Bingo
It is of utmost importance that, before you read the tale I'm about to tell, you are made very aware that it is utterly ridiculous.
This story is silly. Very, very silly.
Sillier than Pinkie Pie, whom I love and cherish and adore, even when she nearly burnt down my boutique last week.
A silly story that starts with a single silly word.
"Ominouslierest."
There sat Twilight Sparkle—alicorn, princess, lexiconnoisseur of words—her eyes flitting back and forth between the scrabble board and myself—unicorn, designer, lexiconnoisseur of better words.
I smiled, folding my hooves on the table now that I'd done away with every single one of my tiles.
"Shall we start tallying points?" I asked pleasantly. "There are no more tiles to draw, and I just used up all of mine, so the game is done, yes? Not that we really need to tally any points, because we were tied so far, and if my calculations are correct..." I did the math in my head, making sure I added up the double word score and triple letter score. "Ominouslierest is 36 points in itself, PLUS my 50 points bingo bonus, PLUS your remaining tiles' points, which means I've most definitely won!"
"Rarity," she said, staring at me in confused shock—surely because she couldn't believe that not only had I bested her at this stupid game for once, but she'd also lost our wager and now would have to pay both our meals at Canterlot's most expensive restaurant.
"Am I wrong?" I asked innocently. "Doesn't the game end when there are no more tiles to draw and one player uses up all her tiles? And my math is right, isn't it?"
"Well. Yes. That's right. And your math is right. But." She frowned at me in a rather rude way. "Rarity. Ominouslierest isn't a word."
I frowned in return. "Yes, it is."
Her frown deepened. "No, it isn't."
"Yes, it is, dear," I insisted, because I…
Well, let me explain, if you will. Grant me an aside.
For the past six months, Twilight Sparkle and I played scrabble every Wednesday afternoon. It was our thing, if you will. And, for the past six months, every single sunforsaken Wednesday, Twilight Sparkle had won every single bloody game.
Every single one, I tell you!
Even the games she confessed she tried to let me win, she still won!
So, this particular Wednesday, when I confidently told her that this time I would win… when she laughed in reply… so indignant was I that I told her I was so sure I'd win that I was willing to stake an entire dinner date at Canterlot's Chez Expensivo Ristorante.
So, Celestia be my witness, ominouslierest was a word.
She leaned back, her concern disappearing and melting instead into a damnably delighted smirk. How dare she.
"Wow. You're that afraid of me beating you, huh? Which I get, because I am going to beat you, but still."
"You're not going to beat me!" I protested. "Because it is a word! And I won!"
She laughed, delighted for some reason. She leaned in, resting her chin on her hoof, smiling at me like I were a gullible child.
"It is, Twilight," I said yet again. I would die on this scrabbly hill, I would.
She pondered me for a minute. "Okay," she said, leaning back as her playful facade disappeared. She cleared her throat. "First of all, you can't just put suffixes into words like that."
"Why can't I?"
That gave her pause. "I… Well… Because you can't."
"And again, I ask, why can't I? Is there a rule against it?"
"Yes!"
"Alright, what is it, then?"
Again, she paused. Annoyed, now. It was wonderful. "I… Okay, I don't know what it would be, but there should be a rule against it, but I don't even know how to start looking it up right now, but that doesn't matter because you can't just add suffixes to words like that!"
"I'd ask why not but we've established that you don't even know if I can't, therefore I can." I fluttered my eyelashes. "So there."
"Rarity! You can't make up a word like that!"
I stared at her.
She stared back at me.
I folded my hooves on the table once more. "Twilight, I don't mean to be a smarty-pants—"
"But you're about to be one, anyway."
"I am! So here I go. Twilight Sparkle, darling, dearest." I leaned in. "Every word is made up!"
"No, they aren't!" she protested. "Well, yes, they are, but a word isn't considered an official part of the vocabulary unless it's in the Merriem-Hoofster dictionary, which ominouslierest isn't!"
"That may be so, but we never agreed on that, dear."
"Agreed on what?" she asked, thrown off.
"We never agreed on an established dictionary or word source, therefore your argument doesn't matter."
I swear to you, it looked like she wanted to throw the board at my face.
"Rarity."
"We didn't! We didn't, Twilight. In the entire however many months we've been playing, have we ever at any point explicitly agreed on a word source? Have we? Mmmm?" When she didn't answer after half a minute, I grinned. "My, my, what a telling silence!"
"But ominouslierest isn't a word!"
"Twilight! All words are—"
"All words are made up, yes," she interrupted, "but words only matter and count when we agree on their meaning, and I don't agree that ominouslierest means anything!"
"Twilight," I asked, quietly, "what do you think ominouslierest means?"
"I don't know!" she exclaimed, exasperated. "Something beyond ominous?"
Just as her eyes widened, I slammed my hoof on the table.
"So we do agree it means something!"
"That doesn't count! You tricked me!"
"I did not!"
"Then I don't know what to do! We can't finish this game until one of us concedes to the other, and I'm not conceding because none of your arguments make sense, and I could explain fifty other reasons for why they don't," she said with a huff.
"Well, I'm not conceding either!" I said with a huffier huff. "Even if you try and tell me those other fifty reasons!"
"Then I guess we're not finishing the game until one of us does!"
"I guess so!"
A moment passed.
"Anyway," she said, cheerfully, "should we do lunch?"
I brightened immediately. "Ooooh, yes! Why won't we try the new restaurant that opened up near the boutique?" I suggested.
See? I did tell you this was a silly story.
As it turned out, neither of us conceded that night, nor that week, nor that year. The game board became a permanent fixture in the castle's library, gathering dust as we switched to playing chess every Wednesday on a different table.
We'd tease each other about it every so often. Me, using the word ominouslierest whenever the occasion was fitting. Twilight, asking me now and then if I was going to make up a new word.
Now.
I want to take you somewhere else now.
Hearth's Warming Eve at the castle.
There we were, Twilight, myself, and our dearest friends, all gathered together at the castle to open the dozens of presents Princess Celestia had kindly sent our way.
Dozens of presents for Rainbow Dash, and for Pinkie Pie, and for Applejack, and for Fluttershy, and for Twilight.
But not for me, oh no.
To my admittedly hurt feelings, Princess Celestia had sent just one thing!
"A letter?" Rainbow Dash cackled, sitting amongst her own pile of presents. "That's it? Geeeeeez, Rares. What'd you do to piss off the princess?"
"Nothing!" I protested, holding my measly single closed envelope. "I did nothing to her, which is why I'm sure this letter is very important and meaningful and better than your six presents!"
"Fifteen, actually," Rainbow corrected, smirking at me.
"Rainbow, stop that," Twilight said before turning to me, sympathetically nuzzling my pouting self. "I'm sure it's something great, Rarity."
"Hrm..."
"Twi's right, sugarcube," Applejack added, ignoring Rainbow as she made a show out of counting her presents.
"I may as well get it over with," I muttered, opening the envelope and taking out the single page.
Silence reigned as I read it, everypony waiting with bated breath to find out what exactly it said.
Unfortunately for them, the second I finished the letter, I delicately folded it and stood up.
"Excuse me, girls, but I need a minute," I said, quietly, turning around to leave. "You can finish without me."
"Ooof!" Rainbow said. "That bad, huh?"
"Rainbow! That wasn't very nice," Fluttershy chastised once I'd left the room.
"Pffft, she'll get over it," replied the pegasus, too busy ripping apart the wrapping of her presents like the rude beast she was. "Come on! Let's open our presents!"
"What did the princess give you, Twilight?" Pinkie's voice boomed from within the barrel of her brand new deluxe-sized party cannon.
"Books!" Twilight exclaimed, just as she did every year, because every year she got books from Celestia. Except for last year, when she also got a pair of socks.
She unwrapped one of the dozens of books besides her, and what a great gasp she let out!
"Ooooh! The new edition of Merriam-Hoofster!" She giggled with giddy joy, opening it to a random page and smelling it. "Mmmmm."
As she did with every new book she received, Princess Twilight Sparkle took a few minutes to delicately look through it, admiring all these words she knew so well.
She spent a minute on every section, from A to B and C and D and so on, re-reading her favorite words and…
And…
And feeling her heart stop and the dictionary drop as her mouth took the shape of the very letter whose section she was looking at.
Or, more specifically, the brand new legitimate word she was looking at.
OMINOUSLIEREST adjective
om·i·nous·li·e·rest | \ ˈä-mə-nəs-lē-rest \
: Beyond ominous
'O' indeed.
"Twilight?" Applejack asked, this being the first time she ever saw Twilight drop a book. "What's wrong?"
Twilight didn't reply.
She merely stood up, back-tracking from the book as though it were cursed before turning around and galloping straight out of the castle's living room, up the countless stairs, and into the hallways until she barged into the library and found me.
Little old fabulous me, sitting by a dusty scrabble board and Princess Celestia's letter to Merriam-Hoofster, looking back at her with the single most loving smile Equestria had ever seen.
"Darling, dearest, sweetheart, Twilight Sparkle," I said. "I hope you've saved up because I'm ordering everything on the entire damn menu."
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And thus Twilight had to levy new taxes to pay for a year of smugness, bringing the pony kingdom to ruin and starting Gen 5
Thank you for the story, Mono.
It's great to see you posting stories again
Hmm, actually you posted quite a few things this year. I just need to read them again.
Indeed, this is a very silly story.
And utterly delightful.
That was amazing and beyond anything I imagined when I gave the prompt. Best parts were when Rarity tricked Twilight into guessing the meaning and, of course, the ending. Once Rarity got that letter, I was racked with anticipation.
Shy of her holding the publishers hostage this is really the only way.
She nearly what?
I think I know where this is going.
And there's the punchline.
I mean, fair.
Goddamn adorable as always.
But the pedantic in me wants to point out that an overly educated student like Twilight would both point out the grammatical impossibilities in Rarity’s explanation and the fact that dictionaries intentionally include false and nonexistent words.
11068929
its ok to point it out, I knew when I posted this that I'm not Smart enough to cover all possibilities so I'm ready for it jkdsjkdsjkd
Also I'm glad you liked it!
Silly and humerous. I can recall having similar debates with my friends over scrabble games, but there was always that player who insisted on using Shakespearian words...
Just one query; was ominouslierest actually a word in Equestrian Ponish, or did Rarity arrange for the word to be added to the Dictionary?
11068933
It was added in! I updated the text to make this clearer.
11068929
Examples of this include 'esquivalience', which was added as a copyright trap to an American dictionary. You also see it on maps; a 2002 map of Manchester included 'Philpott Street', which doesn't exist, and American maps of the 1970s often featured a 'Mount Richard', which is also made up.
11068935
Thank you!
11068938
No worries!! Thank you for reading c:
Sorry, no. Scrabble is named by name in the story, and that means the Scrabble Dictionary rules supreme. End of argument.
11068941
Np.
11068943
it's okay because this is Equestrian scrabble and they have different rules! we're all good c:
11068943
Assuming the Scrabble dictionary is the same in Equestria as on Earth.
Frabjous. Simply demectorate. Empuisite.
A delightful little story in it's sillyness. And why being on good terms with royalty can pay dividends.
Okay no joke, how many of us actually googled the word right away to find nothing?
This was indeed a super cute silky story. That scrabble board must have gotten dusty has hell though lol
Why?! WHY would you DO this to me?!
Now my OCD won't leave me alone until I'm able to work that word into a sentence with someone! Hmm...maybe my daughter...we converse by phone on a weekly basis...this will be just the thing! (rubs hands with glee).
If only I could see the look on her face...
Thank you very much, Mono, for the laughs (even if they caused me to start coughing because of my sore throat).
Well that was deliriously delightful. It honestly may be silliestier than anything else you've written. This whole story made me frownn't, but the last section really had me grinningly.
I love a good silly story.
11068975
Buh?
Edit: Wait! I remember! Charles Dodgson!
Incredibly delightful, and I love the punchline.
I believe that you've truly captured Rarity's voice. Well done.
Good ant totally untranslatable. Words in Russian are created by adding the suffixes, prefixes and word endings. An all of them are legit.
I am happy now
This was adorable. Thank you for writing this.
Celestia appaerantly is on Raritys side.
That was delightfully silly.
11068943
From the official Scrabble rules:
So the Scrabble Dictionary doesn't "rule supreme" -- it's just one possible word source players could agree on.
Howdy, hi!
Oh my gosh smug Rarity is the best and this line kills me:
Just *casually* slipped in there at random.
This whole piece just really nails Twilight and Rarity, the petty argument, the use of some strange word, and everything in between. As per your normal high quality, the chemistry between Rarity and Twilight is fantastic. Just a fantastic piece of work.
Thanks so much for the read~!
Reminding me of a Scrabble game with my older sister, when I triumphantly played ‘Roc’ to finish the tiles… and my school-teacher sister pulled out the Scrabble dictionary and was not gracious in defeat.
That I had explained what a Roc was hadn’t helped, I think. There was no more holiday Scrabble. Too ‘contentious’. I miss Scrabble.
I’m just surprised Rarity had that many vowels on hoof…
This was indeed very silly. Thank you for it.
It's a perfectly cromulent word.
This was indeed a very, very silly story. I love it.
11068943
Scrabble rules also dictate that we don't eat the pieces but that's never stopped anyone.
To go with the silly, Twilight should have just put all her tiles down in any order and make up a definition to her new made up word.
Even before I read this story, this comes to my mind:
Bart: Kwyjibo. K-W-Y-J-I-B-O. Twenty-two points, plus triple-word-score, plus fifty points for using all my letters. Game's over. I'm outta here.
Homer: Wait a minute, you little cheater! You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what a “Kwyjibo” is.
Bart: “Kwyjibo” Uh—a big, dumb, balding North American ape with no chin.
Marge: And a short temper.
Homer: Well, I’ll show you a big, dumb, balding ape!
Bart: Uh-oh! Kwyjibo on the loose!
So... Trollestia attack again?
I loved every moment of this, for Scrabble has a special place in my heart. And my goodness, I could practically feel the smugness radiating off that final line.
Trollestia strikes again!
I was expecting Celestia to just write a letter to them using it in a case where it was clearly the one correct word to use (even if the only reason to say it was contrived for this purpose).
This was a fantastic and hilarious read.
Rarity getting only a single present was ominouslierest but what better present could there be? A very silly story indeed C:
Cue Rarity laughing like Mad inside, XDD
I giggled out loud at the last line
Zoquo. Let's see if anyone remembers that one.
I wish I could've laughed at this, but it struck me as petty rather than funny.
Sorry.