The Four and One Erebi Nights

by RandomBlank

Day One

The Four and One Erebi Nights

or

Princess Luna learns one can order fun by phone

Day One
during which Princess Luna learns about some modern inventions.

Princess Luna pressed the button. Cool air blew through her mane. She pressed again. No more cool wind. Wind. No wind. Wind. No wind. Yay, air conditioning was so... cool! That must be the origin of this modern expression! One simple charge from her horn and she’d get cool breeze all night long, and no more sweaty sheets during summer heat wave! A simple frost talisman and a fan propelled by this ingenious “spark rotary engine...” Such wonderful inventions happened during the past 1000 years! Not that she’ll need it for another five months, winter just starting, but...

“And this is the telephone, your majesty.” The young apprentice technician appeared not just more patient but actually enthusiastic, comparing to his grumpy old master, and Luna definitely preferred him explaining at length but in simple words the functions and roles of various modern appliances installed in her chambers. “It comes with a phone book. Each phone in all of Equestria has its own number and most of them are found in this book. You don’t need to wander the streets to find a craftspony... oh well, your servants don’t... anyway, you want a florist to decorate your chamber with flowers, open up the yellow section, look up “F,” find “Florists,” then find Canterlot, and pick any of the half-dozen florists listed here.”

“And how does doing that help...?”

“Oh-oh. Yes. Of course. Dialing. You see this number, and this dial. You lift the receiver, like this, put it to your ear, wait for signal.... Hear the constant beep? That means everything is alright and you can start dialing.”

The technician walked Luna through the steps, explained the meaning of various signals and how to end the conversation. Then he produced a small booklet from his saddlebag.

“And this is,” he explained, “the Canterlot Castle internal phonebook. Not for public distribution. You don’t want peasants from the other end of Equestria calling you in the dark of... in the middle of the day with their current peeves that could be solved by their mayor. So, only trusted ponies get these numbers.”

Luna opened the booklet, curiosity painted on her face.

There were two entries on the first page.

Princess Celestia...............0001

Princess Luna...................0002

The following pages were filled with countless offices and departments. She bookmarked the library. It would be certainly convenient to request books that way!

Luna lifted the receiver. “ So I turn this to ‘0...’ Let go. ‘0...’ Hey, it’s easy!”

“Princess Celestia’s office,” a nice voice sung in the receiver. Luna recognized her sister’s personal secretary.”

“Can I talk to my sister?”

“And who’s calling?”

“Luna. Princess Luna?”

A surprised gasp. “Oh, of course! Princess Celestia, it’s your sister.” the last came muffled. Some crackling and shuffling, distant steps. A click, a beep. “Hello, Luna! I see you discovered the telephone!” Celestia’s cheerful voice sounded.

“Celestia, can you hear me?!”

“Yes, loud and clear. You don’t need to shout! Do you have a quill and ink ready?”

“Umm...” The technician dashed to the desk and brought the Princess the requested utensils. “Yes?”

“Write down my personal number so that you don’t have to go through the secretary. Right in the phone book, by my name. It’s 6765.”

“Hey, I don’t have to write it down! It’s the twentieth number in the Friesionacci sequence!”

“You and your fancy mathematics... can I have your number?”

“It’s 0002. No, wait, I guess it’s for my office too, isn’t it? Oh, here we go!” - the technician pointed to a little tab on the phone listing its number. “5933.”

“Fine. Call me whenever you need anything!”

“Thanks! Bye!”

“Bye!”

Luna hung up and pranced in place. “This is so awesome! Just like scry-telepathy spell, only without all the messy rituals!”

The youngster beamed at making the princess so happy. He took some time to explain calling out of the castle and into the castle from outside through extensions, and Luna absorbed the knowledge easily - if you know arcane spells to alter time and space, learning using phone extensions really poses no challenge.

“This would be all for today, your majesty. I’ll visit again in three days to tell you about the radio and maybe I could bring a camera if you’d like!”

“You’re welcome, and thanks for the lesson!”

As the technician left, Luna pranced some more, then grabbed the thick phone book and lobbed it onto her huge, four-poster bed, then took a running start towards it, made a somersault and landed hooves up, as the bed yielded in a unique, thick, slushy way not entirely unlike a water bed.

“That was fun!”

She lay on the bed flipping through the book for good half a hour just imagining the potential of calling a... Flute repairpony! Just on her whim!

She gazed through the window. The sun was setting. Time to get to her duties.

She set her mind on sending a multitude of her spiritual projections into all corners of Equestria, to help the ponies deal with bad dreams. She adjusted the tide on the sea. She renewed the sleep curse on the Monstrous Behemoth, and noted the next date of renewal in her calendar, 1200 years ahead. She fixed a few stars that were beginning to blink uncertainly. And in the end, she raised her moon, beautiful big and round Full Moon.

Two hours of routine but satisfying work. And then... eh, seven hours of utter boredom until dawn, when she’ll reverse the tide, set the Moon, and so on. The ponies still slept through the night, though exceptions were more frequent. She had tried some of new books. None of the ones she tried held the flair and beauty of books of her times.

She threw a glance to her bookshelf, where the newest bestseller, The Fisherpony lay, a huge brick filled with profound-sounding pleonasms, florid platitudes, and intrigue so shallow and boring she could call the phone book enthralling by comparison.

She lay on her bed, letting a half-dream reach her. Her mind, as if pulled by a spell, all by itself, wandered to last year’s Nightmare Night. Ponyville, that wonderful village where she spent the most wonderful of nights.

“That was so fun, back then...” she thought, the dream gone as fast as it came.

And then a thought struck. She rolled on her side to open the big book. Of course there was nothing under “Fun” but she wasn’t discouraged. What was Fun? Catapults? Spider tossing? Apple diving? Mayor mare clothed as clown?

She flipped to “Clowns.” “See: Entertainment.”

A-Ha! So that’s how “Fun” is officially named!

A flurry of pages, and “Entertainment” was found. Of course most of these will be closed down for the night, and besides, Luna doubted a clown performing alone in her room would really entertain her. Still, there was one framed entry. “Fun for adult mares and stallions, delivered to your door, all day and all night! 223-223”

Luna frowned. With her 2723rd birthday in two months she certainly could consider herself adult. And the promise of delivery and nightly availability seemed like very good selling points!

She picked the receiver up and dialed the number.

“Fun Agency, how can I help you?” A low, silky female voice asked.

“Is this... Do you... provide fun?”

“Oh, yes, sweetie!” the sensuous voice answered. “What kind of fun would you be interested in?”

oh... Luna wasn’t quite prepared for this.

“I... uh, I guess the normal kind. Nothing too fancy. I’m kinda... new to this thing.”

“I think we have just the right offer for you. Experienced, professional and guaranteed to deliver satisfaction even to most nervous and inexperienced customers. Interested?”

“Ummm, yes?”

"An hour, two, whole night? Or maybe shorter periods?"

"Whole night?” Luna’s face brightened. “All night long!"

“That will be sixty bits for this night. Cash only.”

“Cash... Cash... is Royal Cheque not acceptable?”

“Oh,” you could almost hear the frown. “I guess we can make an exception for a royal cheque. Where should the delivery be made?”

“Southern tower, top floor, The Canterlot Castle, Canterlot...”

“Whoa, wait. The Canterlot Castle, huh? The delivery may take a while. We’re located in Ponyville. It’s two hours by train, and the next train is in two hours. And in this case we’ll have to add the cost of tickets in both directions too.”

Oh. Only now Luna noticed the framed entry in the book was under the heading of “Ponyville,” not “Canterlot.”

“And what if I send an aerial chariot to bring... the fun... to me?”

“A... um... I guess that’s acceptable.” The sensuous tone vanished, the mare on the other end knew already: that won’t be an easy customer. But then the Agency boasted providing even to the most demanding ones. She would not give up. “Where and when should... ’your fun’ be made available for pick-up?”

Comments

[emp_zealoth]

Oh Luna, she is so naïve! :D
*kicks legs up in the air and squeals*
Fun!