Afterword
Princess Celestia once told me that books could be divided into three categories.
The first type is for specialists. These are the books that hold information needed to do a specific job. A manifest detailing shipments of lumber, a ledger listing inmates in prison, a book of laws. These are books that mean everything to those who need them, and nothing to everyone else.
The second kind is a book for readers. The words Celestia said to me were, “You can be whoever or whatever you want in a book. You can say truth, lies, or any combination of the two. The only requirement is that it’s written to be read by someone other than yourself.”
That last part is an important distinction, as the third type is a book for yourself. These are diaries, journals, words written without any audience at all. Those who keep this kind of book tend to have strong feelings about who should read it, if ever.
Personally, if someone found my diary, I wouldn’t mind them reading it. It’s not a coherent book, as it wasn’t written with a reader in mind, but if someone were to put in considerable effort they could decipher something about me. Strangers knowing intimate details about my life is probably inevitable, considering my station, and I wouldn’t hold it against anyone who harbored curiosity about the most powerful pony in Equestria.
Celestia, in contrast, once told me that if I ever found her diary, I should burn it without opening it, and never think of it again. She did this to Luna’s diary after her banishment, and considered it the only truly ethical course of action when you find this type of book.
“Words written for no reader are born to die,” she told me. “It isn’t murder to kill them without reading them. It’s mercy.”
I bring this up because I don’t know what kind of book you’ve just read. It’s either for readers or for herself. I have read this book dozens of times, and still can’t tell you.
To my knowledge, this is the only work of fiction (yes, I believe it’s fiction) Celestia ever wrote. The story resonated with me, but if it was meant to be read, then it’s definitely incomplete. Scenes sometimes end mid-sentence with no resolution, there are several contradictions within the internal logic of the world, and the ending is either missing or nonexistent.
Yet, I cannot deny that it moved me.
I know you’ve just read it, so I won’t waste your time summarizing, but I would like to direct your attention to a passage in the middle that you may not remember.
The sun hung in the sky like a sack of peanuts. It had risen, yet again, without ceremony. Once, there would have been a celebration for every new day, but as time passed, the extraordinary became ordinary. The sun, with its life giving rays, was taken for granted.
She hung her head, lost in thought. Perhaps that is how things should be. For so long, the rising of the sun had been a fact of life. The fact that The Princess was responsible for it was no more interesting than the color of the grass. But it only happened because she put in the effort. If The Princess slacked one day, the entire planet would be thrown into disarray. No one could stay in their comfortable rut.
Of course, that should never happen. The Princess, above everything else, exists to serve her subjects. But she had never lost the marvel of her powers. Not once had she seen them as mundane. The fact that others did suggested that someone was wrong. It could be them, but she suspected it was her.
If this book were written in first person, I never would have published it. I would have let it languish in the vault along with all of Celestia’s other unfinished writings. It’s clearly personal to her, and if she were still around, I would have asked her permission first. But not even I know where she disappeared to.
The manuscript was hidden under the floorboards of the vault, a place I’d never thought to look for three hundred years. But time had rotted the wood, and my hoof went straight through the plank. Underneath was a pile of yellow mold.
If not for my expertise in restoration, it would have already been lost. The words would have died. But with magic, I saved them, reconstructed the entire book out of nothing but mush. I read all two hundred pages in one sitting. While it failed at making logical sense, it succeeded in eliciting a mood. I believe that you now understand Celestia a little better, having read this. It’s obvious this book is about her, but everything that happens to “The Princess” is rooted in mundanity. I can’t prove if it really happened the same way I can’t remember what I had for breakfast last month. To me, this focus on the small moments is the point.
Luna’s banishment is hardly mentioned at all, but about half of this book is spent with The Princess walking alone in the garden and thinking to herself.
Some of these passages are beautiful.
The Princess had ordered rain this day, for no other reason than to see the garden from a fresh perspective. Often, she had imagined rain to be the sky weeping, but over the centuries she grew tired of this metaphor. The sky had no feelings. Why pretend that it did?
Now it gave her comfort to know that it was merely water. It meant nothing. It simply was.
Others, not so much.
She tried to avoid flying when she could help it. Being off the ground wasn’t very fun. It was boring. The ground was reality. Reality. It sure does bite, sometimes, like little moths with teeth. Or maybe mosquitoes. That made more sense.
(I didn’t think it right to edit this book in any way, but this paragraph tested my patience. I must admit I seriously considered striking it from the published version.)
The discrepancy in the text can be explained one of two ways. Either the book was unfinished, or it was never meant to be read. Let me first make the case that this is an unfinished book for readers. Celestia took considerable time to explain concepts that she would already be familiar with. Take this passage, for example.
The Canterlot castle loomed over the city like a mountain. Its stained-glass windows were specially designed to illuminate the hall with a warm glow. Those going to see The Princess would feel welcome here, but the imposing size of the room would let them know she took her duties seriously.
If this story were a diary written in third person, then why would Celestia bother describing her own throne room? Studies done by psychologists on the writing style of diaries found that, “…a staggering 88% of diary entries that recounted a specific event did not mention the setting the event took place in, unless the setting was important to the described events.”
A counterargument to this point would be that the room did have a purpose to the story, as the passage continues.
The mood of the throne room had been immaculately constructed by The Princess and The Banished One, though her subjects were ignorant of this. Indeed, her sister had been banished so long ago few could tell if she ever really existed.
So perhaps this “specific event” did have something to do with the setting. Isn’t it significant that this is one of only three times that Luna is mentioned in this story?
In addition, it’s important to keep in mind the style of this piece as a whole. To be blunt, it’s all over the place, with jarring shifts in tone
If death never came for her, if the world as she knew it existed forever, did she have free will? Or had fate driven her every action?
Either way, she probably shouldn’t be eating strange mold off the walls, even if she was hungry.
When I want to be generous, I say that Celestia wrote in an abstract, experimental style. When I’m frustrated, I think this book is a first draft that had never been read over a second time. Maybe it’s both.
Readers looking for a story won’t find much to like in these pages. The work is single minded, focusing only on contrasting The Princess’ life with her thoughts. She goes through the motions of ruling the land automatically. Little of her brain is dedicated to her actions, with her internal voice instead focusing on a neverending ennui.
The only reason I know this is a work of fiction and not an accurate reflection of Celestia is because I knew her personally. Often, she would tell me that the mental real estate needed to do her job left her with no thoughts of her own. A thousand ponies needed her input constantly, and she never had a moment to herself. It makes me wonder when she found the time to write this.
There’s a romance to imagine living life forever listless, proud and lonely. I must admit I have a certain attraction to it.
Reading through Celestia’s bibliography, most of her works would be classified as books for specialists. She would occasionally do her own grunt work, especially early into her reign, and even I have trouble reading manifests of shipments made centuries ago. I can’t recommend it.
She published the occasional bit of nonfiction, usually philosophy. These books, while interesting, are not exactly accessible. (The twenty-thousand-word sentence from Rules for Rulers comes to mind.) Her bestselling work among the general public is A Brief History of Equestria, which deserves the honor. Firsthand accounts of history are invaluable, and Celestia’s straightforward approach to the subject matter makes it a book both historians and laymen can appreciate.
In other words, A Brief History of Equestria is proof that Celestia is a good writer. She can produce a wonderful book. Her philosophical works are harder to recommend. The pontificating feels self-centered in a way that’s unpleasant to read. Rules for Rulers is not a guide on how to run a country, but instead a list of small breaches in manners that Celestia has done over the course of her life, and whether she regrets them. I’ve never been able to understand how this ties in with what the book is ostensibly about.
Celestia’s philosophical works are confusing, and this is coming from someone who reads philosophy for fun in her spare time. I have a hard time imagining what kind of pony would find value in her books, aside from A Brief History of Equestria. If they say something smart, I’m too stupid to understand it.
Now, we come full circle, back to the book you’ve just read. Normally, this is the kind of narrative I would dismiss as “Just not for me.” I like my fiction to tell a story. When it doesn’t, I’m disappointed. But, despite the lack of narrative on display here, I didn’t feel that disappointment reading this.
I have two fears about publishing this for others to read. My first is that no one aside from myself will find this interesting. As I’ve said, the aspect of this story that fascinated me is how it contrasts with the Celestia I knew. Those who didn’t know her, (which nowadays is exactly everyone who is not me or Luna,) won’t have that lens. So, how do they approach it?
The second fear is that I’m wrong about who this book is for. This could be a diary of sorts. If that’s the case, I’ve violated Celestia’s trust by reading it in the first place. In putting it out into the world, I am either fulfilling her lost desire for these words to be read, or directly disobeying her orders.
Is that a risk I’m willing to take?
There’s one more passage I want to copy for you.
The Princess stared out the stained-glass window. She couldn’t see the outside world through its artistry, but she knew the garden lay beyond. So many years ago, it had been a plain window, and she had stared out it all day. The garden beckoned her, distracted her from her duty to her subjects. Her work became sloppy. So she blocked the view for them, to keep herself focused on what was important.
Another small joy she stripped away for the benefit of others. She wondered how much of herself was left.
I miss her. I don’t know where she went. Luna doesn’t know either. She just disappeared. If she’s still alive, she’s in another plane of existence. I’m not powerful enough to find her, and I don’t think I ever will be.
###
Since writing that last paragraph, I have read the book again. Now, I’m asking myself a question I should have considered earlier. If I wrote this, would I want it published?
For me, the answer is no. As a story, it’s a shoddy piece of work, and I’d be ashamed at having something so incomplete out there for all to see. But if I somehow disappeared, and my student found it in this state three hundred years later, should they publish it then?
I won’t tell you what to do. I’ll only tell you what I’m about to do.
I made three copies of this manuscript, having planned to send them to publishers. I burned them. Only the original remains. After I finish writing this afterword, I’ll put it at the end of the book, lock it in a chest, and hide it under the floorboards of the vault. Someday, maybe, you’ll find it. Preserved, this time, with the aid of magic.
I hope you will read it and see yourself reflected in these pages. For I think Celestia wrote this for me, and for you, and for whoever succeeds you in the future, all the way down the line.
Last week, I had to do something awful. Maybe you will know what it is by the time you read this, but I don’t have the strength to talk about it yet. Just know it’s worse than sending your only sister to the moon.
I have never felt more alone in my entire life. Who out there in the world can understand me? Luna has turned her back on me, and I don’t blame her. There is no one else who knows my pain.
Except for Celestia.
It’s as if she knew I would need to read this someday. As if she wrote this for me. I have spent the week reading it over and over, convinced it’s the pinnacle of literature. It’s not, as you can tell for yourself. But it’s still valuable. This book is exactly how I feel. A message from thousands of years ago to let me know that I am not alone.
If I were more spiritually inclined, I’d say that finding this book at this point in my life was destiny. It’s a nice notion, though in my heart I can’t believe it to be anything other than coincidence.
I suppose there is a chance you will never find this, or someone else will. The future isn’t guaranteed, after all. Even if you don’t, it has helped me a great deal. It reminded me of a simple truth I had forgotten.
There is no such thing as a unique emotion. No matter what you are feeling right now, someone has felt that way before. I hope that when you read this, you will understand. I thought this was a book for all readers, but it’s a book for a specific reader. It’s a book for you.
When I first sat down to write this afterword, I thought I was writing for everyone. I could go back and change it to only speak to you, but in the spirit of things I think I’ll leave it as is. After all, there’s a realm that needs my attention. I’ve neglected my duty for a week, locked in my chambers, reading this book over and over again. I’ve been absent long enough.
I won’t patronize you by telling you the moral of this story. I know you’re capable of coming to your own conclusion. Instead, I'll leave you with two thoughts.
First, I'd like to point out that at the moment, these words I write are dead. No one else has read them. If you’ve gotten this far, you have breathed life into them, transformed what kind of book this is. For that, I am eternally grateful.
Second, you should know that whatever has happened, my faithful student, I understand the burden you bear. I know what you are going through. And I’m not the only one. Celestia has been there before and moved forward. I am there now and will move forward.
I have no doubt you can do it too.
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... Well, that was a thing. All I got from Twilight's rambling was Celestia vanished, and literally, nopony knows why or where to. And that Twilight found it 300 years after Sunbutt vanished (oh and that Luna is being a bitch to her, for some reason).
Or maybe I missed something. Rambling tends to do that.
Huh. That was... Y'know, I'm not really sure how to describe this.
I mean, I really liked it, but I can't shake the feeling I'm missing a piece of the puzzle. Perhaps that was by design, but either way, this story left me with a disconcerting sense of incompleteness — an unease exacerbated by the mysterious natures of Celestia's disappearance and Twilight's vague catastrophe. There's something here I feel you expected me to get, and yet I'm just not getting it.
That being said, by this point I'm just rambling. At the end of the day, my compliments must go to the author. You've certainly given me something worth pondering, that's for sure.
:)
I liked this story a lot.
It's different from most of the fimfics I see around here.
The Relatively Trivial Comments
Now you have me wondering if this is true, and if you've ever read about such studies.
classified.
plane.
Something Nontrivial
You done good. I don't know how many people will ever know it.
Of course, next week I might change my mind. I can only speak for my own self, right here, right now. That's the way life is, isn't it?
That was lovely. Thank you for it.
I liked this story - there's a number of macguffins, but they're there in my mind so that they don't distract from the theme of the story - that rulership is hard.
This is incredible. Thank you very much.
That is all I have to say.
I love the vibe of this. I can't explain it but maybe I'll understand in the future.
Wonderful little story! Love the concept!
Any thoughts on what, exactly, the Very Bad Thing that Twilight did was? I know you're trying to keep it mysterious, but you definitely piques my curiosity.
10517784
If I may: it appears that Twilight has just done something heinously evil, though she only hints at the event itself (which, she says, is why Luna is being b!tchy to her). Reading Celestia's book has helped her to make peace with the guilt, etc., that she feels, because she realizes that Celestia has felt that same way, too (after her banishment of Luna).
and weather she regrets them => and whether she regrets them.
Fascinating. I've said more than once that some one-shots read like the first or last chapter of the larger story. Here, we actually have the last portion of a larger story that still feels complete in itself. You say quite a lot through hints, excerpts, and subtext, and the overall effect is brilliant. Twilight is only somewhat more coherent than Celestia, sorting through her thoughts and regrets and presenting the conclusions only after thinking back on her mentor doing the same. Great work.
Also, "The sun hung in the sky like a sack of peanuts" has no right being as powerful as it is.
10518611
Consider how Celestia's living memory is contained entirely in Twilight and Luna at the time of writing. Then consider who's missing from that list.
It may not have anything to do with Twilight's atrocity, but it makes you wonder...
That was really interesting, and it only hit me after Twilight said about her having done something terrible (which I really wanna know about but not know at the same time). It’s a mood that only a very specific person could understand. I could hear Twilight’s voice in every work, and it hit hard in all the right places
Very nice work, well done
Interesting, it left me wanting to know more about what was going on when it was being written both for Celestia and Twilight. It is the sort of text I would expect to find in an open-world video game when trying to work out what happened in the past.
10518892
So we have an.... Afterword?
I noticed that too.
All good books (all good things written in words) deserve a second reading.
This is my second time reading through this story, the first time was this mourning, and this wont be my last time; perhaps not my last time this week.
Oh, to use words and touch the soul of another human.
10518611
Yeah, as far as I can tell there are no clues about what she did except for "worse then sending your sister to the moon." Maybe the author doesn't even know. Either way, as readers we can only speculate. There is not much that is worse then sending someone to the moon. Death comes to mind. And there is one character I can see still being around that might propose a threat big enough to warrant this. Although you'd expect Twilight to be a lot more heartbroken about it.
Of course it could be many things. Legislation for example.
That final paragraph though... Celestia has done something she always regretted. Even though that has been resolved, she now disappeared. Celestia has disappeared. What is the burden Twilight is mentioning? Just the question of what to do with this book? That makes sense for Twilight and whomever finds the book after her. But I feel it makes less sense for Celestia. the reason why its so difficult is that Twilight can't ask Celestia if she would be ok with publishing or not. Same would go for whomever find the book next. But Celestia obviously doesn't have that problem.
If the burden is referring to Celestia banning her sister and whatever Twilight did, is moving forward referring to Celestia disappearing? That would mean Twilight is also planning to disappear. And she expect her student to at one point be in the same boat and tells her student she has no doubt she can do it too? That raises a whole bunch of other questions.
Probably thinking to hard about this, but meh.
10517910
Thank you for pointing out those errors. I have just fixed them.
10518733
Thanks for catching this.
Thank you all for reading, and a special thanks to everyone who left a comment. I enjoyed hearing what you all had to say. This story is much more successful than I ever thought it would be, and I want you to know that I don't take a single view for granted. I cannot overstate how grateful I am to everyone who chose to spend their time reading this. It means a lot to me.
Laughably out of character.
Really glad I gave this a chance, it's a superb think piece.
10517814
I feel like everything you described is exactly what the author meant, for I feel identically.
Man this is difficult to digest. I feel for Twilight... A kind of depressive existential dread that has no possibility of a happy ending for her, Luna, Celestia, or Twilight's successor.
I do not know what this is, yet I feel compelled to upvote.
This little excerpt is a roller coaster form start to finish.
The fact that this is the equivalent of a random page torn out of a book, I have never been more enthralled to decipher more about the story around it from the very little details given. Truly, my head is spinning from all the subtle hints and assumptions that are made in the passage that I, as the reader, should know and understand.
The fact that Twilight apparently does some unspeakable evil, that Celestia is missing/gone away, that maybe Twilight has now joined Celestia and you have stumbled upon this book of meandering thoughts. Wouldn't it be cool to get some answers to those questions? Nah, who needs answers after a book of only questions is given?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Overall, I feel this story is very similar to writing a scary story with only two sentences. Short but it leaves me wondering for days.
10/10 would read again.
There's almost a faint undercurrent of light horror to this. Beautiful way of making the story feel like it's speaking from the dust.
You can has review!
Hello, a review to your story has been posted. I hope you find it helpful.
I loved this so much. I will also say that...it interests me that none in the refelection's of the text. (Twilight) thought say...raise the sun automatically. And are the star's real stars? So bring them out to automatically.
This not in actually knock on what I read. But More so about the greater imagining of the character(s). Alicornship only sells martyred and belief and commitment that ponies can not lead themselves. (They can be fine folk's indvidually)
This at the root of the woe that is alicorn fates ruling over these silly goober's. But I would say that folk's just in real life can get their eventually. So I suppose having it never brought up at all read's to me to think it is a unquestioned system. And they equally so lack a imagination to break out of the cycle of rulership and ruled.
Or is just allowed that one can do get great evil and get away with it? Or do all just assume it is tactical evil but whos to...this is truly evil?
I think story is also about first impression's and if you say hated celestia or loved her. This would be interesting not just as a narratively amazing story. Then their comes how folk's see Twilight?
Both what she did with the book and what she did? Is not what you based just as what you can imagine as what you are willing to allow yourself to imagine? Especially as someone who likes the character?
ooh, this is a good categorization system, much like Celestia, and feels vaguely Borgesian
a very cool line
i swear, i've seen a scene-setting opening like this a million times before, and it's ripe for a subversion by the in-story Celestia. and somehow it summarizes the feeling of the paragraphs following it in just one sentence, given what the reader knows and assumes about Celestia at this point of her life. very interesting!
this brings to mine something interesting i heard on a podcast about "hyperrealistic" autobiographical memoirs (analogizing from hyperrealistic paintings, not Baudrillard). that it seems relatively "straightforward" to write about extremely mundane events in one's life in excruciating detail. but to get to the level of detail where it feels that thoroughly realistic and mundane would require invention, because one cannot actually remember any particular scene or event without losing such details along the way. and so, what is the distinction between fiction and biography?
there's also the idea from the field of historical criticism that "history" is conjectures about the past that can be backed up by evidence. it' sa fascinating interaction
and Twilight does not see the metafictional beauty in Celestia portraying the act of finding a simile for an aspect of the world she does not care for, without much care? this is true art, and it pains me to see you depict her as such a fillystine. very out of character, literally unreadable (actually fairly in-character much to my chagrin)
ah Twilight, why can't a diary be written according to the conventions of prose? especially when one is trying to be all poetic and art about it like Celestia clearly is
haha, i love this paragraph! Celestia is a very fun writer, i like her style
aww, a telling sign that Twilight is imposing her own previously existing interpretation of Celestia onto the text instead of letting it speak for itself. what is she, [INSERT COMMENTER YOU WANT TO JUST DUNK ON RIGHT NOW]?
same
dangit now i really want to read the sentence! and also the book!
aww, and i am sure that she will in due time
ooh, from context i don't think Twilight is this long into her reign so this seems to be more a statement that only a few ponies from the modern era ever really got to know her behind the throne
and the fact that it was replaced with the stained glass windows of various royalty-relevant events, this makes said window into a self-reflective symbol of the monarchy that closes it back onto itself instead of serving as a point of connection between the inside of the Palace and the outside world. great symbolism, very nice!
ah, so i guess i was wrong about earlier! that is quite a bit of time to pass for Twilight's own long experience with the burden of readership, the loss the mortal ponies she knew, and the ennui to not color her own interpretation of Celestia's works
in a way it is a blend of all three of the categories that the story starts by delineating, not meant to be "useful" to those who do not bear the burden of being the immortal Sovereign of Equestria
and her having been the sister who was sent to the moon speaks a lot about the gravity of this undescribed event
so very Twilight Sparkle, and i am the same way about such moments
a beautiful way to think of the act of reading another's creation, and a feeling that i agree with myself as a writer. both i and the site are still quite active, but one day it won't be thus, and the same could be said of any piece of writing, up to and including the classics of literature on a long enough timescale. and in this age we have access to so many dead words a million lifetimes of reading is not enough to give them the momentary spark of life that would honor their creators
it's funny that the story begins with Twilight expressing frustration that Celestia's work lacks a narration or consistent style or overall discernible purpose, and ends with Twilight imposing a distinct purpose onto it, and re-enacting said purpose in her own direct message to her successor. and that actually fits the contrast in personalities between Celestia and Twilight perfectly!
in any case, excellent work. very Literature, which is something i always want to see more of