- Member Since 16th Sep, 2012
- offline last seen February 7th
Andoriol
I just hope to entertain people with my fancy horse words. I always appreciate criticism.
Andoriol
Joined 16th Sep, 2012 ·
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Upvote this comment if you think I should just continue the story as a second-person story!
Upvote this comment if you think I should instead write a third person story using the same plot to give you guys your clop!
Upvote this comment if you think I should die in a fire like the horrible horrible pony-heathen I am!
(A.K.A. - Something other than the previous two. Please Elaborate)
Why not just...
write what you enjoy the most?
You comrade deserve my special rainbow vodka as gift for excellent fic.
1849671
He's writing this primarily as a writing exercise and to try something new. So the audience response is especially important on this one.
And to all you down-voters: Please give a reason why you don't like this! If you are disliking this for being a second person anthro clopfic... well I can't help you. It's clearly marked in the description.
But if you have a legitimate criticism on the story please please Please give some feedback so the author can improve!
I didn't downvote, but I just don't understand Anthro. It's like a cop-out for people that don't want to tough out the initial downvote flood that comes with a straight up humanized fic, but still want their characters to have sex with one another without it being weird.
First you try to get me to write a harem story, then you go and write your own?
I'm on to you, boy...
“Omigosh, that was amazing, it felt better than I’d thought it would! Oh the girls are going to love it when they get a try!”
“... wait... what?!”
I snorted. Because that was HILARIOUS xD
Omg I just LOVE IT when the protagonist male human über-mare-getter gets confused about the ponies and their polyganism! I like confused main characters...
And I'd prefer the first option, because you're doing quite well with this and I'd hate(not really) to see it become yet another one-shot clop...
1849966
hmm... I can see your point, but in my mind it's a little different. I like erotic literature, but do NOT find equines physically appealing. So perhaps it's a cop-out, but not due to a fear of audience reaction, rather making the characters humanoid is the easiest way (for me) to consider erotica in Equestria.
it seems like anthro stuff gets upvoted/featured instantly now.
so when are we gonna stop deluding ourselves and just change the name of the site to 'furfiction.net'?
Extremely well written story.
Just a moment, need to catch my breath...
While very good clop, it would also be excellent with more plot.
Now, personal observations regarding comments others have put up.
My personal opinion on anthro or humanized ponies is that while the characters trigger an emotional attraction, ponies don't trigger a physical one for me, while humanized and anthros do. So when it comes to the erotica, I definately prefer anthro or humanized...but only humanized if you keep the wings and horns.
I believe that there are one to many horns in that statement.
(Better this then the pun... God, it was horrible)
You may want to shift the t in 'stuff' over.
I believe that's supposed to be to watch
Aside from those errors, (And all minor) the story itself was actually really something that I found myself liking, despite my (Don't kill me) dislike of Dashie. That, I'm surprised you did. Also, unlike most pure 'clops' you didn't go into the 'they fucked and done' storyline, you actually gave a little background to it, fleshed it out (Minorly) and gave a sort of romantic build up (Though, starting a desire over a prank-war is a bit far-fetched(Though I've been known to not understand a woman's mind and trust me, where I'm from, things are can be a little weird in this department(And I'm rambling again...))) Regardless, I like what you did and that is all I have to say on the matter.
Keep it up.
Lesson learned: Being a whore a fucking every new guy in town will get you places.
Also, am I just a dumbass, because you keep using the world 'flushed' and I have no idea what you're talking about, unless you're indicating that they are very ill.
This was gud.
1850583 Its like a strong blush
1850699
Fair enough. It can be described through illness or emotion.
1849671
I actively enjoy providing people with what they want, to the point that filling requests usually is what I want. That, and this is deliberately an exercise outside of my comfort zone, this is my first Second-Person fic, and it feels... extremely limited. I'd honestly be more comfortable doing it as an OC, but if people want more second person, well, I'll provide more second person! I did enjoy writing this, but it was quite... weird really.
1849862
Sweet, Vodka
1849966
I deliberately chose anthro for the range of fetishes it allows by its very nature as well as a certain amount of discomfort with my first sexy-story for public consumption being about straight out ponies. I had no particular desire to write an all-out humanized story, otherwise I would have
1849969
I honestly think you'd pull it off better, as I feel that your characterization has a bit more punch than mine does, and I'm certain you write a better second-person than I do. That, and I doubt that even in teh case you did make it a harem and made it a clop-tastic story, I doubt you'd explore the list of fetishes this is intended to eventually cover. That, and your story is one of the major ones that inspired me to give my hooves a try at writing a second-person fic.
Not to mention the whole "This will have only the bare-bones of a plot to guide the sexy-times" and damnit, I want some good plot and characterization with my harem story!
Seriously though, your story has a lot of potential as an emotional and powerful love story that involves the protagonist and the mane six, I'd really love to see it. When I (keep) suggesting it, it's because you paint the characters and the interactions beautifully and I would love to see your take on such a complex and emotional situation. This is just clop with the beginning threads of plot to it.
1850034
Don't misunderstand, if I do a Third-Person story, it will follow the same plotline as this one but will develop an OC, have a stronger thread of plot, and will (obviously) be in third person. The question is not "Should I continue this story", but rather, "Should I continue it as a Second-Person fic, or instead do another, Third Person version of it to continue it?"
1850465
While I want to rant and scream that you're wrong, anthro stories have been getting somewhat more favorable ratings than they normally would have. However, it is nowhere near the point to justify a name change
1850480
Thanks! I actually tend towards the same thing as you, though I'm not as strict. The horns and wings just open so many fetish options though that it's a shame to discard them for the sake of humanization.
1850529
Gah! Thanks for catching those!
I left a large amount of of the interactions deliberately vague as a way to allow the reader to fill in what they wanted or felt was most appropriate, a key point in a second-person fic where I don't know how you would react in most situations.
1850583
I'm... actually not sure where you get this one? It's (somewhat subtly) implied that Dash hasn't really had a stallion before this point, at least not in any serious way.
Flushed is, as Gak states, sometimes used as a way to illustrate a character blushing a dark red. It is generally used as a stronger word for "blush" much int he same way Obese can be used as a stronger word for "fat".
While yes, it can be used to describe the coloration someone can get from a fever, this is in addition to the above.
1850679
Thanks!
1850732
D'awww
1850583
A person is flushed when their face turns red due to a marked increase in body temperature. This can be due to illness, embarrassment, or exertion. In the case of this story, I'd say the second two.
1850732
I also happen to appreciate the number of things that can be done with tails.
1850732
I didn't realize at first that this was something that was more of a breaking out of your comfort zone thing that your standard fare. And second person perspective is tricky, kind of like trying to write present tense while doing a third person perspective. It can be most clunky and awkward, but it does have a lot of potential [2nd person]. Of course, it is also much stricter in the sense of do's and do not's at the same time.
I will say that 2nd person fics are picking up in popularity, especially the Mature ones, for well, somewhat obvious reasons I suppose. However, if you continue the 2nd person perspective, I wish you luck, as it is probably the only thing that you can progress by doing.
Lost my train of thought. /facepalm.
If there's more to come, why is it marked complete?
And to add my two bits, I'm one of the readers who considers the all-human ponies in other tales to be wierd and missing the point. (other than that they are girls we would all want to know IRL)
I'm quite familiar and happy with standard MLP and Anthro for years now, so keep up the good work.
Very Nice, very nice, this is the ONLY anthro-pony story I like
http://tyelleniko.deviantart.com/#
You should chaeck out the anhro pony art this person has.
1850795
I'm serious. Your story is damn good and I'm eagerly anticipating the next chapter, I also think it has absolutely immense potential as a full on harem story rather than "just" a harem-teaser in the way 7 Days in Paradise was. I greatly, greatly enjoy your characterizations and the way you've written the beginings of romance so far, and damnit, I want to see someone of your caliber take a crack at it.
So yes, even if I am writing a clop-tastic harem-story, I'm going to keep pushing for the harem "ending" in Anthromorphism because damnit, I want to see someone with some actual skill take a crack at writing it.
That and I want romance more than I want clop, and my romance writing is mediocre at best
1850800>>1850807
Nah, it's Ebola, it's been goin' around.
*scribbles* Taaiiills... okay... hm... so that fits with... Fluttershy... I might be able to work it into AJs... definitely in AJ Round 2. Definitely in Rarity Round 2 Dark Path... probably in Pinkie Pie Round 2 Dark Path...doesn't really work for Dash or Twilight though... hrm... oooh, might be able to work a little something into Twilights actually, just not the same theme, so yeah.
Okay, I'll see about that
1850811
I've accomplished what I set out to do with this fic: Force myself to write second person decently. Now that I've accomplished that, I'd be happy to go to third person, especially since my other major fics are First Person
And I know how you feel about losing your train of thou-... what was I talking about again?
1850829
This is because this story just might be complete. I may write out the rest of the (at last count) 8 pages of fetishes and sexy situation summaries I have set up for clop as Third-Person rather than Second Person. If I continue writing those out as Second Person, then I'll be switching this story to Incomplete and continuing it. However, if I instead switch to third person, I'll start an entirely new story to do so.
Happy to!
1850871
Why the hell have you not read this very amazing story? Seriously. His is better than mine, just without the sexies.
Thank you, but seriously, Dividebyzero's story is better, check it out.
1850879
Their art is a bit too pony for my personal tastes, the distinctly pony faces combined with the otherwise human (and somewhat exageratedly sexy) bodies is jarring for me. This right here was one of the pics considered for the cover image, as this almost perfectly captures the degree of anthromorphism I'd intended for this story, however, both my editor and pre-reader said that the current picture would be better.
If you plan to continue this, why did you mark the story as complete?
AUTHOR, I would wuv you forever if you continued this story.
please.
In second person.
1850921
Lol, well glad to know you can meet your goals, I know I'm having troubles meeting mine... *looks at my GDoc. Nah, I can write later!*
I shall have to give this a read tonight now, and I'll simply guess as to which character is up to bat next. I typically don't do the anthro stories, it is kinda weird honestly. But hell, always willing to give something a chance, and it helps that you seem to be a very knowledgeable and smart individual. That alleviates 90% of the concerns I usually have when looking at an anthro story.
FYI, Luna is best. Just sayin. Sounds like a harem scenario story here, but she is best.
29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lltzgnHi5F1qzib3wo1_400.jpg
1850928
As was stated above, this particular story could very well be complete depending on whether I write a third-person clop series or continue this one. Currently, it is its own, self-contained story, and will remain such until I continue it.
If I continue it as is (which is looking to be more and more likely), when I make that decision, I shall switch this over to Incomplete and continue it from there. However, the... pages... of porn summaries I have to flesh out are not inherently tied to second person, and may be written in third person instead.
1850944
Vote duly noted! And you can edit your comments, while the second one adds to the "Hotness" of the story (MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!), there wasn't any need for it. It's beside the "Reply" and "Delete" buttons on the upper right hand corner of your posts for future reference
1850959
And ALL PONIES ARE THE BEST PONY.
Luna's on the docket of eventual pr0nz, lemme just check...
*flips through pages*
Ah, yes, here it is.
1850971
geckosbark.com/wp-content/uploads/Fuck_Yea.png
1850921
To each his own.
Honestly, a flat, human like face on an anthro character just looks very wierd to me. Doesn't look right.
Maybe the closer to the shows design that this(http://ss2sonic.deviantart.com/) artist uses is more to your comfort zone.
That's called Polygamy, my friend.
Or casual sex.
I like this story so far I do hope you finish this story all the way.
Gunther Hermann approves of this fic...
man he should be happy or scared
cause something like could quite easily happen
suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17769684/images/1328156692746.jpg
ARE THEY ANTHRO? IF SO I WILL BE DISSAPOINT THAT I COULDN'T CLOP TO IT.
NVM, oh, I had hoped they were not anthro... ahh crap.
Somepony get the riding crops.... I am gonna have to write some cloppity clop now.
1851034
I actually follow ss2sonic on Deviantart, and while closer and much better, the subtle muzzle is still ever so slightly off-putting to me
1851077
1851086
The rest of this storyline will be followed no matter what. The only question is the PoV
1851091
Confused Andoriol is Confused
1851100
That won't happen for reasons that will be detailed later~
1851137
Hopefully you can still enjoy it! (And that I wrote it well enough for you to clop to it anyways!)
1851168
... Riding Crops...
I KNEW THERE WAS A FETISH I WAS MISSING.
Now, to figure out who "you" should 'ride' while she wears a saddle, bit, and reigns, pulling on the reigns as you pound into her... hmmm...
Give me Celestia or give me death
1851218
Like I said, to each his own. To me anthro needs the some extent of an animal like face. Otherwise it feels less anthro, and more like another version of those godawfull nekomimis.
I probably won't be reading this story, since I know that they are suppose to have human like faces.
1851239
Eh, later. Keep y'er britches on
1851251
I deliberately avoided more than a single mention of their faces for the specific reason of allowing the reader to imagine the ponies as anthro as they would like and it should still be readable for you
I at least tried to make this appeal to as many as possible
Do I sense doubt in your voice? Tsk never doubt my ability to be a good man... Mixed with a level of horny virile teenager... Plus I can't say no to a challenge
1851266
So what was the one mention that you do make?
Either way, I come to learn that the title image gives some clue as to what the author wants. Except for this one time, where I though you couldn't find a better picture, which is why I directed you to the first artist that i mentioned.
ew
1851318
The general description of the differences between "ponies" and humans.
1851320
Could you please elaborate on what the issue is so that I can either fix it or ensure that my other stories do not do so to better suite your tastes?
1851331
I haven't read the story, so I don' know what you wrote. If anything you putting the word ponies in quotation marks make me think that they are closer to humanized, then anthro. That the only difference is the fur.
Sorren probably just doesn't like anthro, clop, a HiE romance, or a combination of those three.
Hey man. I like this story. Please continue.