• Member Since 6th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Mar 30th, 2020

An Unimpressive

Ex-EqD pre-reader who doesn't like shipping that much but seems to write a lot of it.


This story is a sequel to Distorted Perspective

Eagle Eye the Royal Guard, still trying to recover from almost falling prey to the tricks Discord played on Princess Celestia, hopes his luck turns around as he grapples with his sexual identity and a case of unrequited love.

Dramatic reading here!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 76 )

y u no use my edit of that pic:

It's over? A oneshot?
Damn, this looked like it could be a very good shipping story.
Anyway, thumbs up.

Well, judging from the (not very subtle) foreshadowing I doubt it is over.

Now that was very lol. Also, changelings? In the Guard? :pinkiegasp:

I lol'd so hard I literally fall of my chair and laugh on the floor
Good job mate!!

Aaannnd they're drunk....:facehoof::trollestia:
Thumbs up! :ajsmug:

I remembered what was bugging me. It doesn't feel complete. There is very liitle resolution for both of the conflicts (one being the repressed bisexuality and the other being the inter-barracks romance he is denied). One is fine. It's been a tangent since Distorted perspective, but the other is what kept me reading (you know, besides the fact it's hilarious) and the most resolution we get is a tiny bit of "Oh I dont want Eagle to pass out in a pool of his own refuse."

Brilliant Vimbert... Just brilliant...

There actually is subtle resolution to the "romance". Pay verrrry close attention to what Captain Glass does in the story, and you should be able to deduce how the relationship will go.

The repressed bisexuality is just too fun to get rid of. I don't think I could write this character without it.

Nooo, you can't end it there :raritydespair:

Get rid of it? EXPAND!
I could totally see you writing some great M/M shipping stories, you should try it sometime for my sake :rainbowkiss:


I do love my coltcuddling.

What, did you really think they wouldn't send any advance scouts? Heck, for all that I say, the changeling could be Chrysalis herself, feeding off a powerful source to get herself ready for her later objective.


You're evil, but you probably knew that already :fluttershysad:

This was great!:pinkiehappy:
I can't wait for the sequel, and if there isn't one all the foreshadowing is for naught.hmmm?

You know, I'd say that this story doesn't feel "complete" in any way at this point. Rather, the way you had it end made it read like the first chapter of at least one more :).

Well written as usual, but with this I do curse my ability to picture stories in my head. I think I need some serious brainbleach now. That guy raises his tail way too eagerly and often!


Its just after Discord so changelings haven't attacked yet, having a spy that is a high ranking officer in the guard could help them infiltrate easily. Would explain his accidental teasing and wanting to know more about Eagle when the Princess praised him. But that would mean that the real Glass is somewhere trapped.

But can just as easily be you teasing us Vimbert. :trollestia:

Is it wrong that I want him to end up with Empty Glass and Hair Trigger?

Loved the story! My only complaint was Glass's a bit too sudden personality change, seemed a bit too Disney to me. And then the ending, expertly explaining it all! More please <3

Empty Glass is a changeling!?:rainbowderp:


That's hilarious! Wish I'd thought of it...I guess everything's open to interpretation.

Your recaptioning of my pic just totally made my day.

Hmm. It would appear that I'm so tired of the "Character realizes he's gay, despite his inner objections; gay makeouts ensue" trope that I dislike it even when the character in question is an OC who hasn't actually been established as straight. That's good to know, I guess.

so he will be happy ever after with Glassling captain, serious in the job, but loving in the house

:derpyderp1:... Oh shit...

I dunno... this story could still go in any number of directions. Admittedly, I was liking Empty Glass by the end there. I can't help but notice, though, that as opposed to Princess Cadence... he acts nothing like Chrysalis, who was nasty, cruel and mean. Maybe there's such a thing as a good changeling? [Edit:] On reflection, Cadence mostly acted nice and loving to Shining Armor, and in this case... Bah, I'm going to cease speculating and just keep watching. I anxiously await the future of the story, whatever it may be. Of course, having "revenge" against Captain Shining Armor would certainly make more sense, now.

Great sequel you did here. I figured I'd read it cause I thought the first was amusing and this turned out even better. What really made me love this piece was the twist ending with the changeling. Well played Vimbert. Also, the coltcoddling was hilariously written and very fun to read.

My favorite lines were:

for a stallion that I clearly wasn't harboring a giant gay-on for,

“It's nothing. Just keep a tight grip on that soap, Eagle.”

“Y-yes, sir.” I wanted to be straight. I wanted to be straight. I wanted to be straight.

Take a star, a thumb, and this mustache! :moustache:

Probably the first coltcuddling fic I've enjoyed, honestly. This was hilarious. Eagle is King Dork.

Well done, you.


While I avoid M/M ships (just a personal preference, no anonymity to those who enjoy it), I LOVE these characters and this story arch. You MUST write more of this!!!! I simply love Hair Trigger's character, and the interactions are all simply hilarious. Please please PLEASE don't make this the end :fluttershysad:

Awesome what shot the characters were very lovable and the jokes were super funny! Faving this story!:pinkiehappy:

You know, I have so been there.

Please say you're making sequels to this.

Meh. I'm a selfish prick who desires more Eagle Eye. I suppose that's a coming out of a closet in its own right.

That said, while this was uber enjoyable, my gawd was everything laid on thick. Maybe it's simply been a long time since I read Distorted Perspectives, but this fic seemed to have--I dunno--five ghei jokes per minute. There's nothing wrong with that, mind you, but it's just a heck of a lot denser than I recalled from the previous installment with Eagle Eye. There's something to be said about subtlety, in that the readers are gradually teased and then rewarded with thicker threads of gooey ponyerotic suggestion and--Elektra Alive, am I really typing this?

I kind of like the fact that you changed things from that one tiny rought draft you sent me. No longer do we have a visceral experience of Eagle Eye waking up to Mr. One Night's Stand lying next to him. While you still implicitly state that Eagle Eye's been actively taking to the anaconda, as it were, I like the picture this paints of him. It makes a story all the more tantalizing when the main character is somepony who still has his greatest fantasies unrealized. If anything, it makes him all the more relateable--not so much in that we can understand his plight, but we--in a way--kind of enjoy inserting ourselves into such a character who longs to get his one break in life, be it sexual or emotional or just plain intellectual. The manner in which you toy with him achieving his dream come true is what's most tantalizing and even precious to read about.

That said, kudos on inserting a very underhoofed twist at the end. I get the feeling you're going to end things there, and if that be the case I officially label this as a "SAD" fic. For one thing, I'm not a huge fan of the subject matter you introduced (which every other brony in existence seems to obsess over). For another, I want Eagle Eye to achieve legitimate happiness, and not some false illusion of a dream realized. F'naaa. Oh well. I guess this is what it feels like to be in the passenger seat to enjoyable fiction.

Keep it up, candle-stick head. Or... er... keep up Eagle Eye keeping it down. Heh.

Don't normally go for the coltcuddling (or straight for that matter, I'm a fillyfooler fic reader) but this was well written and a worthwhile read.


I thought it was laid on a bit thick myself...then I remembered what it was like in high school, when roughly 95% of my mental capacity at any given moment was given over to the exact same thoughts Eagle Eye has throughout this story. Very realistic, in retrospect...

It's difficult to get that ending without using a guide in the Eagle Eye Dating Sim (tm), but it's the most victorious option.

Ah, as ever, these make my week.

I myself was hesitant to make Glass a changeling, but when I had the idea, suddenly I realized that it would give the whole thing meaning. I myself am getting a bit tired of the subject matter, but without it, this is just a bog-standard shipfic with no conflict beyond "ACHIEVE THAT HOMOEROTIC DREAM, EAGLE." I'll agree that I laid on the GAAAAAAY pretty heavily here, but I didn't want this to be overly dramatic and whiny, and gay jokes were sadly all I could come up with. After all, had to keep people reading before I could deliver the emotional suckerpunch at the end.

My rough drafts change about as much as yours for EoP do, actually. Hell, peeking into how Interference changed would be enough to confirm that, I'd say. I rewrote the scene with Mr. One Night Stand, and it was an utter trainwreck, with Eagle Eye acting hilariously out of character and more gay drama than the Stonewall Riots had. Also I wrote 3,000 words of Emolestia that was a pile of nothing but awful. Luckily I've got people to call me on my bullshit.

I might write more with Eagle Eye, but I have no intention of giving this relationship a happy ending. Eagle Eye is being used, and sympathetic changelings are like sympathetic vampires: they're just annoying in most cases. That said, Eagle Eye is too fun to write to not do more with him, but I think I'll give the poor guy a rest. I've ruined his life enough for now.

Tropes Are Not Bad

'Homoerotic' is fine, it doesn't need to be ponified. The 'homo' there is from the Greek for 'same' (homogeneous), not the Latin for 'human' (homo sapiens). :twilightsmile:
I'm not saying they are! And really, the actual point of that comment was my own kneejerk reaction to the story, based on a merely superficial resemblance to a trope I dislike.

Please do more!

Vimbert you dog. Just when I thought things were taking an unlikely upswing for Eagle Eye and life looks swell, we get the stiff. Not sure if there's not actually all that much M/M stuff out there or if it's typically just outside the spheres I move in, but damnit man, your stuff is satisfying. Distorted Perceptive essentially flirted with the abuse potential of ghai-lulz, and then this handsomely expands the characters and situations. I welcome this shift into firmer density.

You dog, you.

The only qualms I can think of with as the unyet non existant follow up is that it becomes a comedy of errors and that our ever so glassy eyed Glassling is just a flat designated bad guy. The kind of denial we get from Eagle can only be kept up for so long before its obstinate for the sake of keeping the plot on life support - I hope to see a continuation move our poor confused colt towards some kind of actualization (even if he goes in the wrong direction) :pinkiesad2:

Is there some hideous aversion to the word "rump" that I am unaware of in the fandom?
The flank is the SIDE of the pony. Essentially the hips. Why are his hips sore? I can think of a few things but this isn't quite that kind of fic.

Also ha ha that ending. Changelings are the best sluts.

Curse you, horse anatomy!

Poor Eagle Eye. He is an unlucky stallion. Would it be repetitive if I asked for more? Got to get off the bad vibe from the 'dark ending'

You know I'd just find a way to make the poor guy's life even worse.




Fine... go ahead


SEQUEL PLS :applecry::applecry::applecry::applecry::applecry::applecry::applecry::applecry::applecry::applecry::applecry::applecry::applecry:

:yay: on the sequel. <div style="Royal Canterlot"> WE NEED THEE TO WRITETH ANOTHER SEQUEL </div>

I came to these two fics for the Twilestia.
I got gay OC x genderbent Celestia cocktease action and gay OC x OC ship.
10/10 as far as trolling goes, I applaud you :trollestia:

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