• Member Since 6th Feb, 2021
  • offline last seen March 4th

Tenebrae Moonfallen


Crown-Prince of the ancient Bicorn Imperium

Comments ( 69 )

Wait?! So, HOW does pretending to be a Evil Villain Conqueror solves anything? You gonna save the world from the REAL Evil Threat, by forcing it to turn against you?! What kind of Edgy and Emo-Like is he thinking ( Tenebrae Moonfallen )??!! No Offense.

You have a strong idea, but you lack the fundamentals needed to bring it to fruition. Like sentence structure. I say this not to mock, but encourage. Refine your skills and understanding to where they match your vision and you'll be very good at this.

Didn't this story used to have more chapters?

10703236
You should read the story. I think Tenebrae has a good reason why he must act like a villain.

10703400

It's just rather silly and ridiculous to force the world to hate you. Despite, that your true intention is to SAVE it from the Real Threat!

Heck, maybe Twilight, her friends, and the Pony Princesses will be rather irritated at Bicorn for "pretending" to be a villain. Rather than give them more evidence of the real villain instead?!

“NO MATTER THE COST WE CAN’T TAKE A SINGLE STEP BACK IF WE FAIL HERE IT WILL BE THE END OF EVERYTHING ALL FORCES OPEN FIRE!!!!!!”

Tough guy. He's so determined to stop the enemy's forces from entering the heart of their country.

The description of the enemy's forces are grotesque. I'm already suspecting whatever the enemy of the Bicorns are must be very grotesque.

I like it you made this prologue. You showed the last interactions of Tenebrae's long dead comrades and how loyal they are to the royalty as well as the remains of a once great army.

“Thats very good news since there's no way we’re digging through.” I tossed the now blunted pickaxe to him where he caught it with his magic and inspected it. “Took a full swing at that blackstone tower and didn’t even leave a mark on it whatever creatures built this place were master architects. Honestly, I'm not confident dynamite will fare any better, but we may find an open entrance deeper in the ice that’s the hope anyways.” I gave him a brief report on our observations of the blackstone.

Minecraft bedrock confirmed XD.

“Oh, ho look at who's being all professional and stoic just because he got a blowjob from that slut of a nurse last night. Candy said as she gave a deep throating motion with her hoof.

(Faints)

I like the fact you have a guest character. Judging by her interactions, I say her personality is almost accurate as she's willing to help the wounded without any hesitation. I'm glad she got out of the chaos, I seriously doubt she would survive whatever killed Red Candy

Interactions are great, but there's a strange filling something is missing and I don't know why. I was about to point out you didn't use any literary devices until I saw a simile where Sandy Digs introduced herself to the expidition group.

I won't say more details about the chapters. For me, this is a great feesh start for your story.

I feel bad for Sandy Digs but atleast she gets to not suffer her loss after that.

I can see you you forgot to add quotation marks in some dialogues but I forgot where.

Nice chapter but I'm left to wonder why Tenebrae even bothered to spared Sandy instead of killing her

It looks like Luna will be introduced in the next chapter.

Can't wait for more

I'm only going by the cover art, but to me Tenebrae looks more like some kind of demonic bull then a Unicorn with two horns. Was that intentional?

11202167
The horn shape is yes as the Bicorn race have a horn style similar to bulls and caprine. Its meant to be more aggressive/brutal looking.

There is some mlp godzilla fan-made art you could probably use to give us an idea how big is without the armor and show how good looking he is for the mare

11202218
I already have several artworks for him without the armor and in the MLP movie style. I was actually trying to change my profile avatar to one such example so people could see the difference in art styles but its giving me some trouble for some reason.

“My lord Tenebrae all battle preparations are complete and according to the astrologist the fog and snow should be clearing soon.” Tenebrae turned to the source of the voice that had broken the quiet that vexed him but a moment ago.

commas missing between "complete, and according" and "astrologist, the fog"

revised version(for reference) - "All battle preparations are complete my lord, and according to the astrologists, the fog and snow should be clearing soon."

So many comma errors.

11292398
Thank you for pointing them out. I had meant to go back through the earlier chapters and re-edit a few errors that were present but I got sidetracked with other stuff. The majority of the comma errors should be fixed now in the the prologue.

Aw yeah! Nice story, man.

One step your journey is over another begins. I love how you let them burn the whole place down. I like how they're feeling up his muscles very good chapter

i want to see a pic of him out of armor, maybe the hot springs scene? it was highly amusing

God I just love his mentality, and I can see romance may blossom sooner than I personally thought. Love on the battlefield 👌.

11310430
I have two that shows him without his armor. His ref sheet and a early colored sketch that shows his size compared to a normal pony. I plan to have more done but I'm currently waiting in a que for the artist. cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/801983522842607628/998962316945133689/windy_and_tenebrae.png

11310808
Glad you're enjoying it so far! As for the romance I plan to build it up a little more in the next chapter before it starts getting serious between them.

11310347
Thank you! I still have a ways to go but I'm glad people are enjoying it.

I can smell love, ooh this is going to be an interesting romance between the sisters and our cool protagonist :twilightblush:

I feel bad for the workers, but Tenebrae did the smart choice of wiping every last one of them and the guards, if they escape they would probably end up telling the Arachnes about him whether they're forced or willingly worked for them. I am looking forward for the release of the next chapter.

11311168
I have to agree with the others, he looks amazing

11311243
Thank you a lot of time and planning went into his design and the species. Is there a way to make a gallery on here? I'd be happy to show off more of his artwork and that of the story art.

11311251
Could do a blog that you update and tag into the story description...:twilightsmile:

11311260
That's a great idea! I'll look into doing that soon. I'll have to be careful of posting spoilers since I have a few done that concern future events in the story.

11311168
are you going to make thestrals somehow related to bicorns or are the wings and tufted ears just coincidence

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That will be revealed in the next chapter along with the Bicorns origin and lore.

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Nice picture of the main hero he looks badass

good story can't what for the next chapter

Hooboy… That was deliciously karmic ”little” bloodbath there. Kinda reminded me about Sebas doing some rounds in a ’criminal operation’ in Overlord.

11369190
Haha glad you enjoyed it. It was partly inspired by that episode.

11367654
Thank you. It shouldn't be to much longer for the next chapter, it ended up being longer than I originally planned but its almost done now.

This is the first story on this site that I found that puts the Bicorns on center stage. You have my undivided attention.

10792989
He was expressing his gratitude.

The more I hear Tenebrae talk, the more I can't help but compare him to Khem Val. Also, the way his armor is designed reminds me of SkekMal the Hunter if he were part of KH.

Khorne approves of the bloodshed.

11397492
Happy to hear your enjoying it the next chapter is being a bit delayed do to some IRL stuff but it is close to being finished.

11398787
Blood for the blood god! Skulls for the skull throne!

really hope to see an update soon

Comment posted by SorryLamp deleted Dec 1st, 2022

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Everyone's entitled to their opinion of course but have you read it at all? Your comment seems like you only read the brief description and assumed Tenebrae is going to conquer and unite the kingdoms through genocide and destruction. Granted I am very aware that I'm still just a novice writer so maybe something got miscommunicated but just to clarify a few points. 1. The only "innocent" ponies that Tenebrae has killed thus far was the scientists and researchers at the lab when he was initially awakened after being frozen for over 35k years and the excavation team all others were slavers and criminals. 2. I haven't even gotten to the whole conquering part yet or the reason he does so but at no point has he stated he's going to just rampage and commit genocide in order to unite everyone nor have I revealed what his plan to do so is. 3. Your assuming way to much based on events that haven't even happened yet in the story. I appreciate criticism but only when its actually about the current state/chapter of the story, not based on assumptions on stuff that hasn't even happened yet.

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Hopefully I can finish the next chapter soon, I had to take a break due to a bunch of IRL stuff that piled up which I'm almost done with finally.

11437932
You are of course right. I wish to extend my apologies for my comment, it was honestly way out of line. I'm not going to make any excuses as to why I wrote what I wrote, but you were right in that I was making way too many assumptions based on frankly nothing. That was wrong of me. I have removed my comment. Again, I'm sorry for my behavior.

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