Now You're Catching On!
The Clever One
by Winston
When Starlight Glimmer rubbed the antique Saddle Arabian lamp, smoke unexpectedly billowed out. Sort of. She’d half-expected this, based on a hunch that the old myth wasn’t entirely full of it, which was why she’d bought the lamp in the first place. It revealed a djinn, and her first question was to show politeness by asking the djinn’s name. Her second question was how many wishes she was due.
And, naturally, her first wish was the inevitable attempt to wish for more wishes.
“No.” Serhoofina (for that was the djinn’s name) shook her ethereal, flame-formed head, equally inevitably denying the request. “Everypony tries that, of course. But there are rules.”
“Okay.” Starlight pondered the situation for a moment. “Then I wish to be allowed to change the rules governing permitted wishes,” she pronounced.
“I just said, no wishing for more—”
“I didn’t,” Starlight interrupted Serhoofina. “I only wished to be able to change the rules, not for more wishes.”
Serhoofina scowled. “Fine.” She raised and clopped down her right forehoof. Poof. A burst of smoke rose from it. “Granted.”
Starlight grinned with delight. “Okay! I wish to be allowed to wish for more wishes,” she continued.
“I—” Serhoofina’s scowl deepened. “You may indeed wish for that, now, and I’m obliged to grant it. So!” Once again, she raised and clopped down her right forehoof. Poof. “Granted. That’s two out of three used. I don’t suppose there can there be any question as to what the third will—”
“I wish for infinite wishes!” Starlight burst out, grinning with giddy delight.
Sighing deeply, Serhoofina raised and clopped down her right forehoof a third time. Poof. “Granted.”
They stood staring at each other for a while, Starlight’s face alight with a self-satisfied smile, while Serhoofina just looked blank.
“Would you like to start making the first of your no doubt soon-to-be many wishes now, then?” she finally asked.
“Whoa whoa whoa, no! Not just like that.” Starlight shook her head. “Magical wishes are pretty serious business. I have a feeling it’s best to think things through and be careful with them.”
“Oh, yes, obviously,” Serhoofina muttered, voice thick with sarcasm, rolling her ghostly eyes.
☙ ♢ ❧
“Oh jeeze. Oh no. This is bad. This is so bad.” Starlight huffed and puffed, on the verge of hyperventilating. She paced back and forth, for all of the three steps there were to pace inside the walk-in closet where she was hiding.
“You said ice cream,” Serhoofina replied innocently, “and now there’s ice cream. What’s the problem?”
“The problem is there’s so much of it!” Starlight snapped, half-shouting while she scooped cold dessert out of her mane and tossed it on the ground helplessly.
“Yeah, and you probably should have asked if the emissary was allergic, too,” Serhoofina added.
“She’s allergic?!” Starlight struggled not to scream, glaring with an apoplectic eye-twitch.
“I don’t know.” Serhoofina shrugged. “Probably not. You just should have asked, is all.”
“Stop doing that!” Starlight snarled.
“Doing what?” Serhoofina frowned. “You’re the one making the wishes.”
“Yeah, well, right about now I wish there was some sort of… of… undo button, or something,” Starlight said, returning to pacing.
“I don’t know, you wished yourself into this, and look where you are. You really want to try wishing your way out, too?” Serhoofina asked.
“I don’t see another way, not on such short notice,” Starlight groaned. “I’m already sunk. Double-or-nothing is a terrible, desperate bet to have to make, but here I am. So yes. I wish for, uh… Let’s see.” She pondered. “Since something like this is likely to happen again, I could use something more permanent and more convenient than just burning a wish to undo a single previous wish every time… So yes, that’s what I want. I wish for an undo button that always undoes my most recent wish.”
Serhoofina clopped down her right forehoof. Poof. “Granted.”
A small metal box with a single button on it appeared, hovering in midair between the two of them. Starlight grasped it in her magic and pulled it to herself, and quickly pushed the button with her hoof.
The box vanished.
Starlight blinked.
“Uhhh… what?”
“You hit the undo button,” Serhoofina explained. “It undid your most recent wish.”
A look of dawning chagrin clouded Starlight’s expression. “…And my most recent wish was for an undo button.” She closed her eyes and buried her face in her hoof. “Because of course this would happen.”
“Now you’re catching on!” Serhoofina said brightly. “You’re a clever one, Starlight Glimmer.”
☙ ♢ ❧
“Okay, I’m ready to admit it,” Starlight said miserably, hanging her head. She shook the soot out of her coat and singed hair, letting it fall and settle on the map room floor in the crystal castle. “I’m terrible at making wishes.”
“Aww, don’t feel bad.” Serhoofina patted Starlight’s withers gently with a sympathetic hoof. “Everypony’s terrible at it. They all think they have it figured out and they’re gonna be great at it, but they never are. And anyway, this is only the second time everything’s ended up on fire. Most of them take until the third time to realize it. Which, coincidentally, is also when they’re out of wishes.”
“Is this all to teach me some sort of lesson about hubris?” Starlight finally looked up, grinning weakly through her bruises.
“Well, if you take it on your own initiative to get some self-reflection out of this, then in my opinion you’re one of wiser ponies I’ve ever met,” Serhoofina said. “But no, not really. No lessons. I just do wishes. Don’t know what to tell you.”
“A mere pony was not meant to have this kind of power,” Starlight moaned.
“You know, I think you might be on to something there,” Serhoofina agreed. “There’s hope for you yet, Glimmer.”
Starlight walked toward one of the crystal chairs, limping slightly in her left rear leg. “I wish I’d never found your stupid lamp and I wish I’d never made any wishes at all!” she griped.
“Ooooh! Finally! We’re doing something I want to do,” Serhoofina said happily. “Granted!”
Starlight’s eyes widened with sudden-growing panic.
“Wait, what—”
Serhoofina’s hoof slammed down. Poof.
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She's dangerous enough with the power already at her proposal. This is just throwing gas on the fire. Good thing she got an efreet. (Djinni have the whole "wispy trail of smoke for a butt" thing.)
Still, given Starlight's logical approach to breaking wishes, you'd think she'd be able to work out the dangers of the wishes afterwards. Still, it worked out for the best. Thank you for this.
10709200
You're welcome! I'm not too up on the detailed differences between djinni and efreeti, which I guess is something to look into for the next time I write something like this.
One would think "you can't change the rules by wishing" would be one of the rules, but maybe Genies aren't actually that bright,
(And if you want to make wishes, it's probably a good idea to hire a lawyer, a logician, a linguist, and a long-time Dungeon Master to help you draw them up).
10709231
Sometimes there's just no accounting for the cleverness of
weaselspurple unicorns.Ah yes the classic question of what would you do with a Genie lamp.
Starlight was right on with her starting questions. But personally I would try to talk to the Genie as a person and get to know them. Maybe even keep them around for awhile before getting my wishes. I can hardly imagine what life would be like stuck in their lamp all the time. Might prevent Genie from messing with my wishes. Otherwise could just use first for something like "I wish my other 2 wishes will come true exactly how I intend them to". Then wish for whatever I want basically.
At least this one wasn't a total jerk, I mean, she did compliment Starlight from time to time. Many Djinni's are at best notorious pranksters, and at worst 😰gulp.
10709251
Coulda gone a lot worse, yeah.
Not that it went great, but it could have been worse.
Starlight was the perfect choice for the protagonist in this story! And it was as hilarious as it was poignant. Well done!
10709273
Thanks!
Nobody ever remembers to free the genie.
Jinnis huh. As an Arab, I can tell you more about Jinnis in general. Jinn are beings made of smokeless fire, they have the power to shape shift and all that. The fact that they are beings of the flame makes them to be quite... unpredictable. They are beings who have free will, and in turn every Jinni is different. They don't interact with non-Jinnis unless one somehow angers the Jinni, the Jinni is feeling mischievous, or it's just a very malevolent Jinni (An Ifreet).
I can talk for a while about Jinnis, but I'd rather not clog up this comment section lel.
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Actually, I'd be glad if you did! I find the stories about the Jinni and Ifreet very interesting, and I'd love to hear firsthand from someone who comes from the culture that created the stories.
I wish I would have thought of this.
10709300
Well there are a ton of stories in the Alf Layla wa Layla tales, alongside mythological stuff by pre-Islamic authors. The Jinn were said to be the first sentient inhabitors of the Earth, before Allah created Adam and Eve, and thus Humanity. The Jinn have their own countries, that are drawn differently to ours with their own kings and such. In a way, one could say that the Jinn live in a separate dimension to us called the Unseen. It's called the Unseen because while the Jinn can do things in our reality, we just can't see them directly.
In Islam, the Shaytan, or Satan as you probably know him, has a name and whole backstory, and he's actually a Jinni. His name is Iblis, and his fall from grace from being a devout Muslim Jinn to being what he today is a pretty long one. But basically, it boiled down to him being an egotistical asshole who is also a big racist and looks down on Humanity, saying Jinnis are beings of the flame while Humanity are beings of the earth. So he disobeyed Allah when it came to greeting and bowing in respect to Adam, as he saw him as inferior.
There are other stories, but that'd mean going through the actual book, and not Islamic theology. I could maybe one day in a different medium if you want. You can probably find the stories anyways online, there is bound to be an English PDF somewhere.
10709344
I wonder if the legends of the jinn have any connection to the legends of the fae in
predominantly Celticnorth western European tradition.Even from your short description there are obvious differences, but I can see similarities too.
Oh..,,the laughing....it hurts...a lot...but it's oh so worth it!
I 100% agree. This would work with Twilight, but it screams something Starlight would do.
10709361
Possibly. I feel like a lot of things from different cultures have a lot of similar mythologies due to the fact that, at some point, they intermingled and exchanged culture. The Celts did exist in the Middle East at some point in Anatolia I think, so they definitely got into contact with the Semites. So while Faes and Jinnis aren't exactly the same, it would seem that they share somewhat similar characteristics.
I wish for the Earth to EXPLODE INTO A ZILLION PARTICLES!! Mess THAT one up, ya damned genie!
10709282 Yes, we would call them beings composed of high-energy plasma.
10709429
A "zillion" is not a defined number, therefore, since instructions do not indicate otherwise, this wish will be granted in the most parsimonious way possible, which is by leaving the earth in its current number of particles (one, macroscopically speaking with regard to the rest of the solar system). There you go, wish granted (and messed up).
Also, Starlight is stupid, lol.
I am the master of making wishes!
I wish to have power equivalent to that represented by the character Saitama in the anime "One Punch Man", as well as the full capacity to wield it with complete control and precision.
Trial lawyers would be amazing at making wishes too, but each wish would be several pages of legalese.
Rule one, don't torque off the djinn. Starlight's fortunate Serhoofina never went beyond irritated with her interpretations.
The concept is better than the delivery. It's clear you were pressed for time due to the contest. As it is, we're not shown a convincing development of the progress from inifinite wishes to those wishes causing more problems than they're worth. Partly because it's mostly happening off camera. We don't even get to see most of the problems she's presumably having. But even what is shown isn't very convincing. Starlight is smart enough and determined enough to deserve a much better showing than you're giving her.
Still, it's clean and reads well enough.
10709434 HA HA!! It worked! You see, that was the plan all along! You have fallen into my trap! Yes yes! It was all part of my big-brained dumb-high 189IQ Master Plan!
One of her wishes should have been to have the effects of all wishes occur in a way that she as she is right now would not be overly displeased by the effect.
Mrm.
Hah! Nice. :)
Thanks for writing and sharing this!
Ah, sorry about the just-slightly-too-late realization in the writeoff, though.
(This also reminded me of another story I happened to read recently. Let's see... Ah, here it is, if you happen to be interested. :))
10709245
Agreed. I've always thought that the first thing I'd do on getting a genie is sit them down and watch Aladdin with them, followed by the sequel Return of Jafar. Bond over some disney while simultaneously setting some context for the highs and lows of genie business to act as a foundation for a long conversation on how wishes actually work.
Bwahahahaha this is pricless!
gotcha Starlight xD
this story is awesome i love it xD
The second I saw the Lamp and description I was reminded of Desiree from Danny Phantom.
I'm curious what would happen if someone got a genie, but never made any wishes.
this story reminded me of this book The Three and Many Wishes of Jason Reid by Hazel Hutchins (goodreads.com)
Careful what you wish
Careful what you say
Careful what you wish, you may regret it!
Careful what you wish, you just might get it!
Interesting idea, and nicely done. Although it could use more
screw upswishesHoly heck
Hahaha ending Author notes wrapped it all up nicely. Nice short!
My opinion!
I'm totally tempted to steal the genie character from here, and do something similar with Twilight instead of Starlight. Twilight would be smarter than this, I would hope.
Tempted to find out.
10720741
Do it! Speculation and new twists are what fanfiction is for!
10720971
It wouldn't be exactly like this, or even related (so no sequel). Now I just gotta find a way to max it out to 1.000 words, because Twilight not going off and wasting her wishes within a few minutes, like Starlight, cuts out a bit.
I'm also stuck on the other genie rules. No wishing for more wishes. No making someone fall in love with you (indirect help. But you cant outright wish for the other pony to love you. If I remember Aladdin right), and I think there was something else too.
Starlight: Genie, I have a grandma named "Jeannie," and I want to know if she was named after the word "Genie."
Jinni: Do you really, actually want that as one of your wishes?
Starlight: Well, I do have infinity wishes left...
Jinni: Fine.
Starlight: ...
Jinni: ... Well go on, then.
Starlight: Oh, right! I wish to know if my grandma Jeannie was named after the word, "Genie!"
Jinni: *Poof* No, she was named after your great, great, great grandmother, Jeannie.
Starlight: Darn it! ... Alright, I wish to know what my great-great-great grandmother was named after!
Jinni: *Sighs* This is going to be a long night...
10720980
Genies also can't bring people back from the dead.
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This is actually hilarious. What was it? 'Be careful what you wish for'?
Maybe she should've tried to built up some good will with Serhoofina. Talk to her some more. Does she like being a djinn? Can she control how 'wrong' a wish turns out or is it beyond her control? Would she like to be free?
It's an amusing thought experiment - if you encountered a djinn, what would you wish for? (Obviously depends on the universe, the rules, yadda yadda. Some djinns are downright evil, hellbent on destruction, while other interpretations are somewhat benevolent or tricksters.)
With an evil djinn, I'd obviously immediately try to get rid of it somehow. (Failing miserably, probably, because other people way smarter than me tried before.) Come to think of it, same with a trickster djinn.
With a somewhat benevolent djinn, however... or one disgruntled like Serhoofina seems to be... wish for some money - not too much, obviously -, and then free him. Don't even get tempted to use the third one. Stay modest and humble.
Anyway - I quite liked the story.
Thank you.
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!
11672819
Thanks!