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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Comment section minigames for the Breaking in chapter of this story (anypony can play them in this comment section).
Does this story remind you of a song that you know? If yes, post it in the comments in the following format:
- Chapter of the story that this song is relevant to.
- A link or embedded Youtube video of it.
- Percentage of correlation (0% being an unrelated song, 100% being a song written exactly for this story).
- The reason why this song reminded you of this story or the excerpt of the lyrics.
Music to listen to while reading:
Epica - Fools Of Damnation — Correlation: 65% (Lyrics)
I am your destiny - Mark my words, don't you ever disagree
I am your agony - Walk my way, I will never set you free
Model Kaos - Emotionless — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
The way I feel for you - Is slowly killing me
The dialogue feels really repetitive. Twilight and Trixie are repeating themselves constantly. Makes the chapter kind of boring.
10099502 Well, this is a mind-breaking fic, and you can't really break somepony's mind with just one word. More dialogue is needed. In RL, such a process can take months.
Also, this story is a drama. Drama kind of implies dialogue. It should feel like if you're in a theater. Even if the play is titled Anal Rape, you already know in advance that there's going to be a lot of dialogue, maybe even more talking than anal raping.
Interesting chapter, cant wait til it gets to the more hardcore stuff. So far its been all talk, really.
10099509 Consider it a foreplay. The main events are cumming and the anticipation of them is half the excitement.
The story has a tease fetish. However, it isn't used just on the character but on the reader as well.
10099516
Sounds good, good luck!
Twilight seems off her rocker; another reason not to mess with dark magical artifacts.
10099508
That's not what I mean. It's not that there's dialogue, but it's the same dialogue. The two are repeating their same thoughts and ideas multiple times. As a reader, that's kind of annoying. I get it: Trixie is scared and wants to leave and Twilight wants justice and is crazy. And while it could be seen as terrifying, it's not. It's boring, as we already know. We don't need it repeated.
10099656 It's ironic, I thought that if I condense months of mind-breaking into a single day, everypony would call me out on it and tell me that I rushed it.
Here's how I wanted it to go: I wanted both of them to stick to their own opinions. This isn't a debate where Trixie gets convinced. Trixie's view is unyielding (and yes, that may have come across as repetition). You can't break something if there's nothing to break.
Also, I didn't want to skip all the steps Trixie needs to go through:
Denial
Anger
Depression
Bargaining
Acceptance
What you call repetition is supposed to be Trixie's denial phase.
I'm not arguing against what you're saying. I'm just saying that I did it this way for reasons. Sometimes, in order to achieve one thing, you have to sacrifice another.
10099509
Agreed. This story has been good so far but didn't get around to finishing this chapter because it is the same dialouge over and over again. Trixie saying Fuck that and Fuck this. However, I have high hopes for this story.
10099707
I see, good to know.
FUCK YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH😎