• Member Since 17th May, 2013
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AbstractThought


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Pinkie Pie was coming over to Fluttershy's house to invite her to a party when she witnessed a shocking scene: Gilda trying to eat Fluttershy's tongue! She immediately knew she had to get her friends so they could stop that mean griffon before it was too late. After all, why else would Gilda have her beak in Fluttershy's mouth?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 148 )

10/10 would read again and again.:duck::moustache:

Eh, it was ok. Didn't do anything for me, but I don't think it was bad.

I enjoyed this immensely. Excellent work. You made Fluttershy X Gilda work logically.


I'll just file this next to the one Pinkie X Gilda fic I read.

Gilda needs more shipping

I was a bit hesitant when I started reading this, since I'm not really a shipping fan, but it was well worth it.:twilightsmile:

I stopped reading at the admission part. Your spelling and grammar is pretty good, but the rest is so unremarkable or annoying I couldn't read it anymore. But first, I'll point out some positive things about the story:

- Premise is nice.

- Gilda. You really don't see enough Gilda shipping, or anything involving other species in general (including hippogriffs [mare/gryphon offspring]).

- As already said, spelling and grammar were up to par, though I noticed one mistake from what I've read. (“There’s something really important I have to tell you?”)

- Word count. This is more of a personally positive thing, as I tend to be done with a 2,000 word chapter in about 7 minutes. So big props to you on that.






Negatives

- Biggest problem of the story was Pinkie Pie being very OOC (out of character). But don't fret too much. A lot of authors tend to do this because they always see her being so spontaneous and ecstatic in the show that they don't tend to consider how well it will translate into words. An example is Pinkie's tendency to talk real fast with run-on sentences in the show. This does not translate well into words, and could be avoided by not putting Pinkie into a position where this could happen. Every entertainment medium (literature, movies, music, and video games) has its advantages and disadvantages, and Pinkie's fast-paced run-on sentences only work well when we can hear her talk. If you intend to make a story of any kind, some of your best knowledge can come from recognizing its strengths (being descriptive) and its weaknesses (generally requires more personal investment than any medium on the user, other than video games). This, ultimately, is what sets great authors apart from good ones.

Another really big problem with Pinkie in this story is her use as a blatant plot device. She misunderstands the kissing, which is fine, but soon continues to just cause as many problems as possible. This also tends to happen a lot, but far more with the CMC than anything else. What becomes the problem is that you're using the same tactics again and again to further advance conflict in the story, much like "Oh darn! Well, looks like the Crusaders are getting themselves in shenanigans again! Here's to hoping they don't get in the way of the main plot and somehow (read: inevitably) make everything worse!"

But this, compounded by Pinkie's OOC-ness, just makes her one of the more annoying misinterpretations I've seen in a while.

- Dialogue is really flat at times. Characters are saying things, but there didn't tend to be any genuine personality or subtle quirks behind it. In short, the dialogue didn't feel real.

- Pacing was very fast, and the primary plot line seemed to resolve itself far too quickly. I do realize I didn't read the rest of the story after the transition where Gilda kisses Fluttershy, but still feel it went far too fast.



I'm sorry if I come off as condescending, its just how I "sound" when I type. But really, I just want more good authors on this site. Not because its all bad really, its because I kind of 'accidentally all the good stories', and now I wait for new ones. Probably should've paced myself...

Anyway, best of luck! :twilightsmile:

“Well…if I hadn’t been such a jerk to your friends,” Gilda admitted reluctantly, you never would have had to make that choice.”

Missing a quotation mark.

“And dragon! Don’t forget dragon!” Spike cut in, leading the others to burst into laughter again.

Bwahaha, lookit him, he thinks he matters! Haha!

“I should say not!” Rarity said indignantly, “It’s my favorite game, and you wouldn’t call me a baby, would you?”

Yes. Yes I would. You're the very definition of a baby.

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What fic would that be? I looked a bit, couldn't find one.

So little views and yet it was featured! And for good reason too! This FanFic is brilliant! A few minor grammatical errors that a commenter pointed out. I really like it! Keep up the good work :ajsmug:

Neat! We really need more GildaShy (and bouncing baby hippogriffs). It's a bit rushed, but it's a nice change from all those fics that demonize Gilda for just having a bad temper.:yay:

And all the flutterdash fans cried out in horror...

May i ask... what does mean "Birds of a Feather"?

But the way, very good fic :twilightsmile:

Glad to see a romance fanfic that's more original.
Also, nice job with the story and pacing.:raritywink:

This....would be a interesting pairing. XD

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It's an idiom. (I found the following online.)
"Birds of a feather flock together."
Prov. Similar people tend to associate with each other.
Something that you say which means people who have similar characters or similar interests will often choose to spend time together.

2666026 Thanks alot! Now i understand :twilightsheepish:

This ship is not done enough, thank you very much! :pinkiehappy:

I deny this ship, but reward you for being awesome!:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::heart:

Cover art is adorable, story is hilarious, and ship is not as used as many people would think. 10/10, would d'aww again. :yay:

So awesome! :rainbowkiss:

You had me with the first line. I mean, a haircut for Gummy? Also, Gilda is an underrated character. So glad to see more of her.

This is your first pony fanfic? Nice. Can't wait to see more stories!!

Nicely done! Your pairing seemed... off? at first, but as you explained it and moved past it, you really tied the knot :facehoof: (What? Marriage? Why am I talking?)

Your descriptions were nice and the way each pony talked was like that of the show, kudos! :pinkiesmile:


You really bit the bullet to start it off, but now, this has been quite the act! Bravo! :pinkiehappy:

2666219 AT should make more stories, write a petition! :twistnerd:

now that was awesome. good characterization. loved it.

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Biggest problem of the story was Pinkie Pie being very OOC (out of character). But don't fret too much. A lot of authors tend to do this because they always see her being so spontaneous and ecstatic in the show that they don't tend to consider how well it will translate into words. An example is Pinkie's tendency to talk real fast with run-on sentences in the show. This does not translate well into words, and could be avoided by not putting Pinkie into a position where this could happen

I'm not sure I follow this. Are you saying Pinkie Pie is behaving contrary to her character when her actions involve a lot of bouncing around and being spontaneous/impulsive, and citing run on sentences not reading as well as the basis for that? Because I'm not sure I'd call that "out of character" so much as "elements of character which don't always translate well". Pinkie Pie tends to be less out of character in stories like this one as a general rule than the rest of the cast are in their reactions to her- about ninety percent of fanfics starring a Pie involve all of her friends finding her unbearably annoying. That's a 'sometimes' thing in the show, not an 'every moment of every episode' thing.

Anyway with that reader-to-reader comment out of the way, time to take this story by the wings and give it a good preening- and pull some feathers while I'm at it because I like it rough, baby.

Ignore that last bit.

First, let me give you credit where credit is due- Gilda/Shy is a very unusual ship, and even attempting it means breaking new ground to an extent. You can't work off any previous relationship building from the show- your story has to build up, present, and sell the relationship to the readers without even the benefit of a few scenes of the two interacting where Gilda isn't doing the moral equivalent of kicking a small puppy on children's television. This was an ambitious project in many ways, so what you did succeed at you can definitely feel proud of- and for the most part that's getting Gilda's nasty side to feel like it hasn't vanished between the events of "Griffon the Brush-Off" and whenever this story is set.

You also manage to get your humor rolling in such a way that the jokes are more hit than miss. The timing on a lot of Pinkie's outbursts works well (particularly "That diagnosis was never proven!"), as did little things like Pinkie immediately assuming the worst about Gilda and Fluttershy. I wasn't exactly in stitches, but I did experience a few pleasant chuckles between the beginning of this story and the end, and that's worth a lot to me. So thank you for that.

Now, for the almighty constructive criticism (by which I mean I'm about to say horrible, mean things now).

This story doesn't really work as a relationship story.

If you hadn't included any establishment of the relationship at all and had banked on the comedy of errors throughout the whole thing, I'd probably cut a little more slack for this, but you didn't so I won't. This story is built around presenting Gilda and Fluttershy as a couple in a relationship, and as that it's just not particularly interesting. The two don't really have a lot of chemistry beyond this very generic "I love you just because I love you because I love you"- if I were Twilight, I'd be carefully examining the two for signs of CMC interference. There's not a lot of detail establishing what traits the two find attractive about each other- Gilda just sort of likes Fluttershy because Fluttershy is nice, but we're not really given enough details about Gilda's personality and history to understand why just being nice would mean that much to her. Fluttershy's attraction to Gilda is equally shallow- the story itself just shows her saying "yes I'll give this relationship a shot" and then leaving us to assume it worked out, telling us the two are in love rather than showing them in love with each other. A common problem I find in shipfic is that the characters, when it comes time to build the 'ship' part of the shipfic, get swapped out for kissy dolls (or if you want to be really creepy, hug pillows) that get rubbed together and hand-puppeted by the author- they just fall flat, and the relationship feels shallow and a little empty. Gilda and Fluttershy falling in love is an interesting concept, but this just didn't feel like Gilda or Fluttershy in particular.

I'd kind of like to see more with these two- more that shows the particular things they love about each other. "You're brave, Gilda", "You're nice, Fluttershy" is easy to tell- but it's much more interesting when you show how these two impact each other.

Twilight Sparkle was in her library tree home, doing the one thing she loved more than reading: writing.
Why Twilight is my favorite pony

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Thanks for your critique! I realize I was a little vague on what exactly Gilda and Fluttershy love about each other. It is a tough ship to make plausible. Maybe I could write another short story in this continuity that gives more insight into their relationship, though it might be a while.

Also, thank you all for your support! It feels great seeing that I could write something enjoyable!

I'm only reading this for that awesome description.

I enjoyed the story very much. Any chance of a sequel being in the making? :duck:

A lot of people say the description and the cover are the most important thing in a fanfiction. And you.... you just the first one perfect. :rainbowlaugh:

Hmm... 10,000 words? That's.... 3 chapters in Syreth time. I'll definetly give this a read between two study-session. :twilightsmile:

Ah-HA!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!:yay::pinkiehappy::yay::pinkiehappy::yay::pinkiehappy:

Okay, that out of my system, let me explain. I... am a huge fan of this crack pairing of Gilda and Fluttershy, have been ever since I set eyes on the works of Mickeymonster on deviantART. To actually see a story of it... That is certainly something.

2664972
Personally, some part of me envisions the dreaded Early-Season-2 Pinkie with this fic... but it did nothing to ruin it.

L4
L4 #30 · Jun 2nd, 2013 · · ·

:pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2: MY OTP has finally been done I can't be happier

L4

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I have several theories.... <3... I could mail you my ideas.

2667069
Sure! I'd love to see your theories!

Comment posted by Solo Wing deleted Jun 2nd, 2013

Loved this story! Great job!

This story was boss

only one word is needed.

A very nice story. Not my usual preferred pairing, but certainly amusing and enjoyable...and Pinkie misinterpreting was hilarious!

I enjoyed the story a lot.
That being said, I fear that I enjoy the idea of the pairing and the characterization of Pinkie and the others more than the actual pairing here.
Postives first: Gilda and everyone are very spot on characterized. I especially like how Gilda is not "neutered". Many writers make redemption stories and remove integral parts of the character, such as her roughness or her being easily angered. Here, you instead give her motives for behaving the way she does. Bit plus for that.
Rarity has (as usual) some of the best lines and Pinkie is so delightfully herself, I like it.
Now for the crux of the matter:
Their relationship, while plausible, is not very well... interesting.
Now don't misunderstand me: Relationships don't need to be all drama-rama or go all out "forbidden love" or something... but honestly: Theirs kinda earns it. I mean,, they have kept it a secret from the whole town for a long time, Gilda had to sneak in to spend time with Fluttershy. She had to sneak past her oldest and dearest friend. And Shy herself had to make excuses to her friends. Friends whom she was afraid of losing if they ever found out. Yet, they tread it rather subdued.
I hate so sound like Rarity, but that EARNS you some drama points. :raritywink:
While I like the idea that they discover their feelings by talking about them (OH MY GOODNESS! adults talking about their feelings like mature individuals? sorry, sarcasm), it would have been very important to see how they felt about each other on a day to day basis and if and how they would provide comfort for each other when trying to avoid the ponies they care about.
Just suggesting, of course.

LOVED the cover art, especially that look on Gilda's face!
anyway, intersting ship combo and it works at that

The amount of "D'aww" has enabled me to reply in proper english.

... Dammit this is so nice I can't help but fave.

I don't really have anything constructive to say so I'll just say that the flashback parts made a full grown man squeel like a little filly. That said man is very emotional and loves cuteness is irrelevant ;)

Anyways, I liked the story, although I gotta say that it started a bit slow.

All in all, well worth the read.

This ship is pure crack. :rainbowderp:

I didn't find anything particularly wrong with this story, though your narrative style does feel unpolished in general. That's probably just a matter if practice, though. Over-all, it was a pretty decent fic. Keep at it.

I'm not even a paragraph in and all I can say is, "gummy's first haircut."
Now that, good sir, was classic Pinkie Pie writing. I thank you for the laughs.:pinkiehappy:

Ah.... I love a good crack shipping. Well one that makes sense in at least SOME capacity and the way you wrote this? Yeah I could buy it

dawwwww,,,,just...just daaaaaaaawwwwwwww:twilightsmile:

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My best mare's wedding.

Too bad its incomplete and looks dead.

Yes! I love Guilda shipping, and the shortage of good Fics for it angers me. Although I do have to say the pacing was, to put it lightly, as fast as time would travel around you if you traveled faster than light. Otherwise it was good, you have my like.:twilightsmile:

The first two things that went through my head when I read the description:

"Mmmmmmmm, Pony tongue."

and

"Maybe she's feeding her. That's how birds feed their young."

And now I want to see what this is really all about.

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