• Member Since 19th May, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Decaf


There are some who consider me a writer.

T

Celestia hopes to convince the parliament to ban duels, but it's an unpopular proposal. The last thing she needs is Luna stirring up trouble at the gala, so of course that's what happens.

Thanks to Daedalus Aegle for feedback on this story.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 72 )
Emil #1 · 1 week ago · · 2 ·

Unless Equestrian dreams are vastly more accurate and factual than ours, this seems like Luna took a giant risk on sketchy investigation. It'd be interesting if it turns out the daughter had tricked Luna, and the deception went undetected for some time. Then, when Luna finds out, she snaps and spirals into the Nightmare.

10620148
Going by the way she descried her "selection process", the dream was just what tipped her off and she actually talked to the filly to confirm the series of events were accurate.

10620148
Dreams in Equestria have been shown to be extremely accurate. I assume this is because when Luan visits dreamers they become lucid.

Oof. This is a well done, and tragic window into the past, Decaf. Good work.

"Of course we do. We complied those examples."

compiled

"Who's idea did thou think it was to make him the target?

Whose

10620643
they CAN become lucid ^^;;; It's simply that all we see we have Luna interacting with the pony. But they don't become lucid as soon as Luna arrives.

It's funny how 'thou' can throw reading off. Because anything less than the rules I know is distracting, but at the same time I know that there are more rules I don't know (ye, and some conjugations), and to someone who does know them, failure to comply with them would be distracting.

Of course, you aren't wrong, just right in a way that tickles my brain: old Equestrian is just distractingly similar to middle English.

Oh well. The story survives this. Nice job.

Hmm, that epilogue seems kinda jarring. Was it originally at the beginning as a prologue and segued into the memory?

Like:
celly trying new law
Twi brings in chekovs gun
Cue story body and correction a la Princess bride


I enjoyed the luna / celly scene

This was really good! The dialogue was a little rough to work through, but the message wasn't unclear.

The underlying plot was brought out well, though I think some work on the last section could be done. Perhaps a little more actions before/between Twilight and Celestia speaking.

Overall though, very good!

Interesting.

"We didn't expect thou to make an appearance," said Celestia.

*Thee

Luna scoffed. "The only reason thou is able to be self-righteous is because thou delegates all the dirty work to us. We swim in the blood so thou can stay clean. A simple acknowledgment of this fact would be appreciated, at least once."

*thou art
*of thine delegation of

Time does not heal all wounds.

That was a fun little read! I like that Luna's plan was perfectly thought out along with her entire plan to just accept being the bad cop. The only thing I'm unsure of is what form the characters take. I got about 20% in before I checked the tags just to check and there are none so I suppose they're ponies, but it didn't seem like it. It would be fantastically hard for a pony to put their forehead on the floor, also I can't imagine a standard tunic on a pony although that's just a personal problem. It would also be weird to see something coming out of your neck with a muzzle and with the throat being more horizontal than vertical on ponies. Anyways I'm just nitpicking, good read for sure. :twilightblush:

I liked this story, even with the Old "Equestrian" errors. Using it is a bugbear but the effort is appreciated because it sets the mood. It would be nice to have an epilogue where an adult Twilight, before or after ascension, learns the Truth about "The last duel" and the sword that caused her to get a tetanus shot.

Decaf #16 · 1 week ago · · ·

10620753

Thanks for telling me about those errors. I have fixed them.

I can't help but think this was inspired by current events. In that many people are resistant to change the law, until a worst-case-scenario makes apparent the deep flaws within the system.

EDIT: Wait, never mind, this was published over a week ago. I guess the author is just very wise.

there is so much wrong with Celestia in this story it's actually kind of sickening. she shows herself to be ignorant and self righteous to a positively ridiculous degree and even denies Luna even the passing glory she deserves in the interim. don't get me wrong this story is great if only because it highlights the problems with celestia and what the world must have been like for Luna pre-banishment.

celestia really is a terrible person in a lot of ways.

Decaf #19 · 1 week ago · · ·

10621128
This was mostly inspired by too much crusader kings. Most of the editing i did in the past couple days was trying to get all the thous and thines correct. (And I still made a bunch of errors :fluttercry:) That said, interpretation is up to the readers. I have, in general, been thinking about politics a lot lately. I don't really want the comments to turn into a political debate, but to whatever extent an MLP fanfiction can say something serious about the world we live in, I don't know if this story would benefit or suffer from looking at it through this lens. Still, I am flattered that anyone could think something along those lines. Getting people thinking is what I hope to do with my stories. Thanks for the comment.

10621021
Thanks for the comment. I'm happy to hear you liked the story!

10621228
Yeah, I had enough of that on the site this morning. Setting aside politics, I like how you contrasted the Sisters here.

10621253
Thanks! I'm always happy to hear people found something worthwhile in my stories.

10621227
I would argue the point of self-righteousness and ignorance. Luna's choice here was brutal, and Celestia shows distaste for such brutality. Both have valid points. Celestia didn't consider killing a noble to be necessary to passing her law (Which is true, and is acknowledged in-story), while Luna thought that taking one life would speed up the process and result in a better Equestria (Also true, and also acknowledged). Neither is wrong, but the methods are different.

Luna's Method is, perhaps, more efficient. But the efficient choice isn't necessarily the moral one.

In the end, I think this story poses the following question: Is killing one person, even a criminal, to save others a morally acceptable choice? My answer is that it can be, but not always.

Jest #24 · 1 week ago · · ·

You had my interest at "fobdoodle" You had my admiration with the final scene.

10621402
my issue is that celestia wouldn't even bother to acknowledge Luna's burden when it was brought up and years later didn't even try to correct the official story that was circulating. you can argue lunas brutality all you want but the point that is clear as day is that celestia was selfish in pretty much all things here.

10621565
Luna was in the moon as Nightmare moon during the Twilight segment since I'm pretty sure she is talking to filly Twilight. Twilight didnt even know Luna, (aka Nightmare Moon) was real so why should Celestia say what really happend. You are acting like Celestia is wrong for not telling Twilight that a, at the time, made up folktale ended duels.

Decaf #27 · 1 week ago · · ·

10621485

It's funny, I had this idea for this story brewing in my head for about a month before I wrote it, and when you published Rarity Wins A Duel Against Princess Luna I had a mini heart attack, worried that someone else had beaten me the the punch. (That's a great story, by the way.) Fortunately, you took it in a different direction, and I came to the conclusion that the two of them are distinct enough to warrant space on the same shelf.

Thanks for the comment!

Jest #28 · 1 week ago · · ·

10621789
Lol nah. Most of my requests are comedic.

10621227
She tricked someone into foolishly dueling her, and refused him mercy when he tried to concede.

He shouldn't have called duel, he knew the consequences, but she arranged to murder a pony...to prove a point.

I don't see the glory in something this planned out and...well, easy. He was doomed.

Arzoo #30 · 1 week ago · · ·

10621227
I disagree entirely. It's not ignorance for Celestia to find Luna's method distasteful, or even self righteousness. Luna found a way to legally kill someone and did it in cold blood to make a point; whether or not the pony deserved it, she killed them to accomplish a goal rather than any sort of justice. You can certainly argue Celestia is wrong to believe it was unnecessary, but it's a bit much to say her position makes her detestable somehow.

And I'm not sure what you're talking about with denying glory. She wouldn't view the immediate act as positive at all, nor does Luna, and it would surely be hard for her to not associate the accomplishment with the murder that achieved it. When she spoke in the future to Twilight that was pre-return; she can't tell the truth because she's still keeping Luna a secret. It's not like the truth paints Luna in a very positive light, particularly not to a presumably more pacifist modern Equestria that she's trying to convince her sister isn't a monster.

10622091

10622074
you are accounting for the fact that Celestia would not have been able to even approach getting her law through without Luna's actions right? that clues in?

the path Celestia suggested to try and counter Luna's logic is what would happen to her ironically, they'd adjust the laws to dodge Celestia and nothing would be accomplished. the nobility needed to realize such laws could be used against them for her proposal to even have a chance at working.

and my issue was that Celestia essentially lets herself be glorified for ending the dueling either by what she told twilight or by not bothering to make sure the correct historical account was taken down. the legend as twilight read it in the first episode doesn't say Luna didn't exist. that means Celestia didn't need to scrub out all evidence of her existence. the mere fact Celestia would be willing to leave her sister as nothing more then an obscure legend in history proves that she really took nothing away from the nightmare moon incident. there needs to be accountability for Celestia's actions or inactions as well yet it seems like the entirety of the problem falls on Luna.

This gives depth to Luna that was never in the show, and I like that sort of thing. Nice story.

daniboyi #33 · 1 week ago · · 1 ·

10622119

yet it seems like the entirety of the problem falls on Luna.

Yes of course it does. Luna is the one who turned evil and attacked her sister, she is the one who tried to take over the land. She is the one doing the wrong.
Why should Celestia be punished for this? Because she didn't notice/didn't go out of her way to please Luna's childish fantasies for glory and attention? That isn't how law works and I PRAY it never does,

Newsflash Luna, millions of people go their entire life without fame. That doesn't excuse rampant treason.

Also, Celestia DID have consequences. Her consequence was losing her sister for 1000 years.

Long ago, ponies settled their disputes with duels. That changed the day someone challenged Luna.

"Long ago, in a distant land, I Aku, the shapeshifting master of darkness, challenged Princess Luna to a duel... and immediately regretted the decision."

Oh I adored this! Excellently written! I even read most of it in their voices, and it is something I can see happening in Equestria of yesteryear. I also really love the nod to Luna's slow but steady motions towards becoming Nightmare Moon. The ending was a delightfully intimate moment that really solidified the nuance of the conflict.

10/10!

10621000
10621013

Thanks for letting me know about these. I have fixed them.

Decaf #37 · 1 week ago · · ·

10622644

Thanks for the kind words! I'm happy to see so many people found something worthwhile in this story.

10622723
Happy to help, meine Freund. Always pleased to help with such a quality story.

10622255
now that is childish logic, attempting to simply cut out the concepts of familial and ethical responsibility from the situation. you don't get to remove cause and only observe the effect.

Lunas fall was not slow nor was it secretive, Celestia had a responsibility as co-ruler to at least attempt to raise her co-ruler in the eye's of others to at least attempt to make things even hell it could have easily been done, a few nights of publicly coming out at night and give some praise to the night sky and things would have started evening out relatively easily. Celestia failed to even give personal attention do to her own sister on a sibling level. Hell we have an actual episode that demonstrates that things haven't changed. Celestia expects praise for making breakfast well Lunas fighting dream monsters and helping people solve psychological issues. Celestia likes attention and is quite frankly willing to sacrifice friend and family member to maintain it.

10622119
Ooor maybe Celestia would rather let her sister fade from memory than let her be rememebered for her worse actions? If anything, Celestia would look better if she kept the public well versed on Luna(and Nightmare Moon). Instead, she lets all the fear fade so that when she returns the public has nothing to fear?

It's a foolish and dishonest decision but I don't feel a (entirely) selfish one.

10622871
Just because Celestia made mistakes, does not equal she should be punished.
Luna's fall was all on her own shoulders and only she can be blamed for the actions she took.
You don't look at a murderer and go "How can we punish his siblings for this?" do you?

Celestia likes attention and is quite frankly willing to sacrifice friend and family member to maintain it.

Ok. this is just all around bullshit and you know this.
Either
a) you never seen the actual show, in which case your opinion is 100 % invalid.
b) read too many fanfics and become deluded, in which case your opinion is 100 % invalid.
c) is just a Celestia-hater, in which case your opinion is 100 % invalid.

10623230
you do look at a murder and go 'what lead to that?' quite literally we devote an entire section of society and the legal system to this venture. the main fact that you put the entire thing on Luna is a lack of reasoning.

lets try your method then:
A) I referenced the actual show and a legitimate instance in an episode which calls into question if you've seen it making your opinion 100% invalid.
B) you live in a magical fairy land where good and evil are clearly drawn out and there is not intersection of fault amongst those involved making your opinion 100% invalid.
C) just a Luna hater making your opinion 100% invalid.

your response is childish at best this method of reasoning would assure nothing was ever accomplished in human history. if your not going to attempt actual reason don't respond to a comment.

10623390
your shitty example was 'Celestia expects praise for making breakfast well Lunas fighting dream monsters and helping people solve psychological issues.'

First off, she didn't expect praise, so you are objectively wrong already. She just wanted Luna to enjoy the breakfast, rather than not eat it at all. At most, she wanted a thank you, which is not really out of the ordinary, nor too much to ask for when someone makes you a large breakfast (Or pre-sleep snack) every day.
Secondly, she had NO idea how difficult it was, just like how Luna had no idea how difficult Celestia's job is. So no, you didn't reference the show. You took something out of context and altered it to fit your wrong world-view.

B) you live in a magical fairy land where good and evil are clearly drawn out and there is not intersection of fault

Guess what, that is the real world. When someone is an adult, like Luna, they are 100 % responsible for their own actions and no amount of 'MUH HURT FEELINGS!' or 'WAAH! CHILDHOOD PROBLEMS!' will stop punishment from striking you down hard and swiftly. At most, it can get your sentence reduced, which is why Luna was only banished and not completely destroyed by the elements of harmony like Sombra was.

10623403
no but in a real world the why matters. people are brought into account for the role they played in others actions just as much as the person who committed the action. you obviously haven't heard the term criminal negligence and other such related terms. rather you like it or not Celestia holds fault for nightmare moon as well something the elements of harmony realized hence why Celestia lost her connection to them when she banished Luna.

10623558

you obviously haven't heard the term criminal negligence and other such related terms.

And neither have you.

In these cases, a prosecutor must show the following to prove that an accused acted with criminal negligence:

  1. he/she acted recklessly and created a high risk of death or great bodily injury, and
  2. a reasonable person would have known that these acts would create such a risk

Criminal negligence requires more than:

  • a mistake in judgment,
  • inattention, or
  • simple carelessness.2

It only pertains to conduct that is:

  1. outrageous and reckless, and
  2. shows a clear departure from how an ordinary person would act in a similar scenario

Celestia is LITERALLY, by definition and law, not guilty of any criminal negligence. She didn't react recklessly, nor did she create the risk or cause bodily injury. The only one who got hit in their fight was Celestia and Luna was the one causing the risk.
And unless you are implying no one BUT Luna is a reasonable being in Equestria, then the second doesn't fit either, as no one really stood up for Luna. No one in the entire land.
Is literally every single pony guilty of 'criminal negligence'?

10623558
Dude you gotta stop reading those Celestia OOC stories.

"Sorry isn't good enough, thou bespawling dalcop. Bow to thine princess, and beg forgiveness."

Luna is love. Luna is life.

"We know that a raggabrash like thou won't understand our words, so we will say it simply, so a child would understand. The key to fixing thine faults is such a daunting task that it will remain a great mystery for generations to come. Perhaps a solution could be found in a million years.

Embed SupaHotFire clip here.

Celestia would give Luna a stern talk about her manners in private. Hopefully, this nonsense would be over soon and she could get back to her important business of standing regally.

I admire your dedication to adhering to the canon depiction of Celestia

"They love thou more than us. Don't try to deny it. They respect the sun, and fear the moon. If we can't change their minds, then we might as well play to their expectations."

This and everything by Luna before it is a masterpiece of characterization and plot. You definitely deserve your place at the top of the boxy boy for this.

"That was a nice story," said Celestia. "Where did you hear it?"

"I read it."

Ah, I love the theme of historical events getting distorted to fit the perceptions of the present, and Twilight’s particular vulnerability to it. It is done great here.

She glanced at the drawer.

It could be worse.

And a perfect ending.


This is a really well-crafted story. I wish I had more words, but all I can do is just blather on about how I loved your characterization of Luna here, and your use of a good political complot that ties into her character and motivations. It’s something I hope I will be able to do as well in my future work.

Really looking forward to the rest of your cartoon pony fanfiction career!

10622723
The thing about spelling an grammar police is that they don't acknowledge that a speaker may not always speak perfectly all the time.
It is as if they are saying that no-one ever uses wrong words, ever.
The same applies to spelling mistakes.
I've stopped caring about 'mistakes' as they show that characters are not perfect.

*Duel of The Fates intensifies*

Decaf #50 · 1 week ago · · ·

10624150
It's always nice to see long comments like this. It's interesting to know what parts stick with people. I'm definitely gonna be publishing some more stories soon, so you can look forward to that.

Thank you very much!

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