• Member Since 14th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen July 4th

Incredible Blunderbolt

A post-active FIMFiction veteran who's been there, done that, and got the tee-shirt, kid.


Twilight's in a bit of a pickle. On one hand, two years of marriage with Rainbow Dash have been absolutely wonderful. On the other, well... two years of marriage have passed without a single thing happening in the bedroom.

Why? Well, that's one mystery even she can't seem to solve.

Then Scootaloo comes home from school and asks Rainbow a question that makes everything crystal clear.

Rainbow has no idea what she's talking about.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 44 )

Oh, a throwback! As somebody who regrets not jumping aboard this train sooner, I can dig this!

My inherent nostalgia aside, I loved this story. It's heartwarming, humorous, and those last few paragraphs were just pure magic.

Have a Like. And possibly a Favorite at some point down the road. :)

I love stories like this. And this one is especially good, because it's not only hilarious, but very well written and extra cute, filled with all those little details that make a story great.

Also, Ace Rainbow is best Rainbow.

Haha. I liked it.

Brilliant! I came within a half-micron of a spit-take.

Yep, the Pegasus educational system at work.

Poor Fluttershy… the system wasn't meant for Pegasi with special talents that are not related to flying.


Rainbow Dash is dense, like a singularity.

RD Sparkle.
The innocent, naive little horse birb...

This was adorable.

That was a good one. Totally see Rainbow being that... I can't quite figure out what to go with. Dense? Clueless? Naive? Gullible? Fits with her personality at times.

Let's hope Twilight is merciful in her pent up state because if Rainbow isn't killed by snu snu then she will certainly be flying a lot more. Hard to sit when your hips are wrecked. Judging by the 'ninja suit' and riding crop Twilight may have quite the substantial collection in her attempts to give Rainbow a hint.

"Hey, mom? Where do foals come from?"
"Oh Scootaloo... It's time... for The Talk."
*Scootaloo starts shaking*

"Rarity!" Twilight growled, fixing a frustrated glare into Rarity's eyes. "Rainbow won't have sex with me!"

An exclamation mark?

I can see the headlines now...

The way Scootaloo’s eyes lit up at the sudden realization was breathtaking. Rainbow could clearly remember the feeling herself when her own father had revealed everything to her. The annual meteor shower would never be the same for Scootaloo now, just like it wasn’t for Rainbow—or any other pony. Each and every glowing speck raining down to Equestria was housing a sleeping foal just waiting to meet its parents; it made the sight even more breathtaking.

She... she actually believes it...

She... she... this explains everything...



And what did their bed have to do with anything?

You'll see. :raritywink:

I'm glad Rainbow is the clueless one instead of the one-too-many clueless Twilight Sparkle TwiDash out there.

"Well Scoots, it's really easier if I show you!"
"But Dash, this story is Teen rated."
"... aww crap."


Fluttershy, I'm sure, knows (quite literally) all about the birds and bees, though...!

O M Gefilte Fish! I usually don't like stories that don't have a complete ending. Probably why most of my stories are in several volumes.
But this was quite cute. Thanks for sharing. Perhaps a follow-up sometime?

Unfortunately, the fandom burned itself out too fast. "Half as long; twice as bright" indeed. Heck, I even burned myself out and basically left entirely between 2014 and last month. I'm glad to be back, though, and I'm especially glad that you enjoyed the story!

Thanks! I'm glad I managed to tickle your funny bone!

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Kinda reminds me of another fic now that I think about it. I'm happy you enjoyed the story; thank you for commenting!

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Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

This was good hilarious fun. XD
I quite enjoyed it!

Well, Rainbow is up for quite the discovery... And getting ludicrously mad at her parents. Like, ridiculously so.
I'd kinda feel bad for them, but DAMN :rainbowderp:

Oh dear Celestia. It's one of those fics. The one's where I end up with a weird mix of cringe, schadenfreude, naughty giggles and a good helping of facepalming. Having written a not-so-teen rated fic about RD teaching Scootaloo about things in the bed, I can assure you, shooting stars WERE indeed involved. Maybe I still like your version a bit better.

9443918 Two years! And the whole thing with the dating! Although two mares having nookie still doesn't a foal make, but I'm guessing that's a topic for another story.

Also WOW at the trip down memory lane to those ancient times of almost 5 years ago when Golden Oak was still standing and we'd barely finished season 2 and I'd just taken my first steps into this silly fandom.

9443339 Oh, Shakey, you know the rules: :twilightoops:

If you toss around a story idea in someone else's comments, YOU HAVE TO WRITE IT YOURSELF. :twilightangry2: Get writing. I'll give you till weekend. And spare no details, we're talking R-rated here after all! :twilightsmile:

9444122 U FIRST! I already showed mine!

Silly Rainbow Dash! Babies don't come from a mine! You have to fish them out of an abandoned well at the stroke of midnight on a blood moon after invoking The Messenger From The Darkness with the appropriate warding glyphs in place. Remember, that last part is the most important bit so that your spine doesn't get torn out.

You know, the horrifying thing is that everything you said there actually kind of works.

'Course, mama said I came from the bottom of a bottle. Not sure what she meant by that...

Viagra? <Chuckles>

Truth be told, my OC and Dash will adopt her too. I'll take this fic into consideration when thinking of how I'll try this subject.

Always fun to see could-bes that have aged into might-have-beens. And the silly story this one tells is especially entertaining. Thank you for a most fun read.

Comment posted by Sputniik deleted Feb 7th, 2019

This is utterly amazing.

Part of me wants to make a spiritual sequel to this story of the more mature nature where Twilight teaches an innocent and clueless rainbow dash the specifics of "How foals are made" XD But I know I'd most likely never complete it as my focus is on my game development atm.:twilightblush:

"Not once!" Twilight reaffirmed. Her eyes welled up with tears as she spoke, staring into her oatmeal. "Not a single time in two years of marriage!" She sniffled. "I wish she'd just tell me if she finds me unattractive . . ."

This right here? Ruined the story right here. Twilight would have forced a genuine confrontation on the issue WAY before this. This COMPLETELY OBLITERATES my Suspension of Disbelief.

If these was set a few months after the Honeymoon, I could accept it for the joke. As is...

Most excellent.

The Incredibly dense mind of Rainbow Dash strikes again! :rainbowhuh:

Silly story, but I enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

Good read, although it's left me feeling like it's missing a follow-up story or chapter.

Thank you so much for pulling this out of "mothballs" and finishing it up! I really had a good laugh! :pinkiehappy:

“A baby mine?

Author Interviewer

We need to publish more old stories that veer off from canon seasons ago. Especially when they involve TwiDash. And Scootalove. And whatever the heck else this was. XD


Oh god, I can't...I just can't.... :ajbemused:

“Been a long road, Squirt,” she said softly. “I hope it’s worth it for you.”

“Been a long road, Squirt,”

The second that I read this bit, I immediately thought of the following song:

“Bill . . . Bill . . . Bill . . .” Rainbow droned, flipping through each letter with the same disinterested look one might give a wall of drying paint. “. . . Bill . . .” She sighed and leaned back into her chair, tossing the dense pack of envelopes onto the table next to a teetering stack of book-order catalogs. “We’ve only been married for two years!” she groused incredulously. “How the heck do we have this many bills!”

And this is why Rainbow Dash doesn't want to do any bedroom activities with Twilight.

Dense enough to replace the planet's core RD is the BEST RD. :rainbowhuh:

A little blue filly sitting under an umbrella picnic table tapped the shoulder of the mare next to her. "Mommy, what's a 'lingerie'?"


Then, Twilight’s eyes half-lidded, and she stepped closer, filling Rainbow’s senses with lavender fur and the scent of vanilla. “And then I’ll come up and tell you all about it. ”

I think you might be lacking the necessary equipment for this education Twilight. :unsuresweetie:Or maybe not given how magic can do seemingly everything.

Adorable story. :twilightsmile:

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