• Member Since 26th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Cerulean Voice


Father of twin 4yo boys, partner of Arcelia, and so glad to be back.

Sequels1

T
Source

This story is a prequel to Keeper of the Crystal Heart


Will you remember me as the one from the trees, when the forest used to sing?

Bound to the Earth, a guardian spirit maintains a constant watch over the Everfree forest. He has been so alone, for so very long. But this was not always so. He was once proud, with his partner—Rose, the weaver of dreams—at his side, until the grand deception that not only tainted him and his precious forest, but also shaped the very land of Equestria as we know it. Now for the first time, you may see and understand the mythos behind the creation of the Everfree forest, told through Ilias the Firstborn's memories: his Chronicles of Woe.


A story based upon and heavily inspired by the album Neverbloom, created by Australian melodic deathcore band, Make Them Suffer. All lyrical copyrights to S. Harmanis and Make Them Suffer. Permission to use song lyrics obtained from S. Harmanis of Make Them Suffer.

Edited by andygrey, Unimpressive Vagaries, and Cormac McCloppy.

Rated teen for mild themes and infrequent spoiler-tagged language.

Featured on:
Equestria Daily!
Canterlot's Finest.
Make Them Suffer's official FaceBook page! The highest honour I could have hoped for.

This story is 100% approved by Twilight's Library!

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 116 )

Wow.. I'm shocked that nobody's commented on this yet. The writing's great, and I'm enjoying the characters and descriptions.
I reread the entire thing (that you've written so far) and listened to the music this time (because the first time I didn't have my ear buds in).
It's not my style of music, but it's an interesting compliment to the story, and I'm finding it more enjoyable to read. :raritywink:

So yeah... More people should comment.

3150574

Thanks a lot for bothering to give this even a small amount of your time! I'm pretty happy with the concepts that I've mixed together, I'm so happy you're enjoying it!
Yes, the music I always knew wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea, but it truly is the main inspiration for this bizarre crossover of ideas. Thanks for the feedback! :twilightblush:

Wow man. That was really moving and interesting. Very well written indeed man.

I really enjoyed this. I love how it's a story about a family. And your mythology and world-building are neat. The relationship between Ilias and Rose/Morrow (and their eventual fate) is beautiful, and my favorite part of the story. (Something about the theme of loving someone who has fallen appeals to me--and is probably why I also find the relationship between Celestia and Luna so fascinating.) I hope you end up writing more stories. :twilightsmile:

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Thanks so much for your kind words. The world building was exceedingly fun to write, especially in Weeping Wastelands as Discord. I did my best to write him in character. The thought that it could have been him who created all the "chimera-type" monsters is really not so far-fetched, I believe.

I'm grateful you got to this story to give it such praise. I'm pretty sure I lucked out with it though. Once I had the initial idea, they just kept flowing thick and fast, and that hasn't happened to me for years.

I'll certainly consider writing another story if I find suitable inspiration, I really wish to keep my concepts on a deeply unique level. Thank you for giving me the idea to write about Luna's origin in an abnormal way, that's on you mate. :yay:

Pretty good background story, Adren. The OCs were lovely and you managed to give them all distinct and realistic personalities. Could've done without the lyrics involving expletives, but that's a very minor complaint and on the whole it was well-written and engaging. So, I dunno... an 8 or 8.5 out of 10?

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Story name: These Flowers Never Bloom
Grammar Score 9 (out of ten)
Pros
1. Very descriptive word imagery
2. Sophisticated writing style
3. All of your OCs were distinct people/ponies.
Cons
1. Your chapters are almost too descriptive, I actually found it dry to read.
2. Your characters hardly talk, most of the words are used on describing things.
3. I don't really think Discord would have the power to revert Celestia's copy back to foalhood change her into a completely different pony then put her inside her mother's womb and have her be born again. But that could be just me.
Notes
I'm not going to lie, this story is not to my preference and I don't think it is to many others liking either. That is the reason why you don't have more likes. And the reason why you don't have any dislikes is (probably) because your story is done well, just to the wrong audience. I found it story very boring, and a struggle to read because of that.

All in all I can tell the story was done well, I just don't like it.

3292200
Thank you for pointing out that which I'd simply not noticed. I thought that making it very descriptive would be fitting as it's supposed to be a personal journal written by the Lord of Woe, but if it really is that jarring, I think a re-write might be in order.

3292349
That's the thing, it's done very well for its intended purpose. Just not appreciated by many. Like I said before, even though I don't like it I can appreciate it for what it is.

Have a like, because I didn't do that earlier.

I really quite liked this story, it's not to my usual style, but it is certainly well written. There isn't really much else I can say, but nice job! :twilightsheepish:

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Story name: These Flowers Never Bloom
Grammar Score 9.0 (out of ten)

Pros
1. Impressize creativity and imaginative.
2. Extremely detailed.
3. Very colourful and artistic.

Cons
1. You decribe things too much, slowing down the story to a snail-like speed
2. Your characters, Illias and Rose/Morrow doesn't seem to have much personality. They seem quite bland. Morrow's transformation was also quite sudden.
3. Discord's former self seems to be way overpowered, plus he lost to his own creation instantly, showing a giant leap of power between him and Morrow.

Notes
In my opinion, the story is quite impressive. I was able to imagine the story as I read it, but the story lacks the punch it needed to make it incredible. Not only the characters are bland, but the story seems more like a never-finished painting. It's all colour and detail, but not enough of the story behind it. Because of it, it didn't interest me enough to keep on reading (but I read it anyway for the sake of this review).

Some parts of the story were quite sudden, such as the return of Discord and Other Celestia's existence. Also, both of Celestia's and Luna's personalities are extremely similar, much like being twins. Though I know that Luna used to be Other Celestia, it doesn't seem logical for her to be that similar to Celestia.

For the entire story, I like it. I admit, it was fun reading it and it was very colourful. The imaginative level in this story is impressize, as you were able to take very simple things and expand it ten times larger. For me, it needs more views. But like I said ealier, the story doesn't have that punch to make it incredible.

Also, thanks for reviewing my story, Book Of Time. I really appreciate it. :pinkiehappy:

3410915
Thank you for the counter-review. I suppose it is an incredibly descriptive story. It's not exactly meant to be action-packed though: it's written more like a personal diary. Because that's what it is - the Chronicles of Woe (refer to the album Neverbloom if you feel like it). I would have written it more action-wise were it not for this reason. I kinda knew it was gonna be hit-or-miss from the get-go with people. I mean, look at the concept. Who bases a creation story about ponies on the theme of a death metal album?

You and another reviewer below, Nightwolf289, both agree about it being overly descriptive and it not really holding your interest. Also the fact that Discord may be just too OP in the beginning, although I figured he would come across that way. That's great, it means his opinions are no longer his own. You seem to disagree with some others I've spoken to about the characters and their differences in personality though. Not calling you wrong, but it's always interesting to hear different takes.

I'm sad that I didn't earn your like or favourite, though I guess I can understand why.

Name of Story: These Flowers Never Bloom

Grammar: 9.0 (Your grammar is perfect much of the time, but there are a few rather jarring moments throughout the entire story, such as misplaced commas or missing a capitol letter when necessary.)

Pros:
1. The backstory that your story gives to Equestria is very well done; the characters are interesting, if somewhat under-developed, although that can be forgiven as this is a shorter story.
2. I found your usage of Lauren Faust as a kind of goddess to the characters to be very interesting, as well as making perfect sense when you get to describing how she imposed rules on some characters (a "script," one could say).
3. Your descriptions are all very vivid and fun to read, as well as bolstering your already-good backstory.

Cons:
1. The chapters -- at least some of them -- feel too short. I understand that it's to break up the pace of the story and to give each chapter its own song, but some of them feel as if they are just about to peak, only to stop before they do.
2. Morrow's transformation just feels too sudden; there is no real build-up to her becoming as monstrous as she does, and it makes her character become somewhat bland as a result.
3. I noticed that neither Illias nor Rose/Morrow gains a good deal of characterization; they simply feel as if they exist, but they both feel rather flat in terms of personality.

Notes:
I personally found this to be an enjoyable story for most of the time that I read it. The mythos of Equestria that you have crafted is not only interesting, but fun to read, as well, and characterizing Lauren Faust as the creator is something else that I found to be a nice concept. As I said, your descriptions of events are very vivid, but they sometimes lack focus and lapse into telling me what's happening, rather than showing me.

In addition to that, the chapters feel a bit too short to me, and I feel that you could fix one of my other gripes with this story by developing the characters and their personalities more. By fleshing them out, the tragedy aspect of this story will be more fulfilled, for I -- as the reader -- will have grown to know your characters more before you transform Morrow completely and then kill them both off. Otherwise, it simply feels a bit awkward.

I will also fully admit that this is not the type of genre I normally read, so my apologies if I have no idea what I am talking about. However, that being said, I did enjoy it nonetheless.

I hope that you can find some use out of this review, and thank you for your statements regarding An Epic for Gilgamesh! I'm sorry that this took so long to get to you.

Man, this chapter itself gave me chills. Loving it

On Chapter 1. FAVORING IT.

Reading Request Review: These Flowers Never Bloom.

This story starts off with a similar context on that from the biblical story of Adam and Eve. Such as The Scared Garden, Illias and Rose, Discord (or Vhajriah. Sorry. Forgot the name.) being the snake, and Faust being God. But there are as well some great difference between them. Such as.
One: Them being ponies.
Two: There is no Forsaken fruit, but instead (what I interpered) The Mirrior Pond.
Three: Illias' and Rose's divine capabilities. and I'll stop here because the list extends quite a bit.
The fic as well serves as a gateway view to how everything started in Equistria's History. The orgin of alicorns and their symbolism. pony race segregation. The birth of Heart Warmth Eve. Discord's return. Sombra's reigning, Princess Luna's banishment, the begin of Twilight Sparkle's friendships, and the elements of harmony.

The mistakes I found in the fic range from simple grammar errors, Character development, and unsolve question.
The grammar errors extend from misspelling to missing punctuation and missing words. Nothing to grave, but keep a close eye for this errors, because for some readers they can be a complete turn-offs. I suggest re-read a chapter before posting.
As for Lack of Character Development, mainly falls on Morrow herself. The only part that Morrow truely got character was when she first appeared, during her pregancy, and at the end when she is sealed away. Even then, her transformation to Nightmare Moon was sudden and lacked developing of a hint that her was heart and self were slowly being corrupted by Discord's magic. Which brings me to my next part, "Unsolve Question?". Maybe you can shed some light on the situation. ( Note: I don't expected for you to know the anwser to some of this question.)

Question # 1. If it was Discord's intention from the begining to fill Rose's heart with corruption. Why on earth would he have given her so much power that it will surpass his? Maybe it was the story development. That or. Discord, you bucked up. :facehoof:

Question # 2. What are the purpose of the NeverBloom? What is there symbolism?
(Note: I'm asking this, because I really didn't get the meaning of the NeverBlooms. So, Vocie, can you give me the meaning. Thanks.)

Question # 3: (I don't expect you to know this one, Voice.) During the era where the three pony race were divide and ruling amongs each other. Where were Celestia and Luna? Hmmm. :duck:. Hub, we demand anwsers!

Overall, I greatly enjoy reading this fic. It was really intertaining. I love how detail it was written. The description of how Illias felt when he first gains conscious. The theory of how everything began. Although, I wouldn't claim these as a head cannon. It's still a fascinating fic. I can strongly say and suggest its a fic worth reading and if in your liking worth favoring, as I have.
Cerulean Voice, congrats on a well written fic. I wish you further success.
Read and Reviewed by --- Aruzo Night.

3474932
Thank you for the review, Azuro. I will be happy to answer all three of your questions via pm, if you wish. Two of them are actually answered in the sequel, Keeper of the Crystal Heart (of course, I don't expect you to go and read that now/immediately/ever if you have other stories to review.
I'm so glad you were able to get all of the biblical analogies :twilightsmile: as well as understand that it is indeed, a "gateway story". Of course, time will tell with season four coming up soon if it gets totally blown away.
I thank you once more for reading and reviewing this story. :pinkiehappy:

P.S. I have re-edited the teeny tiny grammar errors in this story, and also altered the goddess' name. "Some people" don't seem to like who was written into the role... also, Vorjhan was a very clever name I came up with. Try pronouncing it a few different ways and see what you come up with :raritywink:

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I will greatly appreciate that, Voice. I'm eager to the answers to my questions. Also, remember some people won't always agree with who or what is written in a fic. You can't always expect to please a crowd.
Signed --- Aruzo Night.
P.S I pronounced Vorjhan several times. Clever. :raritywink:

Alright, I know I'm just supposed to review the sequel...
Ah, what the heck. I'm already here.

'Twas quite enjoyable. I love that you've implemented a Creationist view into this story—that's something I've never seen done before. The grammar is fairly good. As you've seen, there are some mistakes, but they're all fairly minor and finicky.

The story itself was enjoyable. There's not much I could criticize. If I had to, though, I'd say that character development is a tad lacking, though it is supposed to be a journal-thingy.

All in all, an 8/10 for me. On to the sequel!

3425916
I just noticed that someone disliked your review. I wonder why, and who--it certainly wasn't I.

I could somewhat relate this to the biblical story of Adam and Eve.

Liking it so far!

3558977
I'm pleased you've gotten around to this!
I hope it remains pleasing to you too :twilightsmile:

Hello! I'm going to do my best at a review for your story!

Overall, I am intrigued by your story. It's a very interesting take on the origin of Equestria by way of Adam and Eve.

When it comes to the grammar and structure of your story, it's near flawless. Many writers think that both indenting and double-spacing your paragraphs is archaic, but I personally believe it makes your story nice, clean and readable.

A tiny little pet peeve of mine which in no way detracts from the quality of the story is that you have dialogue at the end of a series of sentences in some parts.

Ilias. That was what I had chosen to call myself. I had no idea why or how the thought came to my head, or how it had manifested itself into speech. Somehow, I knew it to be right. But was it the whole truth? Was I simply Ilias, or something more? "What are you?" I asked the other. "Are you the same as I?"

I personally don't like when that happens. I feel like the sentences before it detract from the dialogue, make it easy to miss. But again this is just a peeve on my part.

Apart from that, I found your story fascinating. Origin stories are very rarely done coherently enough that it could easily be fit into "established lore", but you did well with this one; how you had Ilias become aware of himself and how he came to cope with his newly awakened sense was well done, as was Rose and her succumbing to Discord's corruption.

I wish you good fortune on future projects. Take care, friend!

So far, my favorite thing about this story is its archaic, rather biblical tone. Unfortunately, it seems to have been fading away. If Celestia's age is any indication, the world hasn't existed for more than 40 years, and yet already its denizens are starting to speak like modern pony.

"Well, that escalated quickly," Luna said.

That right there is where the immersion starts to really fall apart. A meme reference is an excellent way to pull a reader out of the story and break whatever atmosphere you've been trying to establish. This is especially bad when your characters are about to enter a dangerous place that should have a tense atmosphere. The characters aren't acting like they're in the dangerous (what I assume to be the) Everfree Forest; they're acting like they just started a family road trip.

I wasn't planning on posting my review till the end, but I just wanted to mention this.

3566522
Thank you so much for pointing that out! Fortunately, I know exactly what went wrong: during the rewrite of that chapter, I had the version of future Luna (from the sequel) in mind. In that, she has an affinity with the element of laughter. So in trying to keep her "in character" to that story, I've messed her up in this one.
I'll be sure to fix that!
Again, thanks for the catch!

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
I'm just going to toss aside the usual format and do this my way, because that's how I am.

Let's see...

Starting out with the good things, I'd say the strongest feature of this story is its archaic tone and the clear parallel to biblical stories of creation. We've got a kind deity with an Adam (Ilias) and an Eve (Rose/Morrow), plus a lush and "bountiful" forest for them to frolic in. This first few chapters excel at this, when the two are just learning about their world. They seem to be very naive, and yet also speak with an ancient diction that makes things interesting to read. Unfortunately, this fades away as you get further into the story. After Discord's first appearance Celestia starts to talk more and more like a modern pony, with Luna's modern teenage diction completely breaking the illusion. "Haul flank?" Phrases like that take the biblical, story-told-by-a-sage-around-the-fire kind of atmosphere and turn it into a much less appealing two-bit-action-movie feel.

The plot is interesting, though I feel it could have been executed better. Let me get this straight, just to make sure I haven't misinterpreted anything. ( MASSIVE SPOILERS) Discord kills the 2nd Celestia and uses her soul/energy to get Rose pregnant with Luna. At the same time he taints her with his magic. Luna's dark coat is not due to being naturally inclined towards the moon, but because of the traces of taint passed on to her by her mother. Later, when the whole gang treks out of the Everfree for the first time to confront Discord, he reveals to them that he was the first creation and shows them the world he's made; we are shown that he is actually the true creator of most of Equestria (which actually has a somewhat evolutionist thread to it; chaos making the world and all). Ilias accepts this, and the percieved betrayal against Rose causes the taint to peak as she turns to Nightmare Moon and begins covering the world with a dark forest. Ilias, Celestia, and Luna sacrifice themselves to stop her and Discord is banished from Equestria. Celestia and Luna are reformed twenty years later and reunite the divided ponies of the world while Ilias's soul is bound to Morrow's, preventing her from destroying the world. Later, the little taint that was in Luna causes her, in turn, to also be turned into Nightmare Moon, and that lines up with established canon history. Oh, and also Dimourgia makes the world forget about Rose/Ilias because of his last wish. (END SPOILERS)

Correct? Now, that's a very interesting plot. If any author shared it with me I would be inclined to read their story. It's well-developed and uses biblical allusion and theme to call into question several ideas, such as deliberative vs. chaotic creation (Rose vs. Discord), the moral correctness of banishment, the concept of a failed divine plan, and the definition of life (the copy of Celestia). Where it falters is in the execution.

Besides the way that the archaic tone falls apart, the story doesn't actually feel like a journal, as you said it was supposed to be in the author's notes. It reads like a normal story that simply lacks dialogue. We are shown things as they happen, with almost no reflection on them; Ilias's narration has no reflective hindsight until the very end, where he basically just tells us what happens and ties things in with canon. I feel like it would be much better presented if he spoke about things as if they had happened in the past instead of as if they were happening as he wrote. This also would allow you to foreshadow Morrow's transformation much better, as you could have Ilias speak about it and show his guilt and emotions on it without explicitly saying what happens. That builds up tension and anticipation, making the final act much more interesting to the reader, and also develops his character more.

Which brings up another point. Ilias and Rose lack any real characterization. Actually, most of your characters do, but it's much more of a problem with them because they don't have canon personalities your readers can refer to. Dimourgia comes off well as a kind, motherly creator, but the rest fall flat. Ilias seems like little more than an observer to the story, taking almost no action until the very end, and his plain narration lacks the kind of emotion or commentary to build up a real personality. It's possible that you meant to do this on purpose, as passiveness fits the idea of a nature spirit, but I feel like the symbolic reward is not worth the lack of personality. Rose, on the other hand, seems like a mere vessel to drive the plot forwards. Ilias tells us that she has changed, but we can't really see it for ourselves. Celestia and Luna are practically interchangeable side characters and though Discord shows some clear distinction and an obvious attempt to stick to his character, it just doesn't "pop." I don't know exactly why; perhaps it is less in his words and more in his actions.

Besides that, the last chapter is pretty much unnecessary. A story should begin as late as possible and end as soon as possible, and there's no need for you to recite canon from Ilias's viewpoint. It is actually more of patch on a different problem: that the chapter before it lacks a sense of closure. It ends very abruptly, apparently requiring another 1,000 words where you recount canon for you to wind the story down properly. Personally, I would fix the actual ending to have more closure, or modify the last chapter so it's less "here's the canon history of Equestria" and more "here's the personal reflection of Ilias, the first pony."

Well, that's all. If you were expecting me to comment on your grammar then sorry; nothing really stuck out to me on that subject. I'll be moving on to Keepers now.

3568542
Now that is a review that I feel I really needed. While it's great to have words of praise from everyone (and yourself, initially), this is the kind of stuff that really shows me where my writing needs improving. Damn, I thought I knew how to review stories. :duck:

Although there are a multitude of things that I could have done differently, as well as many things I could and probably should change, I still can't help but feel like I made a decent first effort when writing. I don't know where exactly my writing began to slip, or why. Maybe, I can blame it on my eagerness to have it just out there. I did write the whole thing in about 72 hours. Consider that it's the first story I've ever written that wasn't just a little one-shot, 1000-word, high-school English assignment. It was almost ten years between this and my crappy little Legend of Zelda fic I managed to pass off to my grade 9 teacher.

It's telly, characters should have been handled much better, Morrow was an essential plot device... I think what happened was, I had the ideas for the start and the end, but I wrote the entire rest of it pretty much organically. While I did my best to seal all of the holes in canon (something I fear I was trying too hard to do), perhaps I should have concentrated on the other areas, rather than making story for the sake of story. Turns out it was AU-ed by season four anyway.

There is one, burning question I would ask of you, though. Did you listen to the music? I haven't seen this addressed in your review at all. The entire point of this story was an attempt at taking the themes addressed in Neverbloom and turning it into a literal interpretation of the Forest that the Lord of Woe and Morrow created together. While my execution may be flawed (and I thank you for pointing out just how so it was), I'm pleased you can at least see the appeal in what I was trying to write, rather than the actual product. You understand what it was meant to be (from a narrative viewpoint) perfectly - everything inbetween Massive spoilers/End spoilers is absolutely spot on.

Thanks for being so critical of my work. I can only hope that my themes, characterisation, world-building and everything else required for my adventure sequel are properly present and executed. Not to toot my own horn, but I really consider Keeper of the Crystal Heart to be, by far, my finest work. I'm certain you'll enjoy it, I just can't say how much or how little. Looking forward to your review of that one!

Thanks again for covering this story, I know you didn't actually have to.
Adren

3568596
Sorry, but I didn't listen to the music. This is a combination of both my lack of headphones, the presence of my sleeping girlfriend, and my personal belief that any work of the written word should stand on its own writing. Music links and such are essentially outsourcing the job of establishing atmosphere, in my opinion, and it doesn't help that it usually doesn't reflect what's happening. Even if it does, it's unlikely that the average reader (including me) will read at the pace the author had in mind when they chose it, which somewhat upsets the effect.

It's about time that elusive red bar showed itself! Seriously, what took you so long? :trollestia:

I'm surprised your fic isn't more popular considering it was featured on EqD :fluttercry:

3712510
We'll see what happens if Keeper is ever featured :rainbowdetermined2:

Well, finally got around to reading this! (Sorry for the delay but you know, life and stuff).

Anywho, I just finished binge reading it and I must say I really enjoyed it. I've always been fascinated by origin stories or tales of beginnings. From things people don't usually think about (How were capes invented? Was the first person to wear a cape considered a weirdo? :derpytongue2:) To origins about individuals (Doctor Octopus Year One is still one of my favorite comic book miniseries of all time.)

Now a story about how an entire world became the way it is isn't exactly the most original. (Especially for this fandom.) BUT! It allows for a tale to be told on an epic scale. Granted this was a bit more subdued (the initial chaos of the worlds creation being implied, battles just a giant laser light show) but that didn't detract from my enjoyment. I share similar sentiments with some of the other commentators regarding the loss of the Bible speak, and some weak characters. (Not Discord of course, I loved his characterization)

However I admire how you were able to still fit everything into being possibly canon (pre season 4 anyway) and just the circumstance of llias's final fate is a a somber one in excellent contrast to the first chapter. So overall it was a good story, I'm glad I read it, and congratulations on your other EQD feature! (I'll try to get to that one quicker. No promises though)

3763355
Thanks so much for the review, dude. It'd be freakin' sweet if you carried on into the future with its successor, Keeper of the Crystal Heart. I'm yet to receive a single bad note about that one, or a downvote even. Everyone has been impressed with its shift away from the dark, adorable and well-developed characters, detailed world-building and most of all, epic drama and villainous treachery scenes.
My hope for this story is that everyone who reads it also reads Keeper, loves it and gets hype for the third installment in the series...

Well wasn't this an interesting little read! Here, have a token of my esteem!

24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png

Wear it with pride;
-Lumino

Just putting this here for when my view-graph inevitably shrinks to Oceans of Emptiness.
I know it will happen, in fact it already is. So here you go, have some stats from Flowers' glory days!
fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/t31/1548039_511280845654522_1767648275_o.jpg

3816602

Oceans of Emptiness

:rainbowlaugh:
lolzies

That is all. Equestria is ours.

:rainbowwild::derpytongue2:

3558977 oh my goodness I know right.

an invisible guardian roams endlessly. He has been so alone, for so very long, wandering. But it was not always so. He was once proud, with his partner Rose

Hmmmm...Invisible guardian that roams endlessly...He's the most lonely pony in existence, yet he had a companion named Rose that stood by him...I'm gonna say, this pony is the Doctor. Just a wild guess, but am I right?

3852018
Unfortunately, it is not the Doctor. I don't have the confidence to write him, since I've hardly seen his show :pinkiegasp:
I hope this doesn't turn you away from reading, though. Trust me, it's worth your time. You may find many surprises contained within...

3852050 Oh, I'm still gonna read it. Besides, I know how it feels to be lonely, and long to be with a friend that is no longer with you. That's my life in a nutshell.

By the way, I highly recommend watching Doctor Who. :pinkiehappy:

Ugh why did I wait so long to read this masterpiece.... :rainbowkiss:

Aarrgh! The Tragedy tag! My other irrational fear! :raritydespair:

Why must all the really talented writers I find fall to the dark side? :fluttershyouch:

4204014
Welcome to my first ever effort on FimFiction, friend. Incidentally, also my first EqD-ed story.
If you can bear this, the sequel is far more light-hearted. I promise :twilightsmile:

Celestia, with her white coat and pale pink-pigmented mane, was the only exception.

*Looks at picture of Celestia*

Huh. I think you have a bit of color discrepancy there. I don't know if I would call the color in that picture a "pale" pink. . . .

4293540
Eh, that's completely up to the artist's interpretation. I can always just drop the "pale", it's an inconsequential detail, after all.

A creationist story. I can smell the Christianity, not that I am judging. I may be agnostic, but the story of Adam and Eve is and always will be interesting.

And I see you already added in a few sins. XD Lust and indulgence, probably the two worst ones besides hubris. Either way, great writing so far. This is proving to be a very entertaining tale indeed.

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