• Member Since 23rd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 13 hours ago

DalTRS


Poni

E
Source

Love and Hope once shone bright from a gleaming crystal city, only to be lost to the evils of indifference and despair. This is a tale of the leaders who built an empire based upon those virtues, and the two newly weds who are about to realize their shared destiny in reclaiming it.

[AU] Because of the Two Sisters book and Sombra Comic.

Edited by: Bok and Voidchicken
Proofread by: Geomancing and Wylie
Cover art by: FoxInShadow

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 33 )

Well I rather liked this, even if the "Kingdom of Heart" thing did make me irrationally angry...

Being honest I expected Luminaire and Crystal to merge with Shining and Cadence (like Twi did with Stars (herself?) in her story), but w/evs, I like it regardless. Even if being completely honest I put off reading this until just now because I wasn't willing to commit to a crystal empire story.

Downvotes? This story is so believable it's scary!:heart::heart::heart:

3804973

Lol, I have never played the Kingdom Hearts games. I just thought I would give it a nod because it sounds close to something the ponies would use, and people seem to like the games :twistnerd:

I can totally see this being cannon. This was amazing work! Thank you for sharing it with us.

This was great, loved the backstory of the Crystal Empire and the one for Sombra and I could see how this fits in well with the show's canon, it's nice when he is given more character than what we see in the show and of the origin stories I have read most show him as an ambitious conqueror and so I don't often see one where he was good before his corruption. Also, I'm glad we now have an explanation for why Shining is still alive in Her Happily Ever After.

Truly good my friend I could imagine what was going everystep of the way it was just absolutely amazing and fit really well with the premiere of season 3.You made this sound ubelieveably like part of the it was very well written and I really appreciate such skill.Great work absolutely loved thos can't waot to see what you create next :)!

I fully enjoyed it.:twilightsmile::heart:

The part about Crystal's death and Luminaire's downfall really tugged my heartstrings though.:fluttercry::raritycry::pinkiesad2:

I wasn't prepared for this :fluttercry:

Honestly, I find this the best Sombra origin story. It feels more like a natural fall than others where he resorted to dark magic to save the empire and what not.

I finally got around to reading this DalTRS. I had read the other parts of your series and this one had been wallowing in my giant que of things to do when I am not editing things. I have to say, I always enjoy your form of world building and taking things that just appear in the show and bending them with a bit of detail, into something that can craft a part of your world. I am curious as to who it is that Puddinghead was speaking to, but the rest of the chapter was simply great.

4242474 Thanks! Hopefully the next chapter answers your question!

I must comment. I must.
This is pure amazing. :heart:

ALICORN OC!!!! but its okay XD as long as she isn't in the same tier as Celestia and Luna then all shall be well!

Comment posted by DalTRS deleted Jun 8th, 2014

I love how there are no downvotes on this story despite your prediction, DalTRS :yay: Readers like a good story. You wrote a good story. End of story xD

Somehow I can see this entire story actually happening in the canon FIM universe, along with the others in the Tale series. Amazing work fleshing out the vague backstory of equestria and the crystal empire with these short stories!

7712615

I'm glad you enjoyed them, and thanks for letting me know. Your thanks means more to me than you would think.

It's now part of my headcanon that the consort of Love will be immortal too! Thanks for fixing that story problem of mine in my WIP FiMfics!

Years passed into decades, and decades into centuries. Many of Luminare's fears had come to pass, just as he had dreaded. They wouldn’t let themselves become detached or aloof, even if the pain never really got better with time. And when the time to say goodbye came, she was always there for him, as he was always there for her. Twin anchors in the ever flowing sands of time.

This paragraph seems out of place. What fears came to pass? At first, I thought you meant Luminare's death, but that obviously want the case. What happened?

Good work. Though this may be well served by another pass by an editor. There's a lot of places where you put "of" for "have" (e.g. "could of" instead of "could've")

Nonetheless, this will be going to my Good Reads list.

7839930

Friends passing on, never seeing their family again, and etc. I left it pretty vague since I didn't want the story getting too depressing until after what comes later.

7840251

I struggle with that stuff. It was also very hard to find people to even read the story. This is also why I haven't really produced anything lately. I'm on my own and anything I write would be trash grammar wise.

7840782 I would offer to be an editor for you, but I have other priorities at the moment. Sorry. :applecry:

However, your stories have generated no small amount of interest. Perhaps someone here could help you. And IIRC, there are groups here on FiMFiction that offer editing help to writers. You may not be as alone as you think.

I really enjoyed your story. It flowed well, was very entertaining, with rich dialogue and characters. Write more stories, please.

And Thus the crystal Empire is born

You have tugged on my heartstrings and almost made me cry. A wonderful tale of the Crystal Empire. I almost left the story but you seemed to have turned the tragedy into a joyful reunion. Well done. If you were to clean up the far errors and place it on a few groups I think you would get more readers.

I appreciate all the effort that went into this story, as you tried to make it fit with both the show and your other stories while filling in a lot of "headcanon" backstory/original characters and stuff; but... the writing... well the writing isn't that bad, the sentence structure and word choice is fine, but there are typos everywhere, like every other sentence has an error or two.

So overall I liked this story but it's not getting a very high rating from me.

10301494
That's fair. I am not the best of writers and I require a good deal of help when it comes to fixing errors and other language related issues. Help that I did not have when I wrote this. In fact, it's the main reason I don't even bother writing anymore.

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