• Published 8th Aug 2019
  • 19,451 Views, 116 Comments

A Better Way To Be Dad - Jade Ring



Tirek asks Cozy Glow a simple question not knowing that it might change the very nature of their relationship.

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"Where are your parents?"

“Where are your parents?” Tirek asked again when Cozy Glow didn’t answer the first time.

Cozy Glow looked at him from across the table around which the three villains had been enjoying a thankfully Grogar-free supper. “Why do you ask?”

“I’m simply curious.” The centaur grunted as he returned to his stew. “You haven’t mentioned them once since you were imprisoned in Tartarus.” He tapped his spoon against his bearded chin, eyes cast up at the ceiling. “Come to think of it, you never mentioned them in any of your letters from before, either.”

“Well, since he’s going to keep pressing the issue, then I guess I’m curious as well.” Chrysalis pushed away her untouched bowl and lifted an eyebrow at the youngest member of the trio. “Where are your parents?”

Cozy slowly stirred her stew for a moment. “…why do you care?”

Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “I don’t care, but I can taste your bitterness all the way over here and that, plus our big red friend’s curiosity, has peaked my interest.” The changeling queen smirked. “Have some Mommy and Daddy issues, do we?”

The little pegasus chewed her bottom lip for a moment, watching the vegetables swim around in the broth.

Tirek coughed awkwardly. “If you really don’t want to answer, then I…”

“My parents. Mom and Dad.” Cozy Glow took a deep breath, as though preparing herself. “My parents are a pair of business ponies in Manehatten. My mom’s a high ranking accountant in one of the medium-sized firms. My dad’s a stock-broker. They work somewhere around nineteen to twenty hours a day, six days a week. That seventh day is the one they usually spend going to social gatherings where they can suck up to their superiors. I can pass entire days without seeing either of them. If it weren’t for the old mare that comes to cook and clean every two days, I probably would’ve starved to death by now.”

“Sorry I asked…” Tirek muttered, trying to return to his dinner.

Cozy slammed her hoof into the table, rattling the bowls and cutlery and making the two much older rogues jump. “Well, you did, so now you’re getting the whole story.” She looked up from her stew, pure hate in her eyes. “Did you know that I didn’t even want to attend Twilight’s stupid little school? They heard about it and sent in my information without even telling me. I didn’t even know I was leaving until my bags were already packed. I begged them not to send me away, but they didn’t listen. They didn’t even look at me when they told me how good an experience I would have. They didn’t even hug me before I got on the train!” With a furious cry, she picked up her bowl and hurled it at the wall where it shattered, spreading broth and vegetables all over the surface. She sat for a moment, breathing hard, before looking back at her evil compatriots. Tears filled her eyes. “They… they never even sent me a note in T-t-Tartarus…” She flapped her wings and was gone, the echo of her sobs marking her path to her chambers.

Tirek and Chrysalis sat in silence.

Chrysalis snorted and cut her eyes at Tirek. “And that’s why I never ask personal questions. It’s so much simpler to eat emotions than to actually have to listen to them.”

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

An hour or so later, Cozy Glow heard a knock on her door. “Go away.” She muttered, snuggling deeper into her pillow.

The door opened and Tirek stepped through. “The day a child orders me around is the day I have a tea party with Discord’s little yellow pony friend.” He crossed the room and sat beside her bed. “I’m…” He grit his teeth and exhaled hard. “I’m…” His jaw clenched as he tried to force out the unfamiliar phrase. “I’m… sorry. That I brought up your parents, I mean.”

Cozy looked over at him and blinked. “Uh…”

“What?”

“I’ve never heard you apologize before.”

“I know. Did you know words can taste strange?” The centaur stuck out his tongue and scraped it jokingly. “You shouldn’t get used to hearing that, by the way.”

Cozy Glow laughed and sat up. “I’m sorry I freaked out. It all just kind of hit me at once, y’know? I hadn’t really thought about them for a while because I’ve been having so much fun with you and Chryssy.”

“Call me that again, and I’ll eat you alive.” Chrysalis called as she passed the door on the way to her own chambers.

Cozy and Tirek shared a small laugh before settling back into silence. Tirek considered leaving, but decided that now was as good a time as any to ask the question that had been bothering him for quite some time. “I need to ask you something, if that’s alright?”

“Yes?”

“Why did you keep writing me? I mean, obviously you wanted to know about my theories on magic theft and the like, but even after I’d told you everything in the first two letters you still kept writing me. Why?”

Cozy Glow smiled. “It’s silly.”

Tirek raised an eyebrow as he sized up the preteen pegasus that had nearly conquered Equestria. “Everything about you is silly.”

“True.” The filly shrugged and looked up at him. “Because… well, you were older.”

“Older.”

“And a male.”

“Continue.”

Cozy Glow shrugged again and looked away. “Getting advice from you felt like… I dunno… guidance, I guess. Fatherly advice. Like you were my Da…” She cut herself off before the word passed her lips, but even then she knew she’d said too much.

“Fatherly advice.” Tirek murmured.

“It’s dumb, I know.” She looked up at the centaur with the sweetest smile she could muster. Not the mask she often used to get what she wanted, but an actual, honest to goodness smile. “You actually seemed to care about what I was planning. You urged to continue when I had my first few mishaps with the spells I needed. Your encouragement never stopped, and anytime I felt like giving up or, y’know, actually making some friends, it was your voice I heard in my head, keeping me on the right course.” She hugged her pillow close. “I know you find me irritating, but hanging out with you and Chryssy…”

A single blazing green eye appeared from the darkness beyond the door.

“…hanging out with you and Chrysalis…”

The eye slowly backed away.

“…hanging out with you two is the closest I’ve ever felt to actually having parents. You especially have made me into the baddie I am today. And I couldn’t be happier.” She giggled as she shook her head. “How messed up is that?”

Incredibly messed up.” He smirked. “They’ll be writing psychology books about you.”

Cozy Glow nodded. “I can see it now; Cozy Glow Syndrome, wherein you find paternal figures in ancient evil creatures.”

Tirek chuckled, and then looked away. “Did I ever tell you about my brother?”

“Scorpan?” She waved off his shocked look. “They teach us about you two in school. That’s how I knew to write you.”

“My evil deeds are the subject of children’s education. Lovely.” Tirek sighed. “Scorpan and I were not brothers by blood, but by choice. We were both alone in the world, and it was only by trusting one another that we were able to survive. His betrayal burned at me for centuries, and not just because he ruined our plans for conquest. It was because he was the only family I’d ever known. He was the only one I’d ever had. I had no parents, no mate…” He slowly placed one huge hand on Cozy Glow’s small head. “No children.”

Cozy Glow smiled at the touch and unconsciously rubbed her mane against his palm.

“You’re an irksome, loathsome little maniac, Cozy Glow.” Tirek smiled as he ruffled her mane. “But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like that.” He took her chin in his hand and turned her face up to his. “If you really want to see me as some sort of father figure, then who am I to argue?”

“So… I’d be your… daughter?”

Tirek’s lip curled. “Let’s stick with daughter figure.”

“I’ll take it!” Cozy Glow’s grin threatened to cut her head in half. “That’s wonderful! Thank you thank you thank you!” Her little wings buzzed as she launched herself for a hug, but Tirek’s hand caught her easily and held her at arm’s length. “Too much?”

“Hugging’s a bit much, yes.” He carefully sat her back on the bed. “And you can’t start calling me Dad or anything like that.”

“Not even Big Daddy Rek?”

“I will drain what little magic you have and feed your husk to the changeling if those syllables ever leave your mouth again.”

Cozy Glow laughed at the threat before reaching for something on the boulder she was using for a nightstand. “Could I ask for something else?”

Tirek snorted. “Haven’t you already pushed your luck enough?”

“It’s just… there’s something nopony’s ever done for me. Something I think fathers…

“Father figures.

“…are supposed to do for their daughters.” She handed the object she’d grabbed to him. “Daughter figures, I mean.”

“And what’s that?” Tirek examined the item’s cover.

“Could you… could you tuck me in and read me a bedtime story?”

Tirek examined the book closely and considered. Finally, he cut his eyes at the filly. “Not a word of this to the changeling.”

“Yay!” Cozy Glow dove under the covers, adjusted her pillow, snuggled up to the severely damaged Twilight Sparkle plush, and looked up expectantly.

“And what pretty pony fairy story am I reading tonight?” Tirek asked as he cracked open the book.

“I like the one about the three little ponies who get lost in the woods and get terrorized by the Headless Horse.”

Tirek smiled. “You know, I think I’m going to enjoy this as well.”

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

As Tirek began to read, Chrysalis continued to listen from just outside the door. This was a tale she was quite familiar with. She’d read it to many of her prey over the years.

As the centaur read to the filly, the changeling thought about what the two had talked about. She’d felt the genuine affection from the pair, the taste so much stronger than friendship. She smiled sadly as she savored the taste on the back of her tongue before it disappeared. She hadn’t tasted paternal love in so long, not since…

She stiffened as she thought back to her hive. Her own children and they’d betrayed her. And not just her, but everything their race stood for. They were traitors and cowards and…

…and her own children.

She slumped against the wall as sadness filled her ashen heart. She was all alone now. All the wooden effigies and evil magic spells couldn’t change that. She’d never feel that sort of love ever again.

Except, while Cozy Glow hadn’t actually said anything, hadn’t she felt the same sort of love for herself that the little one had for Tirek? Not as strong, of course, but it was still there. A seed, waiting to bloom.

If Cozy Glow saw Tirek as her father figure, was she also beginning to see the Queen of the Changelings as… as a mother figure?

Chrysalis’ racing thoughts drowned out Tirek’s voice from the other side of the door. She recalled how wonderful it had felt when they’d succeeded in stealing Grogar’s bell. Friendship was a disease, but perhaps the three of them could share something… stronger. Cozy Glow was irritating, but she was totally devoted to the forces of evil with a hatred for ponies that rivalled her own. She could be guided, shaped, and molded into something truly terrible and beautiful to behold. Who better than a mother to do that?

And what about Lord Tirek? He was a force to be reckoned with, one of the few besides herself to have victories over the princesses. He was immensely powerful, and his ability to steal both the magic and essence from a pony was a perfect complement to her own appetites. And not to mention his…

The door swung open, and Tirek stepped into the hallway. He looked down at her, his beard brushing against his broad chest. His powerful arms flexed as he closed the door behind him. “You’re still here?” He asked in his raspy, but still powerful, voice.

Chrysalis felt her dead heart give a single beat.

She panicked.

“I DO AS I PLEASE!” She shrieked, only barely registering the cracking of her voice. “I AM CHRYSALIS, QUEEN OF THE CHANGELINGS!” She stared at him, tensed. “GOOD-NIGHT.” And she was gone, down the hall to her chamber in a flash.

Tirek blinked before shrugging his shoulders. He’d had quite enough strangeness for one day. Just before heading for his chambers for his tenth work-out of the day, he turned once again to Cozy Glow’s door. Smiling, he placed a hand on the wood.

“Goodnight, my little monster.” He whispered. “Your nightmares have no idea what they’re in for.”

Author's Note:

For Ezra, my own little monster.

Comments ( 115 )

I don't know why I like the idea of this little family unit of sociopaths, but I do. Good work.

Fun take on things.

Also, hilarious title.

Oh this is the first story of this kind I've ever read, and I can't wait to read some others on the idea of this family.

Carefully, Chryssy, or you’ll Reform without even meaning to~!

This was sweet, in an Addams Family kind of way. Which is still pretty sweet given that Gomez and Morticia were once voted the best, most loving couple on television. Like, by miles they won the vote and beat out the competition.

Don't know weather to find this adorable, disturbing, sad or funny so I'll go with all three. Fun little story.

The italics came a bit too often at times for me, but I enjoyed a fair bit of this :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Emperor Grogar deleted Aug 9th, 2019

I’m actually glad I’m not the only one who writes about bizarre family dynamics, although this one is at least mostly normal.

God, I'm now wanting to see more of this trio and their family shenanigans xD

This was so sweet

I LOVE this! The family dynamic of these three is truly amazing and I really would love to see more.

Mayor Mare smiled as the scent of the morning coffee filled the air of her office, soon the sweet sweet nectar of life would roll down her throat and all would be right in the world. Soon the coffee pot finished it's job and she took a seat at her desk with a full cup of coffee and an even larger smile on her face "Now let's see whats first on the daily agenda" she began as she began to go though her paper work. "marriage license request for Sweetie Belle and Button Mash, honestly those two are too young for that yet., Party invitation from pinkie pie for this evening to celebrate Cheese Sandwich finding his laugh again, Adoption notice of Cozy Glow to Lord Tirek, Request for funding to remodel the school house...." she paused to take a sip of coffee, before her eyes widened and she did a spit take as she looked back to her list "TIREK ADOPTED COZY GLOW?! How in Luna's name did THAT happen!" she yelped.

It was then Discord popped into view "I was just as curious, so i cheated and looked "Apparently they used an old and nearly forgotten spell to do it, and as much as you might dislike to hear this, it's all quite legal, and binding and would hold up in court" he then grinned "Ohh such glorious chaos, I wonder how Twilight will react!" and with that he teleported away leaving a shocked Mayor Mare behind who sighed and pulled out a small bottle of whisky and poured a bit into her coffee.

(sorry couldn't resist)

Oh boy, I've been waiting for a fic like this since Frenemies aired! There are a few fics I've seen that want to explore this premise, but haven't gotten to the family part that you're writing about. While I believe Cozy is an orphan, her having such neglectful parents that she seeks parental figures in an evil centaur and evil bug queen works too. I hope by the end of the series, the three of them choose to stay together as a family. Great work! You get an upvote and a comment!

9771779
This is just pure win. I'd love to see various reactions from the Mane Seven, Starlight, Shining Armor and the princesses, the Young Six, heck even the CMCs about Tirek and Chrysalis adopting Cozy Glow. I like how you say there's an old, forgotten spell out there that makes an adoption legal without going through all the paperwork involved in such a process. I need a full story about this now!

What makes stories like this all the more sad is that Tirek and Chrysalis, while a disturbing pair, would make for excellent parents compared to many

I didn't know I needed this, but I did.
And now I'm a bit happier having read it.

Me, just a few weeks ago: You know, I’m really digging the new My Hero Academia manga arc. Seeing the League of Villains turn into this crazy found family makes me wish they’d handled the villain trio in MLP that way.

Me, reading this story: *wishes for it even harder*

I like this. Cozy’s motives behind writing tirek for an extended period of time make sense, and everyone’s desire for a bond is nice to see.

So, Chrissy is mom, Tirek is dad, Cozy Glow is daughter... I guess that makes Grogar the crazy uncle that no one likes. And Sombra... he's the uncle that died in a war and thus, Cozy Glow never got to know him.

Even demented megalomaniacs can use mutual support and love, I suppose.:trollestia::twilightsmile:

Oh man, this was legit full of cuteness, I can’t stop smiling.

Really good story.

SEQUAL SEQUAL SEQUAL

Take my like and favorite

Want....
More...
Ishipthismanisawesometheheartbeatandthebookis awesomewantmorehopeyourdoingwellchrissyismomandfamilymanyouhititoutoffeildwantmore.....
....Please.

9772650
Nah man grogars definitely the cranky mean old grandpa that cant stand anyone anymore as a result of his deteriorating mind

The Evil Bunch.
Starring:

Lord Tirek as the Overprotective 'Father figure'

Queen Chrysalis as the Monstrous Mother.

Grogar as the Grumpy Grandpa

King Sombra as the Fun but Destructive Uncle

And finally Cozy Glow as the Sweet little Terror.

.... Does that make me a Grandfather?

9773069
Oh boy.
(i say in a sarcastic tone)

Even Tirek can be cute by association with Cozy.
That wasn't a problem for Chryssie though. She was already cute on her own.

“Your nightmares have no idea what they’re in for.” Oh Tirek, you sweet old softie you.

And Chrissi (if I spell it wrong she won’t eat me right?) being drawn into the whole mom thing and then panicking about being caught at it is just perfect.

9772955 FINALLY, some decent TV

9772923
Yeah. That was my second choice.

I am currently sitting in my cubicle, grinning like a maniac, trying desperately not to squee out loud. This is a wonderful little story with a clever title and too much wholesome baddie adorableness. Have a like, fave, and follow, and congrats on the top feature!

9772679
Its quite obvious that being "evil" doesn't mean being miserable 24/7...

Any chance of a sequel? ;3

What a wonderful story this was. :pinkiehappy:

This was really good, I hope to get a short sequel with Chrysalis and Cozy.

I like the concept of this, but not the execution.

It feels a little too overtly sentimental. Tirek and Chrysalis both feel a bit too willing to accept their roles as parental figures and Cozy too eager to offer it to them. It would have been more interesting to have each of them privately/mentally recognize themselves as part of this relationship without admitting it. As it stands, it feels slightly out of character for all involved.

9774148
I would pay to see you actually write what you just described... if I had the money.

9771489

Given the time period the show aired they seemed like one of the only couples who might have ever done what needed to be done for their children to actually be born. Other couples weren't even allowed to sleep in the same beds on camera and their most affectionate action would be holding hands. Gomez and Morticia, it was a surprise they only had two kids.

9774566
This vote I’m referring to was done in 1994, though, by TV Guide. Gomez and Morticia beat out the runners-up, Rob and Laura Petrie of The Dick Van Dyke Show, by getting twice as many votes as them. And by this point we still had tons of other, more recent couples to choose from, like the Cosby’s (remember this is the 90s, before all the...unpleasantness...was known about).

But you’re right about the “sleeping in the same bed” thing. On top of that, once you get past their kookiness, they have one of the healthiest relationships on TV. To quote TVTropes:

[A]ctual relationship therapists have ranked Gomez and Morticia Addams as having probably the healthiest marriage of any couple in television history. They are very devoted to each other while still managing to maintain their own separate identities, meaning that neither one of them is always "folding" to the wishes of the other. They are secure enough in the relationship to have their own separate hobbies, interests, and friends without feeling threatened. On the rare occasions when a conflict arises between them, they focus on fixing the problem rather than attacking each other. And they constantly offer praise, gratitude, and encouragement to each other while resisting the urge to complain about and criticize each other.

9774148
What can I say? I was in a sentimental mood.

9774427
Well, the thought is appreciated, but I think I'll pass. Besides, part of me just likes the idea of Cozy being an unredeemable psychopath with no real empathy for anyone, let alone a desire for a father figure.

Besides, it seems a lot of other folks enjoy this story, so it doesn't really matter if I don't. :pinkiesmile:

9774646
Well, it seems to have found an audience anyway, and I'm no stranger to writing sentimental stories either, so I can understand that. Just consider it a matter of personal taste. I'm glad so many others enjoyed it even if it wasn't my cup of tea. :twilightsmile:

This story is amazing. I have always thought that Cozy looked up to Tirek as a father figure and while he wasn't acting like the loving father, I do like how you had Tirek behave here. I do think in the show that he does actually care about Cozy, well a little bit, but won't show it because it would rupture the strong personality we all love.

With Chrysalis, I love what you did with her. I love how you had the two sides of her conflicting. The part of her we all see going up against what she is terrified to embrace because of her reputation. I honestly think these three would make for a cute family. Three baddies all with the same cause....no tender love like a pony family but what would be "love" in their own warped way.

Liked, faved and have a follow.

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