isn't THAT big of one. I think other characters would fit that mold better.
The only thing I have to call B.S. on is when Fluttershy said to leave everything to her. Even if she could read Sunset's actions the best, having the others looking as well would certainly help, in case she was wrong. Maybe I am misinterpreting what she is meaning here, but that does not seem like the best idea.
That featherweight kid sounds like a stalker to me
You forgot to turn off the red coloring. The letter and the rest of the story after it is red.
I hope we get to see what the argument was about and how Celestia handled Trixie. Plus, Trixie's reaction to what happened to Sunset and what Sunset thought about doing.
Maybe the guy who stabbed Sunset wrote that suicide note?
This almost made me cry... Amazing job ❤
If there’s one thing I could critique, it’s that the conclusion is a sequel fic instead of a second chapter. Otherwise, I’d call this a good fic!
Though you might want to pull an edit. All the text is red after Sunset’s note. XP