• Member Since 6th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Mar 30th, 2020

An Unimpressive


Ex-EqD pre-reader who doesn't like shipping that much but seems to write a lot of it.

T

Misunderstandings abound as a simple letter from Princess Celestia to Twilight Sparkle creates chaos.

This story has a prequel.

Featured on Equestria Daily.
Original "Sad Celestia" draft

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 72 )

So uh. Apparently deleting a chapter after adding a new one with my updates nukes all my comments and views, unless the site's derping on me.

Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that I don't know FiMFiction that well. :derpyderp2:

Ow, that's definetly better. Funny, sad, with touch of molestia and actually laughable jokes.

Agreed, a much better version.

Looking food, fingers crossed for the EqD approval now!

I believe this fic holds the record for 'Most Re-Reads of any One Chapter.' If you rewrite it anymore, you might as well do a chapter 2 haha

Even betterer than before!

If it doesn't get in Equestria Daily, then... I just give up. Those guys are obviously all buttheads.

Wasn't this much more... Cloppy? Last time? Nonetheless, good story.

227349
It was, and that was a mistake.

"I nodded, feeling my panic slip away as I sipped. Oh well. Although I’d never seen this side of her, I knew she’d be gentle with me." :rainbowlaugh::rainbowwild:
One of the finest sentences I have read.
I loved Celestia's entendre-esque dialog.:trollestia:

I read it before the rewrite, and I am not disappointed.

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It's happening. Just give it time.

228195
Thank you!

225567
Does any of the humor remain clunky in this version? I wish you'd commented on any jokes that didn't work in the old version. Then again, for all I know, you did, but I can't see it any more. :derpytongue2: I love feedback on my writing.

Drastic changes to this story huh? A sex change here, only one POV change between two characters rather than three, etc etc.
Flowed more smoothly versus the previous version, especially since the last one hand a POV change every few paragraphs

(I'm curious as to whether the last version was a revised version too? I think I'd like to read the previous versions and see how the story evolves:twilightsheepish:)

228875
There were three "published" versions in all: the first started with Celestia moping about the palace, and it ended with her "What did you expect?" line. The second version cut Celestia's POV out entirely and added a bunch of terrible Molestia moments. Then, we have the third version, what is posted here.

229141
Huh..well then it seems I missed out on the Molestia fun-time version;
(Do you have the versions posted elsewhere, or do they just "evolve" here?)
Anways, good luck on trying to get on EqD!:twilightsmile:

UFB

Grats on the EQD feature, this looks to be a VERY funny fic, can't wait for more

Not exactly "Romance" is it? Seems more of a ship-tease than an actual ship.

Still, it was a pretty fun read.

229940

It's marked Complete. Like many comedies, the essential structure of the story is that of a joke: setup and punch line. Everything before "What did you expect?" is the setup. Everything after is just tying up the ends so that this is, in fact, a story and not just a joke. Adding more would be unnecessary.

Vim: I liked it. I just read chapter 8 of Eternal, so currently my mind is in the mode of Big Sweeping Grand Emotional Epics, but this is enjoyable for what it is. Cheers.

230008
Eh, I felt like I would be remiss if I didn't tag it as such. I know Twilestia, even in little doses, is a big "NO" for folks, so I wanted to give ample warning.

230019
UGHHHH STOP REMINDING ME I'M SO BEHIND ON READING ETERNAL

Thank you, though, and I agree perfectly with your summation of my story structure. To be honest, I was a bit hesitant about adding anything after "What did you expect?", but the pre-readers and others felt there was still too much of a possibility that Twilight ACTUALLY got molested by Princess Celestia, and that certainly wasn't my intention. The addition of the closing scene also let me wrap up Spike's little side-plot a bit more satisfactorily than I originally had, so in the end, I suppose it was a bit of a necessary evil.

UFB

230019
After re-reading my comment the reason for the misunderstanding is clear, i am referring to more from the author not the story

Comedy? Yes

made it to Eqd? Yup

Do I think this story is good? Yes.

Take all my thumbs!

That was very enjoyable, it's not often that I actually laugh out loud when reading a fan fic:rainbowlaugh:, grats.

Awwwww! You mean I missed some prime-time Molestia?! *sighs wistfully* Oh my lovely pornographic princess... how I should love to be your slave tonight!

trolololo! :trollestia:

Really, it's lovely little story of mischievous misunderstandings.

Aha, I knew I'd read this before, but that quite a bit seemed different this time. I think I saw the original version the first time I read it.

By the way, if you want to see the old comments, here's Google's cached page from a few days ago.

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ARE YOU A WIZARD :pinkiegasp:

I've kicked myself so many times for accidentally nuking those comments when I deleted the old chapter.

230276

Google's cached pages are pretty helpful sometimes, yeah. Too bad they usually don't last very long, so you have to download the page if you want to keep it. I also found the 2nd version of your story, but wasn't sure you'd like me posting a link to it.

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I'd rather that version remain dead. I'm not sure why I thought undermining the entire point of the story was a good idea, and I'd rather that readers just see it in its current form.

230308

Makes sense; this does seem like a more complete version of the story. I was particularly amused by Hair Trigger's overly dramatic "Guard down, guard down!" antics.

230408
If I wasn't so afraid of OCs from my last OC-centric fic debacle, I might write a little more about her life. She was a fun character.

ooooh i like the first person

Hilarious :trollestia::facehoof:

I give this the chibi-dwagon stamp of approval.

Good job. I like this version better. I can see all the different improvements you've made.

:trollestia: U mad, Twilight?

I. HATE. Tabloids.:twilightangry2:

Brilliantly written, fun, and amusing!

this was good:eeyup:
and the comments make me wonder what the original was like:applejackunsure:

Nice one. If the previous version was a clopfic (I haven't read it), then this one is most certainly at least 20% cooler. :rainbowlaugh:

I enjoyed this.. cute, amusing, made me giggle... :)

My only problem is that the "mystery" of who wrote the letters and why was never really explained. It's implied that it's Spike, but never confirmed or followed up on. and later when twilight sees him again, it's unaddressed. This could easily be resolved, I think, by adding a line or two to Spikes thoughts... something like "I hoped Twilight never found out that I'd written the fake letters..." or "I only hoped that if you had found out, sh'ed be distracted enough by the mess in the library to forget t get angry at me about that." or "I really hoped that neither the princess or Twilight found out that I'd written the fake letters! thoughts of being banished to the moon overwhelmed me for a moment, and I hugged my sack of gems closer." or .. y'know.. something. :)

on the other hoof. I'm a sleepy pony, so maybe I"m not reading between the lines well enough :) awesome story, either way

231399
It wasn't a clopfic, it just hit actual shipping a bit harder. I absolutely loathe clop, so I'd never write it. Particularly Twilestia clop. While I adore the ship, I find it appealing just because it shouldn't work: the difference in age alone make it a little creepy, in my opinion. That said, I enjoy seeing how authors like Varanus and device heretic try to make it work, and so I thought I'd try my hand at this tricky little pairing.

231454
Twilight has the line: "I can't believe Spike wrote fake letters to both of us!" Or something like that. I'm too lazy to open my own story at the moment.

I realize it's left unaddressed at the ending, but it's late when Twilight returns to the library, and honestly writing out Spike's punishment really wouldn't add to the story.

231395
It was kind of like this... but about 20% less co- *is shot*

A good, random "a day in the life of Twilight Sparkle" type of story. I give it 4 out of 5 stars. Good job!

who else started this story with http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdHl-HRK9zI in their heads?:trollestia:

Isn't Emerald Sky the name of ScyStorm's OC?

Anyway. I actually liked the style of the original story with Celestia's viewpoint at the beginning then Twi's then Spike's. This was really good too though. The part at the end with Spike felt a little silly though. I felt for one that Twi should have elaborated on why she wasn't angry with Spike, perhaps stating that despite him playing a trick, she had a wonderful day with Celestia. Also I think you should maybe have skipped the revelation that Spike read the tabloid since the implication is that Spike sent his adoptive sister off to get raped by his adoptive mother for a bag of gems. The little Judas.

233481
ScyStorm? I don't know this person. :rainbowderp:

233604

Author of "My First Party" which is a glorious PinkieDash ship about Pinkie reconnnecting with her estranged family.

I doubt he'd mind at all though.

I wouldn't look for pics of the OC though... the ony one I'm aware of, the artist took some... liberties with.

233702
Interesting. Guess it was just a case of herdmind, as I don't really read too many shipfics.

233481
Belatedly, I guess Spike's actions could be read that way, but I felt his reaction showed that he mostly thought the tabloid was a joke. I may not have hit that note strongly enough.

234103

I tend to only read shipping myself if it's adventure or comedy.

And I may have been grasping at straws there. I felt the overall scene in the Library after Twilight returned was kind of weak compared to the rest of the story but it's hard to say why. I don' think it mateers really. Still liked and faved even if I did enjoy the original for it's meta message and cheeky tone.

Read the old version...it was meh... :ajbemused:

but The newer version is 20% cooler more funny and awesomer :pinkiehappy:

234103 Spike thought the tabloid was a joke?
That note needs to be forte, not pianissimo.
*music terms :twilightsheepish:*
Glad this was submitted to EqD- this was a good read, though my mind went to shippier places when I realized Spike was alone with the CMC. SpikeBelle/Bloom? I heard that's totally a thing.
Other things that are totally things:

>rejected as their heads and ears drooped.
I think you meant dejected as that fits better here.

>Whatever: the library could wait until tomorrow.
The colon should be a semicolon.
Here's to another good story and late night! Cheers!
:yay:

234567
I'm fairly sure the colon is correct there, as "Whatever" isn't a complete sentence, but goddamnit, how did I let "rejected" slip by me? Thanks. And while I do somewhat agree with the tabloid note... it was something I hadn't considered, and as this is actually published, it's a bit too little, too late, I think. :fluttershyouch:

Aww, too bad the first part with Celestia was tossed out. Twas touching, poor Celestia even had her faithful student running away from her.. That'd have spoiled the comedy part, though.

I'm glad it has been featured on EqD, it gives me the opportunity to reread it :D. I think I read about a sequel or was it just an improved version ? It was mentioned in the synopsis of what seems to be the first version.

Anyway, nice story, a little less touching than the first one, but still :twilightsmile:

Aw, I liked the old version... :applecry:

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I'm working on a new project that will feature Celestia far more prominently (first person Celestia, hopefully I don't fuck it up this time), so you can look forward to that. I'm hoping to get it written over my Spring Break from classes (next week), but I'll, of course, need time to run it by a few people and get it accepted to EqD before I post it here.

I learned my lesson from this story; no more multiple versions on FiMFic. You guys will just be getting the complete stuff.

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