This story is a sequel to A Rock Facing West
Sunset Shimmer would never break up with Marble Pie. Sure, the relationship could be going better—a lot better—but ending it would break Marble's heart. Only a really terrible person would do that, and Sunset is done being the bad guy.
Unfortunately, it looks like someone else has decided to be the bad guy for her.
This is an (ineligible) entry into my own contest.
Special thanks to Sam Rose for the amazing cover art, and to R5h for editing.
Chapters (1)
Not the sequel I was hoping for but I think it's the sequel that the story needed. I didn't think about the possibility that Sunsets desire for adventure could have clashed so badly with Marble Pies crippling shyness. I like it.
The troubled mind and the powers of magic make for a dangerous combination. I've seen plenty of my friends in bad relationships that could have used their own Antipodes to give them a push in the right direction.
In the end, Antipode was right. The relationship was unhealthy for Sunset. It was going to hurt her, but she needed to end it. Doesn't make it any easier, or less sad, but there it is.
Thank you for this Oroboro
Huh, I thought it was inspired by Black Rock Shooter. I guess I was wrong.
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I have watched Black Rock Shooter.
I barely remember any of it, but the vague ideas might be bouncing around in my subconscious somewhere.
There are several other things this could be inspired by, really. Writing be like that sometimes.
The heart breaks for both Marble and Sunset, but it was not a healthy relationship. It took some guts and maturity to move on amicably like they did.
I feel like... I feel like Marble has to be the one to break up with sunset?
This isn't a criticism. I don't know what it is. But for 75% of this story, I was sure that's where it was going. It feels like everything was building up to that, and the irony was that, as avoidant as Marble is, Sunset's the one who can't face the truth. I think we get that with Marble's final therapy note, but Sunset kinda doesn't need therapy; she ends up being super functional when confronted with Antipode, who should be like the thing she's most scared of in the world and who she's seen wreck three of her friends AND her girlfriend. And since Marble clearly knows the relationship is terrible, and she knows what it feels like to hide from something you should confront, I totally assumed she was going to bite the bullet, demonstrate her new strength, and also make Sunset realize a big part of her is relishing having a helpless girlfriend who needs to be protected.
It's not bad that the story went in a different direction than I was expecting, but I was really surprised Sunset was the one who ended up doing it after all. I think the only bad thing about it is... well, it means that, compared to Sunset, Marble really does just kind of suck. I think the best thing about the story is the sorta queasy moments where Marble's doing more-or-less mundane things that Sunset finds furiously irritating, but she won't express it (putting the vampire movie thing in Antipode's mouth was a great payoff there). Which is relatable and familiar and funny and sad all at the same time. And, while Sunset has to learn to speak up, overall it kinda seems like... it's not two people who had bad reasons for getting together (Sunset's hero complex is just as bad as Marble's come-save-me complex, right?), have nothing in common, and don't have the mechanisms to help one another... it's one totally functional, mature, good person who needs to break up with an immature, needy mess. And sure, Marble has specific mental health issues, but Sunset's issues with her seem more that she's boring and less her anxiety specifically.
Dunno. This is probably a deceptively difficult kind of story to write. I was just struck that it seemed to me like the climax was a twist, but I don't think in retrospect it actually was.
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It's a good note to make, and I was wondering if I'd get a comment like this. Honestly, I needed more time on this. I wrote the story once, it didn't come together well, so I rewrote it entirely and finished on the day of the deadline. Didn't have time for much more than a light editing pass.
I suspect I wouldn't have changed up how it ended, even if I had weeks, but I would have definitely polished up some of the emotions and feelings present, maybe added a small clarifying scene or two here and there,
I love this sort of self-awareness.
All too believable way for this particular relationship to end. Excellently crafted, with some great tension at work. I do agree that Marble breaking things off would've been better, but that's deadlines for you.
Thank you for this, and best of luck in the...
Er, best of luck with the judging.
You managed to convey a damn good message with this one. Not sure about the mystery angle, but the evolution of their relationship was rock solid (haha).
Antipode reminds me of someone else:
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/characterrealms/images/c/ca/Celeste_character_Badeline.png/revision/latest?cb=20180514160750
Yeah, this probably could have used some more work, mostly in relation to Antipode. Why did she need to get Sunset onto the beach, again? Also, once the reveal happens, it kinda undercuts all the earlier scenes with Antipode; it turns out all that stuff isn't really relevant, it's there mostly to be ominous and spooky and throw some red herrings at the reader.
Anyway, now I ship Pie x Antipode and you can't stop me
I liked how everything in the story was put together, and that while bad things happened, people ended up dealing with it all well.
Good story :)
Hot damn, son.
Ugh, yes, more of this please.