• Member Since 23rd Dec, 2013
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Oroboro


Just a gal writing about gals bein pals

T
Source

This story is a sequel to A Rock Facing West


Sunset Shimmer would never break up with Marble Pie. Sure, the relationship could be going better—a lot better—but ending it would break Marble's heart. Only a really terrible person would do that, and Sunset is done being the bad guy.

Unfortunately, it looks like someone else has decided to be the bad guy for her.


This is an (ineligible) entry into my own contest.

Special thanks to Sam Rose for the amazing cover art, and to R5h for editing.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 14 )

Not the sequel I was hoping for but I think it's the sequel that the story needed. I didn't think about the possibility that Sunsets desire for adventure could have clashed so badly with Marble Pies crippling shyness. I like it.

The troubled mind and the powers of magic make for a dangerous combination. I've seen plenty of my friends in bad relationships that could have used their own Antipodes to give them a push in the right direction.

In the end, Antipode was right. The relationship was unhealthy for Sunset. It was going to hurt her, but she needed to end it. Doesn't make it any easier, or less sad, but there it is.

Thank you for this Oroboro

Huh, I thought it was inspired by Black Rock Shooter. I guess I was wrong.

9835581
I have watched Black Rock Shooter.

I barely remember any of it, but the vague ideas might be bouncing around in my subconscious somewhere.

There are several other things this could be inspired by, really. Writing be like that sometimes.

The heart breaks for both Marble and Sunset, but it was not a healthy relationship. It took some guts and maturity to move on amicably like they did.

I feel like... I feel like Marble has to be the one to break up with sunset?

This isn't a criticism. I don't know what it is. But for 75% of this story, I was sure that's where it was going. It feels like everything was building up to that, and the irony was that, as avoidant as Marble is, Sunset's the one who can't face the truth. I think we get that with Marble's final therapy note, but Sunset kinda doesn't need therapy; she ends up being super functional when confronted with Antipode, who should be like the thing she's most scared of in the world and who she's seen wreck three of her friends AND her girlfriend. And since Marble clearly knows the relationship is terrible, and she knows what it feels like to hide from something you should confront, I totally assumed she was going to bite the bullet, demonstrate her new strength, and also make Sunset realize a big part of her is relishing having a helpless girlfriend who needs to be protected.

It's not bad that the story went in a different direction than I was expecting, but I was really surprised Sunset was the one who ended up doing it after all. I think the only bad thing about it is... well, it means that, compared to Sunset, Marble really does just kind of suck. I think the best thing about the story is the sorta queasy moments where Marble's doing more-or-less mundane things that Sunset finds furiously irritating, but she won't express it (putting the vampire movie thing in Antipode's mouth was a great payoff there). Which is relatable and familiar and funny and sad all at the same time. And, while Sunset has to learn to speak up, overall it kinda seems like... it's not two people who had bad reasons for getting together (Sunset's hero complex is just as bad as Marble's come-save-me complex, right?), have nothing in common, and don't have the mechanisms to help one another... it's one totally functional, mature, good person who needs to break up with an immature, needy mess. And sure, Marble has specific mental health issues, but Sunset's issues with her seem more that she's boring and less her anxiety specifically.

Dunno. This is probably a deceptively difficult kind of story to write. I was just struck that it seemed to me like the climax was a twist, but I don't think in retrospect it actually was.

9837067
It's a good note to make, and I was wondering if I'd get a comment like this. Honestly, I needed more time on this. I wrote the story once, it didn't come together well, so I rewrote it entirely and finished on the day of the deadline. Didn't have time for much more than a light editing pass.

I suspect I wouldn't have changed up how it ended, even if I had weeks, but I would have definitely polished up some of the emotions and feelings present, maybe added a small clarifying scene or two here and there,

Antipode glanced up and smiled. For the first time, it reached her eyes. “I’m sorry that you live such a ridiculous life that something like me is even possible.”

I love this sort of self-awareness.

All too believable way for this particular relationship to end. Excellently crafted, with some great tension at work. I do agree that Marble breaking things off would've been better, but that's deadlines for you.

Thank you for this, and best of luck in the...

Er, best of luck with the judging. :derpytongue2:

You managed to convey a damn good message with this one. Not sure about the mystery angle, but the evolution of their relationship was rock solid (haha).

Yeah, this probably could have used some more work, mostly in relation to Antipode. Why did she need to get Sunset onto the beach, again? Also, once the reveal happens, it kinda undercuts all the earlier scenes with Antipode; it turns out all that stuff isn't really relevant, it's there mostly to be ominous and spooky and throw some red herrings at the reader.

Anyway, now I ship Pie x Antipode and you can't stop me :rainbowwild:

I liked how everything in the story was put together, and that while bad things happened, people ended up dealing with it all well.

Good story :)

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Hot damn, son.

And Sunset, of course, was the ever considerate gentlemare.

Ugh, yes, more of this please.

“Eh.” Sunset shrugged. “I’ve got more clothes back at home. Just take it with you, and try not to lose it.”

Strange decision if you ask me. :unsuresweetie:

Sunset sighed, and ran her hand through her here. She did what she was told, closing her eyes. Picturing herself and Marble, sitting together under a moonlit waterfall, doing something so sappy and romantic.

through her hair.*

“Not literally!” Sunset sighed. “I can’t even imagine it. It would totally crush Marble! She’s been making a ton of progress, pulling herself out of her shell little by little. If I kicked her in the face now, she might never come out! In case you haven’t forgotten, I’m one of the good guys, now. That’s the kind of thing the old Sunset Shimmer would have done. Hell, I practically did, with Flash. Not a chance in hell.”

Changed it not, you're going to have to make a decision on this sooner than later. :pinkiesad2:

The signal was interrupted by another burst of static, and then a the swishing of a lot of leaves.

then a swishing*

“Night.

"Night."*

“Nobody really likes you, Rarity. Nobody understands you, or cares about what you do. You try so hard to give, to be generous. To cloak your friends in the same facade that you cloak yourself with. But they don’t care, not really. They tolerate you and your silly little dress up games, but it doesn’t make them happy. All of your effort is completely wasted.”

I have so many questions on how she knows this!!! :applejackconfused:

Pinkie Pie picked up on the first ring. “Hello Sunset!” she sang. “It’s a beautiful morning out here, and I hope you and Marble are have a beautiful morning too! I’m just making up some of my mom’s secret recipe for pancakes! What’s up?”

are having*

That put a smile on Sunset’s face. Pinkie was okay, and making pancakes. She could practically smell them herself. “Hey, Pinkie. Sounds delicious, which I could have some. Is Rarity there? She’s not answering her phone.”

wish I could have some.*

“Not that kind of dream, I promise.” Sunset laughed, then stretched. She could feel the tension draining out of her body. I’ll let you get back to it then.”

body. "I'll let*

Here on vacation, though, it was somehow even better. Away from the beach, the road ran alongside the ocean for miles, and here now at sunset, it was absolutely perfect

perfect.*

“Damnit, Pinkie, be careful.” Sunset ran her hands through her hair. Was this really a trip Pinkie should be making on her own? She should’ve brought Applejack or Twilight with her.

Most definitely. :fluttershysad:

Sunset’s blood ran cold. It was the girl she’d seen in her dreams. “PInkie, get out of there!”

Pinkie*

Well, she couldn’t exactly turn down this newfound spark of bravery. Sunset nodded. “Alright. You’ve got five minutes to get dressed, then we’re out the door.

door."*

Marble couldn’t handle the bike.

Of course. Why am I not surprised. :facehoof:

Pinkie coughed. “Um… I think there were some signal problems when I was exploring the cave, which sucks because they were super cool! But like, there wasn’t another girl involved. I went in there for you and Marble, not for myself!”

Something isn't right here. :unsuresweetie:

Shining with multifaceted radiance, her gem broke free of the necklace, floating into the air. The light began to take shape, into the form of a girl.

Uh oh! :twilightoops:

Marble whimpered, and tried to make herself even smaller. This was all too much. It had taken all of her mental effort and concentration just to make it here on that bike, She was already utterly exhausted, and wanted to hide in her room alone for a couple days. What had her therapist called it again? Being out of spoons? If that was the case, someone had emptied out her silverware drawer and melted it all for scrap.

bike. She was*

Antipode rested her hands behind her head. “As for what I actually am.” She glanced towards Sunset’s unconscious body, and nodded. “I’m her. Or, the part of her that she keeps locked away. I’m ‘the bad guy.’ And I’m here to do what she can’t.”

Called it! :ajsmug:

Deep breaths. Marble sniffed again, but didn’t break eye contact. “Being with Sunset makes me really happy. If she doesn’t feel the same way, than that’s her problem.”

Glad to know she understands it. Somewhat. :ajsleepy:

Marble held up her hand, and took a step back. “N-no, you don’t have to explain yourself or anything. I understand.” She broke into a sob, then pulled her knees up under herself, tears running down her cheeks.

It was tough, but she did the right thing, even if it hurts. :fluttercry:

Pinkie’s eyes went wide, and every hint of malice vanished from her expression. “Oh my gosh! Of course we are! I’ve just gotta play the overprotective sister for a bit longer, okay? I know it sucks, but you can handle it, right? I mean, it’s either me, or Limestone takes a trip out here, and she definitely won’t be pretending.”

Uh huh... :ajbemused:

I’m going to stay in Canterlot, and keep trying to be a better person. Not for you, but because even as scary as it sounds without you to support me, I want to do it anyway.

Thx Marble. :twilightsmile:

This story was a lot different than I thought after reading the first half. I still enjoyed it, I'd call it good but not perfect. This doesn't mean I dislike the story, as I have a few nick picks on it. That aside, this was a good sequel story on a Sunset and marble pie ship. Well done. :pinkiesmile:

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