After the events of losing his best friend Humpty Dumpty and still on the run from the guard. Puss in Boots finds a way to Equestria.
set from the events from the movie Puss in Boots.
Puss in Boots belongs to dreamworks, My little pony belongs to Hasbro.
Story idea belongs to me.
Also I do not know the Spanish language and I am going mostly off of Google Translate. If you speak fluent Spanish please leave a comment or message on what I should change and revise. Overall read and enjoy and leave a comment.
Chapters (5)
.... Really?...
1326645WHAT?
Lets see how Rainbow Dash handles him
it's a great idea but I have some issues with it. namely the repetitive use of Spanish followed by the English word in (). it's jarring and unnecessary. give your readers some credit. there is at least one occurance where you do this three time with the same word in two sentences. do you really think they are going to forget the meaning of the word in half a second? if you introduce a new world then by all means inform your readers as to it's meaning. but as long as you keep using the word and you told us once then you must trust your reader to remember what it means. I don;t need to be told 5 times in a paragraph that Pegaso means pegasus.
I'll keep watching this, good luck!
1326664 If I may ask, how old are you?
Oooo a new crossover!
this idea is promising. A little advice though, when you're using Spanish names, only translate them once. As soon as i'm told that Pegaso means Pegasus, i'll make the connection myself. i don't need to be reminded of it every time. Also, i would suggest keeping mainly to Spanish names, words like derecho don't really have a reason to be in Spanish within the story, aside from the fact that they're in Spanish.
Yes.
1326822>>1326769 Thank you both for your info I will begin to use it only once. And I will try a new way to depict the English version of the word so it isn't jarring.
Yeah, this does seem interesting, especially if you're using the Mane 6 pets in the storyline.
So please do keep up the good work.
Isn't Hasbro the owners of MLP, FiM, not Hazbro?
Other than that, few mistakes here and there. Nothing big, and a good grasp of Gato.
If you need help with spanish, don't worry, I can be of assistence
Okay, review time! This will be the first solid review I've done in a while. I'm doing this because the story seems interesting, and I want you to be able to execute it more...flawlessly. Trust me, you need this.
Alright, as soon as I started reading the story, I noticed an error in the very first sentence.
Okay. When you use a word like It's, make sure you have an apostrophe between the e and s as it stands for it is. If you don't want your viewers to hate and lose interest, at least try not to make mistakes in the first sentence. Also, when you tell us his name, italicize it or something to inform us of it's importance.
The ogre should be plural since he is referring to both of them. And I suggest you put the definition of the word bandito in parentheses as this is what you have done with the rest of the Spanish words. And I highly suggest you change the word huevo into blanceo. Another definition for huevo is nut, and not the kind you eat either.
You also misspelled abandon.
There should be a comma between home and but. You also spelled brief wrong in the second to last sentence.
Okay, moving on to next paragraph...
There should be a semi-colon between desert and I.
This. I'm going to re-write this for you. "When I discovered this new world, I was in a chasm by (the?) mountains. What I didn't know, was that the chasm was once a temple to some random sun god. There were many treasures in the temple. I wish I had taken some, for then I would be a very rich kitty."
Mark my words, I will be back to finish this later. I've got to do my homework. Good job on the story idea and everything, but you should really consider getting an editor to clean this up for you.
It's pronounce Mexico, with the H your right. But if your typing it down, it's the same spelling, english or spanish. But besides that, this story is doing good, keep going
PONES! THIS CROSS IS GONNA RAWK!!!
I am intrigued.
Amuse me further.
One word. EPIC!!!
Can we have an update?
We like updates.
I hate to be the downer, but this story needs work. As it is, the first chapter seems like a rushed series of events, with no description or pacing. Flesh it out, slow down the pacing, add a bit of spice to the way the main character perceives and describes the world. Another poster already commented on the issue with the Spanish words mixed in, but I'll take it a step further and suggest that since this is obviously a first person narrative, structure linguistic explanations like someone recounting a story would, i.e., "I lost a hermano... a brother." Doing this too often gets annoying, though, so while spattering it here and there is okay, don't ram his nationality down our throats. It's clear that he knows English well enough, so there's really no reason for him to constantly be relapsing into Spanish, especially if it makes the narrative clunky.
It has potential, but it just feels so rushed.
High Five mi amigo!
1339543/)(\
Wow im actually looking forward to more kudos /)
Short but entertain able
Fear the eyes.
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MOAR!!!
1436899 you will have to wait because I do only a chapter a week and I have two other stories to work on.
1436928 ok, thats cute...
1437012 what?
THAT!!....was amazing :3
1435446 Especially the eyes of the Three Diablos!
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1438277
Help! My heart melted.
I just want to throw something out there.
The name of the company is Hasbro, not Hazbro. It's probaly not a good sign when you mispell the name of the very company that made MLP:FIM.
OK just read chapters one and two and HOLY SHIT YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN!!! It's like trying to listen to Pinkie Pie rant! Pace yourself. Other than that it's good.
¿Por qué Dios? So short, yet so funny. Can't wait for the next one!
i saw this didn't even read description faved and liked and yelled "FUCK YES!!!"
1518173 I was surprised by the lack of DreamWorks crossovers as well.
now we just need a puss in boots stare combined with Fluttershy's stare and they will be invincible.
your roof caught on fire?
crud, you okay bro?
1857799 Yeah i'm fine I just wish i got my stuff out before Aholes started stealing stuff of ours. and they still are but there's nothing left it amuses me.
and he escapes and steals the crown jewels of Equestria?
1857817 okay then, still, unlucky the roof burnt, still could of been worse.
oh yeah i'm supposed to say the chapter was good in the comments.
awesome cat chapter is awesome
1857826 Yea it couldve gotten worse thank god it did'nt.
1857825 Maybe he will maybe he will not. just wait and see also srry for no update.
1857836 and hay, at least you escaped with your life intact!
i would make a cat joke here, but that seems tasteless
1857845 Don't worry it all turned out good in the end for I HAVE BEEN GETTING FOOD THAT I ALMOST NEVER GET.
1857858 THAT IS AWESOME!
WHY ARE WE IN CAPITALS? seems odd.
1857863 we are in capital to make a statement to the world.
1857881 OF COURSE!!
mind you if you want to make a statment, you need some leamons, dynamite and one frisbee
1857891 Sadly I have no dynamite but i have the other two.
1857907 excellant!
"grabs the leamon and eats it" well thats my night time snack done with
"grabs the frisbee and some spare tnt i keep in my pocket incase of monkeys" there we go!