• Member Since 12th Aug, 2013
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Bad Dragon


I write so that one day I may finally stop writing and be free, but these damn new ideas keep finding ways into my brain. I need to write more to keep up with them.

Comments ( 103 )

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Music to listen to while reading:
Godhead - The Reckoning — Correlation: 70% (Lyrics)
I'll take you down - To a hole where you - Will always be alone
I'll push you off - Of the throne that - You erected for yourself - You will be tossed - On a pile of all the - Filth that you created

HB - Time of Silence — Correlation: 50% (Lyrics)
You have heard me speak in untruthful ways - Time of silence come - You know what I’ve done
I believe and yet I fear - I know without doubt my punishment is near

The Birthday Massacre - Looking Glass — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
It's a glass cage so I can't pretend - You hide beneath the physical - I see it coming - But I can't defend
Tell me what I want to say - Save me for another day - Break me, it's the game you play

Apoptygma Berzerk - Love to blame — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
We've reaped the fruits of deception - Opened the doors of perception - And burned down all the bridges - We came across

Garbage - Stupid Girl — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
You pretend you're anything - Just to be adored

The Crüxshadows - Marilyn, My Bitterness — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
Did you think it wouldn't hurt - Did you think I wouldn't feel - When the world came falling down - Or maybe you didn't think at all - And that's why I feel what I feel now

Nemesea - No More — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
I can't and I won't believe - The lies you told me - You can't and you can't - Deceive me, hurt me anymore
It won't be the same - Your the one to blame

Andra Dare - Dacryphilia — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
Caught in dark devising - Lovely doll, let's do some revising - Who controls your fate and your soul? - Darling I like it when you cry

Jack Off Jill - Nazi Halo — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
Can't fix my problem - You crossed a thin line - You can't just work it out - not with me this time

Moxie Raia - I Love It When You Cry — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
I love it when you cry - It shows that you're alive - I love it when you cry - The tears bring out your eyes

"Teen" and "Porn" do not belong on the same story. I know you're supposed to be a bad dragon but not that kind of badness.

10088089 Foreplay can be part of porn, too!

I'll change the story to mature when more kinky stuff comes along. Thus far, it's teens friendly.

Edit: I'll just remove the Porn tag for now since it isn't applicable in the first chapter.

Edit, Edit: The story is now mature.

Uh, ok then.
Yeah.
Something's not right here.
Twilight is mental.

10088122 She swapped bodies twice in one day. I imagine that can't be healthy for one's psyche, especially since Sombra's artifact was used for that.

10088101
That seems like a rather disingenuous attitude. If you don't have a detailed map of a story ahead of time, and maybe you start out with the intent of writing it as something that's teen-friendly but it moves in a more mature direction, that'd be one thing. But it sounds like that's not the case here: it's an entry for a clopfics competition, and you seem reasonably certain it's going in a more explicit direction.

So, I dunno. I can see where you're coming from, but this feels kinda sketchy to me. There've been cases where I've seen people get pretty pissed off at a story that had a dark ending but wasn't tagged as a tragedy or anything like that. If you know what direction a story's going in, I don't see a reason to not give it all the tags it'll eventually need right away.

10088089
Admittedly, they could still work if the content was non-explicit, but still, well a blatant attempt at porn. It's why you have to have a very specific filter on derpibooru instead of just "Default" because it will still show stuff like incest and fetish content if you don't make an edited filter to only show art. This just isn't the way to go about that, especially if the story is going to have explicit material later on.

I tried to figure out whether the personalities and memories are intact or scrambled, but it is too early to tell; certainly, Twilight is extreme, but she cut off the wings of Spike and tried to do likewise to the horn of Sweetie Belle. I need more information, which means more chapters.

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Music to listen to while reading:
Epica - Fools Of Damnation — Correlation: 65% (Lyrics)
I am your destiny - Mark my words, don't you ever disagree
I am your agony - Walk my way, I will never set you free

Model Kaos - Emotionless — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
The way I feel for you - Is slowly killing me

The dialogue feels really repetitive. Twilight and Trixie are repeating themselves constantly. Makes the chapter kind of boring.

10099502 Well, this is a mind-breaking fic, and you can't really break somepony's mind with just one word. More dialogue is needed. In RL, such a process can take months.

Also, this story is a drama. Drama kind of implies dialogue. It should feel like if you're in a theater. Even if the play is titled Anal Rape, you already know in advance that there's going to be a lot of dialogue, maybe even more talking than anal raping.

Interesting chapter, cant wait til it gets to the more hardcore stuff. So far its been all talk, really.

10099509 Consider it a foreplay. The main events are cumming and the anticipation of them is half the excitement.

The story has a tease fetish. However, it isn't used just on the character but on the reader as well.

10099516
Sounds good, good luck!

Twilight seems off her rocker; another reason not to mess with dark magical artifacts.

10099508
That's not what I mean. It's not that there's dialogue, but it's the same dialogue. The two are repeating their same thoughts and ideas multiple times. As a reader, that's kind of annoying. I get it: Trixie is scared and wants to leave and Twilight wants justice and is crazy. And while it could be seen as terrifying, it's not. It's boring, as we already know. We don't need it repeated.

10099656 It's ironic, I thought that if I condense months of mind-breaking into a single day, everypony would call me out on it and tell me that I rushed it.

Here's how I wanted it to go: I wanted both of them to stick to their own opinions. This isn't a debate where Trixie gets convinced. Trixie's view is unyielding (and yes, that may have come across as repetition). You can't break something if there's nothing to break.

Also, I didn't want to skip all the steps Trixie needs to go through:
Denial
Anger
Depression
Bargaining
Acceptance

What you call repetition is supposed to be Trixie's denial phase.

I'm not arguing against what you're saying. I'm just saying that I did it this way for reasons. Sometimes, in order to achieve one thing, you have to sacrifice another.

10099509
Agreed. This story has been good so far but didn't get around to finishing this chapter because it is the same dialouge over and over again. Trixie saying Fuck that and Fuck this. However, I have high hopes for this story.

10099707
I see, good to know.

FUCK YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH😎

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Music to listen to while reading:
Lahannya - Save Me — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
Am I the remedy, or am I the poisson? - Now that the darkness has leached to my skin
Once I had fallen - Despite your warnings - It was already too late
Rescue me from everlasting agony - Rescue me... Save me from myself

making Trixie take the blame for the Ursa Minor really sours me on Twilight on this chapter

10109247 Well, there would be any Ursa Minor incident if Trixie didn't come into town that day. Trixie did have a hoof in the matter, at least to some degree.

10109252

she had no way of knowing there was an Ursa Minor anywhere near Ponyville or that a pair of colts would be dumb enough and unsupervised enough to go and find it

10109259 You speak just like Trixie. She also had almost unwavering conviction.

The truth might have meaning in the real world, but in Twilight's dungeon, her word is law.

I cannot sway you to the other side, but I bet Twilight could change your opinion on this matter. She can be very convincing.

Twilight's counter-arguments, along with a gag, would leave you speechless.

I'm starting to wonder where you pull all this from in your mind, because this is starting to not be enjoyable to read.

Trixie committing suicide would be a mercy for herself at this point.

10109396 Is it a problem of bad writing or bad content?

And it will take a bit more to get Trixie to suicidal levels.

10109487
Mm, neither, just dark content. It's like hopelessness; there's no change. You write perfectly fine, and this is what I expected from the story , but it does become a bit dreary.

It's like The Taming of the Shrew, but without anything other than the 'taming' portion. It's just constant psychological torture.

Twilight is insane. The thing is that it seems mostly disinhibition; she always had it in her beneath the surface.

10109506 Maybe it's an acquired taste.

The real story is in Trixie's mental walls crumbling down one by one.

10109516 It's always the nerdiest ones.

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Music to listen to while you read:
Commander In Chief — Evolution — Correlation: 55% (Lyrics)
our interest is good — We´re gonna tear your soul apart — to find out who you really are

Brother Firetribe - Heart Full Of Fire — Correlation: 50% (Lyrics)
I called the bluff - Watching you is not enough - Sparks fly in the dead of night tonight
It's tearing at my heart - Tearing me apart - How can this be so hard - I got a heart full of fire

Angtoria - Do You See Me Now — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
Refuse to acknowledge me - I'm not what you want to see - So inject and study me - Pump me with hypocrisy

Trillium - Bow to the Ego — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
It’s draining me weak - My head’s bruised, all used - Is this what you really wanted? - Blown fuse, you lose

Motörhead — Electricity — Correlation: 45% (Lyrics)
You need an open mind — Shiver up your spine

The Cult - Bad Fun — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
Bad fun sister, time to go - Life's too short, on with the show - I said, get your kicks on the razor's edge

Electric Six - Danger! High Voltage — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
Don't you want to know how we keep starting fires? - It's my desire, It's my desire, It's my desire - Danger! Danger! High Voltage!

Suede - Electricity — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
We got a lotta electricity - We got a love like AC/DC - We got a love and it got no shame

10120140 You don't like science and experiments?

Quite a few electrical jokes. if the way Twilight was in SBGaS is UrSkeks, this new new Twilight is pure Skeksis. Speaking of UrSkeks, As you know, my job is to torture my left arm and hand. all-day-long. I distract myself with my 5K 67-cm iMac. I watch videos. I watched the new miniseries about the Dark Crystal, set hundreds of Trine before the movie. It is good. Twilight pretty much is a Skeksis now:

In the miniseries, the General and Emperor of the Skeksis have a conversation about how much their lives improved since they were torn asunder. They now can do what they want without disinhibition and emotional dysphoria. They had emotions which held them back and tortured them like love, guilt, sorrow, remorse, compassion, et cetera. ¡Not any more! Their previous existence was a nightmare. Now, they do whatever they like.

Twilight, in SBaS, tried to do good and failed terribly:

She did not understand that her tests frightened and tortured Sweetie Belle. She tried to help Sweetie, but could only come up with horn removal. Basically the good Twilight of SBGaS was so obsessed that she did not pick up on how Sweetie felt about the tests. She had such bad social skills that the only way she could modify the tendency of Sweetie to use dark magic was to remove her horn.

Twilight is totally disinhibited. Given that she is an Alicorn abusing her powers, perhaps we should correct her behavior the way she tried to do to Sweetie in SBGaS:

We should amputate her wings, horn, and hooves. After she gets artificial hooves, she will be nothing more than a talking horse like Mister Ed; she will not even be able to manipulate objects in her hooves. We definitely do not need to psychoanalyze her for determining a less extreme remedy —— ¡Spell Achiever and Sweetie Belle did not need psychoanalysis, ¡just cornectomy!

10120320 Oh, I see you recognized the puppy from the prequel of the prequel

ESweetie Belle Gains a Soul
In her darkest hour, Sweetie Belle finds salvation, but with it comes a terrible curse.
Bad Dragon · 131k words  ·  159  29 · 4.5k views

Well, the experimentation is Twilight's go-to solution. Both in that case and in this one.

Oh, and Sweetie Belle totally volunteered for those experiments and most certainly wasn't lured into it, how could you even think that!

She successfully corrected Sweetie Belle and will spread her goodwill to Trixie as well. Let's wish her luck!

10120338

I mentioned that my job is to torture my left arm and hand but forgot the progressreport:

I can now touch my thumb to all fingers, but my grip is weak and my elbow and wrist are not very mobile ( cannot touch my face with my left hand, but given the current pandemic from people touching other people and then touching their own faces, that is probably a good thing). It will be at least a month before I can return to work.

You are right about the experimentation. I am certain that Trixie will be as happy as Spike, Cast Achiever, and Sweetie Belle with the results of experimentation.

10120451 I think you'd enjoy Twilight's dungeon. You wouldn't even have to torture your hand yourself. Twilight would do it for you. That and much, much more.

In the end, you'd be a changed person, just like the ones you mentioned.

10120472

The problem is that I do not need amputation; but unfortunately however, Twilight is a 1-Trick Pony.

10120500 Does everypony hate science?

10121110 You have a problem with a hand? No hand, no problem.

10121111

Then my problem would be not an hand (not having an hand).

10121121 Yes, but you'd have no problem on your hand, or the hand itself, for that matter.

10121132

Still, I shall not get my therapy from Twilight.

10121134 That's very considerate of you. She can't fix everypony at the same time. Her methods are based on the one-on-one relationship.

reads the words "brown matter"
I think that's enough internet for today

Writing about how Twilight ats like a Skeksis and about how good the new miniseries is has made me want to watch the Drk Crystal on the Big Screen (I never saw it on the big screen before). Assuming that the theaters do not clase for stopping the Pandemic, I shall see the movie on the 25th. ¿Do you remember that I offered to take you to a prostitute if you are ever in Northern California? Now is your chance to guess where I live and which seat I chose:

Purchased Seat

I bought a ticket at the closest theater to me. ¿Can you guess in which town I live?

By the way, If you show up and ask for the freebie with a prostitute now, most have stopped taking customers for a while to keep from getting Acute Respiratory Syndrome Coronavirus 2 which causes Coronavirus Disease 2019. Because prostitutes are careful, they have lower rates of Sexually Transmitted Diseases than the general public, but influenzas, rhinoviruses, and coronaviruses are much more problematic because they are airborne and the clients are so close. The point is that I cannot get you laid for the time being. Sorry.

10127803

Okay.

It is too bad that you cannot come hither. Maybe, I could go thither, but you do not state where you live. ¿Did you guess my seat? Hint, only 1 seat is purchesed yet, so it just might be the purchased seat in the FrontRowCenter. ¿Did you guess in which town I live?

I bought a new BioHazardSuit. ¿What is your opinion?:

vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/babylon5/images/3/3d/Koshlight.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20061003194213

10128376 Love the suit.

Anyways, the site you linked to didn't work for me. I can't guess your seat or the town.

If nobody else buys the ticket, you'll have the whole place to yourself.

10128534

I am sorry that it did not work. Here is a link to the previous screen:

Choose a Seat

If that does not work, you will not be able to guess where I live.

I am still the only 1 who bought a ticket. If this keeps up, the theater might close due to lack of business because cinephiles are afraid of getting sick.

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