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I like writing about the worst day of a character's life; it lets us see the mettle inside. (Pronouns: RB/20 )


Dr. Minuette will treat any patient. Even Cozy Glow. Even if dentists don't usually do Tartarus calls...

Set sometime between Seasons 8 and 9. Inspired by the old fan name for Minuette, "Colgate the Dentist."

Cover art: https://derpibooru.org/891971

"Yowza," as Minuette would say. Hit #1 in the feature box! Featured 26-30 November, 2019. Thanks, everypony!

Hey! My first Equestria Daily feature, 23 March 2020!

A Night In Tartarus takes a comedy fic premise—Colgate giving Cozy an oral checkup—and decides to play it dead serious.


Chapters (1)
Comments ( 87 )

Ah, the joys of medical ethics. Defense attorneys face the same questions.

Ha! I thought of the 6th amendment while I wrote, yes.

I can't help but think that the CMC and Neighsay wouldn't have survived this Cozy Glow.


Maybe she wasn't this bad initially, but Tartarus broke her? I mean sure, she had quite the high kill count before, but maybe until now she wasn't that brutal or cruel.


Yes, I think Tartarus has given her too much time to sit and fantasize.


I actually censored down her original monologue to avoid red tags.

Though Cozy Glow is a little shit, I'd help her...also slaughter the guards who mistreated her.

Well... I found this a quite interestingly dark piece as I went through, with everything about Tartarus and it's inhabitants rendered quite horrifically. I certainly didn't expect to be quoted as inspiration! But it's good to see that my own work can at least inspire better authors.

"If you leave the marked path," the Sergeant said, "Your family doesn't get the death benefits."

Stingy - but an effective warning, I suppose. Wouldn't be surprised if it was a bluff...

Tirek makes for an excellent commentator. I do wonder what they're feeding him, though... As for Cozy, this is one of the nastiest takes on her... if you trust every word that comes out of her mouth, which is not generally a sign of wisdom.


I read your story and decided it was good! I'm a mare of my words, after all.

Always the question, isn't it? Cozy is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a tortilla...

Yes - if there was any pony who would whisper lies in her sleep, even when dying of fever...

Well done, although I think this a lot of work to put into rationalizing some plain dumb writing choices on the part of the showrunners. :twilightsmile:

Isn't that what fanfic is for?



If it's bad enough, :raritydespair: I go straight for the alternate histories. :pinkiecrazy:

The joys of doing no harm...

Tirek and her aren't that much different in the end, in my opinion. It's just that Cozy Glow kinda has Tirek's mentality filtered through an immature, pathologically dishonest cutesy act, which would be even more obvious if she'd ever reached adulthood. Not that it'd help them actually like one another, lol.

In my eyes, they do have notably more in common with each other than with Chrysalis... not to say that she can't or shouldn't viewed under a very, very dark light if you're even remotely going by canon (wings get plucked, frozen wasteland, all eternity to take revenge, fun with guests...).

But uh, yeah, that part with "mommy" did catch me off-guard, but that's probably to be expected, with her...

(And really, I'd feel bad for Minuette here, on account of her possibly feeling guilt over what would happen later. It isn't her fault really, and she did show up to help save Twilight and her friends, going by canon, even if you were of the mindset of "it's her fault," for some reason, which is a mindset I wouldn't endorse)

I wonder if Minuette is going to complain about Cozy treatment in Tartarus, even after everything she did, is she going to continue for a ethical treatment in Tartarus?

The ethical treatment of prisoners is very important, but then, the ethical treatment of prisoners kinda went out the window the moment they started putting prisoners in a soul-trapping pit full of monsters.

They really should set the kid up with a therapist or something. I wouldn't hold out much hope for success there -- and you'd need a very good therapist to make sure Little Miss Chessmaster wasn't playing them for a fool -- but it's kinda inhumane not to try. Why keep her alive if you're just going to torture her forever in an environment more or less guaranteed to make her, if anything, get even worse?

Im too... inhuman? If thats the right word... to say, cut the little bitches neck... But at the same time... if what i understand in Tartars at least in mythology, you wont die or age, you will suffer slowly and driven mad for eternity.
I wonder... if a child is a murderer, what is worse? Killing them when they are young or letting them grow old without a life?

The Joker exists in Equestria in the body of a Pegasus filly... Who knew?

"Doctor?" Kaydee said. "I'll lay in some buckets of clean water now, and then they'll lock us both in. The cages are also to protect the prisoners from the night."

I wonder what happened during all those breaks in standard day-night cycle

"That's a caduceus,"

The caduceus is actually a symbol of commerce. Medical practice is the Asclepian (one snake, no wings). :twilightblush:

Story was great -- loved the mood.

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed!

I knew that, but "Asclepian" doesn't sound as much like a pony name....

Hm. I kind of have issues with reconciling this mass-murdering psychopath with the character from the kids show that dealt with guards by porting them two feet above the castle's moat (i.e. in a non-lethal manner). The part with the 74 dead kids, sure, that might easily have happened, because that wasn't intentional, but if she was this murderous (as in, killing her own mother level of psycho) all along, why did anyone in the school of friendship survive the S8 finale?

That aside, interesting story. I kinda want to see a sequel depicting Minuette's thoughts after season 9. (Also, remember when her cutie mark was seen as an indication that she was another Time Lord? I've been in this fandom for way too long.)

Edit: Oh, also? Crazy Glue? Someone has been watching Ponies in a Nutshell, hm? :pinkiehappy:

Well, your story is on the Featured list, so congrats.:pinkiesmile:

Also, it was a nice story to read.:twilightsmile:

An interesting look at medical ethics... and, while I haven't read that many fics involving CG, this does an excellent job at giving some extra dimension to the filly who is basically "Soos, would it be wrong to punch a child?" in pony form.

I can absolutely believe her being a child sociopath like that.

"Even a villain deserves a chance to have a happy ending."


Let me take a second to thank you for a detailed and thoughtful comment!

all i have to say is that this is a good story, its definitely going on my favorites

And for the first time in her life, Minuette wondered if she'd done the right thing by saving a life.

Reminds me of chapter three of Alfyn's story in Octopath Traveler. Serious questions about whether every life is worth saving. You handled it well, and I appreciate it.

THAT was awesome! Loved it! Also, someone should make a vector of Kaydee.

I'd love to see her visualized!

Ha! Thanks.

As for Kaydee, I was trying to come up with a rare pony phenotype and that's what I came up with. Haven't seen that often (at all?).

Yeah, I figured. All the more reason to get a picture of her! xD

Out of curiosity, are you a doctor/dentist yourself? Or are you in med school for that? It sounded like you had solid technical knowledge in this fic...

No, I'm a PhD physicist, not a medical doctor or dentist, but I did a little research for this fic and made up the rest. Thanks for asking!

Well note that all that part is in her own words - not the most reliable source.

I legit thought this was written by a medical student because of the terms I had to google that were actually being used correctly, but apparently you're just really good at research. :pinkiecrazy:

It’s clear Cozy needs to learn empathy in an asylum of some kind.

"That's a caduceus," Minuette said

"Yeah, that's my name, too, Caduceus. I go by Kaydee for short."

Never trust a quack that works under that dumb "caduceus". If they don't know that it should be a rod of Asclepius they probably don't know what they are cutting out too...

Sleeping in a med school...

This was a interesting read, and I enjoyed reading this alternate take on canon, as depressing as it was.

Minuette and Kaydee's compassion in the face of such cruelty definitely made for a interesting discussion, and the explanation of the infant casualties wasn't implausible enough that it pulled me out of the story.

The only part that feels really weird is her monologue, you implied that she tries to sweet talk Tirek, like in the show, yet she doesn't take advantage of the opportunity to plead her harmlessness to Minuette?

It doesn't feel in character, even for the Cozy Glow you seem to be setting up in the story, so maybe a few lines explaining about how she's not in her usual deceptive frame of mind after her ordeal, or perhaps simply removing that bit about Tirek and Cozy's past communications altogether, would allow your story to flow more believably.

Either way good work telling a dark depressing tale, and a few good mares willing to do the right thing. I enjoyed reading it immensely.

Rusty Bucket definitely wouldn't have.

Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time.

No problem, it was a fun read.

This was an interesting read... I was expecting something uplifting about redemption and that there's good in all of us, and then we got that ending. Damn. A good read, I should say!
Minuette and Kaydee were great here, and Kaydee was a wonderful OC that fit seamlessly into this darker world of yours that was fascinating to read (and I had to google caduceus, so I learned something new today). By the end (actually, even sooner) I was thinking the same as the other guards and it might be best for the world to let her die, and then I got to the part of Cozy dreaming of all the ways she'd destroy Equestria.
This was a damn good fic, thank you for writing it!

Thanks! I appreciate the words.

I waited out an abscess once. What made it an almost fascinating pain was that it bloomed in such a manner that made it difficult to identify which tooth it was actually in.

That sounds awful!

It was. Plus side is it nailed home the value of regular dentist visits in a way that didn’t cause any real damage.

I can't see Cozy the same way anymore. "Crazy Glue"... It fit her.

I didn't invent "Crazy Glue" but I love it!

Great story!
I hope Colgate does report them, or at least talks to Twilight. They're guards. Not judge & jury.
Adding to whatever punishment thats been handed down is straight up abuse.

Even the worst prisoners still have certain rights. If people (or ponies) ignore that, how are we (they) any better or different?

Whoever recruits the guards needs to come up with a way to check their moral compass

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