• Member Since 6th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Oct 18th, 2022

An Unimpressive

How did you find your way here? Nobody here but us ghosts.


Princess Luna is the guardian of the dreams of all the ponies in Equestria. She takes great pride and great pleasure in this duty, but when the dreams of Applejack and Rainbow Dash keep forcing themselves upon her, she finds her waking world tinted by the nightly passions of two ponies who can't quite seem to admit to each other what they want.

A commission written for shortskirtsandexplosions.
Featured on Equestria Daily.

Amazing dramatic reading here!
Incredibly British dramatic reading here!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 229 )

>I am in no mood for gaiety this night.”


>“Noooo! It’s too gaaaaaay!”

I lost my shit.

Dash is zangest pony.

I think we all thought something like this to some degree when we saw luna could go into others dreams. excellent

Oh boy apple dashing!

Really fun story, Vimbert. It feels like taking a few standard tropes used in stories (Appledash pairing and Luna dreamwalking, to name a few) and mixes them pretty well into one story, without making any of the tropes stand out or feel cliche. Well done!

Only issue I saw was Luna's speech pattern. You were going for Ye Olde Royal Canterlot Speech, but (and this may be just me) at times I had to go back and re-read what she had said to figure out exactly what she meant. That's a minor complaint, though. And again, it may just be me.

>“But why? We were supposed to stop Project Alicorn! The risks were too great!”

I'm guessing Vimbert was throwing a Social Commentary Grenade with that one </Obscure Reference>

Shakespearean yenta Luna is best Luna. Exquisitely executed.

I would like the extended, unrated edition, please. :ajsmug::rainbowkiss:

Celestia was busy “lecturing” Twilight Sparkle, so she would be unreachable for a few hours. Or a few minutes, depending on how pent up they both were.

How kind of Celestia to provide private lessons for her most special student.

I'm . . . I'm sorry. I don't usually say this, but I can't help myself:

The plural of "thyself" is yourselves. Early Modern English plural second-person archaic pronouns are identical to Modern English's plural second-person's pronouns. "Thyselves" is not a word.

Damn it, really?

I... guhhhh.

I hate to be that guy, but without that it loses the suggestion of part of what the story's about.

Damn it. Guess it'll have to be wrong.


You know what I actually thought instead? After all the crazy stuff I see on the site, Luna's dream traveling gave me this idea: Nightmare Moon being a Freddie Krueger-like character.

Silly Luna. Just because you CAN enter dreams, doesn't mean you should.
Great story! Love it!

2098367 its ok, I think its cool anyway. Even if its wrong, I totally heard luna's voice when I read the title. I'm going to read this fic soon, mainly because it's been a long time since I read an appledash, and the last few were good. But I have one question... WHERE THE BUCK DID YOU GET THE COVER ART? AND WHAT THE BUCK WERE THEY DOIN? I mean, i think it's obvious they're supposed to be looking...er... "sex face" in the cover art.... but it also kinda looks like applejack put rainbow in the sleeper-hold, and rainbow is passin out... but I'm sure that there's also the possibility the pic isn't either of those things, so I desire to see the original pic.

I must read this.


I'm the one to blame for that. I asked for the title, verbatim.

But, you know, Luna's been on the moon for a thousand years. So, I guess it could be said that she's slacked off in studying the language of fifteenth and sixteenth century England... on planet earth... far away from Equestria... and walking, talking, scissoring horses.

Ahahahahahahah :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Well done. Have to say, manic Luna is best Luna.

Also, I second bookplayer's proposal. :ajsmug:

I just don't even know.

I have to say, I like how on the front page, it looks like your avatar is yelling at AJ and RD.

And Rainbow Dash is best Black Dynamite.


Cool, cool. Just as long as you guys know. Lord knows that I myself have messed up my share of archaic informal second-person pronouns—well, not the pronouns in themselves, but I royally screwed-up the indicative mood verbs when I was using those pronouns. Thank god the Equestria Daily pre-reader didn't notice my very poor Early Modern English verb conjugations. Early Modern English verb conjugations suck, really. Hell, I think even Princess Luna screwed up a few of her verbs once or twice in her episode.

Lesson learned: I'm never writing like that again. :rainbowlaugh:

One reason I commissioned Vimbert to do this is cuz I know I absolutely SUCK at any legit grammar show-off. Vimbert, on the other hoof, is way better at prancing prose. So I slapped the thing onto his brow and said "LET THERE BE APPLEDASH."

Meh. If I wrote this story myself, it'd be 15k words longer and would have Luna going through Fear and Loathing levels of trippy psychosis. Vimbert did us all a favor today.

Now I was hoping that they really had a thing for eachother :(

Still great story :)

Read it. Was great. At times luna was a bit hard to understand... but then again, I'm sure that was exactly the point.

Also, my response to the twilight thing: bro, I think you're actually doing it right.

This was fun. It truly was. Also, for headcannon reasons, does the equestrian moon have an atmosphere? (please say yes, please say yes, please say yes, because the complicated alternative is that somehow celestia got a space-helmet and 1000 year long air tank on luna before she banished her, and that luna did the same to aj and rd before their honey-moonish thing)

also, dude what is with you? Your textbook-like level of knowledge in English grammar astounds me. you're quoting things i'm not sure I've ever heard. the only thing you said that I had vague knowledge of was conjugations because I had to do them in Spanish, but I didn't realize they applied to English as well. (though I suppose it makes sense, I guess I just never really thought about it)
But seriously, wow. You should become an English teacher. I'm a college freshman and I can't help but feel that I SHOULD have been able to understand your comment.

That was hilarious! Made me smile.

Un Mature rated AppleDash? Refreshing. Also, keeping a title intentionally wrong? I like it. Although AppleDash is about as common a pairing as you can get, it's good to see it can still be done right.

Dat cover image.

You might want to check out the winners and competitors of the AppleDash contest that ended a few weeks ago

Commence read.

:rainbowlaugh::ajsmug: :twilightangry2:

Poor Luna distraught by the dreams and visions of AppleDash and Twilight gets pulled into one.

Comment posted by Varanus deleted Feb 9th, 2013

I liked the alternate scenarios a lot, and I feel this story was rather tightly constructed. I feel like we didn't quite see enough of Luna's transition into sleep-deprived madness, however. It feels like we're missing a step from "Damn mares, just confess your love already so I can rest" to "Guuuuh buck it, go buck on the moon and let me sleeeeep gdhbjg". Still, a lot of fun to read nevertheless.

Very kind of her, that. Jewel-encrusted riding gear and bridles don't come cheap, even with a discount from Rarity, and add that on top of the cost of a dozen replicas of famous illuminated manuscripts, two orange trees, various stepladders, four barrels of whipped cream, two barrels of sour cream, a portable water fountain, nine gryphon feather (or suitable alternative) cushions and the price of renting the Canterlot library's hall (the one with the big fancy dome), well... that all costs a pretty penny.

Fortunately Twilight was able to supply the telescope and plinth hat. I needn't say how embarrassing it would have been for them to forget - after all, we've all been there before.

I am impressed, ser. Your 'Olde English' was glorious, both in its structure and its variety. At least twice, I had to go back and reread a sentence or two, because I simply could not beleive you actually used the words you did (you used 'fey'! No one uses 'fey' any more! :yay:).

TWIST: It's Twilight dreaming of AppleDash. :twilightsheepish:

This. I could cry tears of joy because finally someone is writing Luna's dialogue in a way that isn't just madly cramming "thou" and "thy" all over the place in the wrong contexts. It's beautiful.

Also Luna needs to get laid. Badly. Probably by several ponies at once.

And what if all of this was just a dream Luna was having?


I'm scared...

"Behind her, a sweaty, irritated Celestia harrumphed. “Luna, a guard just rudely interrupted my private lessons with Twilight to inform me that Applejack and Rainbow Dash have been missing from Ponyville all day. You don’t know anything about that, do you?”

Dem implications of Celestia's respect for education.

I lol'd... That avatar looking at the story image... Oddly fitting and damn hilarious.

awesomeness, gaiety, fornication, gaaaaay... your word choices are excellent, sir or madam. I am truly impressed and am laughing myself to asslessness. 4 moustaches. :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

2098707 No I haven't! WHAT AM I MISSING OUT ON!? :raritydespair:


You haven't? Wow, um... :twilightoops:

Well, how embarrassing. Not for you so much as the poor golf caddie. What's he supposed to do with that stuffed buzzard and the three gallons of ice cream without the telescope?

“Noooo! It’s too gaaaaaay!”


Um. So, especially now that this is sitting pretty in the featured box, you might be tempted to read this story at a restaurant on your smartphone. This might strike some as unwise. They might bring up the fact that this is a public locale, which demands proper decorum, and no loud guffaws or barely-contained snickers. They might point out that you'll have that heated-face-look of someone reading just-naughty-enough in public. They'll remind you that you're going to have a mouthful of food when you hit brilliant moments like "pray fornicate already". They'll muse that, while clearly labelled as AppleDash, it should come as no surprise that this author might sprinkle in a delightful Twilestia reference or three, undoubted resulting in drawing further attention to yourself when you encounter these gems. In short, they would probably advise waiting til you got home.

From experience, these dissuasions are even worse than they sound on paper.

No regrets, of course. :rainbowkiss:

I... surely you're not suggesting they go without the oversized air-hockey table?! I mean, I know that times are tough, but the education budget is important!

This was quite fun! Worked-up Luna is always great, and I like the idea of her talking in something approaching Elizabethan metered prose. Applejack's and Rainbow Dash's dreams were excellent - and perhaps unsurprisingly I found myself very fond of the Secret Agent Rainbow Dash episode.

Only one real point of critique I want to mention.

Luna turned, knowing the embarrassed blush on their cheeks was a sign they were hard gay for each other.

For whatever reason, I found this sentence very off-putting. I can see how this could be a definite stylistic choice, but to me, after all the wonderful Statford-upon-Luna-speak, this just felt like it cheapened the pairing as well as the great language before it.

The air-hockey table can be done without in a pinch, just so long as you have a spare filing cabinet, at least three umbrellas (one of which polka-dot, obviously), half a pound of 5mm steel ball bearings and a faux-manticore throw rug. Yes, education is important, but improvisation is a skill that should be cultivated! It's something you only realize is important when you find yourself in the Everfree with only one and a half sets of clown uniforms, a wet box of matches and an octopus-to-spanish dictionary.

Sorry to stick my nose into things, but...

Somebody's #1 featured and he's awesome.


This fic has made my week.

TWIST ENDING: The dreams actually belong to Princess Luna, not Applejack and Rainbow Dash.

Lol 'private lessons'.

Excellent job on Luna's dialogue

“Forsooth, there shall be plenty of time to dash thine apples… on the moon!” Luna cried, lighting up her horn with magic.

Before so much as a “Wait, Princess, what in your name are you talking about” could be uttered, a cloud of inky magic sparkled around Applejack and Rainbow Dash, and in moments, they had vanished.

... Wow, just. Wow. You do know, only Princess Celestia can do that. (I'm such a downer.)

Great story, but needs more chapters. If possible.

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