• Member Since 18th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

law abiding pony


Just a hobbyist writer with aspirations of making a career in it.

Sequels1

Comments ( 829 )

Interesting start, Discord saving a world with friendship and ponies. I can't wait to see what happens with the alien demons (red skin and horns). There are a few big grammatical errors, but the unique story plot and good character development convinced me to favorite and thumb up this story. Keep up the good work and try harder to catch those errors, and this story could go far!

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Thanks for the feedback. As for the errors, i do try a couple of rereads, but i thinking being the author makes it difficult to find them all. I'd be more than happy to correct any you or anyone else point out.

Horny red ones, and a hellish earth.

images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120419154857/elderscrolls/images/e/ec/Dremora_Lord.jpg

The oblivion gates must have been opened, its what discord,er Mehrunes Dagon would do.

OK I think you need to change the tags for the story to teen and sex with this chapter, not that that's bad but that is the rating I would give it ( not mature unless sex scene/more in depth description of the groin)( language is also at teen). I personally like the way the story is flowing, but you still need to prof read your work, because there are some switched words that break that flow( I will strange him...should be strangle) don't just count on autocorrect. Good luck!

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fixed that error.

I wasn't going to go in depth with the clop. This is not a clop fic. It would be rather unrealistic to just completely write out this kind of stress relief entirely as its a normal, but by no means central activity and will fall to the background over time. The plot will have a heavier focus on the tome, the impending meteor, and all the fun times its bringing.

Your story is not mature and sex, but it is still teen (language and sex jokes). It is just to protect your story from being flagged ( kids use this site). Your story can still be great even if it is rated teen.

Hmm, randomly peo- I mean, ponies are gathering...

So far I like it, and there is not that many errors either!
P.S.
I should be done editing chapter one by tonight. And it will posted in my dropbox. I will PM you when I've completed my task.

Made me imagine that
Earth ponies = female
Pegasi = male
Unicorns = both

Wait, so just to be clear, Loki is a female all the way, right? For some reason it sounded like she was referred to as male a few times...

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Yes Loki was always female. If there is such a case of her being referred to as male it would be in error.

I have the great need, and or urge to say it is CDO not COD . I know you probably did it on purpose, but as an actual OCD afflictee it irks me on a general level.


On the other hoof, I love the story, keep up the good work. :pinkiehappy:

Field trip everyone! Ride on the magic school bus! Just kidding.
I eagerly await the shenanigans that are most Assuredly going to happen. Is it probable that Alexia will meet some of her coworkers there? I kinda forgot what her job was before, gotta double check, but that could be fun. Speaking of, it sounds like she hasn't much contact with her friend back in town, he would probably be worrying I think, since diseases tend to evolve fairly quickly before they become fatal...
Keep going! ;)

If a fourth character was added, would it be a changeling?

Hmm, it's a little farfetched that the world would bank the success of asteroid deflection to only a few meager hours before impact, even with the most powerful of bombs this isn't supposed to just knock the rock out of the way just like that. Current contingency plans expect weeks of slack due to how ineffectual this kind of velocity management is. I was kinda hoping actually that Alexia could have been a part of resolving this crisis, but the time schedule just jumped quite a bit.
I liked the masseuse part, being pet is pretty awesome! ;)
Overall, it felt like the convention was a lot calmer than I anticipated, even if they only spent what felt like half an hour in the main plaza area. I am surprised than Daniel didn't ditch them first, it would be unlikely that his co would have known if he hadn't reported their "escape" and just let them go after a bit, but it seems he is a little more compliant than normal.
Keep going! ;)

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Ah my friend, but they did try deflection first. But I'll go into that later.

As for it being tame, its mostly because i didn't want to hit 12k words for one chapter if I can avoid it.

Hmm, seems Alexia isn't the only one with mental barrier problems. It seems Loki actually does have a conscience after all! ;p
At this point in the day, if I remember correctly, the meteor should have become meteorite by now, right? I fully expect there to be more to the rock than just rock's sake. Not just it magical protection either.
I find it interesting how the book already registers Alexia as having a true pony soul, I mean, physical appearance usually doesn't revamp the soul in that manner, so it almost seems as though Alexia may have been pony all along! Still, the second half of the key will be interesting enough to obtain...
Keep going! ;)
Oh, and not to mention... First! :p

I think you mentioned what the asteroid had been called earlier, but for some reason I had in mind Jenny from 'my life as a teenage robot' (XJ-9). Well, at least until it started infecting people into a collective...
So Loki has some pros at being a pony, even if she shows disdain most of the time. I wonder what she's collecting, Conrad didn't didn't exactly explain what was in the extra boxes, and they're apparently not being opened up yet. Perhaps they're part of an airplane? ;p
I find the lack of pony news a little disheartening, either most people are good to go with a zombie contingency plan or there aren't as many as we'd hoped. Most people wouldn't have a spare farm to escape too after all...
Keep going! ;)

Your story is turning out awesome! Blackstar is having trouble keeping up with you, but I'll be able to help him with the editing after the eighteenth.

Well now, i am glad that i decided to give this story a try. Great chapter!

the entire last bit made me fall off my chair laughing....... oh well, worth it.
also i think james is taking this a little to lightly, maybe he will have a mental break down in further chapters? meh, even if he doesn't still not going to stop me form reading the rest of the story.

The two people in front of him took what felt like an eternity to finish paying. Why do these places have twenty registers if only four are ever manned?

that line is so true.....

great chapter! love everybody's personality.

Hmm, that's a small disappointment, I hadn't expected only one pony in so many States, but the missing population would make sense, smaller sample size and all.
Still, Loki at least appears more accepting of her position, she wasn't being overtly depressed about lacking outward humanity.
It's good that most people are being very accepting so far, we think we should find some wood to knock on for that statement...
Perhaps they have been able to modify the car, but their uncomfortable position riding as a human posture wasn't really mentioned this time.
Keep going! ;)

I agree with tsaukpaetra, i do believe that her friend might be a little worried by now.

argh argh argh you used the not-a-word ''irregardless'' in a sentence argh. Also yeah that ocd/cdo thing :facehoof:. Anyway, hope Discord shows up again eventually.

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As much as people want to deny it, irregardless is considered a word. At least according the link.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/irregardless

Its mostly used in speech, and it is the news anchor speaking rather than narration.

You have to remember people typically do not speak in perfect English.

This is why humans piss me off. All we do is take something harmless and turn it into a wepon.

Oh no! Disappeared by spooks! Whatever will become of their dream pony city now? Also: "draconequus". Latin-ish for dragon horse.

It's a good thing the FBI don't know about the book, things could go south very quickly...
There are going to be a lot of contractors scratching their heads when nobody comes to check their work, I don't recall Loki finishing payment yet.... Speaking of, I wonder if she'll get a little backlash on that. Things can get really good if everyone cooperates, but I highly doubt that the government will play fair, especially when they find out more about Alexia...
Keep going! ;)

Cool story can't wait for next chapter :moustache:

Great chapter! altho the FBI showing up right after the party was a little to abrupt for me. I was expecting for them to get at least to their home before the feds showed up.

but other than that I liked the banter between discord and tune.

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Well the feds wouldn't be doing their job right if they came along at a convenient time.

2585833
LOL true! Thanks for the reply.

Hmmm, modern day internment camps. My interest has been tickled, go on.

This story is soo awesom :pinkiesad2: can't wait for next chapter:pinkiehappy:

We were wondering if perhaps Alexia was being foolish by showing here true capabilities; this will obviously make for a game changer at the base.
Higher ups can often overlook some of the obvious things, but in this case it seems not to bode well for our group. Alexia would make a good leader I think, despite that it is unlikely she will actively do so.
Personally, if we were detained in this manner, we would be more bored than anything, but apparently that hasn't set in for most of the detainees. We'll keep an eye on the unicorn sector's veterinarian, she seems a likely candidate to be a very important double agent for the future.
Keep going! ;)

'lol good chapter -_- i can totally by discord pulling this kind of demented stunt after being pressured into a "controlled" chaos state of mind everyone has to vent some how right?

I cant help but feel for her but, shes taking it all very well id expect more tears or fits of anger from some one in this position lol but this is a story and she is a fricken magical talking tecnocoloered pony man thing so logic and basic human reaction may not apply lol

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In my mind, mental break downs and tears are badly overused even if it is the expected behavior. However I feel if humans are anything is that we are diverse.

Sure anger and tears may be a normal response, but that doesn't mean everyone will react that way.

Already being drafted into covert ops? This will be interesting...
I have faith that Alexia will maintain her willpower. As a future element of Harmony, she'd better! Still, these hidden blows the colonel is throwing seem fairly strong.
I like the idea of the farm, it would help exercise the earth pony's magic.
Hopefully the colonel will become a more open to the truth in time.
We are wondering if the rescue mission is for the pony Alexia detected a while back.
Keep going! ;)

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The Colonel doesn't like pulling punches.

I've been meaning to ask though.

We are wondering

Who is this we, you speak of?

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My apalogies, sometimes our collectivistic mindset shows through. I've gotten better, but it is more difficult to ensure inhibition protocols are running late at night. On most things I am in agreement with myself, but oftentimes we don't. When this happens during the times we write reviews my thoughts can get a little disjointed due to not having planned how we will put them together coherently.
Traditionally this had been avoided by not speaking in relation to myself, most of my comments are passive because of this, but occasionally we slip up a bit. Nothing to worry about though! I still enjoy your work! :)

“Maybe I just taste sour.”
“Aww, I’m so disappointed.”
That sound like Jake O'neil. Please let Michael be based on him.

Another excellent chapter :pinkiesad2::twilightsmile::moustache:

i love your take on the mlp fandom ive never read a story from this angle before though i can see discord doing something like this just for shits and gigs. great story and im looking forward to the next chapter!!! :twilightsmile:

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I'm getting a major Goul'ud vibe from the bad guys myself.

Well, at least they caught Michael in time, and with the near-future events, being with Alexia is certainly a plus. My vote is Pegasus, for the record. ;) since we have no background, I have no more predictions, but we feel that his reaction so far is very promising despite the whole "herd mentality" probably having an effect here.
So finally our main contestants collide, I was hoping that magic would be able to interfere with the assimilated, however we don't believe that the mere presence of magic will be enough...
Keep going! ;)

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That wasn't my original intent and I haven't seen any Stargate since forever ago. But I am a fan of O'Neil.

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As I said to Sarikano i haven't seen that stuff in a long time so its just a coincidence. But I will say the parasites themselves have little intelligent.

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Always good to hear :rainbowkiss:

2636484

Can't say why magic doesn't interfere without a bit of spoiling sorry. (More so than the worm intelligence thing anyway.)

Sides Twilight's already angry I told Sarikano that much.:twilightangry2:

Great start, I'm just wondering whether you mean lint rather than lent, unless of course it has a meaning other than the time before Easter/or to lend pass tense?

"Turning a guardpony’s armor into lent one day, and replacing an ornery old stallion’s dentures with two lines of chewing gum and candy corn the next."

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