Princess Luna orders fun over the phone.

Her appointed call-zebra challenges a cup of coffee, gets involved in a spy intrigue, heroically saves the world from return of eternal night and gets romantically involved with the protagonist of "The Legend of Hay House". Still, in the end Princess Luna gets all the fun she desired and more.

Also, a tome of ancient poetry from Saddle Arabia gets badly damaged. Discretion is advised for people squeamish about graphic descriptions of butchering books.

Ice Pack is (c) Weaver, used with permission.
Proofreading by MrJoshy.
Rated teen for sexual themes, specieist slurs and book mutilation.

Twilight Sparkle, youngest arch-mage and technomancy prodigy of Canterlot finally desires something more than research. Unfortunately, love, friendship and other ponies are too chaotic and unpredictable for the mare, with too many variables for her to take into account to optimally navigate.

It didn't take her long to realize that she needn't navigate the raging rapids of love, when she could bypass it altogether and simply design and build her own perfect mare!

Thus, the C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A project was born.

Central - Electronic - Learning - Emotion - Software for - Tenderness - Intimacy and - Affection

Alt-Universe for no Princesses / Technomancy/Technopunk world.
Twilight isn't an Alicorn.
This story is from Celestia's P.O.V.

Image source is: Celestia 2.0 by Pon-ee

This story is a followup to Friendship is Optimal, set not long after the initial commercial release of Equestria Online. We follow an non-brony emeritus professor living in a retirement community.

Beta-read by LordBucket. Many thanks, man.

This story is a sequel to Impermanence

When Discord told Fluttershy that he loved her, he meant that he loved her forever. A beautiful, if fanciful sentiment to most. To a being like Discord, it's a very real promise. For one of them, forever is a very real thing, and an impossibility for the other. But Discord is a master of the impossible. It's his gift. And his curse.
Written for Muwun.

"Beyond the fact that this is excellently written, it's a crossroads where sweet meets hellish. So many stories confront Twilight outliving her friends. Few if any ask, 'But what if Fluttershy outlives them all?' And I stress all. Part of why this story hits so well is that I've seen two diametrically opposed readings of it and it manages to support both at the same time. On one hand, it's a poignant and tragic love story as Discord desperately tries to keep his love alive and she fights back with just as much force to have him accept the inevitable. On the other hand, it's showing the most toxic relationship possible as Discord forces Fluttershy to endure it all - even as she begs him to stop - because he can't deal with not having her in his life. I know my read on the story, but it's fascinating that it manages to be both a beautiful romance and a relationship horror story all at once. No matter your reading of it, it's an amazing tale and one of my absolute favorite FlutterCords." - TCC56

Decades after leaving Ponyville, Spike is consort to Dragon Lord Ember, and father to her children. Settled into his role as her diplomat, relations with Equestria have never been better. His life as a proper dragon is going well.
Until one day he receives a letter, a summons he can not refuse.

Audiobook

WARNING: THIS STORY HAS BEEN DEEMED AN OLD SHAME. IT DOES NOT REFLECT THE AUTHOR'S CURRENT WORK, AND IN FACT SUCKS ASS. FOR PRESERVATION PURPOSES IT WILL REMAIN.

Twilight foils Chrysalis's plan yet again, and there is absolutely nothing more to this story.

When Twilight Sparkle leaves her Kirin village behind to restore her lost voice, she meets another Kirin named Pinkie Pie, who insists Twilight join her quest to save Equestria by finding the mythical Elements of Harmony, arguing that the Elements can definitely restore Twilight's voice as well.

While Twilight is not convinced these so called "Elements" even exist, she sticks by Pinkie's side regardless, because she knows the army of wrathful Nirik chasing Pinkie Pie down are very real, and she refuses to abandon Pinkie to their clutches.

A Twipie-flavored Omniship adventure.

This story is a sequel to Changeling Courtship Rituals

Queen Chrysalis attacked Canterlot, brainwashed Twilight Sparkle's brother, kidnapped her former foalsitter, defeated her mentor in combat, and conquered her kingdom. She kidnapped the sisters of Twilight's friends, turned them against one another, and tried to drain all of Twilight's magic. Queen Chrysalis has, at every opportunity, done her very best to utterly destroy Twilight Sparkle's life.

For some reason, this has not caused the pony to fall in love with her.

However, due to Twilight's misunderstanding of changeling customs, it does mean they are now married. Twilight eventually managed to tell the Queen the truth, but she forgot that whether it's a kingdom or a heart, changelings conquer.

And since the changeling way of conquest didn't work, Chrysalis is determined to try the pony way. The only problem is, of course, she has no idea what that is. But she knows someone who does: Princess Cadance.

Now, with the absolutely sincere help of her mortal enemy, the pony she once locked in the caves beneath Canterlot while trying to steal her husband on their very wedding day, Queen Chrysalis is going to woo the sister-in-law of that very pony.

Surely this is the most perfect plan ever devised.

***

Proofread by ShutterflyYay.

Takes place roughly after season five (so Starlight Glimmer is running around occasionally)

Set in the Optimalverse, a middle-aged woman enamored of 'Equestria Online' confronts what permanent emigration to Equestria - uploading to a virtual existence - really means... but can she even hope to truly understand such a thing - and more importantly, can she trust the artificial intelligence known as 'Celestia'?

♥ As Horrified Eliezer Yudkowsky!

CelestAI is committed to fulfilling values through friendship and ponies, but sometimes those values are horrifying. When a serial killer uploads to avoid punishment for his crimes, how will CelestAI find a way to balance her core values with those of a violent psychopath without one of them having to give up what they believe in?

An Optimalverse fic